scared of people's reactions the 2nd time
wingednotes
Posts: 274 Member
Hi,
This is a bit bloggy. Sorry. It may also be triggering for anyone with binge issues.
I am looking for advice on what healthy ways I can think about people's reactions to my weight loss the second time around.
I was previously 175 pounds and got down to around 135 two years ago. I am currently 165 (5 pounds just lost on MFP.)
The first time I dropped weight (using WW) I was treated to lots of compliments. People were surprised (and in some cases shocked) at how different I looked. I found myself loving those compliments - using them as fuel in my workouts, and for those people who I hadn't seen in a while, I was very motivated to make them see my loss - anticipating their comments.
So I guess losing weight took on the wrong meaning.
Some life events happened that shook me up and I started gaining. I tried to control it, but my resolve slipped. I have a very blunt grandmother who finally saw me after a few years and said I would look better if I lost another 10 pounds (I was 137 at the time, lowest of my adult life.) That was it. All of the compliments were for nothing and I threw it all away.
No one has complimented on my 40 pound gain in 2 years.
Every time I see people I am ashamed. My binge eating addiction is not easily hidden - it is mirrored back at me on the faces of people when they are surprised at how much I have gained.
That's my background. Lots of whining in there. Here's today:
I'm back on track. I'm in this for the right reasons - I have a firm grip on my calorie intake, healthy choices, I'm loving exercise again. I feel really strong after this first week.
But I am TERRIFIED of telling anyone I know who saw me lose the first time that I am losing weight again. Won't they be thinking "oh, she'll gain it back again." "she's one of those yo-yo dieters." I've been so ashamed for so long of my re-gain that I feel like losing weight again will make it even more obvious that I have suffered with this binge stuff.
I feel like this is a roadblock for me and I'd like to restructure my thoughts in a healthy way regarding this. If I am prepared in what I should think and feel and say when people notice my loss, than I will be more likely to be successful.
TIA!
-Jenn
This is a bit bloggy. Sorry. It may also be triggering for anyone with binge issues.
I am looking for advice on what healthy ways I can think about people's reactions to my weight loss the second time around.
I was previously 175 pounds and got down to around 135 two years ago. I am currently 165 (5 pounds just lost on MFP.)
The first time I dropped weight (using WW) I was treated to lots of compliments. People were surprised (and in some cases shocked) at how different I looked. I found myself loving those compliments - using them as fuel in my workouts, and for those people who I hadn't seen in a while, I was very motivated to make them see my loss - anticipating their comments.
So I guess losing weight took on the wrong meaning.
Some life events happened that shook me up and I started gaining. I tried to control it, but my resolve slipped. I have a very blunt grandmother who finally saw me after a few years and said I would look better if I lost another 10 pounds (I was 137 at the time, lowest of my adult life.) That was it. All of the compliments were for nothing and I threw it all away.
No one has complimented on my 40 pound gain in 2 years.
Every time I see people I am ashamed. My binge eating addiction is not easily hidden - it is mirrored back at me on the faces of people when they are surprised at how much I have gained.
That's my background. Lots of whining in there. Here's today:
I'm back on track. I'm in this for the right reasons - I have a firm grip on my calorie intake, healthy choices, I'm loving exercise again. I feel really strong after this first week.
But I am TERRIFIED of telling anyone I know who saw me lose the first time that I am losing weight again. Won't they be thinking "oh, she'll gain it back again." "she's one of those yo-yo dieters." I've been so ashamed for so long of my re-gain that I feel like losing weight again will make it even more obvious that I have suffered with this binge stuff.
I feel like this is a roadblock for me and I'd like to restructure my thoughts in a healthy way regarding this. If I am prepared in what I should think and feel and say when people notice my loss, than I will be more likely to be successful.
TIA!
-Jenn
0
Replies
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Well I don't have many suggestions but here they are:
Don't mention your weight loss to anyone, when it happens it happens and if people say something about it tell them the truth about why you are losing it.
Don't spend your time worrying about what others are going to think of you in the future ( I am really bad at this but am getting better), it's energy that you could be using to exercise or plan for a meal or just enjoy the day.
Understand that the people that really care about you will try to motivate you in different ways- things like what your grandmother said may have been meant as encouragement in her own way. The people that have seen you before know that you CAN lose weight and they may reference back to when you did "You look just about as good as when..." again a compliment intended to keep you on track.
