Out of the mouths of babes...

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Replies

  • GuruOnAMountain
    GuruOnAMountain Posts: 489 Member
    I don't have a kid but my sister is a primary school teacher and a Sunday school teacher and she has some great ones!

    She was teaching her Sunday school class about parables and at the end of the lesson she asked, "so who remembers what a parable is?" and one wee boy said, "Its somebody who eats other people.". Lol......confusing cannibals with parables. Lol.

    Then, this is one that non-British people might not get without a bit of prior explanation but here we have Councils that are in charge of a particular area and make sure housing is provided for people, rubbish gets collected etc. etc. and usually do their job rather badly! So my sis was teaching her primary school class and was doing a pop quiz with them and asked, "Who built the pyramids?" One little girl was getting really excited and bouncing around in her seat so Pamela asked her and she replied, "the Council!"

    Also, I was taking my Sunday school class one day when they were still really young (maybe about 6) and I don't even know how we got onto it but they started asking about University and so I was telling them about what I was studying and then they asked if my sister had went to University and I said she had. So then, of course, they wanted to know what she'd studied and as it so happened she'd studied philosophy which isn't the most easy thing to explain to 6 year old. So I said, "Well, Pamela studied something called Philosophy. Does anyone know what a Philosopher is?" To try to gauge whether any of them had an inkling what it was before I tried to explain it to them and one wee boy screamed out in excitement, "It's a type of dinosaur!" I cracked up and immediately ran to the other side of the room to tell Pamela that she was a type of dinosaur. Lol.
  • BrieBailey
    BrieBailey Posts: 11 Member
    my son use to call Jerk chicken chicken jerk
    and when he wanted us to hold him...he'd reach his arms out and say"hold you" instead of hold me.lol
    and couldnt say car he would say c*ck

    one of his little girl friends use to call chalk c*ck
    and chocolate c*cklette.lol

    Hahah- my daughter always says "I want to carry you, mummy!" Good luck with that!

    One time I asked my daughter to pass my son a rice cake in the car. They were in their car seats and she couldn't reach him. She said "I can't reach Noah. I am not impressed, mummy." I guess I say that a little too much!
  • Gardengail
    Gardengail Posts: 596 Member
    My younger son was the one with the most cute sayings. Our favorites were "You hurt my ceilings" and "I want spinach without the leaves." He also called his flip-flops "wait a minutes" because he couldn't keep them on his feet.
  • Emancipated_Tai
    Emancipated_Tai Posts: 751 Member
    I don't have children, but have 6 nephews. One of them asked his mom "If we already came out of your stomach, why is it still so big?"

    Uncontrollable laughter!!!!

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Kids say the darndest things!
  • grapeeyes1
    grapeeyes1 Posts: 229 Member
    My grandaughter you see to the left is 2 1/2 when I ask her what her name is the replies.
    " Emma Jane Comeer" that is not her last name, but is what she hears alot :happy:

    I love it!
  • avafrisbee
    avafrisbee Posts: 234 Member
    just thought of another one. When my nephew was about 3ish my sister had him in the seat at the grocery store. A lady with REALLY big boobs walked by and my nephew yells really loud "LOOK AT THAT LADY'S KNOCKERS" I didn't help my sister out because I just started laughing and giggling and snorting. My sister was mortified and kept trying to tell me to "stop it!" and "you're so rude!" which only made me laugh harder because she was trying not to laugh and be a good example for her son. I was only about 15 or so at the time, she was 29ish
  • chelledawg14
    chelledawg14 Posts: 509 Member
    When my daughter was first old enough to eat pistachios, she would always call them "spit-ach-eos"... Her dad & I thought it was so cute & we'd laugh like crazy every time she said that we waited until she was about eight years old before telling her how you really say it.. she will be 13 in 22 days and harasses us all the time for never telling her the real way to say it.
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
    Topic of the day in my middle school ESL class was "At the supermarket."

    Me: "You need to buy apples. Who can you ask for help finding apples?"
    Student: "Ghost Steve Jobs"
    BAHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAHAAHAHA
  • magoch
    magoch Posts: 134
    We were visiting relatives, and helping clean-up after a meal. My 3-year old nephew was helping too, so I complimented him by saying "you're a good boy." And my husband said "such a good boy." He looked up at us with a half-confused, half-annoyed expression and said, "I'm not a dog."

    Turns out -- that's what they say to the dog when it poops in the right place.
  • Jlfisch
    Jlfisch Posts: 27
    I have a 4 1/2 year old and these are some of her crazy antics:

    1. while making dinner her and the baby were playing in the living room till I turned around and there was my oldest carrying her sister underneath the arms into the kitchen, I quickly told her she shouldnt carry her sister that way and she says "But mom I didn't carry her by her neck"

    2. while working out to one of my videos, my oldest sat next to the TV and kept repeating what motivational support was coming from the tv and then correcting me on it "mom you are supposed to hold your tummy in" "mom you stepped with the wrong foot" lol

