Feel like a bad mom

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XstitchCarina
XstitchCarina Posts: 55 Member
in Motivation and Support
I just refound this place and am getting quite good in logging in what I eat and the exercise I do, because I have overweight. So does my husband, but he isn't too worried about it right now.

I have 3 kids. Of which 2 aren't even close to overweight, they do a few hours sports in a week, and the youngest plays outside quite a lot. Now my middle one, a boy, he has always been more of an inside child, not liking sports too much, and likes playing with his DS or on the Wii, or watch TV.

I do limit these things usually, try to monitor it a bit. But anyways, this son is overweight, it is slightly now still, but he is. A few months ago, we found out he had been sneeking food out of our cupboards, or if I had stuff in my bedroom, which of course I shouldn't have and I won't be doing anymore. So we punished him and told him not to do it, etc.

Anyways, found last night he had been sneeking food again, so asked him why and he couldn't tell me. The kids get snacks, so it can't be that he is hungry. I can't completely ban candy/crisps out the house, but how can I stop him? I feel I am the guilty one, because I and my husband get things in the house.

I am thinking I should make him a private account here, just so I can fill it in and see what he eats through the day. Anyone think that that is a good idea?

And if anyone has some advice, that would be great.
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Replies

  • gem057
    gem057 Posts: 12
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    it might be worth having him checked by a doctor to rule out any medical reasons, Some kids are definately more prone to weight gain than others though. You could also try getting him to exercise more with you so you are giving a positive message about the feel good side to exercising. I am lucky as I am the only overweight one in my family both my kids are bordering on the thin side.
  • XstitchCarina
    XstitchCarina Posts: 55 Member
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    it might be worth having him checked by a doctor to rule out any medical reasons, Some kids are definately more prone to weight gain than others though. You could also try getting him to exercise more with you so you are giving a positive message about the feel good side to exercising. I am lucky as I am the only overweight one in my family both my kids are bordering on the thin side.

    That could be an idea, taking him to our doctor. I am going to make his own log here though, so I can track what he is getting in him. I will be going to the gym in a bit, and I will tell him, he is going to do Wii Fit Plus for a while, that is at least a start.
  • bekahl
    bekahl Posts: 43 Member
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    I'd definately get him checked out by the Doctor first just to rule out any medical reasons that may make him feel more hungry.
    If it was me, I would definately ban candy/crisp and any other junk food snack from the house. And I'd get loads of fruit and healthy cereal bars etc in the house. That way if he feels he needs to snack more then at least he'll be eating healthily. I agree about getting him to exercise with you but make it fun or else he'll never do it. An activity where he doesn't even realise that he's exercising as he's having soo much fun.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    Sounds like his taste buds are craving the junk foods. I used to eat sugar (just plain old sugar) out of the kitchen cabinet because I wanted something sweet badly.

    Get him into a sport. Depending on how old he is, you gotta have some tough love and get him used to activity. I was THAT kid and I wouldn't have been this way had I started sports early on. Not my parents (or in this case, yours) fault, they just didnt think it would become this kind of problem.

    Try getting him into something that he enjoys. If he enjoys contact sports (boxing, martial arts etc) get him into a class or something. TAKE HIM THERE AND STAY WITH HIM! Encourage him. Let him socialize with other kids or if he's a loner then show that you're proud of him. If he likes other sports like soccer or baseball or w/e get him into that at school or something. Sports will help him tremendously and he will try to get into a better shape and start eating better once he starts liking the sport


    PS. I'm all for having the kid checked out but...don't put him on any medication. Try and fix it without medications first
  • Liz75
    Liz75 Posts: 80 Member
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    Although logging food and exercise might work for an adult it may put pressure on a younger person. It might make the situation spiral -pressure, guilt and also single him out from his siblings.
    I would keep an eye on him, stop buying junk. There might also be another reason why he's sneaking and eating -an issue or problem he can't cope with and so is eating for comfort.
    Lots of positive comments, encouragement, family walks/ bike rides..?
    Make sure there is healthy food in the house for all your family. You will all benefit, even the 'normal' weight children need to adopt a healthy diet regardless of their exercising... I buy crisps/ chocolate only occasionally rather than automatically.
    And of course, trip to Doctors to check your boy out..
  • samandlucysmum
    samandlucysmum Posts: 320
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    I'd definately get him checked out by the Doctor first just to rule out any medical reasons that may make him feel more hungry.
    If it was me, I would definately ban candy/crisp and any other junk food snack from the house. And I'd get loads of fruit and healthy cereal bars etc in the house. That way if he feels he needs to snack more then at least he'll be eating healthily. I agree about getting him to exercise with you but make it fun or else he'll never do it. An activity where he doesn't even realise that he's exercising as he's having soo much fun.

