My own worst enemy

Options
niknak30
niknak30 Posts: 58
in Motivation and Support
I have been dieting now for about 7 months and have lost 12kg ( which when you have 50 to lose isn't much) so its a slow and steady race I am in and I am ok with that. My problem though is that I have hit a major motivational slump and I can't work out why. People are starting to notice my weight loss and I am starting to see it in clothes and shape.

So why then doesn't this spur me on? I should be inspired to keep going and stay on track but instead I just feel no inspiration at all. I am still training hard and staying within my calories but I am eating worse things within that calorie count and I am caring less about it.
Do other people get like this? I really want to achieve my goals and I know it is a long term project so I cannot understand why I just feel like going "ok, someone has noticed now" and stop.

What I should be doing is upping the ante and doing more because I feel fitter and stronger and I just can't seem to find it within me.

Frustrating!
«1

Replies

  • kirstyg1980
    kirstyg1980 Posts: 302
    Options
    Think we all have our bad days/weeks. It's so hard to be so good for so long

    You just need to keep telling yourself how good it will be to keep going, keep picturing the end result etc

    Set yourself a goal!!!!

    My goal is I only have 22 weeks till I go to Florida, I want to be super fit to keep up the kids for a whole fortnight round the parks and I want to wear a bikini without my husband being embarrassed to be seen with me and the thought of water slide waits in a costume/bikini :o

    I've also got a black tie dance not long after returning from Florida and I am dying to wear a gorgeous ball gown and to look amazing in it :D

    Thats what keeps me going, I do still have my off days or the odd bar of chocolate but you have to allow yourself the finer things in life once in a while or you will go mad

    Your doing great keep it up x
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    Options
    I do the same thing. I love going to the gym and I work out hard. I eat well for a few weeks and it really shows and then...somebody compliments me. It throws me into a major spiral and I eat very poorly. I am at a point where I wish people didn't say anything.

    I know they mean well and they are being nice but it really messes me up
  • Jeneba
    Jeneba Posts: 699 Member
    Options
    In my own case, I just got overwhelmed by too much work & school + a broken heart that made me opt for the comfort of hibernation and increased calories. Sometimes this is a wake-up call to slow down & pay attention to deeper needs, so it isn't necessarily "bad," but the trick is to decipher the "message" before we cause ourselves worse harm in the long run by undoing all the progress we have already made. :heart:
  • FR89
    FR89 Posts: 186 Member
    Options
    well done for losing 12kg thats impressive.

    Just take a time out and treat your self.. book a spa day or something that will help you relax and destress.. sometimes a little break is all you need to recharge yourself and motivate yourself. Maybe the routine of gym and low cals are draining you out abit.. Stay strong and dont give up!

    You have worked way to hard and way to long to give up now.. you'll be happier as you get closer to your target!

    here for you! :flowerforyou: xx
  • em435
    em435 Posts: 210 Member
    Options
    I feel exactly the same at the moment.
    I'm almost at the highest fitness level I've ever been at and I've lost my enthusiasm for the journey. I suppose I keep thinking that yeah, I look pretty good, maybe I should just kick back and relax but I have to remind myself that I'm not doing this to look good, I'm doing it to be the healthiest I can be!
    I've decided to enter a 5K race just to make sure I keep working out and give me a goal that doesn't revolve around weight loss but fitness and health!
  • SusanLovesToEat
    SusanLovesToEat Posts: 218 Member
    Options
    Congratulations on the 12kg lost! More kudos for admitting to yourself that it's really hard! When you have a great deal of weight to lose and are not fit it REALLY HARD to exercise and exhausting mentally as well as physically.

    I've found that when I really wanted to make a change and just could not find it within myself to get the excercise I needed to up my metabolism, I got a qualified "personal trainer". (Now this can be only for one hour per week and doesn't have to be expensive if you can enlist a friend.)
    The professional personal trainer worked with my low level of fitness and concentrated on improving what little I had gradually. There was no judgement.
    Because I was resonsible to another person to show up when scheduled I found it easier to get there.

    This turned out to be the best thing I ever did and so improved my health, endurance and flexibility the effort lasted for many years.
  • evansfarber
    evansfarber Posts: 12 Member
    Options
    It took me a long time to realize that I sabotoge myself because I am afraid of failure. I do well and when I see it, I panic because I feel like its only a metter of time before I mess it up. I am working on this but old habits die hard. Good luck with your journey
  • niknak30
    niknak30 Posts: 58
    Options
    I do have a personal trainer who I love (not love love LOL) and he is really good at pushing me exercise wise - and I am certainly feeling fitter and stronger for it - You would think the $500 a month I spend on my 2-3 1hr sessions a week would be motivaition enough!!!

