Overweight spouses
Options
Replies
-
We enable each other alot!)
Yep, my house exactly!0 -
Just like you had to motivate yourself for yourself, he will have to too. No one can do it for anyone else. However, you can set the good example! When I decided to lose weight my hubby and I went grocery shopping. I bought fruits, veggies, yogurt, and chicken, he bought all the junk food he could cram in the cart and his lip quivered at the though he would never get any junk food again! A month later, the junk is gone and he pretty much eats what I do, just more. I can't say he's totally in to it, but occassionally I'll catch him on the treadmill! When he sees how hot you look and how good you feel, he won't want to be the fat guy with the skinny girl!0
-
I feel great sympathy for everyone here. My marriage was the same way for more than a few years. It would make my wife upset when I didn't eat what she cooked for herself and the kids. Eventually she understood and jumped on the bandwagon herself.
I believe misery loves company, sometimes our spouses don't maliciously want to sabotage us, they are simply wallowing and drowning in their misery (self esteem, self worth, self reliance, self satisfaction) and want someone to jump into the water with them.
For others once they become comfortable in their relationship they believe they no longer need to be sexy for their partner. BIG MISTAKE because that usually leads the spouse into the wandering eye syndrome. Regardless it does get better, trust me it does get better. Keep doing what you are doing, eventually your spouse will come around.0 -
He claims that he can lose it anytime he wants to.
Ugh I hate when my husband says this, its like "put me on a treadmill and Ill drop all of it fast"... last time he said that to me I said "do it then".0 -
Are there any groups for people who need to lose weight but also have overweight spouses. I feel like this can make things doubly hard, especially when they don't necessarily want to lose it. My husband is about 400 lbs and I'd love some support about this. Anyone going through this as well?
(Though obviously a bit dramatic, it's almost like two alcoholics living together....it could either be very supportive, or super destructive. We enable each other alot!)
This, right here. The whole drama over "you're doing this because the family (read, the spouse) isn't good enough for you any more and you're gonna trade us in!!11!!!" thing wears thin.
No dear, nobody is getting "traded in" because (a) because I love you (and the family), and (b) it's too damned expensive to trade you in! I'm trying to lose so I can feel better about myself, and not die anytime soon!!
And I also got the "you're eating different food than us and you're cooking for yourself!! My cooking isn't good enough!!!111" Not that "hey, honey...maybe you don't wanna cook two different meals, so hey, I'll help you out by being responsible for myself!!!"
The things we go through!0 -
My husband and I were both significantly overweight, needing to lose at least 100 lbs. each. Three years ago, I decided on a gastric bypass, had surgery and lost all my weight. My husband gained more. I had initially tried to get him on board to at least change the way we were eating. He was having none of it.
The bigger problem is that he's diabetic and has gone from metformin to insulin. He needs to drop some weight, but has only made minimal changes to his diet and will not exercise, despite having a gym membership, a mountain bike and a road bike. I've chosen to just not say anything about it and lead by example. I exercise regularly and practice clean eating 90% of the time. I also purchased a new scale and programmed it with my information (it accommodates info for four people). It took him three weeks before he decided to use it and program with his info. I never said a word to him.
Even more frustrating for me is cooking. Now, I'm by no means a world class chef, but I can cook simple, healthy meals. He tends to make "suggestions" about how or what to cook and it's usually something that would make the meal way less than healthy. I try making healthy lunches for him to take to work and he manages to "fortify" them with things he shouldn't eat. I figure at least he's getting SOMETHING healthy in him, but still...very frustrating.
/rant over :blushing:0 -
I believe misery loves company, sometimes our spouses don't maliciously want to sabotage us, they are simply wallowing and drowning in their misery (self esteem, self worth, self reliance, self satisfaction) and want someone to jump into the water with them.
For others once they become comfortable in their relationship they believe they no longer need to be sexy for their partner. BIG MISTAKE because that usually leads the spouse into the wandering eye syndrome. Regardless it does get better, trust me it does get better. Keep doing what you are doing, eventually your spouse will come around.
Well said, all the way around!!!0 -
I and my fiancee are both overweight. But with the up coming wedding we both have been working hard on weight loss. We go to the gym together and we try hard to work as a team... If one of us isn't feeling the gym the other tries to push them out of bed to go, we made a pact not to get mad at each other about that unless one of us is sick. Once home he takes the dog out, while I make lunches, and eat breakfast. Depending on who gets home 1st from work we make dinner for 2 and that means no leftovers, we have found that if we make leftovers we over eat. We do try to give ourselves a break day during the week, either not to go to the gym or we can order out, I have found this to be helpful for us not to get off track. Not saying we are perfect in anyway b/c it took getting engaged for us to get our fat butts off the couch, but this works for us and thought I would share with you all incase you wanted to try it out. Also putting on the Biggest Loser show gets us motivated. So far I'm down 4 dress sizes and He's down 3 from when he popped the question and we are going to continue long after the wedding date!! Good luck guys, its def hard not having someone that is supportive or not on the same page as you (been there and done that!!!)!0
-
bump0
-
I feel great sympathy for everyone here. My marriage was the same way for more than a few years. It would make my wife upset when I didn't eat what she cooked for herself and the kids. Eventually she understood and jumped on the bandwagon herself.
