So Ashamed. Binge.

graelwyn
graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
edited December 17 in Motivation and Support
I keep buying in loads of chocolate, in hopes I can be like others here and just eat a bit each day, but it isn't working.
I manage a day or two maybe, just having a little. Then as the evening wears on and I get tired, and my sleeping pill kicks in, I end up eating immense quantities of this chocolate, we are talking a kilo or so, and unable to deal with knowing the sheer calorie content, purging as far as I can (yes, I know the dangers, I don't need telling, it freaks me out). I was never a binge eater. Even when I had my anorexia and various other issues, I did not get to a point of binge eating like this.

It has started only recently. And I am darned if I know which aspect is the trigger. I used to think nothing of getting through 4 or 5 cookies in a day, or maybe a packet of chocolate buttons, but I was in control. I didn't binge. I just got those things and no more and ate sensibly the rest of the time. Since losing the weight I have lost, and starting exercising, I seem to have lost all control. I binge, I cycle for hours next day to try and compensate, manage a day ok, cycle more, binge again.

Is my only solution to throw out anything I might binge on and live with next to nothing in my kitchen? Or to throw myself into this low, low carb diet to put me off sugar and stop cravings? I am so disgusted with myself for managing to even fit so much chocolate into my gut. And at not being able to stop after enjoying just a few, carrying on to a point it tastes horrible and sickly to me.

My psychologist is not proving of much use in suggestions for how to stop this and does not even seem that concerned about it, but it is making me so angry, that I cannot be like everyone else and just enjoy the occasional treat without feeling the need to eat all of it.
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Replies

  • sl1ngsh0t
    sl1ngsh0t Posts: 326 Member
    I have a migraine condition, and have discovered I crave cola drinks as I am coming out of a migraine. I let myself have one. It helps.

    Is is possible your meds may be (helping to ) cause the cravings? I think my headache meds sure do.
  • abbybean11
    abbybean11 Posts: 122 Member
    For me I have to totally keep foods that I would binge on out of the house (for me it's chips). Typically my binges are triggered my depression but sometimes it's just boredom/not paying attention to what I'm doing. Another strategy I have is to take all the pent-up energy that I release in binging and put that energy in a healthier place, like working out, singing, dancing, or calling a friend who I haven't talked to in a while.
    The important thing is not to beat yourself up about this and to just press forward, taking this a day at a time, and remember that you're worth so much more than the food you put in your mouth.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    What kind of sleeping pill? THAT could be your culprit.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    I don't know, I couldn't find any references to temazepam causing issues with binge eating. I tried taking them later, but it still isn't enough to stop me, it seems. Not while I am still sat up at my laptop anyway. I was fine, I had a few chocolates on a plate while watching something on my laptop, but then it escalated as I got more sleepy, and I thought, what the hell, and got more and more. I have now thrown and ruined the rest of what I had. I feel like a total, pathetic failure, for not being able to control this when I used to be so good at control to the point of not eating at all when younger.

    My bf can have any food around and control himself. I feel like a total pig.
    I am very angry with myself.
  • MeMyCatsandI
    MeMyCatsandI Posts: 704 Member
    First- lose the shame and guilt! There is no reason to beat yourself up. Be as kind to yourself as you are to other people!

    Second- I don't believe going on a low carb or sugar free diet is going to help you stop binging. Binging on chocolate (or anything else really) has nothing to do with a chocolate craving. It is about a mental/emotional craving. I'm not a binge eater per se, though I am definitely a compulsive over-eater. I simply do not buy the foods that I can't eat in moderation. I have no chips, sweets, or frosting on the house (I'm a sucker for frosting!). If they aren't in the house I can't eat them. And I have the same problem as you... I NEVER eat a normal serving of anything! If I buy a bag of bite size Snickers, I eat 10 of them. So I'd suggest either not having them around at all... or purchasing ONE serving daily or every other day, etc. If you only buy one serving, you can only eat one serving.