    I have so many goals that I feel overwhelmed - short , medium and long term ..... I have learnt to make lots and I am learning to reward for them as well LOL

    I am so glad I am not alone in this thinking

    thank you so much for your support!
  • chedges9090
    chedges9090 Posts: 208 Member
    Options
    Oh my gosh.. I could have written your post. I lost 15pounds , have about 25 more to go. Was doing well, excercising and staying at 1200 calories. Was able to buy some new clothes. THEN.. broke my foot. Ever since then, haven't been able to get back on the food track. Just now starting to excercise again, and getting in good work-outs. But, am sabotaging myself with my food.

    It's worse in the evenings. I don't want to cook. Because I am tired, I will eat what's available. Today I am cooking ahead to be ready. I think I am going to make some jello with cool whip and have that ready also.

    Also-- I am UPPING the water. I am horrible at drinking it.. and maybe that will help.

    Lets get back on that bandwagon!!! We know we want this. AND.. we know we can do it. We have already been successful!!!
    In the words of the little red caboose ... " i think i can, i think i can"

    Have a great day
  • prism6
    prism6 Posts: 484 Member
    Options
    I am going through this right now. When people start commenting and noticing I lose all inspiration. I am not sure but maybe in the back of the mind resentment sets in that this is what it takes to get noticed . But I am definately in the slump mode also. It is depressing to go from as driven as I was to this internal struggle.....
  • lil_pulp
    lil_pulp Posts: 701 Member
    Options
    When I'd lost a bit of weight (around 70 lbs) and started to approach a "normal" BMI, I got all freaked out because a huge part of my identity (the fat sister, the fat friend, plus-size woman, etc) had disappeared, but I didn't have have anything to replace it with.

    I simply wasn't ready to see myself as anything other than "fat" but other people and the mirror were telling me that I couldn't keep using that word to describe myself.

    It's been a whole process of, kind of, re-defining who I am--but now, I'm much more aware of who I am on the *inside* and not just my physical traits. (I think this has less to do with weight loss, though, and more to do with simply getting older!)
  • fontinathefox
    fontinathefox Posts: 124 Member
    Options
    I read something the other day about not focusing on what you have lost, but to focus on what you have left to lose. Which at the time seemed a bit pessimistic, but thinking about it, it should work for me - what I do is think 'oh I've lost all this and it was a piece of p*ss, I can treat myself' and then start eating crap again. So this morning I was thinking that yes, I have gone from a size 14 to a size 12, which is great, but my goal is to be a size 10 again so I still have some way to go. And instead of feeling pessimistic, it actually felt strangely inspiring.
  • Mamoonie
    Mamoonie Posts: 328
    Options
    I had the same feelings once I hit my first big goal, which was 20 kgs lost (out of 40).
    I was able to buy clothes with normal sizes, not super sizes; I got compliments ( it took very long before people told me)...
    I guess I started to feel comfortable at the point I had arrived.
    I was still working out with my personal trainer, still logging all my food, but somehow I had lost my motivator.
    I even found that my body didn't move anymore, nor weight wise, nor size wise.
    I can't say that I found my motivator back, or found a different one, I'm still looking for something to motivate me to go on.
    But I didn't give up. I went on and on like I did before and I still do.
    My body started to change again after a holiday break I took at the end of the year. I'm dropping weight and sizes again, but my big motivator is still missing. I have an end goal, but that's not really motivating my anymore. I had chosen a number at the scale for a goal, but since working out with a personal trainer, my body changes faster than the scale, and I'm not sure I still want to reach that number, because I might look too skinny ( considering my muscles and my age..). My end goal is disappearing, which doesn't make this journey any easier.
    Go on doing what you did so far, don't stop, except for maybe taking a short break to free your head. Don't give up, because it's working and you already have some positive results. They only get bigger and nicer when you do something for it. Work towards a goal!
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    Options
    Sometimes the difficulty goes deeper than you think. I put over 20kg back on a few years ago, having got to a place where I was comfortable with my appearance, but still had a way to go, because I met a man I really liked, and subconsciously, my excess weight was a defence: "If he rejects me because I'm fat, it's not 'me' he's rejecting, just my body. If I'm slim(ish) and he rejects me, it's me-as-a-person he's rejecting, which seems far worse.". This, specifically, may not be your problem, but do have a think about how it will feel to reach your goal - great on many fronts, but are there things that frighten you about it as well? Motivation is more complex than the surface things, sometimes. Having a think about this may help you to discover reasons for your self-sabotage. Good luck!
  • niknak30
    niknak30 Posts: 58
    Options
    Well, I was going along famously until a couple of weeks ago when my best male friend whom I have loved for 23 years (despite being married and having other partners along the way) declared that I am the most beautiful woman he knows and that he had always hoped that I loved him enough to lose weight as I knew being fit and healthy was important to him. I of course thought I just wasn't his type all those years and that he never wanted me.

