So Ashamed. Binge.

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  • cortrad
    cortrad Posts: 10 Member
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    I totally had an awful binge moment last night, so I can definitely relate. Maybe try to only use chocolate as a reward? Don't keep it in the house, but buy yourself your favorite candy bar when you lose ten pounds, twenty pounds, etc. That way, it's something you've earned, not something that is an obstacle to your success! Don't get discouraged, though. You're not alone in any way, shape or form in this. You just have to pick yourself back up the next day, remind yourself WHY you want to lose weight, KNOW that it's going to be hard, and keep on keeping on!
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Do you live alone? If not, perhaps try giving the candy/chocolate to someone else for them to hide somewhere. Tell them they can give you ONE (or two, or whatever the serving is...) per day, and that's it! So you still get your little treat, but you don't have the chance to pig out because you don't know where it is.

    I know that doesn't really solve the problems behind why you're binging, but perhaps if you get past your initial "I have to eat it ALL" and get used to eating the allotted amount, you'll be able to control it on your own eventually?

    I live alone. My issue is I keep buying it, hoping against hope that 'this time' I will be able to just have a little and moderate it, like so many others here seem to manage to do. It seems so wrong I should have to ban foods from my home because I lack the self control to moderate myself. I never did this before the last month or so.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    That is when I binge too! I take 250 mg of trazidone and once I start getting sleepy its like all by will power is gone! It sucks!

    and going to bed once I get sleepy is so hard as I am usually doing things on here, and it is about the only time I feel truly relaxed, during the day.
  • Ttopeka
    Ttopeka Posts: 160
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    Try that with chocolate? (Frozen in ice?) Hah.

    OK, sorry. That's not so helpful. Best of luck.
  • gogospice
    gogospice Posts: 185 Member
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    I'd say out of sight out of mind. I bought 3 timbits at Tim Hortons today, only 3! Usually I buy 10, and eat all 10. I finished the third one and I know for a fact that if I had bought more I would have eaten them. I still managed to get my doughunt hole fix but moderated it. After tracking it on here I found out that there were 290 calories in 3 freaking doughnut holes. Next time I'm craving them I will buy 3 because I have no willpower to stop at just that if there are more. Maybe buy one chocolate bar and don't keep any in the house. I know I can't keep junk in the house because I'll eat it and eat it until its gone...

    Good luck! I'm sure you can do it. Maybe in time you'll be able to keep larger amounts in the house and not feel like you want to eat it all. I'm hoping one day I'm at the same place!
  • fluffeesquirrel
    fluffeesquirrel Posts: 63 Member
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    Not to be harsh, but you keep shooting people down when they say not to buy large quantities or any at all. I've seen other topics by you about binging so obviously what you're doing is not working. Perhaps not buying it (in large quantities OR at all) will allow you to detox of sorts to a point where you can keep more in your home. I'm not trying to be mean, but I feel like you're whining and when people offer advice or support, you continue to find more things to whine about and ignore them. I understand cravings, I understand depression, and I understand that this is hard. But, at the same time it's a choice, you can make it easier on yourself by just not keeping any or you can continue to buy heaps of it hoping at some point that you'll (maybe) stop binging.

    Good luck!
  • anastasiawildflower
    anastasiawildflower Posts: 197 Member
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    I struggle with this too. Given two chocolate bars and I have a square or two and end up eating both. For me, I have learned that I am scared of the control. I'm scared I am going to get sucked down the rabbit hole again of restricting and managing every little thing. I am so scared of being sick again that I give up and eat all of it. I've tried being able to eat a bit here and there, but I am just not that sort of person. I think this is also why I am scared of logging my food and working out daily. They alone can be triggers.

    I am lucky that we don't keep sweets in the house. If I am craving something sweet, I eat an apple and chug water. It's the only thing that helps a little bit.

