I have Binge Eating Disorder

paulaGetshealthy
paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
edited December 17 in Food and Nutrition
All my life I've been obese. In May of 2011 I somehow managed to get myself on the right track and started losing weight. I lost a total of 69 pounds and got down to my lowest weight. I love exercise, and I am currently in school to become a personal trainer.

Back in December I started to binge once a week, but I told myself I had it all under control. After each binge I would either purge or take laxatives, plus I would restrict all week and hit the gym for 3 hours or more of intense exercise. I would never let this develop into anything further, I thought. The binges started to become more frequent, and the restrictions even more severe.

Eventually I hit a plateau in my weight loss, and this started to drive me crazy. I kept thinking that I was going to get so fat, and I was going to be rejected, unwanted, disgusting, etc all over again. It became an absolute obsession. The binges continued as my anxiety and stress elevated, and they are now at the point where I binge either every day, or every other day.

I no longer have a gag-reflex, so purging is out of the question. Laxatives don't work anymore. And I usually binge so much that I'm too stuffed and too uncomfortable to go to the gym.

So here I am, binging on thousands of calories worth of food, and not doing much to get it out. I've been gaining weight, and it's so extremely heartbreaking. I am so full of distress and anxiety, and I feel so lost.

Because of what I've been through as an obese girl, I never want to go back. I often think that I would rather die than be fat again. It's immense torture to think about that.

I attend overeaters anonymous meetings, I see a therapist, and I do lots of research on this disorder, but I feel so drained from all of it :(

I made a video of my binge today:
http://youtu.be/Z7x89Cz5ULw


Please tell me there are others like me on this website.

Replies

  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,345 Member
    I am a binge eater.

    You can inbox me if you ever wanna talk.
  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,345 Member
    Theres also a group. :o)

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/726-binge-eating-support-group
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
    you know i binge hun so there are people like you hang in there! ♥♥♥
  • mandie35
    mandie35 Posts: 5
    I feel for you 100%. I lost 90lbs, and gained 30 back because of this. I dont know how to get back on track, Im not sure what happened. Please message me if you ever want to talk. Ive been binge free for 4 days.. Im trying to get back on track & get these 30lbs off.
  • Sul3i
    Sul3i Posts: 553 Member
    My heart truly goes out to you! I hope u get help... maybe counseling to discuss what's going on inside. Best of luck dear! :flowerforyou:
  • Murphy15
    Murphy15 Posts: 142
    There are SO many people here who can relate and help you. Good luck, I know you can overcome this!
  • sheltielover
    sheltielover Posts: 135 Member
    i could have written this post.
    so sad. and binging is so controlling. i hate it. feel free to friend me.

    aimee
  • kooky_kiz
    kooky_kiz Posts: 22 Member
    Paula, I too have this problem. I have been binge free for 3 days now and hoping to stay that way. I want these pounds off.
  • cm1458
    cm1458 Posts: 742 Member
    Im sorry you're going through this! I know it is tough! im dealing with something similar. you can inbox me anytime you need to. best of luck to you :flowerforyou:
  • Mina133842
    Mina133842 Posts: 1,573 Member
    I have a hard time with amounts too, but I don't purge or take laxatives. there's a lot of people that have the same type of issues and deal with them all differently - you're doing lots of things right - counseling, and identifying the issue- just be patient with yourself, you didn't get this way (this is a sickness in itself- an eating disorder) overnight. It certainly won't be "cured" overnight. Stay positive, and give yourself positive feedback. DON'T beat yourself up and feel worse. move forward! :)
  • rhonnie66
    rhonnie66 Posts: 47 Member
    you are a very brave and couragous person to put it out there! I am not so brave! Please know that people out here are feeling and going throu the same things, thoughts and ideas. Be strong, you know you are! Friend me if you want, we are all on this same boat my friend, some of us just have bigger oars to paddle with!!!
  • casseyleinen
    casseyleinen Posts: 48
    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: Oh Sweetie! It takes alot to speak about this which I beleive is a step in the right direction instead of having this secret or dark cloud hanging over your head. You truley are brave! If you ever need to talk or want encouragement I will be here. You are a beautiful person. Stay stong and take it day by day or even hour my hour, You can friend me if you want!! Best of luck!!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • coolbluecris
    coolbluecris Posts: 228 Member
    Hi there, when I've found myself doing this there are a few things I know are triggers. The main one is frustration, caused by not being able to, or not being bothered, trying to change the thing that is frustrating me or making me sad.

    Secondly, I am usually telling myself some kind of lie (they are very effective these darn lies), like I might as well indulge and indulge because I can "start again tomorrow". For some reason, during a binge, I don't even challenge the lie. Why? I should knock the lie in the head !! Sure I can start again tomorrow, but in the meantime I feel awful and bloated !

    I also tell myself that its not important anyway because I'll always be fat so what's the point.

    So I hope you can see binges really do come from somewhere, from our own sabotaging thoughts that we allow to continue.

    Believe it or not, we DO have the power to think better than this.

    I AM worthy of being slim and happy,

    Another mouthful of food is NOT going to satisfy me. I might as well deal with the cause of my sadness or frustration, or ring a friend, or get out of the house.

    I don't have to continue to be fat, I can CHOOSE what I decide to be.

    Why do I write so clearly? Because I went through this just yesterday, and today, I am starting afresh. I am 30 kgs overweight, embarrassed about my appearance, and its time for ME to have victory, and its also time for YOU.

    Please do stay in touch xxx
    Cris
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    You CAN do this, and there are TONS of people going through the same thing on here. Be strong! <3
  • tone4ever
    tone4ever Posts: 32
    your gonna get through....PROMISE....keep going...xo
  • warmachinejt
    warmachinejt Posts: 2,162 Member
    i also want to say that just know that all of the things you do to counteract your binge actually harm your body a lot. You're probably trying to follow a perfect diet where you can't eat one single sweet or chocolate. When you do this your body will eventually break and go on a huge binge. If you must do something to counter your binge only do the exercise thing. However you should allow yourself food you want and stay under your calories. Also allow a day to gover 500 calories or more.
    I don't usually binge but i went over 4500 calories this weekend, I wasn't allowing myself chocolate (which i really like).
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    I can relate so well. I too have developed issues with binge eating, I spent years going down the laxative route and also died from kidney failure in the process. I still have issues with purging, and with doing more exercise than is comfortable when I have had a binge. It is a horrible, horrible feeling, to be so out of control and to find yourself eating beyond a point of fullness, followed by the inevitable panic and sense that the world will end somehow if you keep all this food inside.

    Feel free to add me, God knows, I could sure use some support as well as being more than happy to give it.
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