i'm obese and need help :(

rkk1 · April 2012

Hi all. I'm about 100 pounds overweight (5'1 and 208 pounds) currently. I eat way too much, and don't know how to stop. My biggest problem is usually eating out as I eat out 5-6 days a week. After gaining 5 pounds in the last few weeks to my dismay, I decided that the eating out needed to stop. So this week I took a step forward by deciding to eat at home only, so I've been doing that the last few days... making simple things (although I did have lunch at my school campus today unfortunately). I was curious about how many calories I have been taking in if I allow myself to eat unregulated while eating primarily at home (just to observe myself to get an idea) and I calculated my calories to be nearly 3,000. I had done a similar thing last summer and was eating about 2,600-2,800 then so this is how I usually eat when I'm not 'dieting'. I know people say to just exert some self control, but I find myself to be always hungry. I just wanted to know if anyone has any tips to cut the calories without being famished all the time. I've yo-yo dieted forever, so I know I can't keep crash dieting but have to find a solution that leaves me satisfied. When I logged it all today I realized how much crap I was eating.... curly fries, chocolate bar, etc. In my mind I think that I eat healthy, as i remember the healthy things.... tofu veggie stir fry with light oil, homemade vegetable corn soup, a banana and berries, etc. But it's the junk that racks up my calories. I love salads, but don't find them to be enough on their own. My goal is to eat 1,500 calories daily but I need to figure out a way to stretch out those calories to feel satisfied so I don't keep yo-yoing but can be consistent with weight loss.

I'm feeling emotional right now, as I'm newly married to a wonderful handsome man who happens to be slim/fit himself (he's 5'8 and around 150 pounds or so). He has always known me to be obese, but loved me and chose to marry me anyway. He still loves to introduce me to all his friends and family, and has never felt shy introducing me to people (which blows my mind, as I feel embarrassed for him). My weight has never affected our physical intimacy either, as my husband is still quite attracted to me. He always says that I have such a pretty face, but I know he wishes that I had the body to match. He always tells me that it isn't about looks as he loves me regardless, but that he is extremely concerned that I'm at great risk for diabetes, etc, due to obesity, and wants us to have a long and healthy life together. I truly want to get a handle over my weight issues, but I don't know how to make the mental switch (I've always been overweight since age 6 and have never been a slim person, though I was fairly athletic in high school). My husband is 27 years old, and he eats the same amount as me or only slightly more, but his body can handle 2,600+ calories a day and keep him fit while I'm 100 pounds overweight. My husband and I have both become (near) vegan, and we want to have a healthy life together. I just need to reduce intake of processed junks foods, which I eat too often.

My husband and I are currently living long distance (as he is currently overseas this year with his parent's family), though we will be together again in December. I'd love to show up there 60 pounds lighter, as they all known me at 185-200 pounds. I'd still be heavy then, but it would be a huge change. My husband loves to talk endlessly to his friends about me (though I'm sure they must be wondering why he is so enamored with an obese wife). He often has girls throwing themselves at him, but he always politely tells them that he's married and ignores them (even his female co-workers who he's introduced me to have told me that my husband is absolutely crazy about me. He is always so happy to make everyone meet me, but inside I feel so bad about letting him down by being this size. I can only imagine what all his friends are thinking). I'd love for them to see that his wife turned into a hottie. And I don't want to get diabetes either.

We will probably want to have a baby in a couple years, and I want to be healthy enough for that.

If anyone has successfully gotten past this issue of overeating and gotten control of his/her life, I'd greatly appreciate any advice or words of wisdom. I'm not looking for snarky comments, but truly hope I can find someone who has been where I have been and knows the way out of this. I am deeply in need of help here and will take any support I can get. Thank you.

Xiaolongbao · April 2012

Firstly I really hope you can be a little less down on yourself. Your husband chose you and loves you and you really shouldn't project your embarrassment on to him since he seems pretty happy with you.

I feel your pain on the eating thing though. I'm hungry a lot. And I don't eat junk. I manage to eat loads of healthy food and still wind up hungry. The good news for you is that if you replace the crap you are eating with healthy stuff you'll be able to eat in the same quantity as now for a lot less calories.

So figure out all the healthy foods you like, stock up on them and make a decision that you're worth the effort of being healthy.

kcragg · April 2012

Hi welcome to MFP.

There are loads of resources available on this site, just do a search on anything you need information and i am sure you will find it.

You have made some good changes so far, like eating at home rather than eating out. Food in restaurants are usually laden with sugar, salt and fats so they taste good. you can control what you eat if you prepare it yourself.