    I have 6 kids, of which 2 of them sneak food out of the cupboard, they are 12 and 14!! They aren't really hungry when they take the food, they just want more of the nice food than I give them, I used to do it when I was a child too, it's just something kids go thru, I agree with this poster, keep more healthy snacks in the house, and something we thought about doing was locking one of the cupboards with the unhealthy snacks in!!

    Anyway, don't worry, show him by example, kids copy everything we do, so give him something good to copy.

    :smile:
  • XstitchCarina
    XstitchCarina Posts: 55 Member
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    Thanks a lot everyone. I tried to make him an account, but can't, because he isn't 18 yet. So will see if there is anything on Dutch Website that i can use instead. I forgot to tell, he does 1 hour a week sports. It is like gymnastics, but not like the competition like gymnastics. He does enjoy that and he has 2 times PE at school.

    But I told him that I am going to log what he eats in a day and drinks, and he said that he would do the Wii Fit Plus, when I go in a bit.

    And I will make an appointment for to go to our family doctor next week. See what he says or she.
  • EuroReady
    EuroReady Posts: 199 Member
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    I'm not a mom so please don't take this wrong: I think logging what he eats for you to observe is great, so is getting him more active. But please be delicate about his weight. Having been an overweight kid, I know how easily a parent's concern, to a kid, can seem like they are criticizing. I am not saying you are criticizing, merely that kids can take things and warp them to hurt their confidence. Making him TOO aware of his situation might hurt his esteem, especially if he feels he has to sneak food to begin with and has 'normal' siblings . Maybe instead of telling him to do the wii exercise, ask him to join you whileyou do it. And maybe provide healthier snacks so he won't the need to sneak them. For example, air popped popcorn is filling and fun while l pretty good in calories. But again, i'm not a mom, so I may be misstepping.
  • swisspea
    swisspea Posts: 327 Member
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    I second this. But then again, I am also not a mom (though my 1 year as a live-in nanny to 3 kids under 6 sure made me feel like I was one!), so you can decide how much my 2 cents is worth.
    I'm not a mom so please don't take this wrong: I think logging what he eats for you to observe is great, so is getting him more active. But please be delicate about his weight. Having been an overweight kid, I know how easily a parent's concern, to a kid, can seem like they are criticizing. I am not saying you are criticizing, merely that kids can take things and warp them to hurt their confidence. Making him TOO aware of his situation might hurt his esteem, especially if he feels he has to sneak food to begin with and has 'normal' siblings . Maybe instead of telling him to do the wii exercise, ask him to join you whileyou do it. And maybe provide healthier snacks so he won't the need to sneak them. For example, air popped popcorn is filling and fun while l pretty good in calories. But again, i'm not a mom, so I may be misstepping.

    Just as an edit, I wish my mom had payed attention to what I was eating as an overweight kid, my sister was slim, and I was overweight (neither of us were sporty, but we did go to swimming and gymnastics classes). She has horrible self-esteem and weight issues herself, and was too absorbed in her own unhappiness to worry about my habits. I'm happy to hear a mom that does care. You are not a bad mom, please don't feel that way.
  • gem057
    gem057 Posts: 12
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    good advice, I wondered if he was already feeling a bit different with the siblings being thinner and could be why he is sneaking food. If the whole family do a healthy eating plan then he won't feel he is being singled out. Another idea would be to log everyones food for a week or two.
  • Werglum
    Werglum Posts: 378 Member
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    In terms of the candy and crisps (or lollies and chips as we call them here) we never had them in the house as a child except for birthday parties. We would get lolly day once a week (on shopping day) and would have a chocolate bar or something. We all looked forward to it and I think enjoyed it more!
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    I just refound this place and am getting quite good in logging in what I eat and the exercise I do, because I have overweight. So does my husband, but he isn't too worried about it right now.

    I have 3 kids. Of which 2 aren't even close to overweight, they do a few hours sports in a week, and the youngest plays outside quite a lot. Now my middle one, a boy, he has always been more of an inside child, not liking sports too much, and likes playing with his DS or on the Wii, or watch TV.

    I do limit these things usually, try to monitor it a bit. But anyways, this son is overweight, it is slightly now still, but he is. A few months ago, we found out he had been sneeking food out of our cupboards, or if I had stuff in my bedroom, which of course I shouldn't have and I won't be doing anymore. So we punished him and told him not to do it, etc.

