Hating Your Body vs. Body Acceptance

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  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    My body was never the problem, so there was never any reason to hate it. I wasn't treating my body right - eating wrong and not being active enough - and loving my body and treating it right is what got it to change.
  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
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    I agree 100%!!! This is a poem I wrote a few years ago, that I came across recently, that addresses this same issue.

    One of These Days

    One of these days I am going to come to terms
    with the fact that my butt is bigger than my husband's,
    that his jeans probably will never fit over my birthing hips,
    and that I am not a perfect 32-24-34 hourglass.

    One of these days I am going to
    strip naked with confidence,
    instead of waiting for the lights to be out
    so my cellulite won't be seen.

    One of these days I am going to look at myself
    in the shower and think, "Man, I'm HOT!!"
    Instead of hanging my head
    and counting my numerous flaws.

    One of these days I'm not going to care
    that my boobs are getting closer to my belly button,
    and are not even close to where God intended them
    without the aid of an expensive bra.

    One of these days I'm going to look at my belly
    and see the beauty in the life that it housed,
    and not see the stretch marks
    that are evidence of its growth.

    One of these days....
    Probably not today, maybe not tomorrow.
    Possibly not even next week.
    But one of these days I will start living life as I am,
    and stop waiting for life to start when I am happy with
    what I look like.

    I love this!!!
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    You can love your body and dislike body parts of it! Nothing is linear here. We accept what we have but we don't have to like it to love it!

    No, it doesn't follow that if you like something you have to love it, but there are reasons people are deeply conflicted about body image and it's helpful for some people to explore them.
  • Kayley
    Kayley Posts: 327 Member
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    Cheers! :drinker:
  • oliviajessica
    oliviajessica Posts: 7 Member
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    Girl I am with you one hundred percent.
  • Danielle_2013
    Danielle_2013 Posts: 806 Member
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    Lovely poem and nice positive topic!
  • sugarandspice27
    sugarandspice27 Posts: 521 Member
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    I agree 100%!!! This is a poem I wrote a few years ago, that I came across recently, that addresses this same issue.

    One of These Days

    One of these days I am going to come to terms
    with the fact that my butt is bigger than my husband's,
    that his jeans probably will never fit over my birthing hips,
    and that I am not a perfect 32-24-34 hourglass.

    One of these days I am going to
    strip naked with confidence,
    instead of waiting for the lights to be out
    so my cellulite won't be seen.

    One of these days I am going to look at myself
    in the shower and think, "Man, I'm HOT!!"
    Instead of hanging my head
    and counting my numerous flaws.

    One of these days I'm not going to care
    that my boobs are getting closer to my belly button,
    and are not even close to where God intended them
    without the aid of an expensive bra.

    One of these days I'm going to look at my belly
    and see the beauty in the life that it housed,
    and not see the stretch marks
    that are evidence of its growth.

    One of these days....
    Probably not today, maybe not tomorrow.
    Possibly not even next week.
    But one of these days I will start living life as I am,
    and stop waiting for life to start when I am happy with
    what I look like.

    I think this is beautiful and EXACTLY what I was talking about. Thank you for sharing it. :)
  • peggymenard
    peggymenard Posts: 246 Member
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    My body was never the problem, so there was never any reason to hate it. I wasn't treating my body right - eating wrong and not being active enough - and loving my body and treating it right is what got it to change.
    You are a smart lady! :love: :love:
  • sugarandspice27
    sugarandspice27 Posts: 521 Member
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    You're on the wrong type of site for those sorts of thoughts - most people are here because they don't like their body & they want to change it, not because they want to accept it for all it's flaws.

    I'm asserting that Body Acceptance and wanting to improve yourself don't have to be mutually exclusive. I'm suggesting that we love ourselves ALONG the way. Life is the journey. You never really get "There" because you there is no "there". The journey never ends.

    The problem with not accepting your body as it is today and saying "I will be happy when I reach this goal" is that you're making the GOAL your happiness, which means you're missing out on happiness in the present moment. What happens if you never reach that goal? And what happens if you DO reach that goal and it's not what you expected? Usually when we reach one goal, we just reestablish the goal post and set the bar higher. By saying "I will not be happy until I reach this goal" you are setting yourself up for a life of unhappiness because happiness always remains elusive and lies on the other side of a goal, however the goal always gets moved back so you never really get "there".

    Sorry, I hope that wasn't convoluted.
  • mushroomcup
    mushroomcup Posts: 145 Member
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    If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/

    (but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)

    I don't think loving your body is delusional. You don't have to think it's perfect to love it. I love everyone in my family despite each of their imperfections.

    There are things I want to change about my body, but I "love" it in that I respect it with exercise and healthy eating and I don't beat myself up over the little things. I think that's what the OP was talking about.
  • Crystalball78
    Crystalball78 Posts: 72
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    If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/

    (but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)


    Say what!!!!
    Not ONLY am I allowed to THINK my body is perfect...I'm also allowed to SAY it. It doesn't mean YOU have to agree that it is. I've never seen an ugly body. There's really something to be said about confidence. What a tragic world this would be if we were only allowed to think we're beautifully and perfectly made, in or own mind. God made us all in his image....Now, whatchugon' say about that?

    love this and totally agree
  • angng
    angng Posts: 137 Member
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    If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/

    (but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)

    Your body doesn't have to be perfect to be loved by you, or anyone else for that matter. True perfection is impossible, because it's subjective.

    THIS X100000000

    See also: Health At Every Size.

    And you know, many of us (me included!) may not be "there yet" regarding loving our bodies unconditionally, etc, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't strive toward body acceptance (of our own bodies AND others!) as the ideal. Every time I see someone on this site criticizing someone else's body (usually a woman's, usually some skinny woman who isn't "buff" enough) I just want to shoot lasers out of my eyes.
  • Crystalball78
    Crystalball78 Posts: 72
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    Fat is just fat. Contrary to the media and popular belief, fat is not a personality trait. It is just an adjective - a word to describe something. Just as is blue, tall or 35.

