letting go...finally
tamamommy
Posts: 71 Member
I have contemplated this post for such a long time. I need to let go of something that bothers me daily.
Fortunately, I have been blessed with children who are athletic and have metabolisms like my husband. It is such a blessing that my OLD eating habits did not follow my children. I have fought hard to introduce fruits and vegetables and healthy eating to them and they enjoy being healthy and active.
Now to the dark side of this story. I am in constant contact with a person who has obese children. She and her husband are obese and her children are twice the size they should be for their young ages. Neither parent, nor the children exercise --ever. She tells me that her children do not like fruits and vegetables. Don't children eat what is provided to them? Hmm?? It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable. I think about this person and her children constantly and need to just let it go. I am hoping that after airing my feelings that I can separate myself from the situation as there is nothing I can do for someone who doesn't want help. Thanks for listening.
Fortunately, I have been blessed with children who are athletic and have metabolisms like my husband. It is such a blessing that my OLD eating habits did not follow my children. I have fought hard to introduce fruits and vegetables and healthy eating to them and they enjoy being healthy and active.
Now to the dark side of this story. I am in constant contact with a person who has obese children. She and her husband are obese and her children are twice the size they should be for their young ages. Neither parent, nor the children exercise --ever. She tells me that her children do not like fruits and vegetables. Don't children eat what is provided to them? Hmm?? It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable. I think about this person and her children constantly and need to just let it go. I am hoping that after airing my feelings that I can separate myself from the situation as there is nothing I can do for someone who doesn't want help. Thanks for listening.
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I struggle with similar feelings too. It's amazing how so many people have no idea what they are doing to themselves and to their children by the lifestyles they lead. Sometimes I feel like such a food snob because I'll try to make healthy suggetions and they'll just turn up their noses at what I have to say.
For example: I drove someone through the drive-thru at McDonalds one day because she needed lunch on her lunch break. She wanted Mickey-Ds so thats where I took her. She told me, as we waited in line, that she was on a "diet" so instead of getting whatever it was she normally gets, she was going to get 2..TWO!.. quarter pounders with cheese, and take the patty and veggies off of one, throw away the bread, and put everyone onto one big sandwich. oh and a yogurt parfait and a diet coke instead of regular coke. She also told me she has started getting the chicken strips because the breast meat is healthier than the nuggets, and she never gets fries anymore. DOH!!!!! I didn't even know where to start with her because what she said was so crazy and ridiculous that it was almost funny. I just kept my mouth shut and let her think whatever she wanted because she would have just argued her point until I got angry and gave up.
You're so right though, you can't fix what doesn't want to be fixed. Hopefully one day they will have a wake-up call and will get on the right track. Best of luck!!0 -
I personally think it's a form of child abuse.0
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I struggle with similar feelings too. It's amazing how so many people have no idea what they are doing to themselves and to their children by the lifestyles they lead. Sometimes I feel like such a food snob because I'll try to make healthy suggetions and they'll just turn up their noses at what I have to say.
For example: I drove someone through the drive-thru at McDonalds one day because she needed lunch on her lunch break. She wanted Mickey-Ds so thats where I took her. She told me, as we waited in line, that she was on a "diet" so instead of getting whatever it was she normally gets, she was going to get 2..TWO!.. quarter pounders with cheese, and take the patty and veggies off of one, throw away the bread, and put everyone onto one big sandwich. oh and a yogurt parfait and a diet coke instead of regular coke. She also told me she has started getting the chicken strips because the breast meat is healthier than the nuggets, and she never gets fries anymore. DOH!!!!! I didn't even know where to start with her because what she said was so crazy and ridiculous that it was almost funny. I just kept my mouth shut and let her think whatever she wanted because she would have just argued her point until I got angry and gave up.
You're so right though, you can't fix what doesn't want to be fixed. Hopefully one day they will have a wake-up call and will get on the right track. Best of luck!!
We have to start somewhere. Maybe these small changes can lead to something else. Most of us lose weight when we don't cut cold turkey, but over time.0 -
Child abuse!0
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I personally think it's a form of child abuse.
Me too!0 -
Wow... that second story is crazy!!! I will have to say though, that I'm more concienscious of other peoples kids now that i have my own.
