How to not let it affect the kids.

I think you're doing the right thing. My son is 4 and he often asks me why I weigh all the time, why I exercise so much, etc. I try to explain it in a positive way, explaining the health benefits of exercise. He has overweight relatives and knows they are unhealthy as a result, so we do talk about that as well. You are doing a wonderful thing and setting a GOOD example for her by trying to get healthy. Continue to focus on eating right and exercising and explain it to her. She's old enough to understand. We actually just bought a Cat in the Hat book called "The things you can do that are good for you". It talkes about this as well.

My daughter is 5 and has been watching me and absorbing everything Im doing to lose weight. I never realized how much it was affecting her in a bad way. She came to me a couple times this week and said that she was fat and then sticks out her tummy, she also told me she couldnt wear her favorite outfit because shes fat.
She is not fat shes on the small size weight and height for her age (and always has been)
This breaks my heart.
Im trying to keep quiet about it now and tell her that Mommy is trying to get healthy and eat better to get strong, insted of saying anything that has to do with being fat or losing weight.
what else can I do ?

Ooh, that's heartbreaking! Definitely watch what you're saying (and get your friends/ family/ partner to help you notice if you're doing any negative self-talk).

Praise yourself to her 'Hasn't mommy got pretty hair?' etc. and praise her - regularly and specifically for her traits 'Thank you for being so helpful' 'You're really clever!' as well as her looks 'You've got beautiful eyes'.

Again, enlist the help of friends/family and especially your partner/ any male influences to praise and encourage her self esteem - I think little girls really need affirming by male role models.

I totally hear you!! First off, congrats on noticing her and wanting better for your daughter!! You are definitely an inspiration for her!

What we have done is stop talking about fat in a negative way. Some fat is healthy for our bodies and we didn't want our kids thinking that all fat is bad. We also did not want them to think overweight people were bad.

We started focusing on the positives of healthy eating and exercising. How our muscles and heart muscle needs to be strong so we have more energy and focus and less sickness. That it's important to take care of our bodies and this eating better and exercising was a couple of ways we could take care of ourselves.

You have already started that, it sounds like. Good for you! Definitely keep up the great work :flowerforyou:

I have two daughters (age 11 and 9 1/2). In this process, it has been unbelieveably important that they see I don't eat "weird" food or limit myself to "weird" types of food. I eat foods that I prepare for the family to eat, though in measured proportions. I still don't like brussel sprouts and do tend to have larger salads than their father, but I keep my food choices balanced just as I have always tried to teach them.

I also exercise moderately (1-2 hours a day) doing activities they join me in or watch (I often walk around the soccer fields when they have practice).

If you ask me, you don't have nearly the problem you think you have. If anything, you have a golden opportunity.

I've got 3 daughters - 10,7,7 - and instead of showing them how fat Daddy is (they're well of aware of that) or how hard I'm trying to be thin again, just like them (they're well aware of that, also), I'm using my weight loss journey to teach them about living a lifestyle NOW so they don't have to go through my struggles LATER.

So I use my journey as a teaching tool for my kids. I teach them how to enjoy a fresh whole apple or orange. The joys of a salad as a meal. Why pizza/burgers/dogs/fries are okay on occasion but are way bad all the time. How there are all these delicious and wonderful foods out there in our big delicious and wonderful world that don't start and end in a fast food restaurant, and how trying new foods can help develop a healthy love of cooking, proper eating, and expanded palate. Kids are adventurous. They WANT to try new things. It's all in the mindset.

I teach them how getting active can be fun - I mean REALLY FUN! (Believe it or not, my kids are finishing their first Read Right and Run Marathon this Saturday - Yes you read right, they'll be marathoners in a few days, with medals to prove it. THEY wanted it.) I teach them how it's okay to be thin or fat or whoever you are, but it's even more okay to enjoy a lifestyle that keeps your body healthy.

I do this through actual teaching moments - such as bringing them into the kitchen and giving them cooking/tasting/food lessons, and through example. When they see Dad having fun at a race, THEY want to have fun at a race. One of the 7yo's has been fussing for months how I never race with her, so in a few weeks, we're doing our first 1M fun run race together, just me and her. HER decision. HER drive. HER pushing. My 10yo has been doing 5k's and triathlons for years. Again, HER decision (I actually have to reign her in).

So, you're probably tired of my rambling. In short, why make this a negative? Your daughter is yearning to learn from and be like the most wonderful person she knows in this world - her mother. I say bring it on!!! You're the best teacher she'll ever have. Bring her along on your journey. And remember that your journey will always be a part of hers. Get her started on hers now.

I hope this helps. It's done wonders in our house.

I don't have kids, but I've always so admired the way a friend of mine very intentionally approaches this issue with her young daughter. She doesn't completely steer clear of telling her daughter that she's pretty or looks nice, but she makes a point of complimenting things like her kindness, intelligence, abilities, thoughtfulness, etc. much more often, and along with every remark about her appearance. I think it's such a great idea.

It must be so confusing to be a little girl these days, when even dolls look anorexic and every media outlet is telling you nothing matters but being thin and pretty. I think it's important to do what we can to bring them up with sane perspectives on their bodies, but also to build their confidence in other areas so they understand beyond the shadow of a doubt that appearances are not what it's all about.

Kudos to you for recognizing this as an issue! :flowerforyou:

I have a little girl that was starting to do that a bit, but we quickly changed the way we worded things here. It's not about "losing weight" or "getting skinny". We always talk about being healthy. She caught onto that pretty quickly as well, so hopefully that will work for you as well. She does grab things at the grocery store and look at the nutritional facts simply because we do which doesn't bother me, oddly enough. I'm glad that at 7 years old, she is learning to be aware of the things that are going into her body. She looks more at sodium & sugar than anything else LOL I agree with this being a great opportunity to teach them about nutrition & just being healthy in general! I wasn't ever taught that as a child.....which is why I'm going through this now