Is romance taught/learned or instinct and do all women like

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  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,345 Member
    Me and my ex was together for 7 years.

    He wasnt romantic and I aint a romantic person...
    To the point to where I dont even like calling it "making love" making love is too slow and emotional for me.

    I am that get down and dirty type of girl.
    That adventerous, last min, just do it type of gir.

    I think romance is taught.
    Its an emotional thing.
  • Sp1nGoddess
    Sp1nGoddess Posts: 1,134 Member
    Romance is over rated. I think it's learned, from TV, books, fairy tales.
  • leannems
    leannems Posts: 516 Member
    I think romance means different things to different people. But it doesn't always have to be flowers, candy, poems and a candlelight dinner...to me that stuff is so played out and uncreative it's not really romantic but to someone else it totally is of course. Maybe your husband is romantic in his own ways?

    agreed here. We're the opposite in my family. My husband is both stereotypically and non-stereotypically romantic (so I get flowers from time to time, but he also makes my lunches and tucked an action figure in my suitcase when I took a trip without him to remind me of him - he also took a matching action figure with him on his trip and took photos to show he was thinking of me), whereas I feel like I'm not romantic at all. My husband disagrees - he says I show my romance in a different way (buying him clothes that I think make him look good, keeping track of our appointments and plans, and encouraging him with all his little projects). Just depends on what romance means to you.

    So, I do think romance is taught - in so much as you should try to be romantic in the way the other person wants.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    I'm just pondering because my husband is not romantic AT ALL and it drives me crazy. So I'm just wondering if there was something in his youth that could have been done differently. Also, do all women want romance?

    How a person is can be directed towards how they grew up-absolutely. Some slight and others so severe that its a challenge to see them really acknowledge any issues that became of it.

    Romance all the time? hmmmm, not really. Funny, our local radio station Rock 101, WGIR FM chatted about this very topic and how one of them felt the guy should be doing this every single day - make their GF's/Wife's feel like a princess every day....

    hmmm... no... I disagree to the whole every day - I think I would feel choked after awhile to be honest. Romance for me is when we hold each other on the couch enjoying a movie together. When he offers to do tasks so I can take care of what Im already in the middle of doing.

    He gives me a kiss before he leaves for work which I absolutely love...he will tell me coffee will be nice and hot when I wake up. When I wake up, he has my favorite coffee cup there, a spoon and he very cutely writes on the country creamer box which one is open because when Im half asleep, Im not gonna have enough brain function to know there is an open one already, lol!!!!!

    If Im ready to doze off while laying down on the couch, he will wake me up and bring me to bed and cover me up...

    Its the small and simple things that I find romantic as they mean more to me than a dozen red roses (I HATE RED ROSES UGH!)....

    The attention though I believe should be a two-way street.... Ill rub my husband's feet after a long day at work, I cook a nice hot meal for him every day that when I hear him sigh because it hit the spot, that makes me feel good... Ill rub his back down if he is sore or when he is NOT sore... Ill grab him a coffee or set it up, just like he does for me... etc...
  • momtozmc
    momtozmc Posts: 418 Member
    To me a impromptu slow dance in the kitchen or a look that says it, a touch, a quick kiss on the neck... that's romantic!!!
    And what this person said!!!!


    ~ Romance : A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. Someone guided more by ideals than by practical considerations ... a dreamer, an idealist.

    I find that a person who has romantic intentions is a person who ignites fire in a relationship. It isn't about objects ... flowers, candy, jewelry or anything fancy ... it's about how they carry themselves, the look in their eyes. A person who oozes with sex appeal and knows how to express there passion through communication and touch.

    I completely indulge in a relationship that includes intense emotions ... when you get butterflies at the thought of his touch ... and you smile at just the sound of his voice ... you have " lived " romance.

    :blushing:


    Laney, I couldnt have said it better myself !!!!!!! BRAVO ! I love romance
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
    Very much learned I'd say. But at the same time, some people (like myself) could never be romantic no matter how much I tried. It is too unnatural to me.
  • WildFlower7
    WildFlower7 Posts: 714 Member
    Putting flame suit on...

    It has been my observation that despite stereotypes men are as much looking for romance and to be romantic as ladies are.
    To go along with that many women are no where near creatures of the heart as generally thought and are very calculating about things when it comes to relationships as far as whether to enter into one or to stay in one.

    This is not intended to be an all inclusive statement,is anecdotal and my opinion based on things I have seen.

    Yep^^ This. I'm not sure that everyone needs romance. But they need to feel special, loved, appreciated.
    According to my b/f it is learned.
    I don't NEED the flowers, but he gets them monthly for me anyway because it is his way of showing how much he cares about my happiness and they make me feel special. I am not big on cards because I prefer the sticky notes he leaves all over the house and the car for me, that just say sweet things. I don't neccesarily need a nice candle-lit dinner cause we can go to a Burger and beer joint and have a blast, although an occasional nice dinner is sweet. These are all things that he needs too, he loves when I put notes in his lunch, or surprise him with something special. EVERYONE likes to feel special. Wether they admit it or not. Not all men know how to be romantic, so maybe start doing small things for him that are out of the norm and see if he reciprocates. I think to keep a relationship strong there has to be a LARGE variety of all sorts of stuff. Fun, friendship, romance, sexiness, adventure, thrills.