I also decided when i was preggo that I would do my best to feed my child right. That doesn't mean that she never has stuff that isn't good for her, but its very seldom. And in return, i've started eating healthier because I get tired of cooking more than one meal. It benefits us all. exercise is still a struggle, but she gets that, its me that struggles.0 -
You are so right, kids eat what they are provided. I try very carefully to teach my kids how to be healthy eaters and how to stay fit. I like that they see me work out and they know mommy goes on lots of walks (for now) and they know I run when I'm not pregnant. I think it's so important to lead by example!
I once got in an argument with my MIL about their eating habits; while me and my husband were on a cruise she gave them chopped veggies for a snack (yay!) and ranch to dip it in..ugh! They were 4 and 5 and had NEVER had ranch. Now of course, they ask for ranch all the time and get really upset at times if they get told no. Do I really believe they would have gone their whole lives never touching a bottle of ranch? No.. but did I feel like she "ruined" them with it a little bit? Yes! Kids are so impressionable, especially when it comes to eating! They want what tastes good! If you introduce them to such unhealthy things, especially for no reason at all (they never complained about plain veggies) then you're opening the door to more poor choices. She still thinks I'm crazy, but I think she's crazy too so it evens out :P She was never overweight until she was an adult so I don't think she understands where I'm coming from. I was a "fat kid" all my life and I refuse to let my children have to live through that too when I know at this point it's all in my control!0 -
Those children won't be thanking their mother when they get teased at school, begin having health issues, and when they are in puberty, what sort of self esteem issues they'll have dealing with the opposite sex. If your kids don't like baths, do you just stop bathing them? Or brushing their teeth? What about wearing boots in the winter time? What if they just want to wear flip flops?
There are some choices children should be allowed to make, bu taking care of your childrens basic needs is not optional.0 -
its so sad these kids arent being taught by a good example of how to eat and take care of their bodies. my son knows we have to do SOMETHING that counts as exercise every day whether it be soccer practice or walking the dogs. Also he knows every meal WILL be healthy and fast food is only once or twice a week. because this is what he has been raised on, he has no problem with this. he likes being active and loves veggies and fruits. i dont think its hard to keep them healthy, if you try.0
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I share you're frustration. I work for WIC, and for those of you who are not familiar with the program its a suplimental nutrition program for pregnant women and children up to the age of 5. Some days its like I'm talking to a wall when it comes to children and healthy eating. Moms would rather take them to McDonalds or heat up a frozen dinner then cook or provide a healthy meal. Its sad when a child has gained so much weight they can't play and run around. All we can do it set a good example for the people in our lives. And in my case try and educate the parents on the health risks associated with their child's eating paterns. As a parent you have a responcibility to your child to provide healthy foods and teach them how to be healthy. I wish more parents took that responcibility a little more seriously.
Ok rant over thanks for giving me the opportunitty to get that off my chest.
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Nothing pains me more than to see obese children. children are a product of their enviroment and if you as a parent make their meals, you are the one that is funnelling whether they eat healthy or not or go outside for excercise or not. I alos make sure that my children eat healthier than I do and make sure that they get some form of excercise.
Children did not ask to be brought in this world, but it is our job as parents to take careof them once they get her.
It is a hard thing for you to let go, but until they as parents realize the damage they are doing to themselves, they will not see the damage they are doing to their kids.0 -
I share you're frustration. I work for WIC, and for those of you who are not familiar with the program its a suplimental nutrition program for pregnant women and children up to the age of 5. Some days its like I'm talking to a wall when it comes to children and healthy eating. Moms would rather take them to McDonalds or heat up a frozen dinner then cook or provide a healthy meal. Its sad when a child has gained so much weight they can't play and run around. All we can do it set a good example for the people in our lives. And in my case try and educate the parents on the health risks associated with their child's eating paterns. As a parent you have a responcibility to your child to provide healthy foods and teach them how to be healthy. I wish more parents took that responcibility a little more seriously.
Ok rant over thanks for giving me the opportunitty to get that off my chest.
what is also disturbing is how these women can afford all the fast food and ready to serve meals if they are qualifying for WIC. its much cheaper to cook your own meals, you would think if you needed gov assistance you would be more frugal.0 -
"Don't children eat what is provided to them? Hmm?? It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable. "
Isn't it also sinful to judge? Set a good example and maybe it will rub off on them.
I know a family who has three kids that are all obese. The little girl is 5 and she is in all sorts of activities with my son (gymnastics, swim lessons, "fit kids"- a class at the community center. I have no idea why she is obese, but I can appreciate that her parents are trying. I have no idea if she has some sort of medical problem and you never, ever know what goes on behind closed doors or in someone's body.0 -
I personally think it's a form of child abuse.
