My son

zooblflot
zooblflot Posts: 131
edited December 18 in Chit-Chat
Today is the two year anniversary of the day my son was born. Unfortunately it was also the day he died. He was born prematurely, and went through a difficult pregnancy, so his lungs were not developed enough to breath upon delivery. He lived just shy of a hour and died in my arms. Moving on with life in general after such an occurance seemed inconceivable. I gained weight, was always depressed and (I'm ashamed to say) dreamt of killing myself on a daily basis.

Then one day I decided that I didn't want to live that way anymore. I started dieting and exercising. The pounds started falling off and I was feeling good about my outward appearance for the first time in years.

Then my wife got pregnant again and it wasn't long before the same complications that resulted in my sons death started to re-occure with this pregnancy. The fear and dread we felt for the unknown future of this child was overwhelming. And once again I started turning to food as a cure all for feeling better. I ended up gaining around 30 pounds over a six month period and reaching an all time high for my weight. I'm extremely glad to say that although my daughter did get delivered early via c-section and had to stay in an NICU for over 7 weeks. This is her today! She and my son are the reasons I'm trying again to lose weight and live healthy.

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I'm not totally sure why I'm writing this post. I guess I just wanted to honor the memory of my little boy and share it with others. Also maybe because there have been a few members of MFP have approached me recently due to the picture on my ticker, so I'm sure there are similar stories out there to mine and I know how hard it is to talk about.

Happy birthday Aidan!
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Replies

  • JanetLM73
    JanetLM73 Posts: 1,226 Member
    Wow, I'm in tears. Your daughter is beautiful.
  • FadedFreckles
    FadedFreckles Posts: 81 Member
    Happy Birthday Aiden.

    Your post was beautiful and wonderfully written. I'm so sorry for your and your wifes loss, though I realise that is little comfort to you. Thank you for having the strength to post openly about your situation which can only help to raise awareness about infant deaths.

    Your daughter is beautiful and must be a wonderful, but poigniant, reminder of Aiden.

    Hugs. X
  • shannoninBC
    shannoninBC Posts: 345 Member
    Wow, very nice. Thanks for sharing that.
  • Wendysworld13
    Wendysworld13 Posts: 225 Member
    Treasure each day. You have a beautiful healthy little girl who has a father who she will need (whether she knows it or not) for a very long time to come. Take care of yourself so you can take care of her! Love health and peace to your family!
  • leika79
    leika79 Posts: 114
    a very moving story, i am sorry for your loss.
    you have a very beautiful daughter enjoy every moment and be strong for her.
    happy birthday little man x
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 866 Member
    I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy!!!! But, what a wonderful blessing to have Aiden now!! Happy birthday baby girl and good luck with your continued weight loss!! ((hugs))
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    I have read accounts of the loss of a child too many times in my years spent on pregnancy and parenting forums, but never from a father's point of view. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly.

    Happy birthday to your sweet baby Aiden, and your daughter is beautiful :)
  • cynhip
    cynhip Posts: 33
    I understand this. I also lost my Son. He was 27. Cancer. Words can't describe the loss of a child. I think it should be a sin. It's been almost 5 years and seems like an hour ago. His name is Nathen and he's still my world. It never, never gets any easier. God Bless you. Happy Birthday Aidan. Xo
  • KJVBear33
    KJVBear33 Posts: 628
    Happy birthday to your little girl Aiden......she is gorgeous!! Also happy bday to your son........Im sorry for your loss and I agree that it took a lot of strength to write what you did. Thankyou for that!
  • teeley
    teeley Posts: 477 Member
    Your story is very touching.
    Happy Birthday Aiden!
  • iluxoxo211
    iluxoxo211 Posts: 241 Member
    Wow I am in tears this is very touching.. I am so sorry for your loss.. this was very brave of you to post..thanks for posting this...Happy birthday to your sweet little boy:flowerforyou:
  • niknak2308
    niknak2308 Posts: 315 Member
    Wow, that must have taken some real courage to not just get through it all, but to be dealing with it so openly now. As a mummy to two little ones I can only imagine what you and your partner must have been through. I don't know what your belief system is but I would like to imagine that little man is looking down and smiling seeing what a beautiful sister he's got.
    Congratulations on your adorable little girl, and my thoughts are with you xxx
  • mjhartness
    mjhartness Posts: 43 Member
    Happy Birthday Aiden.......Your daughter is precious....... Stay on track for your wife and daughter and for YOU! God Bless.
  • DeenaSteelerGirl
    DeenaSteelerGirl Posts: 421 Member
    Awwwww. (((Hugs)))) That put tears in my eyes. Happy Birthday to Aiden and your daughter is just so adorable. Thanks for sharing that with us. xoxo
  • steadk
    steadk Posts: 334 Member
    Your daughter is beautiful!! And good on you for looking at the future that you will share with your daughter now. Just know that you're son is healthy now and not suffering as he is with his Maker, giggling and smiling, waiting to spend time with you. Until that day, live life to the fullest. Best wishes to you!
  • aimibean
    aimibean Posts: 243
    Happy Birthday, Aidan. :flowerforyou:
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
    Hugs. This is beautiful. I am sorry for your loss. Happy Birthday Aiden. Thank you for sharing.
  • Simmie69
    Simmie69 Posts: 72
    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
    Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post!