    Anyways, found last night he had been sneeking food again, so asked him why and he couldn't tell me. The kids get snacks, so it can't be that he is hungry. I can't completely ban candy/crisps out the house, but how can I stop him? I feel I am the guilty one, because I and my husband get things in the house.

    I am thinking I should make him a private account here, just so I can fill it in and see what he eats through the day. Anyone think that that is a good idea?

    And if anyone has some advice, that would be great.

    You're not a bad mother. Take him to the dr and get him checked out, and when you can afford it, get him an Xbox with the kinect. Even if it isn't " exercise" the kinect games require the player to be the controller so it'll definitely help him get his activity in. It's not a good idea to put him on a diet, since he is still growing.
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
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    Ask his siblings to include him in their activities. That can be fun. Me and my brothers were always throwing around the football or playing basketball or something...we still do it at family get togethers too! Me an my oldest brother lost a pretty intense basketball game to my other brother and nephew this past weekend! And it's fun. Maybe if you asked the others to include him he will really get into it.
  • aniwani
    aniwani Posts: 110
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    MOM,
    I hear ya ! I know this is a tricky one! Be patient with your son. It sounds like he is in a phase and needs diplomatic parenting to guide him in the right direction!

    Please don't scold your kid for eating, I understand your mission but this can send a very confusing message to your child about what their relationship with food should be. Instead work on modeling good behaviors, and teach your kids all of them so no one is singled out about healthy habits. This means putting in the work! Sit down with everyone at least once a week plan a menu, go to the store show them the veggies teach them how to pick the fresh ones and what to look for. Go home and cook TOGETHER !!! You can do this one on one but bringing your son into the kitchen and practicing good habits with them will excited kids and empower them to find new healthy recipes. It's also a fantastic way to spend a little quality time with your kids and get them excited about finding healthy recipes they like.

    Next have an open conversation about what full feels like and about how he is feeling when he gets up at night. He may be having some anxiety or something is going on at school you don't know about ... Ask and be patient =)

    I would also suggest finding him a physical activity he loves... Think non traditional ... Soccer and football are not the cure all to everything if he is more introverted an individual sport might be more appropriate.

    Good LUCK!!!
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    I can't completely ban candy/crisps out the house, but how can I stop him? I feel I am the guilty one, because I and my husband get things in the house.

    I am thinking I should make him a private account here, just so I can fill it in and see what he eats through the day. Anyone think that that is a good idea?

    And if anyone has some advice, that would be great.

    First of all - its against MFP's community guidelines to set up an account for children. MFP is NOT set up for children... If you have concerns for your child, you should be discussing this with a Pediatrician who may also consider a referral to a Pediatric Registered Dietician.

    Secondly - ohhhh yes you can ban all junk food from the house if necessary - at least to get the kids on a routine/rhythm...... You are the adult, you are the parent..... they are not in charge...
  • alumpoflard
    alumpoflard Posts: 95 Member
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    You are a great mum because you care enough to sort this out while he is young :-) wii fit is a great idea, we love the plus games in our house. Sugar free jelly is a great snack for a sweet tooth, or maybe you could make your own ice lollys?
    Good luck!
  • vickycox123
    vickycox123 Posts: 2 Member
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    Its great that you are aware that this issue needs addressing, and your concern shows your a fab mum. there are so many things to consider, without the focus having to be on locking up cupboards;
    1. he is a growing boy - maybe he is going through a growth spurt and be genuinely hungry. you talk about him 'stealing' the food - do you have a rule about him not taking food when he wants it? are you providing enough food to sustain him through the day? also, have you noticed if he eats breakfast? im a teacher and a huge majority of my big boys come to school without breakfast and then eat rubbish because they are then starving during the day. i also know of a huge number of boys who dont eat lunch at school cos 'its not cool' - check when/what he is eating.
    2. don't compare him to his siblings - i am the middle sister - i am 5ft6 and battled with weight all my life, my sisters are both over 6ft and gorgeous size 10s(uk). comparison will just make the matter worst. you're trying to fight genetics.
    3. have you thought about WHY he is eating? mental health is so important. if we are not mentally strong, we can not possibly fight the food demons. is he happy? are you sure he isnt being bullied at school? after all, i'd say for a huge majority of us on this site, whilst genetics play a huge part, there is often something behind our eating. and it inevitably leads to low self esteem. do you spend enough quality time listening to your son? and remember that with boys we have to listen carefully for the full meaning!! is he choosing to spend his time with a computer and tv, rather than his mates, for a reason?
    4. i think you need to consider the messages that you and your husband give out about food - think about the things you say and do around eating. are you demonstrating a negative relationship with food that he has observed all his life? what eating behaviours have you taught him? you need to be modelling good healthy eating patterns too.
    Hope these ideas help. Like a few other posts have said, dealing with weight issues is such a fragile area. i think you need to be really careful about making a huge issue of it. i would put the information out there, but it has to be his choice to deal with this. Good luck :)
  • aniwani
    aniwani Posts: 110
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    This is totally dead on... don't make him a profile hes a kid he does not need to feel that he has done something wrong by eating...Micro managing him will only cause big problem just keep it simple ... open dialogue, modeling good habits, educating about good habits... if there is still a problem and talking hasn't addressed it then maybe a meeting with a doc is ok, but start with the simple stuff first!