Me too!
Me too!0 -
I share you're frustration. I work for WIC, and for those of you who are not familiar with the program its a suplimental nutrition program for pregnant women and children up to the age of 5. Some days its like I'm talking to a wall when it comes to children and healthy eating. Moms would rather take them to McDonalds or heat up a frozen dinner then cook or provide a healthy meal. Its sad when a child has gained so much weight they can't play and run around. All we can do it set a good example for the people in our lives. And in my case try and educate the parents on the health risks associated with their child's eating paterns. As a parent you have a responcibility to your child to provide healthy foods and teach them how to be healthy. I wish more parents took that responcibility a little more seriously.
Ok rant over thanks for giving me the opportunitty to get that off my chest.
First of all, I am so thankful for WIC. I don't have children personally but I know people who do and WIC is an absolute life saver.
Second of all, how do they afford McDonalds if they qualify for WIC???0 -
I also think it's child abuse! You can't do anything to control your friends (adults), but you can invite the kids over, offer them healthy food, invite them to the park, the gym, for a walk, to the beach or a waterpark, anything where they will be active and see examples of a healthier lifestyle. I think that's a better option than just letting go.0
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"Don't children eat what is provided to them? Hmm?? It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable. "
Isn't it also sinful to judge? Set a good example and maybe it will rub off on them.
I know a family who has three kids that are all obese. The little girl is 5 and she is in all sorts of activities with my son (gymnastics, swim lessons, "fit kids"- a class at the community center. I have no idea why she is obese, but I can appreciate that her parents are trying. I have no idea if she has some sort of medical problem and you never, ever know what goes on behind closed doors or in someone's body.
I think we can all recognize that there are situations and circumstances that don't fit the mold. The poster, however, is talking about a situation she is DIRECTLY involved with. She knows the circumstances, and she is talking about the things within the parents control.0 -
I share you're frustration. I work for WIC, and for those of you who are not familiar with the program its a suplimental nutrition program for pregnant women and children up to the age of 5. Some days its like I'm talking to a wall when it comes to children and healthy eating. Moms would rather take them to McDonalds or heat up a frozen dinner then cook or provide a healthy meal. Its sad when a child has gained so much weight they can't play and run around. All we can do it set a good example for the people in our lives. And in my case try and educate the parents on the health risks associated with their child's eating paterns. As a parent you have a responcibility to your child to provide healthy foods and teach them how to be healthy. I wish more parents took that responcibility a little more seriously.
Ok rant over thanks for giving me the opportunitty to get that off my chest.
First of all, I am so thankful for WIC. I don't have children personally but I know people who do and WIC is an absolute life saver.
Second of all, how do they afford McDonalds if they qualify for WIC???
I know when my kids were little and we were on WIC McDonalds was not something I could afford to do on a regular basis. That stuff was, and still is, for special occasions only.0 -
I share you're frustration. I work for WIC, and for those of you who are not familiar with the program its a suplimental nutrition program for pregnant women and children up to the age of 5. Some days its like I'm talking to a wall when it comes to children and healthy eating. Moms would rather take them to McDonalds or heat up a frozen dinner then cook or provide a healthy meal. Its sad when a child has gained so much weight they can't play and run around. All we can do it set a good example for the people in our lives. And in my case try and educate the parents on the health risks associated with their child's eating paterns. As a parent you have a responcibility to your child to provide healthy foods and teach them how to be healthy. I wish more parents took that responcibility a little more seriously.
Ok rant over thanks for giving me the opportunitty to get that off my chest.
what is also disturbing is how these women can afford all the fast food and ready to serve meals if they are qualifying for WIC. its much cheaper to cook your own meals, you would think if you needed gov assistance you would be more frugal.
I don't know about now, but when I was on WIC (despite my son's serious health concerns I refused the assistance after he was weaned from formula. His food allergies are severe and the cost of a can of the formula he had to have with prescription was like, 70$/can, which I couldn't possibly afford at the time!) it wasn't income based until a certain age, though I can't recall that age now.0 -
We have to start somewhere. Maybe these small changes can lead to something else. Most of us lose weight when we don't cut cold turkey, but over time.