    Good luck to you!
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    For me I have to totally keep foods that I would binge on out of the house (for me it's chips). Typically my binges are triggered my depression but sometimes it's just boredom/not paying attention to what I'm doing. Another strategy I have is to take all the pent-up energy that I release in binging and put that energy in a healthier place, like working out, singing, dancing, or calling a friend who I haven't talked to in a while.
    The important thing is not to beat yourself up about this and to just press forward, taking this a day at a time, and remember that you're worth so much more than the food you put in your mouth.

    I can't really do those things at 3am in the morning and people living above me. I should have just gone to bed, but I have gotten into a routine of staying up to do things online. It never used to be an issue.
  • Patty_Petz
    Patty_Petz Posts: 91
    We all have trigger foods. Maybe chocolate is yours. You have a few options for yourself. One, you can quit chocolate cold turkey and resign yourself to never buying it again. Two, you can stop "buying loads of chocolate" and only purchase a few (no more than three) pieces to allow yourself that treat, without the worry that you have a kilo of chocolate that you can eat in one sitting. Three, find something else that can be a treat that won't be a trigger food.

    As a lifestyle change, you have to find what works for you, but obviously buying loads of it and having it around you isn't working.

    I wish you luck with this.

    Oh and I would find a new psychologist.....as someone who has had an eating disorder in the past to be starting a binge and purge cycle, bells and whistles should have gone off for them. Not a very responsible therapist. (my 2 cents)
  • bttfly87
    bttfly87 Posts: 8
    You poor thing. I wish I could just come on over and give a hug. It sounds like your still struggling with huge eating issues/aka eating disordered. I can sympathize as I am too. Ive been all over the spectrum, and binge eating is definately the devil of them all. HORRIBLE. Keep reaching out, and give your councellor a kick (joking ... but you seriously need one who will help you better.)
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    First- lose the shame and guilt! There is no reason to beat yourself up. Be as kind to yourself as you are to other people!

    Second- I don't believe going on a low carb or sugar free diet is going to help you stop binging. Binging on chocolate (or anything else really) has nothing to do with a chocolate craving. It is about a mental/emotional craving. I'm not a binge eater per se, though I am definitely a compulsive over-eater. I simply do not buy the foods that I can't eat in moderation. I have no chips, sweets, or frosting on the house (I'm a sucker for frosting!). If they aren't in the house I can't eat them. And I have the same problem as you... I NEVER eat a normal serving of anything! If I buy a bag of bite size Snickers, I eat 10 of them. So I'd suggest either not having them around at all... or purchasing ONE serving daily or every other day, etc. If you only buy one serving, you can only eat one serving.

    Good luck to you!


    But that makes me feel weak, that other people can have all manner of foods around, and just have one, and I end up eating the lot. It makes me feel like a total failure with a weak will and I hate that.
  • KrisyKat
    KrisyKat Posts: 740 Member
    How about changing the type of sugar you buy?

    Luna Bars come in some great chocolate flavors (I recommend the chocolate-dipped coconut and the smores) that are very satisfying and jam-packed with vitamins. Fiber One makes a lovely 90 calorie chocolate-peanut butter brownie, and Newtons chocolate-raspberry thins are a wonderful & light cookie-type snack.

    Fruit is delicious and, once you start replacing most of your sweet tooth's cravings, your body will start asking for healthy sugars more often. I LOVE making a small bowl of strawberries and cuties (seedless tangerines) for a snack.

    Finally, don't buy "loads" of any indulgent snack anymore. Keep a small quantity in the house, so that you don't deprive your taste buds, and only replace it once a week. If you run out early in the week, chances are you'll reach for something healthier rather than head to the store.

    Best of luck from one sugar-addict to another! :flowerforyou:
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    I don't know, I couldn't find any references to temazepam causing issues with binge eating. I tried taking them later, but it still isn't enough to stop me, it seems. Not while I am still sat up at my laptop anyway. I was fine, I had a few chocolates on a plate while watching something on my laptop, but then it escalated as I got more sleepy, and I thought, what the hell, and got more and more. I have now thrown and ruined the rest of what I had. I feel like a total, pathetic failure, for not being able to control this when I used to be so good at control to the point of not eating at all when younger.

