Unsupportive husband

You are not being unreasonable. Your hubby is living in the dark ages. If he can't put the kids to bed once a week, then he needs to re-evaluate himself. I say that you go ahead and exercise--it'll improve your life dramatically because you'll start to feel better about yourself and you'll have some well-deserved "me" time.

Are his arms and legs broken that he cannot do this one simple task once a week so that his lovely wife can do something important for herself? Whatever would he do if you had to be in a hospital bed or otherwise laid up with some kind of injury? Your problem is that YOU ASKED HIM what he thought. I would have TOLD him what was going to happen.

You can do a couple of different things here. YOu can tell him he doesn't have to like it and that he's on deck that night, and proceed to that exercise class - can he really stop you? can you find someone else to put the kids to bed that night? It'd be pretty funny to have someone come into your home to do a needed task while your husband sits on the couch watching it all unfold... , or you can circumvent him by choosing some other kind of exercise to accomodate his 'disability'. It sounds to me like he is chauvinistic, possessive, and threatened by your newfound ambition. My heart goes out to you, and best of luck in this difficulty....

No, you are not being unreasonalbe in feeling hurt. It never feels good to feel like you are not doing the duties you "should be". You are obviously a good mother, a BUSY mother and one who believe in herself. Maybe your husband just didnt realize how his response came off? I am wondering if while perhaps he DOES want you to succeed he doesnt realize that ONE night of him being the one responsible for your children at bed time is not that bad

You are clearly dedicated to this, and while one work out a week wont necessarily change everything, you can learn a LOT in that one hr/ week that you can then use a couple more times a week AT HOME Maybe sit down and explain toyour husband that you want to set a good example for your children by becoming fit and active and healthy and the best way for you to do that is to get some very affordable exercise AND education once a week for only 2.5 mths! Just make him see the positive side of it as well as the long term effects it will have on you and maybe he will fully understand how important it is and how much his respons affected you negatively ?

I hope this helps a little bit! I lived with a less-than-supportive mom and so I had to learn how to explain to her the benefits of the things I wanted to do

Tell him this is the perfect opportunity for him to bond one on one with the kids and strengthen his skills as a father.

I see you've received a lot of positive feedback so I"ll just add a little... First of all, congrats on making the decision to lose weight, sometimes it's not an easy decision. I've learned from experience that our better halves don't always think the way we do. Your husband may not realize just how important this is to you, or just how helpful taking this class may be. I'm learning that my life runs a lot smoother when I don't make assumptions Don't assume that he doesn't care or doesn't want you to succeed, and don't assume that he thinks you're trying to skip out on your "motherly duties" (Lord knows we have our share!) Talk to him again, and remember, he may not see what he big deal is, so help him understand.

My hope is to give what I wish to receive....encouragement.

Seriously, if you don't make the time for yourself, noone else will. Take the class once a week - you will feel so much better afterwards. Don't take that crap from anyone. They are his kids too. Your entitled to some alone time. Don't feel guilty for taking some. Good luck! :drinker:

Tell him you are doing it FOR your kids - because in essence you are. If you lose weight and exercise you will gain health. One byproduct of this is that you will be a better mother. More energy to do things with the kids, keep house etc...

Exercising won't take away from your family - it will give you the ability to do more for them in the long run - and for a longer time because you will live longer.

I wish you many blessings for you and your family, and may your husbands heart gain understanding about this.

There is nothing wrong with taking one or even three days to yourself. Your husband is a big boy and I am sure he is able to manage the kids alone for an evening. I found myself in the same situation a few years ago, and then finally i just went, things were rough at first, but my family seemed to manage without just fine.

(WARNING: Bitter woman speaking)

If he won't be supportive now of one night a week for you to exercise for your health, it's not going to get any better in the future. :grumble:

You need the class for your health, mental and physical. Do you have family or a friend in the area who can watch them?

I recently realized that my daughter missing her 8pm bedtime once a week won't kill her, and it certainly released me from a lot of stress. There is NO "perfect mom". Having the kids to bed by 8pm on the dot doesn't make you a good mom. It's makes you a mom who sticks to routine rigidly, good or bad.

What time will you be home from class? As long as it's not too late, let them stay up! One special late night a week where they get to stay up in their pajamas and watch a movie while Mommy goes to a special exercise class to get her heart and mind healthy. :flowerforyou:

And keep in mind.... is this how you'd want someone to treat your daughter? If you accept this behavior, you are telling her by example that it's okay to treat someone like this. (I know this is a SMALL example, but like I warned from the get-go of my post, I'm bitter right now.)

I recently realized that my daughter missing her 8pm bedtime once a week won't kill her, and it certainly released me from a lot of stress. There is NO "perfect mom". Having the kids to bed by 8pm on the dot doesn't make you a good mom. It's makes you a mom who sticks to routine rigidly, good or bad.

WISE wise words!!!! In addition you're teaching your daughter that taking care of herself is not only okay, it's necessary. That is a lesson that more of us should have learned as children!!!

When I wanted to go somewhere once my husband said "So I have to babysit the kids?" To which I replied "No. You are their father therefore you cannot "babysit" you will take care of them just as I do". In my opinion, a parent cannot "babysit" their own child AND unless he is just a sperm donor, he has as much responsibility for taking care of them as you do. Go to your class. Have a great time. The exercise class will also relieve some of the stress you will be feeling from this.

Just a couple of thoughts you could add to your arsenal for when you reopen the discussion - 2 hours a week away from the kids will have several other benefits that maybe he hasn't thought about:

1) He'll get to spend "special time" with the kids that he can plan things just for them. Don't know the ages of yourkids, but I know my kids love those nights where dad's home early enough to put them to bed. They have their own little routine for those evenings and I don't interfere.

2) Taking those two hours a week away from your family now will mean years added to your time with them later. We all know that weight can shorten one's life so this would be a way to insure you'll be around longer .

3) If all that fails, one of the benefits to exercise is an increased libido. I've never known a man to turn that possibility down :laugh:

Good luck!

That being said, demanding breeds resentment & asking often does not have the desired results. Explaining on the other hand has no negative results.

I like that explanation!



Bitter side note: too bad my estranged husband would listen but refuse to respond to my explanations, forcing me to demand. (jerk)

I just want to say that I love this place, and how no matter what the post or problem, people come to give support and wise advice.

You guys rock!