If you change your diet to eating healthy options you will find that you can eat more and stay within your MFP targets. If you stop eating refined carbs which are processed by the body faster than complex carbs and so leave you feeling hungry (white bread, pasta, rice etc) and instead eat whole grains which take longer for the body to process and so leave you feeling fuller for longer (brown rice, quinoa, wholemeal bread, sweet potatoes, oats). Eat lean protein with every meal ( chicken, fish, lean beef, eggs, tuna). Also eat plenty of vegetables and some fruit. Also drink plenty of water. Eat smaller meals throughout the day rather than three big meals - this will keep your blood sugar level.

Feel free to add me. Good luck on your journey:)

tyabd · April 2012

i think you should take things easy... just plan baby steps and start taking them firmly... make rules like at least walking for 15-20 mins daily on moderate pace.... stop eating junk food... start taking veggies and fruits... stop processed foods and deep fried stuff. and eat good stuff as much as you want... that way u will not be starving your self and again your brain will get full signals... drink atleast 8-10 glasses of water... that helps a lot,.... and finally get your diabetes checked...

KML01 · April 2012

You are very brave to put your story out there. I have spent the past few years maintaining a 110 lb weight loss and trying to lose the last 20 or so pounds to get to my goal weight. I never, ever could have lost weight to maintained what I have if I 1. Didn't exercise 2. Cut my calories dramatically and expected to stay there until the weight was gone. For me, making small, incremental Changes to my diet and exercise has worked. I signed up for a group kickboxing class and made a promise to myself that while I was probably the slowest and fattest one in there, I would never quit and would always try the hardest I could. The first couple weeks were horrible but my newly found sense of accomplishment and self worth was a huge motivator (way moreso than my nerves about being the fat girl in class). Now, my gym buddies are among my closest friends and biggest supporters. I was eating probably 2500 calories a day...easily...and probably more on the weekends. Going from that to 1500 a day...I wouldn't have lasted a week. So, I started at 2200 a day and an hour of exercise 5 days a week. Then when my weight loss would plateau, I'd knock a few hundred more calories off. I consistently lost a pound a week. So it was slow, but successful. I never wanted to be the person that lost all the weight and gained it back because I was in a hurry to get there. Your husbands support is amazing lean on him when you need it. Mine is amazing too

.

htmlgirl · April 2012

I've never been in your situation, but since I started mfp, here are some things that have worked for me to help me eat healthier.

- remove most of the junk food from your house
- portion any junk food into serving sizes or 100 calorie baggies
- start walking and get a heart rate monitor to see how many calories your burning
- measure out your food using a food scale (it's helped me to see just how much a serving is)
- make sure you are drinking a lot of water (before eating, drink a glass of water)
- keep a lot of healthy foods in the house (veggies, fruits, lean meats like chicken)
- use a small plate when eating, it makes it seem like there's more on it, and fill it up with mostly veggies
- log everything even if you are going over and be honest with yourself
- create a fitness goal (for me it's to run a 10k, yours could be to walk/run a certain time/distance or even going to the gym X number of days a week)

This is just some of the stuff that has been working for me. I'm no expert in any of this, but maybe it can help you.

hanniejong · April 2012

Try eating Low GI foods they keep you fuller for longer, eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, they are healthy and fill you up too. Feel free to add me too I love encouraging my friends.

yarwell · April 2012

The vegan thing greatly restricts your food choices so I can't suggest much on that front. Protein is filling and you should try to get at least 50g a day of protein up to say 75g. Nuts are a good source - low carbohydrate and healthy fats.

Your husband will put away 500 calories more than you for the same outcome, so always think in terms of smaller portions for you than him.

Lots of low carb vegetables with fibre also help fill you without creating a blood sugar roller coaster. Mushrooms too.

gmeiners2 · April 2012

Hi - I have struggled all of my life too so I know how you feel. I have been Type II for almost 10 years and it's slowly killing me. I'm only about 60 lbs. over weight but on a 5'5" frame it's enough to reek havoc on my health. I've tried everything with limited short-term success so I finally decided to have weight loss surgery. I researched the heck out of it and went with the Gastric Sleeve procedure. It was a fairly easy procedure and I was only on pain meds for 4 days and back to work in 2 weeks. I've lost 10 pounds per month for the last 4 months and my diabetes is already in remission (off all my meds). I get full pretty quick and don't have the same level of hunger as I did pre-surgery. I can eat any type of food that I want but do best when I limit the carbs to 60 grams per day and concentrate on protein (80 - 100 grams per day).

I work at this every day and don't consider that I took the easy way out. This is working for me and my health has improved dramatically! Yes, it's nice to look better, but at 55 and married for 32 years, I'm not trying to impress anyone. My health was always the issue and now I feel like a have a permanent tool to help me maintain a healthy weight forever. I hope that you make progress with your health and stick with whatever program you choose.