    My bf can have any food around and control himself. I feel like a total pig.
    I am very angry with myself.
    I wouldn't think temazepam WOULD cause that. It's a hypnotic, but I've not heard of it causing some of the issues ambient does.
    Keep it out of the house til you work things out. Are you truly eating enough during the day? You're netting at LEAST 1200 calories?
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    I don't know, I couldn't find any references to temazepam causing issues with binge eating. I tried taking them later, but it still isn't enough to stop me, it seems. Not while I am still sat up at my laptop anyway. I was fine, I had a few chocolates on a plate while watching something on my laptop, but then it escalated as I got more sleepy, and I thought, what the hell, and got more and more. I have now thrown and ruined the rest of what I had. I feel like a total, pathetic failure, for not being able to control this when I used to be so good at control to the point of not eating at all when younger.

    My bf can have any food around and control himself. I feel like a total pig.
    I am very angry with myself.
    I wouldn't think temazepam WOULD cause that. It's a hypnotic, but I've not heard of it causing some of the issues ambient does.
    Keep it out of the house til you work things out. Are you truly eating enough during the day? You're netting at LEAST 1200 calories?

    Yes, I do a few hours cycling everyday so I am generally eating around 2000-2200 calories a day to maintain although my weight has dropped a bit below my goal weight. I am on a pretty high dose of temazepam and did note that the majority of the binges happen once it sets in, and lessens when I take less, but I can't sleep without it and I have become so used to that sleepy feeling before bed. It is a really vicious cycle and I am just really upset this time as I want to be a normal eater like anyone else. Not this out of control pig.
  • MeMyCatsandI
    MeMyCatsandI Posts: 704 Member
    I hope that you will find yourself a new psychologist. You are way too hard on yourself. You have unrealistic expectations of yourself and I truly believe you are not as different from the rest of us as you think you are. The reason so many of us are over weight is because we cannot control the food we put in our mouths. We do not eat because we are hungry. We eat because we are sad, mad, bored, tired, depressed, ashamed, etc. That includes me and that includes you. Please find a psychologist who can help you. Please.
  • sl1ngsh0t
    sl1ngsh0t Posts: 326 Member
    I don't know, I couldn't find any references to temazepam causing issues with binge eating. I tried taking them later, but it still isn't enough to stop me, it seems. Not while I am still sat up at my laptop anyway. I was fine, I had a few chocolates on a plate while watching something on my laptop, but then it escalated as I got more sleepy, and I thought, what the hell, and got more and more. I have now thrown and ruined the rest of what I had. I feel like a total, pathetic failure, for not being able to control this when I used to be so good at control to the point of not eating at all when younger.

    My bf can have any food around and control himself. I feel like a total pig.
    I am very angry with myself.

    -Well, I'd bring it up to your doc anyway. Binge eating & food cravings actually *do* belong to this drug under certain circumstances.
  • ANewLucia
    ANewLucia Posts: 2,081 Member
    it sounds like maybe you need to eat more food. When you restrict intake drastically it can lead to binging. I found I would carb binge eating under 1500 because my body was starving. I now eat tdee - 15% which is 1900 for me....no more binging. Mfp says eat 1200 to lose x but if your BMR is over that and most people are, then you aren't eating enough to meet calories needed laying in the bed 24hrs....

    Please take a look at the "Eat More to weigh less" group for info on tdee, bmr, a safe deficit and just loads of info. You don't have to starve to lose weight.
  • Ttopeka
    Ttopeka Posts: 151 Member
    Do you live alone? If not, perhaps try giving the candy/chocolate to someone else for them to hide somewhere. Tell them they can give you ONE (or two, or whatever the serving is...) per day, and that's it! So you still get your little treat, but you don't have the chance to pig out because you don't know where it is.

