Unsupportive Significant Other

Options
kiters
kiters Posts: 60 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My BF isn't against me losing wieght but he eats terribly, doesn't gain wieght but refuses to eat healthy. Its hard to have a meal together or even meet for lunch choosing where to eat! If I say something he says this is "my thing" and he liked me the way I was....
Is anyone else having this issue. What do you suggest? I feel like I'll be cooking 2 different meals forever or persuaded back to the "dark side" lol

Replies

  • Tzippy7
    Tzippy7 Posts: 344 Member
    Options
    It was like this with my ex. I gained 45 lbs in that relationship. Eventually I stopped eating 90% of my meals with him which really pissed him off but I had to put myself first and I wasnt making healthy choices when we had meals together.
  • kiters
    kiters Posts: 60 Member
    Options
    Yes, Its hard to watch someone eat fried chicken, french fries smothered in cheese and ketchup and you have a bunless turkey burger and brocolli lol
  • EAB177
    EAB177 Posts: 3
    Options
    Haha thats like my boyfriend, lol i think i had lettuce and italian dressing as he ate chilli chesse fries for lunch?
  • linz1125
    linz1125 Posts: 441 Member
    Options
    Maybe don't go out to eat? That's the hardest time for me to eat healthy. There are plenty of meals that you two could make that aren't "overly healthy" for him and that are good for you to eat too.
  • LouisCyphre
    LouisCyphre Posts: 10
    Options
    Weight isn't the only indication of health. Health tests may reveal issues that are not as apparent as weight but are much more significant. Perhaps that will be enough to entice your SO to eat better.

    There's also no reason to push your health plan on anyone else - even a SO. Let them watch you get healthier and make the connection for themselves! :)
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    Options
    It's tough but when you make a major life change, you can't expect people in your life to change with you. From his perspective, he is probably insecure. He doesn't really like the fact that you're making a big change like this because he doesn't feel willing or capable of doing it himself, and when you eat together, it's easier to see how badly he is eating. Will it be like this forever? Possibly, and I would say most likely. This may be a rift between you for now, or forever, but you need to do what you need to do for YOU... Even if he has trouble accepting it. I'm sorry he isn't very supportive of you. When it comes down to it, the motivation we need comes from ourselves, not from others :)
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
    Options
    Allow me, in a way that only Internet anonymity allows, to be perfectly blunt.

    You cook the meals, you get to choose what you cook. My wife and I have that arrangement as well, and I'm the "breadwinner" and she's the "stay at home mom". She's my wife, and my cook, but my equal - not my slave.

    If I t request specific meals, she's allowed to say "no" if she wants, and if I don't like that answer I know damned well where the skillet and pans are and I am perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning up after myself. I just let her know ahead of time so she doesn't cook for me - we both hate wasting food because it's wasting money. This rarely comes up because she's a good cook who likes to cook healthy, she tries as hard to accommodate my requests as I try to make them rare and reasonable, and I like her food better than my own. :)

    As far as choosing places to eat, take turns choosing - and when he chooses somewhere you have very few good choices just do your best to work within your allotted calories. If he never wants to go the places you have good choices, then you are under no obligation to to the places where you don't.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Options
    he tells you what to cook for him??
  • propskat
    propskat Posts: 191 Member
    Options
    Allow me, in a way that only Internet anonymity allows, to be perfectly blunt.

    You cook the meals, you get to choose what you cook. My wife and I have that arrangement as well, and I'm the "breadwinner" and she's the "stay at home mom". She's my wife, and my cook, but my equal - not my slave.

    If I t request specific meals, she's allowed to say "no" if she wants, and if I don't like that answer I know damned well where the skillet and pans are and I am perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning up after myself. I just let her know ahead of time so she doesn't cook for me - we both hate wasting food because it's wasting money. This rarely comes up because she's a good cook who likes to cook healthy, she tries as hard to accommodate my requests as I try to make them rare and reasonable, and I like her food better than my own. :)

    As far as choosing places to eat, take turns choosing - and when he chooses somewhere you have very few good choices just do your best to work within your allotted calories. If he never wants to go the places you have good choices, then you are under no obligation to to the places where you don't.

    Well Said! And it reminds me of a story a friend of mine had a fight with her husband during which he made some ridiculous comment something like "There better be dinner on the stove when I get home from work". So. He gets home from work, she's on the couch (literally) eating bonbons, and he goes in the kitchen to find a box of hamburger helper, a pan, and a package of ground beef on the stove!
  • Arthemise1
    Arthemise1 Posts: 365 Member
    Options
    You cook the meals, you get to choose what you cook.

    This. If he doesn't like the healthy food you cook, let him cook it himself. I would not be around him if he eats that stuff. You each have the right to eat what you choose without the other one nagging, but you certainly don't have to be around that food. I agree, it would be really tough to smell fried chicken without being able to eat any.
  • misssephy
    misssephy Posts: 23 Member
    Options
    If you do the work you decide what the meal is. If he doesn't like it he can make it himself. Don't feel bad for trying to be healthy just because he is lazy.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    Options
    Allow me, in a way that only Internet anonymity allows, to be perfectly blunt.