Best regards,

Greg

hurleycutie142 · April 2012

i was in the same boat as you... i weighed 240lbs and im 5'5... the first thing you have to do before you start this process is get motivated... this is not going to come easy whats so ever and your not going to get instant gratification that you may want... right now i weigh 176 lbs and still got a ways to go... but these are my tips...

-being lazy is a state of mind... your going to have battles with your mind all the time... this may sound weird but its true... like the cartoons with the devil and angel... that really exists but its just the fat you and the skinny you fighting... lol i probably sound like a nut... lol... best example is today i was on the elliptical and the fat me kept saying im sore you need to rest today... and the skinny me kept fighting through the soreness and finished... or like the fat you say its okay to take a bite of that brownie i mean whats one bite going to do?

- if losing weight was easy everyone would be skinny!
- u need to throw away any temptation... ya u waisted money on it and it gets temptations out of your site...
- you got to stop eating out... even subway is loaded with sodium (i went there today got the lowest calorie sandwich ate half and plugged it in and it had 1000 grams of sodium...) crap... lol...
-buy yourself a cute waterbottle and carry it with you everywhere... get rid of anything other than water and tea because since u say ur always hungry you need to not drink your calories... you need to eat them...
-find a hobby so your not always thinking about food or wanting to eat...
- fruit are your best friends when you want something sweet to eat...

these are just a few...
add me im more than willing to help :]

peachNpunkin · April 2012

Stock up on fruits and veggies and whole foods. Stay away from processed foods and foods with alot of sodium.

And I know that not everyone agrees with this I am going to put out there, but I encourage you to read these threads. They have helped me alot, and I am never hungry. And I too am over 100 pounds overweight.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/512956-tdee-what-is-it-and-why-you-should-not-eat-below-your-bmr
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/541567-once-you-have-your-tdee-and-bmr-next-step
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/521728-upping-cals-what-to-expect-why-you-need-patience

I wish you all the luck in the world, and may God Bless you through your journey.

CaroSeraMince · April 2012

Please don't restrict your calories too much, too soon. Reduce gradually. If you're used to eating 2,500, start by eating 2,000 - 2,300 and then each week, reduce by 100 calories until you get down to a good-sized deficit (MFP's calculations are helpful). Eat lots of protein to keep you feeling fuller, longer. I have no experience with veganism, so I cannot recommend proteins. Lots of veggies for fiber and nutrients and things with healthy fats like nuts and seeds.

This will be a much easier transition for you if you take your time and really understand each step you're taking.

You can do it!

ElPumaMex · April 2012

i think you should take things easy... just plan baby steps and start taking them firmly... make rules like at least walking for 15-20 mins daily on moderate pace.... stop eating junk food... start taking veggies and fruits... stop processed foods and deep fried stuff. and eat good stuff as much as you want... that way u will not be starving your self and again your brain will get full signals... drink atleast 8-10 glasses of water... that helps a lot,.... and finally get your diabetes checked...

^^^^ YES !!

Take baby steps.

First, eliminate the junk food with the highest calories. That will leave you with plenty of calories left, to then eat fruit and other healthy food.
Also start with short walks, maybe 1/2hr or more. That will also add a few hundred more calories to your daily limit, so now you can eat even more and feel satisfied.

The power of MFP is that when you log ALL food, you will immediately understand which food is making you fat, and you will find yourself automatically regulating what you eat, no hunger.

So take it in small steps, and before you know it you will be losing pounds !

vim_n_vigor · April 2012

This may not be what you want to hear, but you may be better off and better able to handle this if you make small changes instead of jumping right in. You know you are eating close to 3000 calories a day. What a shock to go to 1500 calories right away. You also sound like you have had a lot of life changes lately that also make a change in diet harder. Start by adding fresh fruits and veggies. Then work to bring your calories down by 100-200 a week. Start walking, everywhere. Little changes can make a huge difference. You won't lose 10 pounds a week, but you will make changes you can live with.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't be embarrassed for your husband. He loves you very much and sounds like he will be a great source of support for you the whole time. Let him support you. Let him love you. You deserve it. Your weight doesn't determine your loveability or your worth in life. Remember that!

coconutbuNZ · April 2012

I don't have a lot of time so can only give you the short answer. Two words. MENTAL STRENGTH.

