Jump back into the dating world...or stay a hermit?

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Pifflesmom
Pifflesmom Posts: 134 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, this has been on my mind for awhile...I've spent most of my life overweight - I've been bigger and smaller, but still overweight. And it doesn't matter what weight I'm at, I'm terrified of jumping into the dating world for fear of being made fun of, abused, rejected - you name it - I've thought it. And, to be honest - I have had some really awful experiences because of my weight.

I have a friend of mine, who is of average size, relatively attractive and can literally go onto ONE dating site, meet ONE guy, go on one date an they're inseperable. I've known her since high school and it's been the same thing ever since. Love her, but it drives me nuts. Why can't that be me? What makes her better than me?

I've always felt that I'd never find someone because of my size, and I know now that's part of it - but I also know that I have to learn to love myself first before someone else can love me back. But that's very hard when you're overweight - at least it is for me, because I look in the mirror and think 'yuck - who'd want to be with me with a body like mine?'

I've been single for...in all honesty, I can't remember the last time I had a real date - it's got to be at least 8 years. I had a 'friend' who would show up on occasion, but that got old and I kicked him to the curb earlier this year - after 7 years of the same thing, it was time. Right around the same time I decided to start making healthy changes to my life.

I'm finding myself gaining a bit more confidence, but the dating world still terrifies me. I can go toe to toe with my boss with the utmost confidence, but the thought of putting myself out there - warts and all - is sort of like finding a bunch of spiders in a bathtub...I can deal with it, but it won't be particularly pleasant. I'd really like to have someone special in my life (hey, I'm 44 and not getting a whole lot younger) - but the other part of me just wants to be safe and not put myself out there to be made a mockery of. THAT'S happened just one too many times.

Sorry about the diatribe, but I'm wondering if anyone else out there (women and men) who are going through the same things? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

Cheers,
PM

Replies

  • zebramama84
    zebramama84 Posts: 64 Member
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    I can understand your feelings completley !! im a single mom, ive been single 12 months now and im overweight, i look in the mirror and i see weight and baggage :( its been a long long time since i was thin and I too want somone in my life, but what if you put yourself out there and it back fires :( *sigh* for now im single im not ready to chance it.

    That being said, skinny or not ..... that shouldnt be why somone does or does not like you ! I say jump in both feet and hope for the best !
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    i say go for it.

    i also had a similar question when i first decided i wanted to lose weight a few months ago. at the time i had just started dating a guy and although he was super skinny, it seemed like he wanted me to stay fat. i ended up breaking up with him.

    but for awhile i was thinking hmmm i want to lose 80 pounds.. i WILL lose 80 pounds between now and middle of next year. i will pretty much look like a completely different person. maybe it's best to wait until i've completely lost the weight to start back dating, because how will the other person react to the new me. will he be threatened that his lady has transformed from a fattie to a hottie? will he sabotage my efforts? will he be supportive? will he pressure me to lose too quickly? basically i had a lot of different questions, but a friend of mine helped me see that these questions in themselves were just further excuse for me not to put myself out there. i was essentially looking for problems that may or may not happen a year from now and using that as an excuse to not date NOW.

    to make a long story short, 2 weeks ago i went ahead and set up a profile on a dating site. yeah some guys are going to be shallow (but that happens offline too), but so far i've gone on 1 first date that went well and and we had a second one that didnt go so well. i have another coffee date coming up as well.


    anyway, i say do it. just have fun with the dating process. get back into the habit of going on first dates with guys who seem interesting. even if you dont meet THE ONE right away, it's good to get out there and flex those flirt muscles.
  • polodecaf2
    polodecaf2 Posts: 6
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    I feel exactly as you do. Though, I was thin, even too thin at one point until I was about 21. Except for a hard earned bout with running rad races in 2002 I have been overweight since. I find myself incapable f believing any of the men who claim or have claimed to truly like me because I hate my body so much I just think they are truly truly confused. Do I have to wait until I'm 125 to date? I hate it when people tell me to "fake it till I make it" that is probably not helpful but my goal was to tell u I understand, I don't think there's scything anyone can say to make you ready. You will just be ready and willing when you are. Good luck!

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