Unsupportive husband

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Helen43
Helen43 Posts: 43
in Motivation and Support
Good morning all. I saw an ad for a 10 week exercise courses, just one evening a week, that is starting up soon. $60 bucks for 10 sessions. It starts at 7:30 pm, which is the latest time they offer. So last night before I went to bed, I said, honey how do you feel about me going to an exercise class once a week. Here I am thinking that one evening a week isn't much and the price is right. He said that he doesn't want me to sign up because the kids don't go to bed until after 8. Implying that I would be neglecting my motherly duties. I know that none of us are perfect, but it just makes me want to cry. I am serious about losing weight this time and I am a very busy lady, work, 2 kids, housework. I can barely find time to shower much less exercise. Anyways, I feel very hurt. Am I being unreasonable? Just wanted to get that out. Thanks.
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Replies

  • stratdl
    stratdl Posts: 303 Member
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    You are not being unreasonable. Your hubby is living in the dark ages. If he can't put the kids to bed once a week, then he needs to re-evaluate himself. I say that you go ahead and exercise--it'll improve your life dramatically because you'll start to feel better about yourself and you'll have some well-deserved "me" time.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    NO, you are not beinf unreasonable
    I would discuss it with him again...tell him you are passionate about loosing thr weight and it would mean a great deal if he could chip in ONE night a week and help put the kids to bed
    If he still resists, I would deman a very good explanation

    GOOD LUCK...sometimes 'some' men need a little nudge...they don't get it

    Kim
  • Poison5119
    Poison5119 Posts: 1,460 Member
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    Are his arms and legs broken that he cannot do this one simple task once a week so that his lovely wife can do something important for herself? Whatever would he do if you had to be in a hospital bed or otherwise laid up with some kind of injury? Your problem is that YOU ASKED HIM what he thought. I would have TOLD him what was going to happen.

    You can do a couple of different things here. YOu can tell him he doesn't have to like it and that he's on deck that night, and proceed to that exercise class - can he really stop you? can you find someone else to put the kids to bed that night? It'd be pretty funny to have someone come into your home to do a needed task while your husband sits on the couch watching it all unfold... , or you can circumvent him by choosing some other kind of exercise to accomodate his 'disability'. It sounds to me like he is chauvinistic, possessive, and threatened by your newfound ambition. My heart goes out to you, and best of luck in this difficulty....
  • Sarah_LM
    Sarah_LM Posts: 96
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    You are not being unreasonable at all! Everyone deserves some time for them, even when they have kids. They are your husbands kids too, he should share the responsibility lol! You are not neglecting your kids at all and while I'm not sure how much you have to lose, surely your health is important? If he really is unwilling to look after them for one evening, can you get a friend or family member to have them for a couple of hours? When I was little me and my brother used to go to my grandparents every Tuesday so my mum could have a bit of time to herself. We loved it, my grandad would spoil us with fish and chips and lots of treats.

    Hope you figure something out! .
  • maddiebabe
    maddiebabe Posts: 193 Member
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    No, you are not being unreasonalbe in feeling hurt. It never feels good to feel like you are not doing the duties you "should be". You are obviously a good mother, a BUSY mother and one who believe in herself. Maybe your husband just didnt realize how his response came off? I am wondering if while perhaps he DOES want you to succeed he doesnt realize that ONE night of him being the one responsible for your children at bed time is not that bad :)

    You are clearly dedicated to this, and while one work out a week wont necessarily change everything, you can learn a LOT in that one hr/ week that you can then use a couple more times a week AT HOME :) Maybe sit down and explain toyour husband that you want to set a good example for your children by becoming fit and active and healthy and the best way for you to do that is to get some very affordable exercise AND education once a week for only 2.5 mths! Just make him see the positive side of it as well as the long term effects it will have on you and maybe he will fully understand how important it is and how much his respons affected you negatively ?

    I hope this helps a little bit! I lived with a less-than-supportive mom and so I had to learn how to explain to her the benefits of the things I wanted to do :)
  • Helen43
    Helen43 Posts: 43
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    It's funny that you mention that Russia1513, my husband is actually from Russia. Perhaps some of his attitudes stem from that cultural perspective.

    Thanks everyone. I will try again.
  • lulabellewoowoo
    lulabellewoowoo Posts: 3,125 Member
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    Tell him this is the perfect opportunity for him to bond one on one with the kids and strengthen his skills as a father.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    My ex-husband was like that. He was never able to look after the kids if I was out. I used to have to travel a bit with work and my Mom and Dad would pick up the kids, make them dinner, give them a bath and then take them to the house in the pyjamas because he was unable to cope.

    I lost a lot of friends then because I could not go out with them after work... it was too difficult for him.

