Am I a narcissist ?
jrusso28
Posts: 249 Member
According to Wikipedia the definition of "narcissism" often means egoism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness.
Why is it that when you tell those closest to you what you have been doing and working so hard at they cant just give you a simple "Way to go" or a "Congrats" ?
This story begins back on February of 2011.
I finally quit smoking, and decided to focus on my health.
I began using MFP, and took up cycling, running, and got myself into the gym during the colder winter months.
I started eating healthy foods, preparing my own meals, freezing them so I could take them to work with me during the week.
Doing a lot of the things I felt I should have been doing all along, but have never been committed enough to do in the past.
I have put in A LOT of hard work, I started getting results.
I have lost about 25 pounds, but more importantly I have become a healthier person.
I have not smoked a single cigarette in over a year!
I can run now, I have reached 6.5 miles doing 10 minute miles.
I have become a pretty good road cyclist, and I love doing it.
Last fall I rode 60 miles on a charity ride and raised over $1500.
This summer I have a goal to complete a half marathon, and I already have another 60 mile ride on the calendar for mid May!
Yesterday was Easter
I was fortunate enough to be with my family.
I don't get to see my family as often as I would like because I live pretty far away from them.
We got around to talking about things and I had mentioned that I had ridden with my local bike club on Saturday.
I was proud of the fact that I had ridden 30 miles with a faster group of guys than usual.
I was actually able to keep up with their pace, and I plan to continue with this group.
Its exciting to see myself progress.
I wasn't quite expecting the reaction I got.
The first remarks were that I am over doing it.
Second that I blow everything out of proportion, and that I get carried away.
That I am one of those weirdos that wears those tight shorts and looks like a geek, etc.
I tried to explain that I have worked my way up to this over the past year.
That I Enjoy riding and I track my progress with tools like MFP and Map My Ride for cycling and Running.
When they found out that I had posted some of my accomplishments on Facebook, I was branded a narcissist.
Apparently I am doing all of this to show off and to get attention.
I have to admit, I do enjoy when folks give me praise for my accomplishments.
When I post them on Facebook, its primarily to share my personal victories with my kids.
Let them know what dad has accomplished (My kids don't live with me).
I love it when I see my son or daughter compliment me and say they are proud of me.
But I don't think that makes me a narcissist.
I have learned early on that you cant expect folks to cheer you on.
I don't tell people how to eat or exercise. I don't share my accomplishments and personal victories
with many people because I know that the reactions are usually not what I want to hear.
But I would really love to have some of those who are closest to me to support me and cheer me on.
Its kind of sad really...
I have started living a healthier life and I have no intention of stopping.
Am I really a narcissist ?
Why is it that when you tell those closest to you what you have been doing and working so hard at they cant just give you a simple "Way to go" or a "Congrats" ?
This story begins back on February of 2011.
I finally quit smoking, and decided to focus on my health.
I began using MFP, and took up cycling, running, and got myself into the gym during the colder winter months.
I started eating healthy foods, preparing my own meals, freezing them so I could take them to work with me during the week.
Doing a lot of the things I felt I should have been doing all along, but have never been committed enough to do in the past.
I have put in A LOT of hard work, I started getting results.
I have lost about 25 pounds, but more importantly I have become a healthier person.
I have not smoked a single cigarette in over a year!
I can run now, I have reached 6.5 miles doing 10 minute miles.
I have become a pretty good road cyclist, and I love doing it.
Last fall I rode 60 miles on a charity ride and raised over $1500.
This summer I have a goal to complete a half marathon, and I already have another 60 mile ride on the calendar for mid May!
Yesterday was Easter
I was fortunate enough to be with my family.
I don't get to see my family as often as I would like because I live pretty far away from them.
We got around to talking about things and I had mentioned that I had ridden with my local bike club on Saturday.
I was proud of the fact that I had ridden 30 miles with a faster group of guys than usual.
I was actually able to keep up with their pace, and I plan to continue with this group.
Its exciting to see myself progress.
I wasn't quite expecting the reaction I got.
The first remarks were that I am over doing it.
Second that I blow everything out of proportion, and that I get carried away.
That I am one of those weirdos that wears those tight shorts and looks like a geek, etc.
I tried to explain that I have worked my way up to this over the past year.
That I Enjoy riding and I track my progress with tools like MFP and Map My Ride for cycling and Running.
When they found out that I had posted some of my accomplishments on Facebook, I was branded a narcissist.
Apparently I am doing all of this to show off and to get attention.
I have to admit, I do enjoy when folks give me praise for my accomplishments.
When I post them on Facebook, its primarily to share my personal victories with my kids.
Let them know what dad has accomplished (My kids don't live with me).
I love it when I see my son or daughter compliment me and say they are proud of me.
But I don't think that makes me a narcissist.
I have learned early on that you cant expect folks to cheer you on.