    I wish you luck. You deserve happiness. Tomorrow is a new day. Hell, tonight is a new night. Make the best of it.
  • angbieb
    angbieb Posts: 692 Member
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    That is when I binge too! I take 250 mg of trazidone and once I start getting sleepy its like all by will power is gone! It sucks!

    and going to bed once I get sleepy is so hard as I am usually doing things on here, and it is about the only time I feel truly relaxed, during the day.

    I wasn't sure about sharing this with you on here because I'm so ashamed of it, but I had bulimia in 2005 and it is hell to live like that...I hope you put a stop to it right away! I got down to 105 lbs. and it took over my life for a long time, it was one of the hardest things I've dealt with in my life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Someone mentioned that you get a different psychologist...I think that would be a good idea.

    Take care,
    :heart: ang
  • toxicat
    toxicat Posts: 79
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    I'd say the first step is simply don't buy the chocolate.
    Find other people that are dealing with similar situations and stay inspired, just like you're doing here on myfitpal.
    Don't be too hard on yourself for any reason- we all have our battles and things we should change!
    Make sure you are getting plenty of nutrients throughout the day, and plenty of vitamin D and/or sunshine, to naturally raise those feel good hormones and keep you well-balanced.
    Maybe even try Melatonin instead of the sleeping pill. 5-10mg and within 30 mins you should feel pretty sleepy and out of it! AND it is natural. Exact dosage depends on your body of course.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I'd say the first step is simply don't buy the chocolate.
    Find other people that are dealing with similar situations and stay inspired, just like you're doing here on myfitpal.
    Don't be too hard on yourself for any reason- we all have our battles and things we should change!
    Make sure you are getting plenty of nutrients throughout the day, and plenty of vitamin D and/or sunshine, to naturally raise those feel good hormones and keep you well-balanced.
    Maybe even try Melatonin instead of the sleeping pill. 5-10mg and within 30 mins you should feel pretty sleepy and out of it! AND it is natural. Exact dosage depends on your body of course.

    I did briefly look into melatonin before. Not sure where in the Uk I would find it. I know I cannot remain on the temazepam forever, but the alternative offered to me was quetiapine and I have read some terrible stories about that particular medication. I wont be buying chocolate anymore unless it is a small bar. It is tempting to just go back to being totally restrictive and forcing my body into submission so that I enjoy hunger again. I am feeling that angry at myself right now. I know only I can sort myself out, but I seem to go from one thing to another. And I would rather be at the other end of extreme, than at this end right now.
  • reneegee23
    reneegee23 Posts: 233 Member
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    Keep a food diary (you're on MFP, so that's a start). I wish I had started much earlier. It's helpful simply to see and correct your eating patterns. Make it public and be honest. Don't do a low carb diet, it's completely unhelpful and may worse your desire to binge.

    Identify your triggers (boredom, stress, etc.) and try to do something else. I work or stay busy on the weekends if I feel like eating thoughtlessly. Also, please DO NOT purge anymore. Please. When you stop yourself from purging, you become accountable for what you are eating and you stop or slow down the cycle. You won't gain 5 millions pounds, but you will gain some perspective on the bigger picture.

    For now, I would recommend you not keep any large amounts of foods you view as treats in the house. If you want chocolate, buy one bar (which is usually a couple servings anyway.) and plan for it. Stay consistent in your eating habits. That's a bit of a ramble, but I hope it may help you. Keep seeing your therapist.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
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    You mentioned several things in this post that are red flags to me...

    1. You have a historyof anorexia
    2. You have not only been binging but also purging which suggests that perhaps you may have crossed over into a bulimic state.
    3. You have a great deal of self criticism concerning this and seem to be alarmed by it.
    4. You mentioned that your current psychologist does not seem to be helping in this situation.

