Skeletons spilling from closet.

GypsyWildflower
GypsyWildflower Posts: 41
edited December 17 in Motivation and Support
Not really sure where this post should go. Nearly 7 years ago I had a long, rough battle with bulimia and anorexia. For years I was living life correctly, happily, and quite healthy. Now of course I'm here. I've racked up 60 extra pounds (which seem to have been one of those hidden strings attached to my engagement to my fiance). For the most part, I've remained successfully estranged from my past eating disorders. Of course I have encountered those few nights once or twice a year where it came washing back, but it always passed within a few days. Now, here I am. It's been three weeks, and I just can't seem to get it to pass. I set sail on the journey back to my healthy, happy lifestyle about two years ago.. but it's been a vicious battle. More mentally, than emotionally or physically, it's been a straight losing battle. I overate one night three weeks ago, had that little advice bubble pop up, and took care of business. The overwhelming effectiveness has kind of consumed me since, however. This isn't something I want, and I do very well know the consequences.

I just wonder, has this been an issue for any other recovered ED sufferers? Has there been a relapse that lasted longer than normal, and how can I push this aside again?

I keep ending the day, ashamed. I lay down, assuring myself I will think more clearly when I wake.. but of course, I don't remember that assurance until I've already f*d up the whole thing again.

Replies

  • Microfiber_wechange
    Microfiber_wechange Posts: 640
    Is there a professional counsellor or doctor you can talk to before it spirals out of control again? (((hugs))) :flowerforyou:
  • GypsyWildflower
    GypsyWildflower Posts: 41
    I am in a different city now, so I don't have the same doctors, but I will look around here. I don't know why I didn't think of that, thank you.
  • andimlovegalore
    andimlovegalore Posts: 10 Member
    I have some similar problems, and trying to lose weight in a healthy way after previously suffering from an eating disorder is a really hard thing to do - I think it's a bit like trying to drink just one glass of wine a week when you're an alcoholic.

    Personally, I think food will always, or at least for a long time, be a problem for me in one way or another. So I think maybe I just have to work hard to eat healthy in a different way that other people on here do. Maybe others would be proud to have not eaten a donut if it was offered, but I am a little proud when I do eat it and then manage to rationalise it enough that I don't feel guilty.

    If we want to lose weight, and still stay healthy, it's not going to just be a case of eat less calories and workout and lose weight = success. It's going to be finding a balance between recovery and weight loss and health and body acceptance. I find it's easier for me to eat food that would sometimes stress me out if I have done some exercise every day, even just a half an hour of running/walking, pilates, a workout DVD or something. But of course, there are always moments...

    I guess what I want to say is, that you're not alone =] and the way I am trying to deal with my own similar problems is by thinking of this journey as not just a weight loss journey, but a whole healthy lifestyle deal where I love food and love my body and do good things to it so that I feel healthy and happy! And that includes sometimes eating chocolates and 'bad' food, because that's normal too.
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