I don't tell people how to eat or exercise. I don't share my accomplishments and personal victories
with many people because I know that the reactions are usually not what I want to hear.
But I would really love to have some of those who are closest to me to support me and cheer me on.
Its kind of sad really...
I have started living a healthier life and I have no intention of stopping.
Am I really a narcissist ?
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Replies
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Absolutely not!! It seems that your family is jealous. You are doing great! I am inspired by reading your post!0
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I think you are human- not a narcissist. Everyone loves to be praised If they are jealous of you and your accomplishments screw them. You are doing what is best for you and what makes you healthy. The only thing that could be a problem is if the weight loss and the exercise is ALL you talk about- that could be annoying.0
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That sounds awesome! Way to go you and you should be proud.0
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NO you are not. You are taking excellent care of yourself & should be proud. I just found a quote today that I was going to post on my page tomorrow, but I think you could use it now, so here it is: " The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them" -anonymous.
I know it is hard to hear these things from your family but just keep doing what you are doing for you. Keep up the great work & stay strong & healthy. Best of luck to you!
Andrea0 -
No way! Taking care of yourself is not selfish in the least! I am sorry your family is not supportive of your new lifestyle :ohwell:
But your MFP family will keep cheering you on!!! :flowerforyou: (you have accomplish so much!)0 -
NO WAY! How sad that some people just can not be supportive. Please continue to do what you are doing...for YOU and your kids.0
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NO! You should be proud of yourself. My jaw literally dropped when I read about what your family said. I'm so sorry they reacted that way. Keep up the fantastic work!!!!0
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lol that is a Russo family for you! (I'm one too but probably not related to you) but it seems like whenever I bring up what I am doing it makes me self-centered. I think the problem is more that when people hear how well and see how well you are doing it makes them feel like they should be doing more. Usually, that means they feel bad and they turn it back on you saying that you are 'crazy' or 'doing too much' because they wish they were. Congrats on your success and keep going! (hopefully your Italian family didn't try to shove food on you like mine does!)0
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Being proud of all of your hardwork and dedication is a far cry from being a narcissist.. Unfortunatley it seems your family just isn't into it. I've noticed that trying to talk about how proud you are of your progress often gets a negative response from those who aren't interested in their own fitness and in turn, are not interested in yours. I'm lucky to have my Dad and a few other family members that working hard towards their health and they help keep me pumped up. You have made a great investment in your health, keep on keeping on and maybe one day one of those relatives that brushed you off might ask you to motivate them!0
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no way! you should be very proud of all you have accomplished over the year. i think that is the problem with a lot of us on here. we discount the things we have done as not being a big deal, well it is! it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to keep going, getting up to workout when you dont feel like it, eat within your means. they are definitely jealous of your accomplishments and are just trying to bring you down a peg to their level!0
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What you described about is NOT being a nascissist. It's finding what makes YOU happy and healthy.0
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I think the serious get this at some point.
I too was told, I was over doing it. That I wasn't 20 anymore... etc etc. No I'm not 20, but I can do more than most 20 year olds in the gym and in general.
I think this comes from those who just simply dont understand health. The process of fitness, getting to a supreme and the reward that penetrates itself onto every faucet of your life. It's sad that others cannot fathom what that's like, without it being a character flaw of YOURS!
I actually considered it a compliment, once the waves settled, the first time I was told I was doing too much. You know you've officially arrived, when your defending your routines. You really do!
It will just take some time for them to understand all this. In the meantime, I would network with other people who are either in it too or, looking to be.
I found that those who really understood what this meant to me, were more likely to praise me for every mile stone I did. Even if in time, I was not longer impressed with them.
You should be proud, don't stop what your doing... just share the energy more!!!!0 -
No, it is normal to desire support from friends and family. Sounds to me like they are slightly jealous. Or if they are anything like my family, we give each other a hard time about a lot of things, all in good fun though. Is it possible they were just messing with you and you were overly sensitive about it?0
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Isn't if funny how family is the first to make you feel bad for feeling great?! At least once a week, my Mother tells me that I don't have to be so obsessive, I just need to practice moderation. Oh, and that if I spent less money at the gym I would be able to save more money!!!
I have been able to say, "Thanks" and walk away. But of course, it ruins the rest of my day!!!!!0 -
People who don't workout, just don't get it. What you do is incomprehensible to them. It would be like a billionaire explaining to me the advantages of NetJets vs. buying. It is a subject that will never ever effect me. Would I really be interested? Honestly, half heartedly. Others would just write him off as some rich blowhard. But other billionaires would fully engage in the conversation with him, because it may effect their life. It's not your families fault, you are just talking about things that are beyond their understanding. That is the best analogy that I can think of. Now go work on getting your mile per minute, down to a 9 min. mile :-)0
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You are not at narcissist at all. You are proud of your accomplishments and living a healthier lifestyle. You worked hard to get where you are at and deserve to show it.
