How do you help your brain catch up with the rest of you?

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  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    I've always had a self esteem issue. One of the things I was told to do by a friend was to take 30 minutes aside each day and look at myself in the mirror, not look around or past my reflection, but really look at myself and try to see something different every day and appreciate the feature. Another was to make a list of everything I liked about myself physically and personality-wise and then make a list of what I didn't like. If the bad was longer than the good, I had to look at each bad and see if I could change it or if it was just me being critical and the point was to try and make the good list as long as possible and the bad list as short as possible.

    That aside, you might want to check out Cognitive Thinking. It's something designed to make your thoughts more positive and to help you control your thoughts better so that you can catch yourself at every insult or negative thought and change it around. A lot of people I've seen in group therapy sessions who have had depression or self esteem issues have really helped themselves when they're introduced to it by the therapist.
  • entropy83
    entropy83 Posts: 172 Member
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    Thank you all for the feedback. I am going to try to find a babysitter sometime soon so I can try the going out in public and being around people thing (I know being anti-social doesn't help things) and will try the quotes and pictures on the walls/mirrors as well.

    Do any of you have any particular favorite quotes to share?

    Not quotes but a Personal Bill of Rights:

    1.) I have the right to ask for what I want.
    2.) I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
    3.) I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive, and negative.
    4.) I have the right to change my mind.
    5.) I have the right to make mistakes and not be perfect.
    6.) I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
    7.) I have the right to say not to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
    8.) I have the right to determine my own priorities.
    9.) I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
    10.) I have the right to expect honesty from others.
    11.) I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
    12.) I have the right to be uniquely myself.
    13.) I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid."
    14.) I have the right to say "I don't know."
    15.) I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
    16.) I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
    17.) I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
    18.) I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
    19.) I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
    20.) I have the right to be in a nonabusive environment.
    21.) I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
    22.) I have the right to change and grow.
    23.) I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
    24.) I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
    25.) I have the right to be happy.
  • Sp1nGoddess
    Sp1nGoddess Posts: 1,138 Member
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    Firstly – you are gorgeous! Really!
    I have found affirmations to be helpful... when that negative voice starts telling me. You can't do that, or wear that or you’re not thin or good looking … I repeat a positive affirmation several times. Short powerful phrases, something meaningful to you.

    “I am strong and beautiful”
    “I am proud of myself”
    “I am a winner”
    “I love myself for who I am”
    “I am confident and sexy”

    Repeat them when you go to sleep, when you brush your teeth, when you are stuck in traffic, when you feel down on yourself.
    I sometimes wear a fun colorful bracelet and when I catch a glimpse of it, it reminds me to repeat my affirmations. Our minds get used to negative thought patterns but these are habits that can be broken. Most of us at some point have self limiting beliefs, but with practice we replace those with liberating ones.
    This is something that I struggle with and am still working on.

    I also “practice” confidence by doing things I know I’m good at, in a public setting. Like the gym. I like how I do certain exercises the right way. Remember that confident feeling and try to harness it.

    I too don't have many real life friends, most of them have moved out of the area..

    Next time you go shopping, or out somewhere, you will, if you pay attention, see men noticing you. It means they think you are gorgeous! (feel free to ignore them... ) It's OK to know you are beautiful!

    I also think that rewarding yourself with some professional photos, doing something or wearing something you love can be great for self esteem. When I reach my goal weight that's my plan.
  • Tubby2Toned
    Tubby2Toned Posts: 130 Member
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    This is a great thread, and some amazing responses.
    I briefly started going to a life coach a while back.
    She taught me a nice little mental exercise that really worked for me. The general idea of it has been touched upon here already, this is just a slightly different angle:

    First she just had me sit down, close my eyes, settle my breathing.
    Then she had me essentially corral the negative thoughts coursing through my brain. Just gathering them into one place of negative energy. It was uncomfortable. I formed the dark, bickering stuff into and imaginary orb.
    Next she had me move that bundle of negative energy and thoughts (the orb) outside of my body. And then clearly identify where that negative orb was (it was hovering above my right shoulder, a little out front).
    She then told me to name this orb, which I did. It held all the negative thoughts and energy from childhood to present. All the judgements, all the self criticism, etc...
    Then, in this meditative state I was in, she had me identify the true me, the positive thoughts, the go-getter alive person that was getting beat down by the negative / judgmental self. That positive, alive being within told the negative orb to "*kitten* off".

    And so now in my life, that negative orb sits outside of me, and I know it's not real me, and the real me routinely tells it to "*kitten* off" when it starts chattering at me.

    I hope this helps. It has helped me immensely.

    Brain scans have shown that the average human criticizes themselves about 500 times a day. Move the critic outside of yourself. We don't need him / her...
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Hmmm...I am not sure, but I think my "switch" flipped recently. Up until the other day, when people compliment me on my weight loss I usually feel a little embarrassed, but tell them thank you. Then they say, "you've worked so hard." And I say, "not that hard, I could have lost this weight in just 6 months if I had tried harder." You know the drill...but last Sunday at church a guy came up to me and said, "Mary Beth, you've just completely shrunk!" I am barely 5'-2" so my response was, "well, I'm not wearing heels today!" And he looked at me and said, "I was talking about your weight!" I think that this has shown me that I have begun to accept that I am no longer ashamed of how I look or how I looked before. I am happy with where I am, so much that my mind completely skipped over those thoughts!

    Your brain will catch up, and I don't think you can force it. You are beautiful.
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
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    Cory, I wish I had a definite answer for you as I still struggle mightily with it.

    One thing I have learned to do more often is "fake it til you make it"

    When I interact with other people, I try to stop putting my own filter on what I think they see.
    I have thought in the past that people should be disgusted by me, but for some reason they aren't.
    I have to trust their reactions and go with it. If I am pretending to be confident, and they are buying it, then I mark it up to them being slow or simple and I keep up the act.

    The only thing that I have learned is that my reaction is in my head and messed up by my own self-image.
    All I can do is trust that they know better and let them choose how they see me. Once they do, then I try to trust their reactions, not mine.

    If we listen to ourselves without giving anyone a chance to prove us wrong, then it isn't how we look that drives them away.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    You know, I've actually come pretty far since I originally posted this (I was surprised to see it bumped back up, actually!) and, although I still have a LONG way to go, there are a few things that have helped me.

    An awesome MFPal recommended a book to me - "10 Simple Solutions for Building Self-Esteem" and it really is helpful (provided that you APPLY what read, not just read it).

    Also, if you read through my recent blogs, you can see some of the self-esteem building exercises I've been doing. One of them was learning to love parts of me I thought were unlovable, and another was listing all of the POSITVE qualities I have.

    I have a long way to go, but so far, it is helping. :)

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