If it was anyone else, I would probably agree with you and give her the benefit of the doubt. However, I happen to work with this woman every day and she just has not the slightest idea of how to eat healthy. I try all the time to politely sneak little tips in or help her switch one thing out for something else that's healthier and she just talks about how gross all of the healthy food is, and gets really rude about it. She also snubs me for eating healthy. Only so much I can do!0 -
"Don't children eat what is provided to them? Hmm?? It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable. "
Isn't it also sinful to judge? Set a good example and maybe it will rub off on them.
I know a family who has three kids that are all obese. The little girl is 5 and she is in all sorts of activities with my son (gymnastics, swim lessons, "fit kids"- a class at the community center. I have no idea why she is obese, but I can appreciate that her parents are trying. I have no idea if she has some sort of medical problem and you never, ever know what goes on behind closed doors or in someone's body.
I think we can all recognize that there are situations and circumstances that don't fit the mold. The poster, however, is talking about a situation she is DIRECTLY involved with. She knows the circumstances, and she is talking about the things within the parents control.
She is directly involved by judging. If she is so concerned for these children how has she tried to help them? Does she offer to take them to the park or to activities with her own kids? Has she sat the parents down and told them her concerns? What about sharing healthy recipes with them when they come to her house?
I personally do not think it is helpful to look down on families that are struggling with their weight. I think we need to educate and help, not condemn and talk crap about.
Also, I know a nurse who works for WIC who feeds her kids worse than anyone I have ever met, so NO ONE is above falling into the "quick-fast food meals" trap.0 -
This has been something I've actually struggled with in the other direction. I wasn't a fat kid, and didn't gain weight until my late teens due to circumstances outside of my control (keeping it on is all my fault, though lol). I've always been so afraid that my son would be fat that I've actually had to force myself to lean a little on the people around me to tell me if I'm being too strict with his diet. Granted, his diet is severely limited because of other concerns, but of course all the things that are bad for him, he loves and can have. He isn't even close to overweight, and I sometimes have to fight panic if my sister or mother give him what I deem "too much" of something.
It's been an uphill battle for me, and I feel so terrible every time I realize I'm pushing my own eating disorders onto my kid.
I think overall, people NEED to learn about nutrition. Too fat, too thin, our children are our responsibilities and it is OUR job to keep them healthy and happy.0 -
We have to start somewhere. Maybe these small changes can lead to something else. Most of us lose weight when we don't cut cold turkey, but over time.
If it was anyone else, I would probably agree with you and give her the benefit of the doubt. However, I happen to work with this woman every day and she just has not the slightest idea of how to eat healthy. I try all the time to politely sneak little tips in or help her switch one thing out for something else that's healthier and she just talks about how gross all of the healthy food is, and gets really rude about it. She also snubs me for eating healthy. Only so much I can do!
Does she ask you for advice?0 -
I feel it can be a form of child abuse, if you know all the circumstances. But I think just extending your good example would help them a lot. Like someone else mentioned, have them over and make a healthy lunch or snack. You have the ability to run off on them as much as your worried they will rub off on your children.
My 2.5 year old loves his veggies because we make such a big deal about them. He even got mad at me the other night. I cut up his chicken and gave it to him. The broccoli was finishing steaming. He brought his plate to me and said "mommy I need broccoli, where's my broccoli?"0 -
"Don't children eat what is provided to them? Hmm?? It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable. "
Isn't it also sinful to judge? Set a good example and maybe it will rub off on them.
I know a family who has three kids that are all obese. The little girl is 5 and she is in all sorts of activities with my son (gymnastics, swim lessons, "fit kids"- a class at the community center. I have no idea why she is obese, but I can appreciate that her parents are trying. I have no idea if she has some sort of medical problem and you never, ever know what goes on behind closed doors or in someone's body.
I think we can all recognize that there are situations and circumstances that don't fit the mold. The poster, however, is talking about a situation she is DIRECTLY involved with. She knows the circumstances, and she is talking about the things within the parents control.
She is directly involved by judging. If she is so concerned for these children how has she tried to help them? Does she offer to take them to the park or to activities with her own kids? Has she sat the parents down and told them her concerns? What about sharing healthy recipes with them when they come to her house?
I personally do not think it is helpful to look down on families that are struggling with their weight. I think we need to educate and help, not condemn and talk crap about.
Also, I know a nurse who works for WIC who feeds her kids worse than anyone I have ever met, so NO ONE is above falling into the "quick-fast food meals" trap.