    I know that doesn't really solve the problems behind why you're binging, but perhaps if you get past your initial "I have to eat it ALL" and get used to eating the allotted amount, you'll be able to control it on your own eventually?
  • sl1ngsh0t
    sl1ngsh0t Posts: 326 Member
    it sounds like maybe you need to eat more food. When you restrict intake drastically it can lead to binging. I found I would carb binge eating under 1500 because my body was starving. I now eat tdee - 15% which is 1900 for me....no more binging. Mfp says eat 1200 to lose x but if your BMR is over that and most people are, then you aren't eating enough to meet calories needed laying in the bed 24hrs....

    Please take a look at the "Eat More to weigh less" group for info on tdee, bmr, a safe deficit and just loads of info. You don't have to starve to lose weight.

    ^^ Awesome perspective!!!!!!
  • blf20
    blf20 Posts: 97 Member
    Hi there,
    You mentioned that your weakness is often late at night and when you are tired. You also mentioned that your issue is fairly recent. You might consider sharing your concerns with your therapist - perhaps you can work through this together.
    In the meantime, getting regular exercise and rest is important as is a small snack in the evening - not enough to trigger a sugar high. My friend has one half of a muffin - others have a small bowl of lower sugar cereal with milk.
    Good luck. The key is to find out what works best for you.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    it sounds like maybe you need to eat more food. When you restrict intake drastically it can lead to binging. I found I would carb binge eating under 1500 because my body was starving. I now eat tdee - 15% which is 1900 for me....no more binging. Mfp says eat 1200 to lose x but if your BMR is over that and most people are, then you aren't eating enough to meet calories needed laying in the bed 24hrs....

    Please take a look at the "Eat More to weigh less" group for info on tdee, bmr, a safe deficit and just loads of info. You don't have to starve to lose weight.

    I am eating over 2000 calories due to my exercise, which is what mfp suggests for me to maintain weight, 1650 without exercise. I am not trying to lose weight, just maintain.
  • angbieb
    angbieb Posts: 668 Member
    That is when I binge too! I take 250 mg of trazidone and once I start getting sleepy its like all by will power is gone! It sucks!
  • cortrad
    cortrad Posts: 10 Member
    I totally had an awful binge moment last night, so I can definitely relate. Maybe try to only use chocolate as a reward? Don't keep it in the house, but buy yourself your favorite candy bar when you lose ten pounds, twenty pounds, etc. That way, it's something you've earned, not something that is an obstacle to your success! Don't get discouraged, though. You're not alone in any way, shape or form in this. You just have to pick yourself back up the next day, remind yourself WHY you want to lose weight, KNOW that it's going to be hard, and keep on keeping on!
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    Do you live alone? If not, perhaps try giving the candy/chocolate to someone else for them to hide somewhere. Tell them they can give you ONE (or two, or whatever the serving is...) per day, and that's it! So you still get your little treat, but you don't have the chance to pig out because you don't know where it is.

    I know that doesn't really solve the problems behind why you're binging, but perhaps if you get past your initial "I have to eat it ALL" and get used to eating the allotted amount, you'll be able to control it on your own eventually?

    I live alone. My issue is I keep buying it, hoping against hope that 'this time' I will be able to just have a little and moderate it, like so many others here seem to manage to do. It seems so wrong I should have to ban foods from my home because I lack the self control to moderate myself. I never did this before the last month or so.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    That is when I binge too! I take 250 mg of trazidone and once I start getting sleepy its like all by will power is gone! It sucks!

    and going to bed once I get sleepy is so hard as I am usually doing things on here, and it is about the only time I feel truly relaxed, during the day.
  • Ttopeka
    Ttopeka Posts: 151 Member
    03.jpg

    Try that with chocolate? (Frozen in ice?) Hah.

    OK, sorry. That's not so helpful. Best of luck.
  • gogospice
    gogospice Posts: 185 Member
    I'd say out of sight out of mind. I bought 3 timbits at Tim Hortons today, only 3! Usually I buy 10, and eat all 10. I finished the third one and I know for a fact that if I had bought more I would have eaten them. I still managed to get my doughunt hole fix but moderated it. After tracking it on here I found out that there were 290 calories in 3 freaking doughnut holes. Next time I'm craving them I will buy 3 because I have no willpower to stop at just that if there are more. Maybe buy one chocolate bar and don't keep any in the house. I know I can't keep junk in the house because I'll eat it and eat it until its gone...