    It is easier to get forgiveness than permission....just go to your class. He can deal for half an hour.
  • SyRetha
    SyRetha Posts: 2
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    I see you've received a lot of positive feedback so I"ll just add a little... First of all, congrats on making the decision to lose weight, sometimes it's not an easy decision. I've learned from experience that our better halves don't always think the way we do. Your husband may not realize just how important this is to you, or just how helpful taking this class may be. I'm learning that my life runs a lot smoother when I don't make assumptions :wink: Don't assume that he doesn't care or doesn't want you to succeed, and don't assume that he thinks you're trying to skip out on your "motherly duties" (Lord knows we have our share!) Talk to him again, and remember, he may not see what he big deal is, so help him understand. :smile:

    My hope is to give what I wish to receive....encouragement.:heart:
  • mstrishaf
    mstrishaf Posts: 6
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    Sign up for that class !

    1. I know someone like that and it's just self-fish on his part if you think about. WHat it comes down to is that he doesn't want to take care of the kids, he'd rather you do it.....well you need to take care of yourself.

    2. You deserve some time for yourself , to feel good about yourself, & your setting a great example for your kids going to this class!!!

    3. Have the kids in their Pj's before it's time for you to leave and set up with an activity that'll last until bed time (hopefully)
  • dms24
    dms24 Posts: 28 Member
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    Seriously, if you don't make the time for yourself, noone else will. Take the class once a week - you will feel so much better afterwards. Don't take that crap from anyone. They are his kids too. Your entitled to some alone time. Don't feel guilty for taking some. Good luck! :drinker:
  • CrystalT
    CrystalT Posts: 862 Member
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    Does he gets a chance away from the family at all? You know, like poker night or fantasy football night or something? If he does go out, then there is the leverage for your argument right there. If he gets to take off for a night every so often, an hour once a week seems fair for you. If he doesn't, maybe you could offer to give him a break once a week so he could go do something that he likes.
  • Wecandothis
    Wecandothis Posts: 1,083 Member
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    Tell him you are doing it FOR your kids - because in essence you are. If you lose weight and exercise you will gain health. One byproduct of this is that you will be a better mother. More energy to do things with the kids, keep house etc...

    Exercising won't take away from your family - it will give you the ability to do more for them in the long run - and for a longer time because you will live longer.

    I wish you many blessings for you and your family, and may your husbands heart gain understanding about this.
  • ilike2moveit
    ilike2moveit Posts: 776 Member
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    I would tell him that you're taking the class and that he shouldn't neglect his fatherly duties.
  • ddoan1
    ddoan1 Posts: 5
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    There is nothing wrong with taking one or even three days to yourself. Your husband is a big boy and I am sure he is able to manage the kids alone for an evening. I found myself in the same situation a few years ago, and then finally i just went, things were rough at first, but my family seemed to manage without just fine.
  • ddoan1
    ddoan1 Posts: 5
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    There is nothing wrong with taking one or even three days to yourself. Your husband is a big boy and I am sure he is able to manage the kids alone for an evening. I found myself in the same situation a few years ago, and then finally i just went, things were rough at first, but my family seemed to manage without jme ust fine.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    (WARNING: Bitter woman speaking)

    If he won't be supportive now of one night a week for you to exercise for your health, it's not going to get any better in the future. :grumble:

    You need the class for your health, mental and physical. Do you have family or a friend in the area who can watch them?

    I recently realized that my daughter missing her 8pm bedtime once a week won't kill her, and it certainly released me from a lot of stress. There is NO "perfect mom". Having the kids to bed by 8pm on the dot doesn't make you a good mom. It's makes you a mom who sticks to routine rigidly, good or bad.

    What time will you be home from class? As long as it's not too late, let them stay up! One special late night a week where they get to stay up in their pajamas and watch a movie while Mommy goes to a special exercise class to get her heart and mind healthy. :flowerforyou:

    And keep in mind.... is this how you'd want someone to treat your daughter? If you accept this behavior, you are telling her by example that it's okay to treat someone like this. (I know this is a SMALL example, but like I warned from the get-go of my post, I'm bitter right now.)
  • Helen43
    Helen43 Posts: 43
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    The class is from 7:30 to 8:30. So I would be gone from 7 - 9. Didn't sound like too much to ask. I think I was a bit shocked and disappointed at the response I got from him.

    9:00 wouldn't be too late. Maybe that angle would work. Thanks,
  • Wecandothis
    Wecandothis Posts: 1,083 Member
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    I recently realized that my daughter missing her 8pm bedtime once a week won't kill her, and it certainly released me from a lot of stress. There is NO "perfect mom". Having the kids to bed by 8pm on the dot doesn't make you a good mom. It's makes you a mom who sticks to routine rigidly, good or bad.

    WISE wise words!!!! In addition you're teaching your daughter that taking care of herself is not only okay, it's necessary. That is a lesson that more of us should have learned as children!!!
  • Wecandothis
    Wecandothis Posts: 1,083 Member
    Options

    I recently realized that my daughter missing her 8pm bedtime once a week won't kill her, and it certainly released me from a lot of stress. There is NO "perfect mom". Having the kids to bed by 8pm on the dot doesn't make you a good mom. It's makes you a mom who sticks to routine rigidly, good or bad.

    WISE wise words!!!! In addition you're teaching your daughter that taking care of herself is not only okay, it's necessary. That is a lesson that more of us should have learned as children!!!

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