Best age/time to get pregnant?

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Holly_Roman_Empire
Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
in Chit-Chat
Yesterday, my husband (who has always expressed a desire to wait a long time to have kids) said that any time I want to get pregnant is okay with him. Needless to say, I was shocked! I didn't think I had to think about this for a while, but now I kind of want to! So here's a little bit of background on us.

My husband is 30 years old, and i am 26, turning 27 in a couple months. We both recently got out of the military, and we are about to make a move from Hawaii back to Texas (where I'm from). I don't feel the biological clock ticking away quite yet, but I have a feeling I will once I reach that 27 or 28 year old mark. Money is not really an issue. We have saved more than enough to put a down payment on a house. Also, I had been contemplating trying to get into a grad school somewhere. We both have our bachelor degrees.

So here is where my questions come in to play. Am I already in the prime age to have children? Should I go ahead and try to do grad school and hold off until I'm in my 30s, or should I have kids first? Do any mothers out there regret the timing of your pregnancy? I just want to hear some opinions because if I asked any of my family, I know they would say have chlidren now. You know, parents want to become grandparents. haha.
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Replies

  • TriciaZ944
    TriciaZ944 Posts: 317 Member
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    Only you will really know when you will be ready. I truly didn't feel ready to start trying until I was 30 (I'm 32 now). I wanted to have grad school out of the way and wanted my career started. With that said though I have been trying to get pregnant for almost two years now. It's ironic because we spend most of our lives trying not to get pregnant but when we want to its not as easy as we think it maybe. My suggestion would be if trying to have kids will be in your near future talk with your dr and possibly go off your birth control pill ( if on) and use something that doesn't mess with your hormones for protection until you are ready to start trying. Sometimes it takes time for your body to adjust coming off the birth control methods used. Good luck!
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
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    I think if you want to go to grad school you should do that first. That's just my opinion though. I got pregnant young and had my son at 18. I went to college still as a single mom and I'm about to graduate (in a couple weeks!) with my bachelors at the age of 23. It definitely isn't easy trying to balance having a kid, working, and going to school. But then again, I was single. I went to school with a couple of women who were getting their masters and were stay at home moms and they seemed to be doing ok. (I don't know whether you would continue working or not)

    As for your age, you aren't that old. If I hadn't gotten pregnant so young, I would have wanted to wait until I was at least 30.
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
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    when you're in a relationship that is:

    1. loving
    2. committed
    3. stable
    4. and your partner WANTS to be a parent

    And when you personally:

    4. are financially secure (sometimes people split and you should be able to take care of you and your little one)
    5. WANT a family and are ready for that commitment

    **for the OP..if you have aspirations to continue your education you should do that first. life often gets in the way and you don't want to resent your child or regret your decision later.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    All great advice ladies, and I appreciate it. I admit that if I wait until my 30s, I worry it will take a long time to get pregnant. If it was instantaneous, that would be another story, haha.
  • LindaCWy
    LindaCWy Posts: 463 Member
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    Think about how your life will change when you have a child, i mean really think about it. Are you ready to devote your entire life to another being? If your answer is "no way it freaks me out" then you arent ready and you should listen to yourself. Everyone around me is getting preggers but the mere thought of having a child freaks me out to no end. So clearly im not ready. When you're ready you'll know it. (apparently. I dont know im not there yet ). Good luck!
  • JanSmelly
    JanSmelly Posts: 143 Member
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    All great advice ladies, and I appreciate it. I admit that if I wait until my 30s, I worry it will take a long time to get pregnant. If it was instantaneous, that would be another story, haha.

    It could take a long time in your 20s or it could hapen the first month.

    My twins were conceived the first month in my late 20s.

    My 21 month old was conceived on a NFP pull and pray failure. I was in my 30s.

    If you are happy, stable, and ready, then you will know the right time for your family.
  • jcriscuolo
    jcriscuolo Posts: 319 Member
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    Wait and achieve your personal goals first. We were married 7 years before our first child was born and we had 4. My wife was 30 when we had our first and 43 when we had our last.
  • carrotstick2012
    carrotstick2012 Posts: 161
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    That's entirely up to you. Everyone is different and ready at different stages. I had my fourth child at 28 so had three by your age. I have studied and gone to grad school as a mother, part-time so I'd still be totally available to the children. I'm now in my late 30s and have the rest of my life ahead of me.I decided I wanted to have all my children by 30. Others I have seen do it the other way around and they've had their own issues to resolve related to having children at that life stage. I've also seen people delay childbearing till their 30s only to find that they left it too late and it was no longer an option (even though most people still can at that age). So I've had the children and studied, etc alongside them. It has been a slower path to my non-family goals (remembering that children were a goal in themselves). I don't regret starting early at all and would do the same again. The one advantage of having waited for us would have been financial but we have managed ok.