    Good luck! I'm sure you can do it. Maybe in time you'll be able to keep larger amounts in the house and not feel like you want to eat it all. I'm hoping one day I'm at the same place!
  • fluffeesquirrel
    fluffeesquirrel Posts: 63 Member
    Not to be harsh, but you keep shooting people down when they say not to buy large quantities or any at all. I've seen other topics by you about binging so obviously what you're doing is not working. Perhaps not buying it (in large quantities OR at all) will allow you to detox of sorts to a point where you can keep more in your home. I'm not trying to be mean, but I feel like you're whining and when people offer advice or support, you continue to find more things to whine about and ignore them. I understand cravings, I understand depression, and I understand that this is hard. But, at the same time it's a choice, you can make it easier on yourself by just not keeping any or you can continue to buy heaps of it hoping at some point that you'll (maybe) stop binging.

    Good luck!
  • anastasiawildflower
    anastasiawildflower Posts: 197 Member
    I struggle with this too. Given two chocolate bars and I have a square or two and end up eating both. For me, I have learned that I am scared of the control. I'm scared I am going to get sucked down the rabbit hole again of restricting and managing every little thing. I am so scared of being sick again that I give up and eat all of it. I've tried being able to eat a bit here and there, but I am just not that sort of person. I think this is also why I am scared of logging my food and working out daily. They alone can be triggers.

    I am lucky that we don't keep sweets in the house. If I am craving something sweet, I eat an apple and chug water. It's the only thing that helps a little bit.

    I wish you luck. You deserve happiness. Tomorrow is a new day. Hell, tonight is a new night. Make the best of it.
  • angbieb
    angbieb Posts: 668 Member
    That is when I binge too! I take 250 mg of trazidone and once I start getting sleepy its like all by will power is gone! It sucks!

    and going to bed once I get sleepy is so hard as I am usually doing things on here, and it is about the only time I feel truly relaxed, during the day.

    I wasn't sure about sharing this with you on here because I'm so ashamed of it, but I had bulimia in 2005 and it is hell to live like that...I hope you put a stop to it right away! I got down to 105 lbs. and it took over my life for a long time, it was one of the hardest things I've dealt with in my life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Someone mentioned that you get a different psychologist...I think that would be a good idea.

    Take care,
    :heart: ang
  • toxicat
    toxicat Posts: 79
    I'd say the first step is simply don't buy the chocolate.
    Find other people that are dealing with similar situations and stay inspired, just like you're doing here on myfitpal.
    Don't be too hard on yourself for any reason- we all have our battles and things we should change!
    Make sure you are getting plenty of nutrients throughout the day, and plenty of vitamin D and/or sunshine, to naturally raise those feel good hormones and keep you well-balanced.
    Maybe even try Melatonin instead of the sleeping pill. 5-10mg and within 30 mins you should feel pretty sleepy and out of it! AND it is natural. Exact dosage depends on your body of course.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    I'd say the first step is simply don't buy the chocolate.
    Find other people that are dealing with similar situations and stay inspired, just like you're doing here on myfitpal.
    Don't be too hard on yourself for any reason- we all have our battles and things we should change!
    Make sure you are getting plenty of nutrients throughout the day, and plenty of vitamin D and/or sunshine, to naturally raise those feel good hormones and keep you well-balanced.
    Maybe even try Melatonin instead of the sleeping pill. 5-10mg and within 30 mins you should feel pretty sleepy and out of it! AND it is natural. Exact dosage depends on your body of course.

    I did briefly look into melatonin before. Not sure where in the Uk I would find it. I know I cannot remain on the temazepam forever, but the alternative offered to me was quetiapine and I have read some terrible stories about that particular medication. I wont be buying chocolate anymore unless it is a small bar. It is tempting to just go back to being totally restrictive and forcing my body into submission so that I enjoy hunger again. I am feeling that angry at myself right now. I know only I can sort myself out, but I seem to go from one thing to another. And I would rather be at the other end of extreme, than at this end right now.
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