Take all opinions and statements and put a positive spin on them; something like "You'll look great at ____ lbs" you can turn around and say something like "That's a nice goal, if I decided to do that then I'll have lost ___ lbs. But right now I'm happy with what I've done so far." Or "I'm feeling great at ____lbs but thanks for your opinion."
If people ask you what diet you are on say something like " a life changing one
" Maybe mention that what you are doing isn't a diet at all. Make questions a way to inspire someone else instead of taking it as a possible dig on what you have accomplished.
Last one: Remember why you are doing this in the first place. Is your weight loss up to other people and their ideas, or is it because you wanted to be healthier? When it comes to your healthy which is more important to you one persons comment or all the hard work you've put forth?
Congrats on your weight loss and keep high spirits.0 -
completely agree with ^^^, I too started thinking about what others where thinking and got me really paranoid. Just remember, you are doing a good thing, and if your are losing weight and feeling healthy, it's a good thing, people won't compliment when you gain weight but they always will if you lose it, so don't worry, compliments will come, and if they don't then that means they didn't even notice you gain weight, which is GREAT!.
It's always a good thing when you decide to make a good change in your life, things happen to everybody but getting back on the wagon is a whole different thing, be proud for that0 -
I wouldn't mention it, people will figure it out when you start to get smaller.
If anyone makes a rude comment, or asks a question that's none of their business look them in the eye and tell them you aren't dieting, you're losing weight because you have [insert devastating disease here - mix it up for sport]. They'll immediately feel like a real *kitten*.
Let 'em squirm for a minute, and then tell them the "truth" - that you've discovered that you're sensitive to [insert food you don't like anyway] and since you've had to cut it out of your diet completely, you've lost weight.0 -
Well I don't have many suggestions but here they are:
Don't mention your weight loss to anyone, when it happens it happens and if people say something about it tell them the truth about why you are losing it.
Don't spend your time worrying about what others are going to think of you in the future ( I am really bad at this but am getting better), it's energy that you could be using to exercise or plan for a meal or just enjoy the day.
Understand that the people that really care about you will try to motivate you in different ways- things like what your grandmother said may have been meant as encouragement in her own way. The people that have seen you before know that you CAN lose weight and they may reference back to when you did "You look just about as good as when..." again a compliment intended to keep you on track.
Take all opinions and statements and put a positive spin on them; something like "You'll look great at ____ lbs" you can turn around and say something like "That's a nice goal, if I decided to do that then I'll have lost ___ lbs. But right now I'm happy with what I've done so far." Or "I'm feeling great at ____lbs but thanks for your opinion."
If people ask you what diet you are on say something like " a life changing one" Maybe mention that what you are doing isn't a diet at all. Make questions a way to inspire someone else instead of taking it as a possible dig on what you have accomplished.
Last one: Remember why you are doing this in the first place. Is your weight loss up to other people and their ideas, or is it because you wanted to be healthier? When it comes to your healthy which is more important to you one persons comment or all the hard work you've put forth?
Congrats on your weight loss and keep high spirits.
All of this and a big ole hug!0 -
bump0
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You're gonna do great!!!:flowerforyou:0
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I think I'm on probably attempt number 10 and if I were you I wouldn't tell anyone. Just do your thing and know in your heart that this time is the last time because you are making a lifestyle change not just on a diet. *hugs*0
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This is my advice on what you should do this time around, look to lose slower and do concentrate on strength training. This will help you prevent getting into a scenario like you did after weight watchers. For example, the last few days, I have been eating pretty bad. I did yoga last night and didn't work out the previous 3 days. I would say I have been averaging well over 3000+ calories and I didn't gain a pound. This is the advantage of cutting fat instead of worrying about weight. When people tell me I look like I lose weight I just say thanks, but I haven't.
But like others don't get caught up in what others thing. This is for you, not them.0 -
I would not mention anything about a diet to others, and who cares what others think.... just carry on with your life and not worry about it. If someone compliments you, say thanks, don't get into it, if they ask you what you are doing don't mention "diet" just say just working out....simple as that..... good luck ! 0
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I agree with everyone above. I too am on round 2 of weight loss, we have pretty similar stories in regard to our weight loss. In 2008 I got down to 129...9 away from my high school weight...only to put it back on slowly over 4 years. AFTER giving birth in November, I was at my highest....185! So, here I am once again only with more to lose this time around. But, I will do this for me! I want to be healthy and live a long, happy life with my family. If I stay where I am my health will only go down hill and ultimately decrease my life span. So, good luck to us!!!0
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If they compliment you, say thank you and move on. If they persist on questions just tell them i'm eating healthier and changing to a healthier life-style.0
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