    Try not to beat yourself up about having an eating disorder. This is not a simple just drop the sugars and it all goes away. Some of the advice here that I have read through seems sound such as eliminating a lot of these from your household so that it is not available. It seems to me that you are on the right track talking to your therapist about it but it does not seem to be working (at least yet). I am concerned that you may have crossed over into a crisis situation that may require a great deal more personal evaluation and attention than can be given on this board by many of us who do not know the ins and outs of what you are going through (BTW, I am not a therapist or a psychologist... I do have a history of working in MR with some dual diagnosis individuals but am at a bit of a loss about this situation since I have not dealt directly with eating disorders, per se... I have had to deal with crisis situations of my own before though (hypomanic state a few years back) and know that sometimes you just have to have some help to get through some things... My advice is do what it takes to get to those who are knowledgeable enough to help you out of this Hell you are going through right now... You are NOT weak and you are NOT defective... you are dealing with something here that just seems a bit beyond you and it would be in your best interest to get whatever help you need to get through it in the safest and quickest matter. I would get back with your therapist and really try to drive home the seriousness of what you are going through here. Whatever you do though... Don't give up... You are well worth fighting for... You are a person of value and the fact that you are fighting this thing speaks volumes about your character and perseverance!. Best wishes!
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    That is when I binge too! I take 250 mg of trazidone and once I start getting sleepy its like all by will power is gone! It sucks!

    and going to bed once I get sleepy is so hard as I am usually doing things on here, and it is about the only time I feel truly relaxed, during the day.

    I wasn't sure about sharing this with you on here because I'm so ashamed of it, but I had bulimia in 2005 and it is hell to live like that...I hope you put a stop to it right away! I got down to 105 lbs. and it took over my life for a long time, it was one of the hardest things I've dealt with in my life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Someone mentioned that you get a different psychologist...I think that would be a good idea.

    Take care,
    :heart: ang

    I do think I need to see someone who specialises in this area at this time. The lady I am seeing was meant to deal with various issues including probable Aspergers and PTSD, rather than eating issues per se. Anyway, I am starting to feel stupid and whiny for even talking about it anymore. Thankyou for the responses. I am taking them on board. And apologies if I have bothered, annoyed or upset anyone with my post.
  • quara
    quara Posts: 255 Member
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    But that makes me feel weak, that other people can have all manner of foods around, and just have one, and I end up eating the lot. It makes me feel like a total failure with a weak will and I hate that.

    Not everyone can have all manner of food lying around and not over eat! If I have something tasty in the house, I can be good for a day or a week or a month but eventually, there will be one night where everything goes down the hatch. Not having it around simply takes away that possibility. And when I'm ripping the house apart for some chocolate, I can always go out and buy a reasonable amount. But I just can't have it around for an extended period of time. There'll be one night where I've had a couple drinks, or a bad day, and boom!

    And the plus side is that half the time that I do crave chocolate, it's not strong enough to get me out of the house and to the store, but I know that if I had it in the house, it'd be gone!
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
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    I do think I need to see someone who specialises in this area at this time. The lady I am seeing was meant to deal with various issues including probable Aspergers and PTSD, rather than eating issues per se. Anyway, I am starting to feel stupid and whiny for even talking about it anymore. Thankyou for the responses. I am taking them on board. And apologies if I have bothered, annoyed or upset anyone with my post.

    Please don't feel apologetic about discussing this. I am SO glad that you did. Really. Understand this, sometimes when you have problems the best thing you can do is get them out in the open and discuss them.. The advice is great but sometimes just venting can be most therapeutic. (I used to keep a log that I would write my thoughts down on when I dealt with another issue... wish I could remember the password I used for it because it is not one of my normal passwords... I'd like to read through it again sometimes but that is another story)... You actually are making some great eating choices..> I see where you are a pescatarian... Removal of red meats from you diet is a great choice... I have actually moved quite a bit more that direction myself of late... Not totally pescatarian nor do I totally eliminate red meats... But I have moved away from a lot of the red meat consumption that I used to use. Keep your chin up..> Thanks for posting! Really... You don't know who you may have helped by doing so. I agree, I'd definitely see somebody with a background in eating disorders! You are a person of value... Take care of yourself!
  • Natihilator
    Natihilator Posts: 1,778 Member
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    But that makes me feel weak, that other people can have all manner of foods around, and just have one, and I end up eating the lot. It makes me feel like a total failure with a weak will and I hate that.