I am probably labeled a narcissist as well. In fact I am being told that I look to skinny and if I would like something to eat. I choose not to answer to comments like this. I eat a good amount of calories and can do more push ups and pull ups than the average woman. Let the haters be haters. They are just jelous of what you have accomplished.0 -
Congrats on all of your successes! You should be nothing but proud of them!
I was apprehensive about showing comparison photos of myself on Facebook, but it was actually pretty liberating for me. A lot of people are supportive of my healthy lifestyle, and I even got a few private messages inquiring how I managed.0 -
People who don't workout, just don't get it. What you do is incomprehensible to them. It would be like a billionaire explaining to me the advantages of NetJets vs. buying. It is a subject that will never ever effect me. Would I really be interested? Honestly, half heartedly. Others would just write him off as some rich blowhard. But other billionaires would fully engage in the conversation with him, because it may effect their life. It's not your families fault, you are just talking about things that are beyond their understanding. That is the best analogy that I can think of. Now go work on getting your mile per minute, down to a 9 min. mile :-)
Haha this is great, and very true!0 -
I'm a mental health therapist and the narrative you gave would not meet the diagnostic definition of narcissism. That doesn't mean you're not a narcissist just that by that story alone you couldn't get a diagnosis. part of the reason people like to talk about their success on FB, with family or friends, is because we usually get positive feedback and that helps to keep us motivated. I think it might be healthy if you asked your family why they can't be supportive and would rather be dismissive and discouraging you either have some troubled underlying family dynamics that you're oblivious to or they are simply clueless how hurtful their words can be.0
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You are so NOT a narcissist. Thumbs up on quit smoking and the cycling. Unfortunatley, most of the time family and those close to us have a hard time adjusting to change. I won't say that they are jealous (I'm really trying to stay positive). Just keep your head and continue the good work.0
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In no way are you even close to being narcissistic. You are a normal person who worked his *kitten* off to get healthier. So your family does not know how to handle this right. It's their problem, not yours. Keep looking after your own health and happiness. Maybe someday they will understand. Most possibly there are some who are jealous of your success. You have a right to post your accomplishments and should be very proud!0
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No you are not! My family is the same way which over the years I have come to believe is part of the reason for my failure to stick with the program. After moving away from family I started to observe their lifestyles and how bad they are. I finally came to the conclusion that it was jealousy and that is why I never received a positive response for what I have been trying to do in order to break the cycle. Keep doing what you're doing and ignore the negative, you never know it,may be they're cry for help from you.0
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People who don't workout, just don't get it. What you do is incomprehensible to them. It would be like a billionaire explaining to me the advantages of NetJets vs. buying. It is a subject that will never ever effect me. Would I really be interested? Honestly, half heartedly. Others would just write him off as some rich blowhard. But other billionaires would fully engage in the conversation with him, because it may effect their life. It's not your families fault, you are just talking about things that are beyond their understanding. That is the best analogy that I can think of. Now go work on getting your mile per minute, down to a 9 min. mile :-)
Agree0 -
Family reactions have always floored me. These days, I guess I expect just about anything, good or bad, from them. Bottom line is you aren't egotistical for being healthy & fit, and pushing yourself in that regard. Not at all. If you are doing it for the reaction from family, you're setting yourself up for disappointment... but it just sounds like you've found something that challenges you, that you enjoy doing, and so more power to you. Keep doing it. I guess the trick is to welcome support while taking criticism with a grain of salt, and have a decent amount of f*** you for those morons who are simply miserably jealous and begrudging.0
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Nope. You are healthy and well adjusted. Keep it up.0
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It breaks my heart that your family reacted this way! I would have praised you and then dragged you into a corner to tell me how I could do what you do too! I haven't shared my goals with any of my family, and hopefully some day one of them might even notice. but in the meantime, I do what I do as should you.
So from me, congrats! Way to go! Atta Boy! Nice work! Awesome Job, and keep up the good work!!!!! Hugs to you!!!0 -
Not at all! You should be so proud of yourself!0
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A narcissist does not ask that question. They are so caught up in seeking attention (it's a full time job) that they don't even realize how they may be coming off. Do you have feelings other than those of fear and anger? If so, you are not a narcissist. And if you showed me your eyes, I could tell. If they look dead, cold, and reptilian, full of hate that is wrongly interpreted as intensity, then they may belong to a narcissist.
Not a "feel good" response, but I was in the company of a narcissist for several years...0 -
Narcissist? No.
Absolutely amazing role model for your children? HECK yes!!0 -
I don't think being self-involved makes one a narcissist.
I don't care about anything by myself, my boyfriend and my dogs. Seriously. I have my reasons, but that is what works for me. I think when people involve others in their life then string them along for fickle, selfish, ego-stroking reasons is when you're a narcissist.
Basically, live your life for you. That's all there is!0
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