    You cook the meals, you get to choose what you cook. My wife and I have that arrangement as well, and I'm the "breadwinner" and she's the "stay at home mom". She's my wife, and my cook, but my equal - not my slave.

    If I t request specific meals, she's allowed to say "no" if she wants, and if I don't like that answer I know damned well where the skillet and pans are and I am perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning up after myself. I just let her know ahead of time so she doesn't cook for me - we both hate wasting food because it's wasting money. This rarely comes up because she's a good cook who likes to cook healthy, she tries as hard to accommodate my requests as I try to make them rare and reasonable, and I like her food better than my own. :)

    As far as choosing places to eat, take turns choosing - and when he chooses somewhere you have very few good choices just do your best to work within your allotted calories. If he never wants to go the places you have good choices, then you are under no obligation to to the places where you don't.

    I think I love you
  • JaredBergeron
    JaredBergeron Posts: 379 Member
    Options
    What worked for us was "small tweaks" now granted, progress wont be as dramatic but your moving in the right direction. Swap out ground turkey for ground beef, sweet potato fries instead of regular etc. Another strategy I used was doing a meal replacement in lieu of one of the meals. You can cut a chunk of calories out of your day this way. I was using Shakeology but lots of options out there...just read the labels.

    If those dont work... just try the plate method 1/2 plate veg, 1/4 protein, 1/4 carbs. Start with the salad, then protein and if your still hungry you can goto the carbs (after a half a plate of salad i rarely made it that far. You can eat the same things as your family but you will see some good change. Corelle makes a sectioned plate (got mine at freddys) that takes your brain out of the picture.
    My BF isn't against me losing wieght but he eats terribly, doesn't gain wieght but refuses to eat healthy. Its hard to have a meal together or even meet for lunch choosing where to eat! If I say something he says this is "my thing" and he liked me the way I was....
    Is anyone else having this issue. What do you suggest? I feel like I'll be cooking 2 different meals forever or persuaded back to the "dark side" lol
  • Dudagarcia
    Dudagarcia Posts: 849 Member
    Options
    Allow me, in a way that only Internet anonymity allows, to be perfectly blunt.

    You cook the meals, you get to choose what you cook. My wife and I have that arrangement as well, and I'm the "breadwinner" and she's the "stay at home mom". She's my wife, and my cook, but my equal - not my slave.

    If I t request specific meals, she's allowed to say "no" if she wants, and if I don't like that answer I know damned well where the skillet and pans are and I am perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning up after myself. I just let her know ahead of time so she doesn't cook for me - we both hate wasting food because it's wasting money. This rarely comes up because she's a good cook who likes to cook healthy, she tries as hard to accommodate my requests as I try to make them rare and reasonable, and I like her food better than my own. :)

    As far as choosing places to eat, take turns choosing - and when he chooses somewhere you have very few good choices just do your best to work within your allotted calories. If he never wants to go the places you have good choices, then you are under no obligation to to the places where you don't.

    Well said and as far as I'm concerned he's being selfish and perhaps insecure that u will start to look different. Not with ur grief
  • kiters
    kiters Posts: 60 Member
    Options
    Allow me, in a way that only Internet anonymity allows, to be perfectly blunt.

    You cook the meals, you get to choose what you cook. My wife and I have that arrangement as well, and I'm the "breadwinner" and she's the "stay at home mom". She's my wife, and my cook, but my equal - not my slave.

    If I t request specific meals, she's allowed to say "no" if she wants, and if I don't like that answer I know damned well where the skillet and pans are and I am perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning up after myself. I just let her know ahead of time so she doesn't cook for me - we both hate wasting food because it's wasting money. This rarely comes up because she's a good cook who likes to cook healthy, she tries as hard to accommodate my requests as I try to make them rare and reasonable, and I like her food better than my own. :)

    As far as choosing places to eat, take turns choosing - and when he chooses somewhere you have very few good choices just do your best to work within your allotted calories. If he never wants to go the places you have good choices, then you are under no obligation to to the places where you don't.

    I think I love you

    I think I'm falling for him too! lol

    Thank you everyone for the advice! I'd give him up before I give up my new lifestyle. I think he just thought it was a diet....then months go by and he is thinking your still eating rabbit food? lol
  • tryinghard71
    tryinghard71 Posts: 593
    Options
    ummmm, tell him to cook his own food. When I started to get serious about my eating and working out 7 weeks ago (after many failed attempts) I had to have a serious conversation with my husband. He also loves food and eats whatever he wants. Would also get upset or disappointed if I did not want to eat what he did. Pizza, Pot Pies, Ice cream..... you name it. So I sat down one day and said. I am not you. I can't eat what you do. So from here on out you are on your own. When I come home from work don't ask me what is for dinner, don't ask me what I want to eat, don't ask me if I want anything from Dairy Queen. Just you make your food and I will make mine. Now it is working out fine. I have had to eat spinach with grilled chicken no dressing while watching him eat pizza. Ha!

Categories