I believe misery loves company, sometimes our spouses don't maliciously want to sabotage us, they are simply wallowing and drowning in their misery (self esteem, self worth, self reliance, self satisfaction) and want someone to jump into the water with them.
For others once they become comfortable in their relationship they believe they no longer need to be sexy for their partner. BIG MISTAKE because that usually leads the spouse into the wandering eye syndrome. Regardless it does get better, trust me it does get better. Keep doing what you are doing, eventually your spouse will come around.
duuuuuude. Well said! And encouraging! Thanks!0 -
It's absolutely true that we need positive people around us on this voyage or we could sink. It is not a bad analogy to compare it to a recovering alcoholic (or addict) living with another alcoholic (or addict) who isn't ready to work on recovery. In that case, it's not uncommon for couples to break up or have a trial separation.. I fear that few people would understand this if, rather than addiction, weight loss and fitness were the issues causing the split, yet it is just as important to save your life. You need to be surrounded by support and have the whole family get with the program. Until they realize that your success may depend on their participation, you do have extra difficulty to deal with.
This has, in knid of a natural progression, had an effect on how I see potential partners (I'm single). I'm not interested in someone who is overweight and not working on it seriously and successfully. I get more interested in the guy who just realized that he's losing weight and that maybe he'll get more serious about it and spend more time working out - no not "maybe" - he has to actually "do it". The ones who just accept their flab, diabetes and impotence are not appealing to me at all, no matter how cute, funny and smart they may be. It indicates an inability to carry through and be there for me should we have a crisis somewhere in our life together.
Besides, my improving health means that I'm going to be more active and have new interests and if the guy is left behind because he's too fat/unfit, what kind of a relationship is that - not a good beginning for one at all. You can't tell your loved one this kind of thing, though. It will meet a wall of resistance and resentment. Somehow, you have to maintain your resolve and take care of yourself and others without giving up. Hang in there.0 -
I so agree. I have tried to encourage him to get healthy, but only a little every so once in a while. Don't want to nag and put a wedge between us. I almost burst out at him the other day though when he came into the Y while I was working out and stood right by the machine, in the way of my lifting and nagged me about being starving and to choose a restaurant to meet for lunch when I got done. Then the frustration turned to pity when I realized he is totally in denial about his situation and has no desire to be better. It is important to do what you need to do, don't let the other person drag you down. Perhaps your example will be an inspiration, so stay sweet about it!:flowerforyou:0
-
I had 30lbs to lose...now about 20lbs and my husband who has always been overweight since I've known him (8 years) has just actively started using MFP! He's clueing in to what he should and should be eating and making much better choices. I hope this will help (both of us) to lose the weight we need. My son is only 3 and is fit and active and understands why it's important to exercise and I just hope he stays that way!
It is very hard to want to lose weight and your OH is an enabler when it comes to bad food!0 -
He claims that he can lose it anytime he wants to.
Ugh I hate when my husband says this, its like "put me on a treadmill and Ill drop all of it fast"... last time he said that to me I said "do it then".
LOL yeah mine always says "I can lose it by eating oen meal a day"..what kinds of things does he eat for this one meal? A resteraunt cheese and chicken quesadilla, then chicken sandwich and onion rings and large soda....and he was sitting next to two strict dieting females....>< Then he gets up in the middle of the night and goes to the fridge.0 -
This, right here. The whole drama over "you're doing this because the family (read, the spouse) isn't good enough for you any more and you're gonna trade us in!!11!!!" thing wears thin.
No dear, nobody is getting "traded in" because (a) because I love you (and the family), and (b) it's too damned expensive to trade you in! I'm trying to lose so I can feel better about myself, and not die anytime soon!!
And I also got the "you're eating different food than us and you're cooking for yourself!! My cooking isn't good enough!!!111" Not that "hey, honey...maybe you don't wanna cook two different meals, so hey, I'll help you out by being responsible for myself!!!"
The things we go through!
Yeah I lost a lot of weight once and the hubby would half-jokingly say "now that you're thinner are you going to find someone smaller too?" But you know what they are really thinking, that they are worried. If so worried then why not join in!
He always goes on and on about the weight he loses... then never mentions when he gains it back. So it's always the same 10 lbs or so!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.1K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.9K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 403 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 999 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions