Question for the guys

Laura_Suzie
Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm curious to know how guys feel about this. Many people have told me I should be more flirty/aggressive in order to get dates, but I was always taught you should let the guy do the pursuing. So guys, do you like girls to chase after you or do you like to pursue THEM?
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Replies

  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
    I've been told the same thing, but I don't. I've been flirted with and didn't know it. I just don't see the signs. I thought they were just being friendly. It wasn't until later (much later) that my friends told me she was flirting with me. My reply: "Really? I had no idea. Oh well, too late."

    This has happened way too often.

    As for your question: I prefer to chase them. That way, I can tell if they are receptive to my advances. Clearly, I can't tell if they are flirting with me...but I'm an idiot, obviously!
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    i'm a persuer, give me a sign or two that you're interested and i'll take it from there
  • tameko2
    tameko2 Posts: 31,634 Member
    I a not a guy. But I have asked guys out (very casually, just "hey you want to go get coffee") and the type of guys I personally prefer LOVE it.
  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
    I a not a guy. But I have asked guys out (very casually, just "hey you want to go get coffee") and the type of guys I personally prefer LOVE it.

    See, that's the stuff I'm talking about. One time, I accepted, went to grab some coffee and then I just left. I didn't think she was flirting, just being friendly. WOW! I'm sloooooooooooow!
  • BIGJIMMYU
    BIGJIMMYU Posts: 1,221 Member
    My wife was the type to let the guys ask her out. She is quite fetching and I asked her out so many years ago. All the other guys were scared to ask because of her beauty. Now 17 years later everyone still asks me; " Geez Jim, how did you land HER?"
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 1,799 Member
    I'm curious to know how guys feel about this. Many people have told me I should be more flirty/aggressive in order to get dates, but I was always taught you should let the guy do the pursuing. So guys, do you like girls to chase after you or do you like to pursue THEM?

    We need all the help we can get. Sometimes it's like coachbit says. A friend will be like, "man, she was giving you the eye," and I"ll have been clueless to it. So I guess if you're gonna flirt, flirt to win! :)
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    I can't simply be flirty/aggressive. I would need someone to pursue me. It would make things easier for me.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Honestly....Be very flirtacious.....let him know you're interested.......Then make him be the one to take the next steps. Don't play super hard to get though because that's just annoying.
  • Captian_Dathon
    Captian_Dathon Posts: 73
    (Just from a girl side.... Uhm... lesbian....)
    I prefer when she is interested in me and makes a point to prove it, but I must also show my interest. Romance is mutual, not one-sided. I assume it is true, though, for all sexual orientations...

    I mean, don't stalk someone, but don't pretend to not be interested and wait for them to make the first move.
  • BrienJD
    BrienJD Posts: 541 Member
    Sometimes it's good for a guy to be the one being pursued in my opinion.
  • Pinoy_Pal
    Pinoy_Pal Posts: 280 Member
    I'm really lazy, so I'd prefer women pursue me :p
  • Saruman_w
    Saruman_w Posts: 1,531 Member
    I'm too shy to be a pursuer. Just not my personality. So it'd be easier on me if someone else did the initiating... but this could attract the wrong types of people to me if that were the case. I'd probably end up being more attracted to the kinds of ladies that don't do the pursuing.... so in other words I'm doomed unless I can find a way to cure my shyness
  • YassSpartan
    YassSpartan Posts: 1,195 Member
    If is part of the woman's personality, sure, there's nothing wrong with being aggressive. So I say go for it. Again, as long as it is part of your personality.
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 1,799 Member
    I'm too shy to be a pursuer. Just not my personality. So it'd be easier on me if someone else did the initiating... but this could attract the wrong types of people to me if that were the case. I'd probably end up being more attracted to the kinds of ladies that don't do the pursuing.... so in other words I'm doomed unless I can find a way to cure my shyness

    Just do it. You've got champ abs and obviously a helluva work ethic. You should be proud of yourself; you probably have a lot to offer.
  • smilingchica
    smilingchica Posts: 279 Member
    Honestly....Be very flirtacious.....let him know you're interested.......Then make him be the one to take the next steps. Don't play super hard to get though because that's just annoying.

    I sometimes feel like i'm not hard to get enough, i just don't know how to play games at all.
  • ElPumaMex
    ElPumaMex Posts: 367 Member
    i'm a persuer, give me a sign or two that you're interested and i'll take it from there

    ^^^ This

    The key is to give the guy a clear sign that you are interested, and he will take it from there.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    I can't imagine the torture women go through waiting around for guys to make their move. But, that's just the way it is. I've had some women that were aggressive with me and I didn't like it at all. I prefer to chase. I pick up signals pretty well, so I'm good with the hunt.
  • Mad_Dog_Muscle
    Mad_Dog_Muscle Posts: 1,251 Member
    Nothing wrong with a little of both. If a woman were interested in me, I would be more than ok if she made sure I knew it! We arent mind readers, contrary to what the magazines say we should be! :drinker:
  • sportsjunkee70
    sportsjunkee70 Posts: 173 Member
    I usually do the pursuing if I get a sign or two... the problem is I usually don't recognize the signs lol.