    I do think it is something that is learned. At what point of life, I have no idea, my b/f had a single mom raising him growing up and he was abandoned by his father. He says his mom taught him everything he knows about being such a great guy. He never wanted to hust a woman the way he saw his mother hurt and struggle. So maybe it's ingrained at a young age, however I have been told you can teach an old dog new tricks. So try making it fun, a quest. Good luck.
  • cmaxmor
    cmaxmor Posts: 231 Member
    I am not into what most would think of as romantic. In fact, the whole chocolate, flowers, walks in the moonlight, teddy bear thing kind of creeps me out. Clean the toilet without asking? You get my undying devotion.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    What is considered romantic to one, isn't romantic to someone else.

    If you want your husband to be what you consider romantic, you need to tell him what you want.

    This.

    My ex boyfriend would get me flowers or jewelry for holidays. And while it was sweet, it was his idea of what romance was, not mine. I'm not into cut flowers, and I prefer costume jewelry that matches what I'm wearing that day to a "sentimental" piece of gold.

    My husband got me a cordless drill for our first Christmas together. I thought, "YES! Here's a guy who pays attention to what I really like!!!"
  • stephenglover
    stephenglover Posts: 87 Member
    I think you either got it or don't.

    1)Flowers for Brthday,Valentines day with chocolate and a bear. since we were 16.(42)now.

    2) Jewelry for the real special ocaasions 10year 20 year stuff. Because I can, more than she wants it
    .
    3) Make sure you say I love you every time you see and leave each other, may be the last CHANCE.
    And you never know, beleive me after spending a week by the wifes side 12-23-12-thru 12-31-12
    in the ER and Neurolgy dept you don't know when something may happen.

    4) Mudding/fishing/hunting/racing take her to all of these a couple times a year, then you can go
    by yourself or with a buddy some too with no complaints. She out fishes me every time and I love it.

    6) The Beach either by boat or car but go to the beach and enjoy the views with her,lol.

    5)Still take the car for a cruise to a Sonic or something on the weekend she loves to go fast still.

    7)And don't under any circumstance forget to smack that *kitten*!! We both " look" and don't care.
    After the strip club post i figure i would add that, look but thats about it.

    Does this seem good ladies? I hope she is not just making me think so!

    I must be doing something right after 23 years
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    My husband is mildly romantic. Was much more when we first started dating. Romantic to me is simple surprises like flowers and just being together doing whatever forgetting everything else. We don't do candle lit dinners, write poems, or sing to each other LOL! That stuff is awesome but I really think a lot of it is swooning and we just rather be together and enjoy time spent then constantly trying to outdo the last romantic date night lol
  • Trail_Addict
    Trail_Addict Posts: 1,340 Member
    When she comes out into the garage, picks up a wrench and crawls under the truck with you... without being told! Now THAT'S romance! Works both ways ladies. :wink:
  • kb455
    kb455 Posts: 679 Member
    I am not into what most would think of as romantic. In fact, the whole chocolate, flowers, walks in the moonlight, teddy bear thing kind of creeps me out. Clean the toilet without asking? You get my undying devotion.

    Same here. I don't get into the typical romantic things. I find them kind of cheesy and too contrived. Spontaneity is romantic. If he were to come home, slam the door and throw me over his shoulder.... THAT would get my attention.
  • Gargoyle69
    Gargoyle69 Posts: 87 Member
    To me a impromptu slow dance in the kitchen or a look that says it, a touch, a quick kiss on the neck... that's romantic!!!

    Don't forget the astroglide.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
    I wasn't looking for a romantic.

    And I think that if you're looking for more romance, say so... and be specific. Our SOs can't read our minds.
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
    im terrible at romance

    for example a convo between my boyfriend at the time and me:

    him: "i could lay like this forever"
    me: "...but then we would die in our own feces"
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
    I am not into what most would think of as romantic. In fact, the whole chocolate, flowers, walks in the moonlight, teddy bear thing kind of creeps me out. Clean the toilet without asking? You get my undying devotion.


    Yup, I'm not into those conventional romantic things either. However, I do like small kind acts like if he put his coat on me when it's cold. And acts of service like checking my tire pressure before I go on a trip.
  • torygirl79
    torygirl79 Posts: 307 Member
    A guy doesn't have to romance you with flowers. It's the smaller stuff like being a good listener, pulling a woman's chair back at dinner, letting her walk through doors first, walking on the outside on the street.... Old fashioned but still effective.
  • jpfost
    jpfost Posts: 192 Member
    i suck at it!!
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