    I always thought "boys don't want me because I am fat. I can handle that" but if I lose weight and they still don't want me then I am screwed. Fat was always the easy option.

    Heartbroken at the thought that we potentially could have had something and demotivated is no fun!

    I know I should just think well he should have loved me as I am - but the reality is..... life and people don't! I can't fault him for his choice just as he can't fault me for mine. Now I am just stuck thinking "what could have been"

    Nik needs her groove back FAST!
  • fontinathefox
    fontinathefox Posts: 124 Member
    Options
    Well, I was going along famously until a couple of weeks ago when my best male friend whom I have loved for 23 years (despite being married and having other partners along the way) declared that I am the most beautiful woman he knows and that he had always hoped that I loved him enough to lose weight as I knew being fit and healthy was important to him. I of course thought I just wasn't his type all those years and that he never wanted me.

    To be fair, I don't think that sounds particularly sympathetic. Did he ever tell you this before you decided to lose weight? If not, then how were you to know?? And I agree, not loving someone because of that isn't particularly nice. Sorry to put down someone you love...
  • niknak30
    niknak30 Posts: 58
    Options
    Well, I was going along famously until a couple of weeks ago when my best male friend whom I have loved for 23 years (despite being married and having other partners along the way) declared that I am the most beautiful woman he knows and that he had always hoped that I loved him enough to lose weight as I knew being fit and healthy was important to him. I of course thought I just wasn't his type all those years and that he never wanted me.

    To be fair, I don't think that sounds particularly sympathetic. Did he ever tell you this before you decided to lose weight? If not, then how were you to know?? And I agree, not loving someone because of that isn't particularly nice. Sorry to put down someone you love...

    He always knew how I felt and we had periods of being Friends with benefits but in terms of a relationship it never ever came up in conversation other than when he met his girlfriend who later became his wife when he said in passing "you would be perfect if you were thin"

    He has been supportive of my weight loss journey - but now, I just wish we never had this recent discussion - I was happoer thinking he didn't care
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    Options
    Oh wow, or maybe "What could be"??? That could be a pretty great motivator! Is he free? Are you? I'd be a bit cautious if your weight has seriously been the only thing preventing him from being with you, but maybe it's time to take a chance...

    I know ALL about Fat being the easy option, and I am battling away at that flawed sense of self-preservation. I don't know what to tell you - still fighting that particular gremlin myself - but knowing that it's an issue is helpful - easier to fight a known enemy than one you're not aware of.
  • jam3114
    jam3114 Posts: 250 Member
    Options
    I am with you on this one. At my highest I was 275 so being 243 is nicer & I don't feel as big. Sometimes I think I get comfortable even though I have alot more to lose but I'm fitter than ever and I wonder does that sense of being comfortable hinder my progress or hinder my desire to complete this journey.
    I've yo yo'd around the 240's for the last god knows how long - I keep telling myself 'jokingly' my scales doesn't got to 239 which I think must be the dumbest thing to say. :blushing:
    But it got my butt moving this morning, I've planned my food all apart from Dinner & for today I'm going to stick to it - not half stick to it but STICK TO IT & then I will take on tomorrow when it comes. I've upped my calories too so that I can eat & not starve which leads me to binge on crappy foods & then I go off the wagon for weeks at a time. :happy:
    I hope you find your spark & motivation that helped you lose that 12kg - that is an accomplishment you should be proud of no matter how much more you have to go - be proud that its 12kg gone never to return again :flowerforyou:
    Now circle up that wagon & get on (you know you want to) Good Luck :bigsmile:
  • waldenfam2
    waldenfam2 Posts: 203 Member
    Options
    My highest was 282 and that was rough. This time the weight loss journey started when I was diagnosed with diabetes. Staying healthy so I don't suffer the repercussions of that disease is a huge motivating factor, however, it's one thing to eat healthy and another all together to exercise. I still need to find my motivator to exercise on a consistent basis. I was doing really well until a couple of weeks ago, and then have slacked off to just a couple times a week. But to be fair it has been a crazy couple of weeks.

    Discovering the underlying reason why a person is overweight is huge and one they focus on quite a bit on the biggest loser (which I watch, all the time). I think for myself, being overweight was a shield from the world. If they didn't talk to me or like me it was because I was fat, not because I'm quirky, or annoying, or whatever the reason may be. I'm a people pleaser, and want everyone to like me, before I could blame it on my weight, whereas now, not so much. Another aspect of being overweight is it creates a type of shield between yourself and the world. You don't get noticed as much, less attention, again less rejection. You don't have to deal with all those emotional battles that are deep inside. For me, these are scary things, things that I haven't had to deal with my entire adult life, but at the same time, I don't want to live being fat my entire life and not LIVING my life. So I have to decide, do I want to deal or not?

Categories