My ED roommate is in my head.

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gimedatnow
gimedatnow Posts: 173 Member
in Motivation and Support
I know EDs are a touchy topic on the boards, but I feel like many of you will have some suggestions for someone in my situation... I'm currently studying abroad with one of my friends from college. I didn't know her very well before we arrived here, but we've since become fast friends. Shortly after moving in together, I found out that she has anorexic tendencies. We talked about her situation and I immediately jumped to her support. Surprisingly, she completely opened up about her condition, her endless calorie counting and militaristic exercise regimens, and seemed relieved to have someone to talk to.

I became her confidant and a supporter of her progress to healthy eating. But here comes the problem -- somehow in a twisted scheme of things, she became so open about talking about her diet and whatever fitness thoughts that crossed through her mind, that she also began to comment on my own habits.

It started off with a joke I made a couple of weeks ago, "Wow, omg, I really need to go grocery shopping. I don't think I've eaten anything but bread today, haha" to which she responded "Omg, I know. I actually CAN'T believe you ate all that bread" with a disgusted look on her face. It quickly progressed to, "Are you sure you want that cookie?" and "Didn't you already have a plum after lunch today? Are you going for a run later then? I thought you were trying to lose weight." I've come to realize that her ED tendencies not only monitor what she eats but takes notes on the diets of everyone around her.

The thing is, I really hate this immediate feedback loop. I'm already trying to take control of my eating (hence MFP) and had eating disorder tendencies myself as preteen (who didn't?). Her constant criticism of my diet and exercise habits is really getting to me, and every time I jokingly tell her to lay off, she laughs too but doesn't change. I've also tried a more direct approach, to which she said "So, my diet's an open book, but you're sensitive?"

How do I tell her to lay off the comments on my diet without alienating her? Am I being selfish, wanting her to open up without really reciprocating? Any advice would be helpful, thx!

Replies

  • garnet1483
    garnet1483 Posts: 249 Member
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    Yikes. That's rough, especially if you're roommates. My first question is...do you make unsolicited comments about her habits, ever? (Even if it's okay.) If so, that's probably why she feels like she has the freedom to do the same. Second, do you feel comfortable enough to talk to her about your diet and exercise, and what your thought processes are in terms of those things? Is she on MFP? It may be as simple as saying, "Yes, I'm choosing to eat this cookie...I know how many calories are in it, and I'm okay with it." Or it may involve a slightly more detailed discussion wherein YOU open up about your weight loss and fitness goals, and how you're achieving them. It may take several conversations about that in different circumstances, so she can see how a person with healthy diet and fitness habits makes choices day to day.
  • gimedatnow
    gimedatnow Posts: 173 Member
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    Thanks so much for you thoughtful response!
    1) Maybe I do comment on her too but hadn't noticed! That's a really great point. I never initiate talking about diet/exercise tho since that's always been a slippery slope. I will definitely try to be more careful from now on though.
    2) She isn't on MFP but I think she does use a similar site. You're totally right about being open about my responses instead of trying to evade her questions. Maybe that will be a good leeway into how I'm going for a slow and steady lifestyle change, not an elimination diet. Thank you!

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