She didn't share if she had offered anything like that, and I agree with you, that would be a good step to take. On the other hand I took this post as a rant about parents who abuse their children by not teaching them how to be healthy.
Also, you can't deem when help is necessary if you're not judging to begin with.0 -
Her kids don't play soccer, softball, or anything? Strange. My kids love those things and they take tennis and swimming in the summer. My kids spend most days at the swim pool.
I am also happy that my kids take after my naturally thin hubby who is athletic.0 -
im still a new parent i think.. my daughter is going to be 1 very soon and i find myself learning everyday how to make the right choices for her.
when i was carrying her all i craved was fruits and veggies, red slurpees and the occaional slab of red meat. i was (and currently working to not be) over weight when i was prego and i lost weight because of my diet change (my daughter was over 8lbs). my friend who had a child the year before was upset with me when she found this out.
she has always been thin and had a habbit of eating little at meals and snacking durning the day. when she got prego that all changed. she started eating McDonalds and Taco Bell every day. sometimes 3 times a day, along with whatever she ate at home. she gained over 60 pounds (her son was just over 6 lbs.)
and something very similar happened with my sister as well, (my niece and nephew were both under 6 lbs.)
i would have thought their kids would have come out larger because of all the fats and such they were exposed to but i think, and this is just me talking i have no sorces to site or experts to quote, that they were smaller because they didnt get what they needed nutrition wise and so they couldnt gain and grow as "full"... all the babies are healthy and happy little people now, but in looking back over the last couple of years (their first years compared to my daughters) my daughter has had less issues with colds and flus. she has hit developmental mile stones earlier. and she enjoys a greater variety of foods in comparison.0 -
Does she ask you for advice?
It's not unsolicited advice if that's what you mean, and it's usually not direct advice. She and I sit right next to each other and truthfully we're on good and friendly terms. I will mention things I do or make suggestions when we're having a conversation about food or something. I talk to my co-workers alot about my gym and food experiences and they have watched me lose all the weight. So we end up talking about food alot. I don't just look over at her snacks and say 'ew gross, you should be eating this instead of that' I only give advice if someone asks my opinion or if it's part of a conversation. She is just *always right* no matter what and I think that's why she gets so rude about things. Like for example, I was comparing my mashed cauliflower/red skin potato recipe with another co-worker's recipe earlier this morning and the woman in question starts making faces and talking about how nasty that sounds. (it's really yummy btw!)0 -
It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable.
Seriously? You must be on here for a reason. It's a weight loss site. You say that you are blessed because your children take after your husband and blessed that they didn't follow YOUR old eating habits, but now that you are on the health bandwagon it's ok to bash others who haven't "crossed over" into healthy eating yet? I'm glad you aren't my friend. Maybe you would serve a better purpose by just living your life, with your new healthy habits, NOT throwing it in their faces or judging them, but just letting them see how much more energy you have and the great shape you are in-be shining light to them instead of a glaring face looking down on them. You never know when you might inspire someone to make a change, but judging them isn't going to be the way to do it. :noway:
How is it that some of us can live unhealthy lifestyles but as soon as we change for a bit we become hypocrites who are so quick to judge others that are in the shoes we previously wore?0 -
Seriously? You must be on here for a reason. It's a weight loss site. You say that you are blessed because your children take after your husband and blessed that they didn't follow YOUR old eating habits, but now that you are on the health bandwagon it's ok to bash others who haven't "crossed over" into healthy eating yet? I'm glad you aren't my friend. Maybe you would serve a better purpose by just living your life, with your new healthy habits, NOT throwing it in their faces or judging them, but just letting them see how much more energy you have and the great shape you are in-be shining light to them instead of a glaring face looking down on them. You never know when you might inspire someone to make a change, but judging them isn't going to be the way to do it.
How is it that some of us can live unhealthy lifestyles but as soon as we change for a bit we become hypocrites who are so quick to judge others that are in the shoes we previously wore?
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to the person lame enough to post this to my situation....I am not a hypocrite. I admitted that I did have bad eating habits but I have offered several suggestions to her about her healthy eating, especially where her children are involved (they are not interested in sports or even walking for that matter). As I put in the original post which you must have so obliviously overlooked (shocker there) is that she is not open to suggestions AT ALL. I have not "crossed over" and still struggle too every day with eating choices, hence being on this site. My gripe is do what you want to your body but shame shame to those putting your children at risk. Thanks for your complete understanding of this painful situation.0
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