    We can choose to give it (and our bodies) the connotation of "worthless, unlovable, unattractive, disgusting, lazy, shameful, hideous" etc. or not.

    Personally I have never actually hated my body as much as I think other people have (especially my mother).

    Is it "perfect"? No, but that is subjective. Am I completely satisfied with where I am? No.. I would like to lose about 100 pounds more. Am I happy? I am getting there. In order to take care of my body now, I have to consider it worth taking care of, and I'm not going to get there by putting it or myself down (that's what my mother is for). :wink:

    I don't have any illness or injuries and this body has performed pretty well for originally being over 300 pounds. It changes and I'm developing a new relationship with it and appreciating it more every month. Go body! Go me! Go you!

    so agree
  • angng
    angng Posts: 137 Member
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    Fat is just fat. Contrary to the media and popular belief, fat is not a personality trait. It is just an adjective - a word to describe something. Just as is blue, tall or 35.

    We can choose to give it (and our bodies) the connotation of "worthless, unlovable, unattractive, disgusting, lazy, shameful, hideous" etc. or not.

    Personally I have never actually hated my body as much as I think other people have (especially my mother).

    Is it "perfect"? No, but that is subjective. Am I completely satisfied with where I am? No.. I would like to lose about 100 pounds more. Am I happy? I am getting there. In order to take care of my body now, I have to consider it worth taking care of, and I'm not going to get there by putting it or myself down (that's what my mother is for). :wink:

    I don't have any illness or injuries and this body has performed pretty well for originally being over 300 pounds. It changes and I'm developing a new relationship with it and appreciating it more every month. Go body! Go me! Go you!

    Well said.

    Also, I was way happier with my body at my heaviest than I was at my smallest. Everyone else had something (unsolicited, inapprorpiate) negative to say about it at both ends of the spectrum.
  • sugarandspice27
    sugarandspice27 Posts: 521 Member
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    BUMP
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/

    (but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)


    Say what!!!!
    Not ONLY am I allowed to THINK my body is perfect...I'm also allowed to SAY it. It doesn't mean YOU have to agree that it is. I've never seen an ugly body. There's really something to be said about confidence. What a tragic world this would be if we were only allowed to think we're beautifully and perfectly made, in or own mind. God made us all in his image....Now, whatchugon' say about that?

    That regardless of who are what breathed life into my baby body.... that IM the one responsible for how it looks and performs NOW. My decisions, my choices, my actions, my past, my own abuse and my own pampering. Not God.

    I try hard to love my body bydoing physical activities that I love, everything from jumping from bench to bench on the boardwalk to soaking in a bubble bath to eating beauiful food. Because last time I said aloud that I thought I had a beautiful body, I was asked if I wanted a lake to drown in to go with that narcissism.

    I would love to be the kind of person that was allowed to openly love her body and think of it as beautiful, but Im scared of hubris and NYC is a cold hard place to toot your own horn. I walk with confidence, especially in a little black dress and heels, or in my running gear - but you wont catch me saying aloud that I am pleased with my body, not in this world. I'd rather repress it to death and just embrace the actions instead.

    Please dont fuss at me for feeling this way. I know someone will. Some stranger. And they wont care if it hurts.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/

    (but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)

    Your body doesn't have to be perfect to be loved by you, or anyone else for that matter. True perfection is impossible, because it's subjective.

    I agree, but its not a switch you can just flip.
  • sugarandspice27
    sugarandspice27 Posts: 521 Member
    Options
    If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/

    (but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)


    Say what!!!!
    Not ONLY am I allowed to THINK my body is perfect...I'm also allowed to SAY it. It doesn't mean YOU have to agree that it is. I've never seen an ugly body. There's really something to be said about confidence. What a tragic world this would be if we were only allowed to think we're beautifully and perfectly made, in or own mind. God made us all in his image....Now, whatchugon' say about that?


    I try hard to love my body bydoing physical activities that I love, everything from jumping from bench to bench on the boardwalk to soaking in a bubble bath to eating beauiful food. Because last time I said aloud that I thought I had a beautiful body, I was asked if I wanted a lake to drown in to go with that narcissism.

    Absurdity! People project all of their own body issues and deeply entrenched self hatred on to everyone else. They are not happy with themselves and don't want anyone else to be either. YOU SHOULD SAY (or at least think it) you have a beautiful body because YOU DO.

    And PS- Self love is NOT narcissism or vanity. It's good for your soul and helps you thrive. We just live in such an *kitten*-backwards, diseased bizzarro world (esp, NYC- I know I used to work in Manhattan) that loving yourself is considered WRONG and hating yourself is considered RIGHT. THEY are the ones that are wrong. NOT YOU. Even if you don't shout it from the rooftops, don't you dare ever bemoan yourself either. I simply won't have it! Especially because you've come so far. Keep doin' what you do cause you're doin' it right. And btw, I think your body is amazing just how it is, but that's just my two cents.
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
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    I completely agree with the OP. How many times you see threads of peeps worried how society or the opposite sex think about a thigh gap or the size of their thighs or boobs? As a society on the whole, we are too concerned what OTHERS think about our lifestyle and choice when the individual has to live the life. Sadly, we live in a society where every one are dying to belong with the "norm." Yes, we are all self conscious and may not love a certain thing about ourselves, but self-loathing our bodies and not accepting the person we are is even more demeaning.
  • sugarandspice27
    sugarandspice27 Posts: 521 Member
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    I have no problem BREAKING THE NORM! No problem at all!

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