    Happy Birthday to your beautiful son Aiden, may you be comforted knowing that he is your angel steering you along!
    Enjoy your baby girl she is a doll!
  • 100over
    100over Posts: 53 Member
    My heart goes out to you and your wife. It impossible to wrap out minds and hearts around a tragedy like that and the pain must be unbearable. To be given a gift like that and have it taken away immediately is more than I can imagine being a mom myself. Your sweet daughter is beautiful and I'm so happy you and your wife were given the opportunity to show your love to her every day.
  • Jade17694
    Jade17694 Posts: 584 Member
    Your daughter is beautiful :)

    Happy Birthday little man x
  • bizgirl26
    bizgirl26 Posts: 1,795 Member
    I lost a son too. Thank you for sharing. Happy Birthday to your little angel Aiden and congratulations on the healthy birth of your daughter.
  • miami_mimi
    miami_mimi Posts: 325 Member
    tears.. Happy Bday Lil man! you are very much loved!
  • jplord
    jplord Posts: 510 Member
    You and your wife are great examples (to me anyway) of courage, love, determination, and inner strength. Your daughter is blessed to have you both for parents. She's beautiful.

    - a father of four girls
  • Ely82010
    Ely82010 Posts: 1,998 Member
    Happy Birthday Aiden!! So sorry about your loss. Your little girl is a cute little princess and I bet that she brings lots of happiness to you and your wife.

    Great of you for taking care of yourself!
  • Fitfaery
    Fitfaery Posts: 68 Member
    Happy Birthday Aiden x

    You seem like a strong person now x keep going and be the man you know you can be. Not just for your wife and daughter, but for you too xx
  • CorrieV1976
    CorrieV1976 Posts: 320 Member
    Happy Birthday to Aiden! I am really sorry for your loss and although personally I can not imagine how you could ever cope with something so dramatic I do know that it get's a little easier with time, I know this because i watch my fiance deal with the death of his son. His name was Tyler and he was born on 05/05/05 , he lived 6 months and died on 10/18/05 during surgery. I know first hand how hard it is to talk about for him, we celebrate his birthday every year by buying helium filled balloons and writing messages on them and send them up to heaven.

    I am truly sorry for your loss, your daughter is gorgeous!!
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
    I absolutely love her little leg warmers! My daughter lived in those and diapers the first six months of her life. Your daughter is so happy and gorgeous, I'm glad you get to enjoy her, and she gets to enjoy you. :)
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    Can't imagine how horrendous that is! Happy Birthday to your little man, so happy to see you getting healthy for your daughter! No better reason! Keep fighting for your happiness! You deserve it! :flowerforyou:
  • JBott84
    JBott84 Posts: 268 Member
    I almost lost my daughter the day after she was born the chaplain came and told us to say goodbye when she was 23 hours old. She couldn't breath on her own, but they didn't know why, My mother -in-law refused and we had her sent to a NICU nearby, Sh was there for almost 2 months....she has physical and cognitive disabilities now with no real diagnosis, but I am so grateful just to have her here. I couldn't imagine what I might have had to go through if we lost her. Or if I would even still be here.....The situations we have now is sometimes hard and unbearable but at least we have her....My heart goes out to you. Children are just so great and make it all worth it sometimes. I know that I gained 60 pounds with my pregnancy and I KNOW FOR SURE that the reason I am just now trying to get it all off (8yrs later)was because of the difficulties we face as parents of a child with special needs; it's hard to focus on yourself when you are in pain. You have done a GREAT job!!!!! Thank you for sharing you story.
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,374 Member
    *wiping tears from eyes* Wow - Thank you so much for sharing that with ALL of us...I absolutely cannot imagine how you feel...I am so very sorry! Your daughter is beautiful as I am sure your son would have been as well....You are an inspiration to us all that no matter what you have been through in life....There is a reason TO LIVE! I truly hope that you have a beautiful life from now on - you deserve it... :heart:

    :heart: Happy Birthday Aiden :heart:
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