    So obviously - early or late - there are issues to consider on both sides and they bring up different challenges, some the same of course. You have to consider what is right for you and your own circumstances and wishes.
  • 12by311
    12by311 Posts: 1,716 Member
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    For me, the right time just kind of "clicked". Then, it was on like donkey kong.

    Also, I have an-almost-2-year old, married, am a teacher and high school varsity basketball coach, getting my Master's degree, getting ready to build a house, and getting ready to start trying for baby #2.

    Sounds like you have most things in order. If you want a child, it will all fit together :)
  • seventwenty
    seventwenty Posts: 565 Member
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    Never.
  • chatnel
    chatnel Posts: 688 Member
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    Freeze your eggs and enjoy your twenties
  • jpbenjamin
    jpbenjamin Posts: 116 Member
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    Only you can really answer that question, but I can tell you that if you REALLY want to go to grad school, you should go now and have the babies later. I got my Bachelor's and Master's before getting married and a baby, and i'm glad I did it that way because I can only imagine how hard it would be to do all of that schoolwork on top of taking care of a newborn. I had my son when I was 27 (i'm 28 now) and i think it was a great time, for me in my life. But it varies! find out what's best for you, and make sure to talk it over with your hubby to make sure he is fully on board for when you guys start trying.
  • Brea_81
    Brea_81 Posts: 36 Member
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    The "best age" depends on the parents-to-be. I had my first at 22, and 3rd at 26 and wouldn't change anything about it. My husband and I both wanted kids, and we both wanted to be younger parents, so we went for it. :) There are a lot of people out there who should not become parents at 22 years old, though, lol. College also wasn't an issue for me (I'm a SAHM and photographer), but I don't think it would have changed the timing for me, either.

    I think if you and your husband both want kids, and feel ready for it, you should go for it. You can still accomplish the things you want in life with kids. :)
  • fittiephd
    fittiephd Posts: 608 Member
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    I'm 21 and about to graduate college. I'm beginning a phd in the fall which will take 4-6 years. I'd like to have a child after that, maybe when I'm 30, as long as I have a loving husban whom I've been married to for more then 2 years and am financially stable. I am the first woman in my family to make it to my current age without having a child.. None of them went to college. I have big dreams for my career but I intend to be a mother as well. I will be bummed that I can't be a younger mother though (27 or 28) because my family is very young, my great grandmother is only 82! It would be amazing if she could see her great great grandchild :)
  • navy1984
    navy1984 Posts: 57
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    When your ready to have every aspect of your life change!
  • helloiloveukitty
    helloiloveukitty Posts: 448 Member
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    Never.

    that was my first though as well.

    but....everyone who has given advice on this thread made great points.

    I'd tackle grad school before kids if I were you.
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
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    There is no "best" age. It's an arbitrary thing that doesn't exist.

    I'm 25, and had my daughter at 23. She was, admittedly, a whoops baby, but it worked out. Going to school while doing the baby thing is NOT fun, though. I wouldn't recommend it, if you can avoid it, because it's a lot of work and no reward. Well, immediate rewards, anyway..

    There are perks to different choices. I have youth and energy on my side, but don't have the choices or resources. Had I waited, I would have probably been in my thirties, and had choices and resources, but less energy and drive.

    Make a list of where you want to be in a year, five years, ten years, with accomplishments you want for yourself. Then make a list of things anf opportunites you want for a child (like being home with them, schools, having a house, etc.) See if the two intertwine.
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
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    If you wait until you are "ready," you'll never have any.
    I wish I had made more when I was younger.
    You guys sound stable, and secure.
    Go for it.
  • wheezybreezy
    wheezybreezy Posts: 315 Member
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    I had three by age 22. I'm a full-time student at UC Berkeley and making it work. They bring such a richness to my life, and I feel like I'm a better student because of it. I'm still working on my undergraduate degree, but I plan on going straight through to grad school for my doctoral degree. Many friends in graduate programs have had kids and felt like it was a much better space to raise a family than during your undergrad. I personally don't believe in allowing school or anything else to come in the way of my ultimate dream of being a mother to these wonderful girls. I wouldn't change a thing. There won't be a right time. Since you're in a committed relationship with a willing partner, I would say any time is the right time! :happy:
  • AndiJoy812
    AndiJoy812 Posts: 236
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    I had my son at 34 and my daughter 19 1/2 months later, and had no issues getting pregnant. I do not regret waiting at all - and would do it the same way all over again if given the choice.

    You will know when you're ready...the timing will be perfect. The only advice that I would give you is to do grad school first. I was able to do grad school in my early 20's, and it would have been so very difficult to complete with a small child. Doable, but difficult. I am assuming that you will be studying something that you are passionate about...so enjoy that. Once that baby gets here, your time is no longer your own. And trying to do your thesis, research, papers, studying, more papers, reading, and everything else that goes with grad school with a very demanding infant, will be very, very hard.

    Best of luck to you!

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