    Its great that you are aware that this issue needs addressing, and your concern shows your a fab mum. there are so many things to consider, without the focus having to be on locking up cupboards;
    1. he is a growing boy - maybe he is going through a growth spurt and be genuinely hungry. you talk about him 'stealing' the food - do you have a rule about him not taking food when he wants it? are you providing enough food to sustain him through the day? also, have you noticed if he eats breakfast? im a teacher and a huge majority of my big boys come to school without breakfast and then eat rubbish because they are then starving during the day. i also know of a huge number of boys who dont eat lunch at school cos 'its not cool' - check when/what he is eating.
    2. don't compare him to his siblings - i am the middle sister - i am 5ft6 and battled with weight all my life, my sisters are both over 6ft and gorgeous size 10s(uk). comparison will just make the matter worst. you're trying to fight genetics.
    3. have you thought about WHY he is eating? mental health is so important. if we are not mentally strong, we can not possibly fight the food demons. is he happy? are you sure he isnt being bullied at school? after all, i'd say for a huge majority of us on this site, whilst genetics play a huge part, there is often something behind our eating. and it inevitably leads to low self esteem. do you spend enough quality time listening to your son? and remember that with boys we have to listen carefully for the full meaning!! is he choosing to spend his time with a computer and tv, rather than his mates, for a reason?
    4. i think you need to consider the messages that you and your husband give out about food - think about the things you say and do around eating. are you demonstrating a negative relationship with food that he has observed all his life? what eating behaviours have you taught him? you need to be modelling good healthy eating patterns too.
    Hope these ideas help. Like a few other posts have said, dealing with weight issues is such a fragile area. i think you need to be really careful about making a huge issue of it. i would put the information out there, but it has to be his choice to deal with this. Good luck :)
  • poledancing_ninja
    poledancing_ninja Posts: 271
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    I used to do this as a child.

    Please don't take him to a doctor, my mum did so and I spent two years on a child's weight loss research program that made me feel like I had an illness and enforced my low self esteem.

    He's probably doing it because he can get away with it - I used to take food from the cupboards not because I was hungry but because I could, I was bored and it was there.

    Stop having it in the house and promote some healthy family activity like bike riding or a family football game
  • LesliePierceRN
    LesliePierceRN Posts: 860 Member
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    My son has high cholesterol, he inherited his dad's bum liver.. anyway.. It's not being a bad mom to watch your child's health and try to do something to correct it. I don't limit what my son eats at meals, at 13, he's growing and needs the extra calories, but there are quality calories. I make his food, I know what's in it, and I very seldom allow him treats, chips, etc. He is not allowed to drink soda or sugary drinks of any kind. He only drinks water (which he is fine with) and milk. I set an example for him, he sees me with small portions, our plates are always loaded with vegetables and lean meats. He sees me going to the gym several times a week, and since the only real good treatment for high cholesterol is exercise, I make him run 2-3 miles 3-4 times a week, usually before school. I started him on C25K in January, and he obediently completed it last month (he didn't like it, but I don't care, he's not 18, I"m responsible for him, and he doesn't get a vote. This isn't a democracy.) He runs beautifully, he's a natural at it, and I think it's helped his mood and temperament at school (he's autistic too). We are running his first 5K together tomorrow morning, and I look forward to seeing him cross that line, I know he'll appreciate running much more once he 'wins' something. I tell him that he runs for his health, it's good for him, and I"m interested to see his bloodwork next fall when he sees his doctor to see if his cholesterol is better. He is genuinely interested in his health.. when he sees a food he might want, he'll come and ask me if it's healthy before he asks me if he can have some. If I left him to his own devices, he'd stay in front of an iPod, Nintendo or DVD player all day long. I limit this to about an hour a day. I wish I'd had parents that encouraged good eating and exercise when I was young. I'm glad I can do this for him while he's young and still thinks mom knows best.

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