HappilyLifts · April 2012

Hi, as I read a wanted to give you a huge hug! I've been in that 'can't get started' situation and you really can pull out of it. Definitely baby steps and it does take time, but all the changes add up. I can't tell you how much better I feel about myself today than I did in the last two years! I just wrote up my first blog post today and it made me think about what factors made me start to turn my life around. I can tell you it didn't happen overnight. It has happened gradually, almost un-noticeably (then bam! Something clicks!)...in no particular order, here are some of the major changes I made since the end of 2011:
exercise. Yes, it can be hard work, you sweat, feel messy, feel embarrassed but it really can give you a high like nothing else I've experienced. I honestly think I could not go a week without exercise now, yet before I was so lazy and found so many excuses.
water. Drink, drink, drink throughout the day.
Replace negative thought swith positive ones.
Start a diary. Notice what you've done that is good for you, even if it just walking away from the junk cupboard just once in the day.

Once you start to see yourself achieving little things here and there you start to feel better about yourself, start to think "I really could be different/achieve more/make more changes", at least, that's how it seems to me. I just needed to make the first step in making that ball roll. I was such an unhappy person inside, I hated myself for my lack of ability to change, but with the few changes I've made I feel like a different person! I think inside everyone there is a strong person waiting to get out. You just have to beat down that negative voice in your head.

Online everyday if you want to keep in touch and share your successful journey, yes, successful, you can do it! Make one small change today, and be proud of it x

120weeks · April 2012

I've yo yo dieted too. I'm still obese! So, I started in your shoes but now I'm 8 weeks in the process. You can read my profile. I have to tell you something that you don't want to hear. It will take a long time for you to achieve your ultimate goals. But, for me, 2 years will fly by. And if I do small things everyday, before I know it, I'll be there. Wishing you good preparation and good planning. You don't need luck.

My husband is equally amazing by the way! While I gained 60 pounds in this last pregnancy, he lost weight and is the fittest and strongest he's ever been! Your husband has to be part of your planning.

kurenaikumo · April 2012

The other people who said "one step at a time" are on the money. To start, maybe replace the dressing on the salads you like with the low fat or fat free versions. Replace regular soups and frozen dinners with "Lean Cuisine" and "Healthy Request" types. Replace cheese with lower fat cheeses or give them up all together. For eating out, order all your entrees with no mayo or cheese, and go for grilled selections rather than fried. Order steamed veggies as a side rather than fries or baked potato. One other thing I've had to do is stop drinking beer when I go out (Don't know if this applies to you but if it does, that's a big one)...

For exercise starters, try window shopping at the mall. By the time I get done looking around in there, I've walked at least a mile, plus seeing the cute outfits keep me motivated! If you have a Wii or XBox, try one of the fitness games. There's multiple levels, and it's fun

I hope this helps. Good luck!

trinoc · April 2012

I'm going to throw this out there as a help but lots of people might disagree. I find coffee and tea to be huge appetite suppressants. If I'm starting to feel "snacky" I will fix myself a big cup of coffee, sweetened w/ Stevia, and instead of processed creamer I buy coconut milk creamer - it's non-dairy so it fits into your vegan lifestyle but it's not processed. Eating whole, real foods will satisfy more than processed foods and there are a lot of good tips on here. This is just one of those things that I do that gets me through the "urge" to eat. I'm finding it less and less necessary as I'm further into this journey but it was a life-saver at the beginning and is still something I fall back on from time to time. I also drink coffee in the morning, w/ my calorie dense but healthy breakfast and it really is satisfying until lunch. That allows me to save a little "snack room" for the afternoon.

Good luck! Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like. :-)

cppeace · April 2012

first step love you.
Second step start small
Third step get rid of one horrible for you food a week and replce with healthier- dont say oh I'll never get to eat lets say oreos again- no they are just now rare treats instead of daily perks.
Fourth step is add small easy exercise and increase as it gets easier.
fifth is watch your sodium
Sixth is measure measure measure that tape doesnt lie that scale does
Seventh is be you- do this for you how you can cope.
Good luck, stay strong and feel free to friend me

Kimmy

rkk1 · April 2012

Thank you all so much for the lovely words of advice and the friend requests. It's nice to wake up in the morning and see that people have a lot of insight to share with me. I appreciate that.

I'm mulling over the idea of changing my settings to include more calories per day. Right now its set at 1350 (as I figured I'd eat about 1,500 with activity). I tried 1,200 in the past and had some success with it, but only stuck with that plan for a few weeks as I was too hungry. When I'm not dieting, I'm eating 2,600-3,000 calories, which is crazy-making because it means I'm either gaining weight when not on a diet or losing weight through dieting, but never weight -stable. I'm thinking of taking your suggestions and perhaps changing my setting to 1,800-2,000 calories per day (so that I eat around 2,000-2,200 calories with exercise). It might not take weight off me for the first few weeks, but maybe this would at least help me to become weight stable.

I will also try to be nicer to myself too... thanks for mentioning that.

i'm obese and need help :(

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