    Nothing wrong with a woman showing that she is interested in me though. It always makes you feel good knowing that someone is into you no matter if you're male or female.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
    of the 2 girlfriends I've had in the past. 1 serious and one semi-casual, they both did the persuing. I'm just too damn shy. especially with the way I was. big, fat and heavy. I'm getting better at being less shy and more outgoing as the weight loss comes. I know it's all in my head the lack of confidence . but it also doesn't help I have no game and I am horrible at reading signals from girls. She could hit me over the head with a huge sign that says "I LIKE YOU ASK ME OUT" and I'd still miss it. :laugh:

    oh and to answer the OP I don't mind it at all.
  • jaysonhijinx
    jaysonhijinx Posts: 663 Member
    Either is fine with me.

    If I'm interested in a girl and I've picked up she's interested too I'll gladly do the pursuing. Previous girl I dated was chasing me for months before I realised - I can be super oblivious at times -_-
  • Lift_hard_eat_big
    Lift_hard_eat_big Posts: 2,278 Member
    I quality man will pursue a woman, even after being shot down a time or two.
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    bump
  • zooblflot
    zooblflot Posts: 131
    If a woman likes me it definitely makes it easier if she makes that clear. These days people have such a wide range of personalities that it's hard to tell if someone may be interested in you or if they're just being friendly. If you like a guy and let him know it (and he likes you) he'll take it from there in most cases.
  • scribe313
    scribe313 Posts: 103 Member
    Guys get rejected all of the time. It can get a little tiring. Some dudes are really TOO (creepy) aggressive and it makes women nervous and nice guys less willing to make the first move. Nice guys don't want to be viewed as a weird-o. A woman asking me out for coffee or touching my arm a lot sort of gives me the green light that she likes me too. Also let me say this, more than once a woman that I have not thought of as a partner has changed my mind by just flirting. Someone that I may have only viewed as a co-worker or friend's relative is suddenly someone I might build a life with. :wink:
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
    Guys get rejected all of the time. It can get a little tiring. Some dudes are really TOO (creepy) aggressive and it makes women nervous and nice guys less willing to make the first move. Nice guys don't want to be viewed as a weird-o. A woman asking me out for coffee or touching my arm a lot sort of gives me the green light that she likes me too. Also let me say this, more than once a woman that I have not thought of as a partner has changed my mind by just flirting. Someone that I may have only viewed as a co-worker or friend's relative is suddenly someone I might build a life with. :wink:

    This.

    There is no telling how many women I missed an opportunity to date because I was too shy to ask. (Probably not that many, really. LOL)

    I wanted to be absolutely sure she was interested before I asked to save me from that potential feeling of wanting the earth to open up and swallow me if she laughed at me and said "no."

    The only women I ever dated are the ones that gave me a clear, unmistakable sign they were interested, and the ones that asked me out, too!

    I'm not an introvert and I am not shy when it comes to addressing a room full of people or teaching a class, just when it comes to asking someone out. Of course, I'm married to one of the women brave enough to ask me out so it all worked out in the end. :bigsmile:
  • andyswift
    andyswift Posts: 17
    Guys don't mind either way. I believe what they don't want is mixed messages or being led along. If you like someone go for it
  • stayxtrue
    stayxtrue Posts: 1,186 Member
    I love it when a girl makes the first attempt... Usualy when guys do the girl shuts them down hahaha! At least when I a girl flirts you know it could be something :D
  • kimber0607
    kimber0607 Posts: 994 Member
    Me personally... I wouldnt ask a guy out......and I'm not really good at the flirty thing....

    I feel if a man is that interested..he will make a move
    If I have to so aggressively pursue him..Im not interested and he probably isn't either,,LOL (that made sense right?)

    Nothing wrong though, if interested with throwing out a same clue etc that you would like ot hang out
    again I think if he is interested in you, he wont miss the hint
  • shammxo
    shammxo Posts: 1,432 Member
    I've been told that I'm unapproachable. Must be the way I'm standing or something :P
    Therefore, there have been a few times when I've had to be slightly aggressive.

    ETA: Although, I remember hearing once (probably in a bad movie) that, "if a guy wants it to happen, he WILL make it happen." Soooo I dunno. I gave up a month ago. Focusing on myself.

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