    "Willpower is overrated".

    Don't expect that you can resist the urge to binge on a recognized trigger food just because other people can. For me, some of my trigger/binge foods (flour tortillas with melted cheese, I could easily binge on 3 or more in a sitting) I can still have around without being tempted by them. Other foods, usually sweets (gummy candy does it every time) I still can't buy and have in the house at all without bingeing on the same day that I buy it. So I buy very small amounts of it, every 3 months. You might have to work up your willpower, but until then, don't try to hike Mt Everest if you're a novice hiker, ya know? I know someone who is 2 years post losing a large amount of weight, and is just beginning to have a jar of peanut butter in the fridge without devouring the entire jar in a sitting. I, on the otherhand, could live in a house made of peanut butter jars, and it would not tempt me to do that. Almost everyone has their thing, believe me.

    You're not a failure, you just have an issue that you have yet to find the root of, and deal with it. Chocolate is not the problem, YOU are not the problem, whatever is leading you to feel powerless against it is the problem. But don't set yourself up for feeling like a failure by having your kryptonite readily available in large amounts, it's counterproductive.
  • econut2000
    econut2000 Posts: 395 Member
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    Don't be so hard on yourself!! That leads to more bingeing!!!

    As someone who is a life long insomniac and who for the last 2 years has pretty much slept in only 2 -4 hour shifts, I can tell you that sleeping pills and being sleepy ARE the culprit for me. I tried to go on the same pill you're on and it caused me to sleep endlessly (28 out of 36 hours!!) and when I did wake up I craved junk food for days!!!!! Fast food, chips, mac & cheese, ice cream....you name it and I ate it for 2 days straight! I tried to take the pill a couple days later just to see if it was because it had been so long since I slept and I had the same problem....slept for a couple days and then ate junk for 2 days more.

    You need to re-evaluate your use of sleeping pills - they really can do more harm than good - and try to get a good natural sleep. I know it's not easy. Like I said I've slept in 2-4 hour shifts for the last couple years. I wish I could give advice on how to get to sleep naturally but it's not working for me. lol. BUT in the meantime, just get rid of the chocolate! You aren't doing yourself any favors having it in the house if it's going to torture you this much. Just buy yourself one piece a day or whatever you would normally eat. Sure, it's more expensive than buying in bulk but it's still cheaper than eating lbs of candy in a day!

    Good luck :flowerforyou:

    Edit: you want to talk embarassing.....I haven't done it in a long time but when I couldn't sleep I would drive to Taco Bell at 1a!!!! We all do it - you've just been brave enough to admit it!!
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Thanks again for the responses. All taken on board and now going to sleep on it. Your support and kindness are appreciated at a time i feel very alone.
  • emmiee921
    emmiee921 Posts: 224
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    Firstly if your only wanting to eat a small portion of chocolate then don't purchase huge amounts.

    don't have any in the cupboard , if you really are craving then by a chocolate bar, not a block,
    or buy the small individual serving size bars.
    or even low calorie hot chocolate, that does hit the spot for me
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    i cant even allow certain things in my house because i KNOW i will eat them and will be tempted to run out and get more when those are done.

    another thing i do is to make sure i have things in the house that i can get binge crazy on without it being an issue. i keep things like cherry tomatoes, blueberries, blackberries, baby carrots, sliced strawberries, and raw sliced fennel (it's pretty good if you like licorice) in my fridge at the ready. what i do is immediately rinse and prep them, but them in old plastic take out containers and stick them in the fridge.

    finally, if possible do something else when you feel like binging. go for a walk, call a friend, dance around the living room

    and dont be so hard on yourself about it. this is a work in progress and it's more than likely a problem that developped over the course of years and will take years to fix. just be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. if you slip up then pick yourself up and try not to repeat tomorrow

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