    3. my hubby and I keep getting after her for tatteling so the other day when she came up to us to tell us something the first things that came out of her mouth were "mom no I'm not bleeding but ...." LOL
  • MissMisery1313
    MissMisery1313 Posts: 119
    Thanksgiving 2011 -- My 8-year-old nephew asked if I was adopted. :huh:
  • Rubyinthesand2012
    Rubyinthesand2012 Posts: 92
    I was in the shower this morning and my daughter Bel who is 6 came in and saw my bra on the floor picked it up and said "mummy you've dropped you boobies"
  • Jlfisch
    Jlfisch Posts: 27
    My daughter walked up to my father inlaw the other day and said "grandpa pull my finger" Guess my hubby needs to stop asking her to do this for him LOL


    1 more,

    When in church after our youngest was born my daughter says in a really loud voice to grandma "grandma guess what?! Mommy feeds Lily out of her boob there is milk in there" needless to say the older ladies sitting behind us tapped me on the shoulder and said how great it was that we were giving our daughter the best milk out there... I thought I was going to die
  • LindaLouLu
    LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
    Oh. I am crying from laughing so hard!! These stories are priceless!
    A couple from my "midgets":

    Driving in the car one day discussing future jobs they'd like to hold....
    Daughter (at the time, age 10): When I grow up, I'm going to be a prostitutor. You know? Because they get paid to argue and that's my favorite thing to do. Might as well make some cash for it instead of getting grounded right?!
    Son (at the time, age 7): When I get big, I'm going to buy a truck and be an *kitten*-terminator! I'll get PAID to kill bugs instead of just getting a cookie for squashing your spiders Mommy!

    Daughter in the middle of a tantrum at age 5: Mommy! You're not nice a me! You never let I do nothing I want! (she's 13 now and has YET to live this phrase down)

    And the baby(age 3), who ALWAYS has something weird to say, piped off with this little gem yesterday: Mommy! I wipe my own butt! Gib me Rad-you-mations!
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    My sister and I are 8 years apart. One day we were at the mall and I had to go to the washroom so I had to take her into the stall with me. Well, when i pulled down my pants my sister pointed and said loudly:

    WHY DO YOU HAVE HAIR DOWN THERE???

    All I could hear was snickering from all the other stalls from the other ladies.... I was 13 and mortified!
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,670 Member
    some quotes from my monster...

    out of a deep contemplation: "boogers taste like eyeballs and eyeballs taste like jellyfish and sea turtles eat jellyfish"

    *singing "Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-oh. And on that farm he had a squid, ee-i-ee-i-oh.... with a, uh...." me: "what does a squid sound like, Bot?" her: "like a bottle full of spiders"

    to her sister, the other night, "hey, wanna sleep in my room tonight? I don't have any farts loaded."
  • laurieblair2012
    laurieblair2012 Posts: 106
    My 4 year old great-niece and my sister were changing clothes in the same room one day and the sweet little tot asked my sister, "Nanny, when I get big like you, will my boobies be as long as yours?" Not as big, but as LONG. LOL!!! I thought she would die.
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,670 Member
    more monster quotes:

    me: "how's that broccoli?" her: "it brings the horses and the fire." ---that recipe is now known as The Broccoli of the Apocolypse

    *loud farting noise me: "what was that?!" her: "that was my butt trying to eat me."

    "i'm only allergic to soy because you're a vegetarian"
  • rprussell2004
    rprussell2004 Posts: 870 Member
    more monster quotes:
    *loud farting noise me: "what was that?!" her: "that was my butt trying to eat me."

    This makes me think of a Calvin & Hobbes comic where he BELCHES and instead of "Excuse me," says "BOY that sure tasted better going down than coming up!"
  • jkleon86
    jkleon86 Posts: 245 Member
    My two nephews when they were little were fighting about who's puppy had died and who the live one belonged to. So my sister trying to use wisedom from the Bible says "We will just cut the puppy in two and each have a part'
    So then they started fighting who got the head and who got the tail. Didn't work like she thought it should.:ohwell:
  • jesusislove1526
    jesusislove1526 Posts: 442 Member
    My son at the age of 3 would walk next door to his cousins' house. He would knock on the door, and whenever they said "Who is it?" he would always say "Come in!" He is now 20 and does not remember that at all!
  • maglodee
    maglodee Posts: 46 Member
    My son gave me a big hug the other day and said "Wow, Mom, your tummy is getting smaller!"

    Awww...thanks, Honey!

    Then he added "Now, you need to work on your bingo wings!"

    Truth hurts....
  • kymillion
    kymillion Posts: 791 Member
    I love the kids..

    one day the now oldest * about 5 and 6 at the time were trying to get into the snack cupboards , Drew the boy said to Dresden " here get on my back and I will give you a caboost..

    my daughter at 6 one day told me to stop playing a round' was I being serious... or sofish 'eatsus.

    * fictitious bahahaha. :D gotta love them..

    OHHH the best*

    we took my daughter to a casting directors office because they were looking for some new actresses.. she was no more than 3 and she was picked to go in another room and do an audition where she could watch herself on the TV well.. she was just starting to sing Twinkle little star .and Andrew her baby brother was by her and was just like hanging out and noticed himself on the screen..
    so he kept like dodging in front of her ..

    out of nowhere she gets to the end and instead of saying twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are she shoves him super hard he goes flying doesn't miss a beat in the song and says " I KNOW WHAT I AM".. ahhh after my own heart she is.. :D
  • ScientistStudy
    ScientistStudy Posts: 249 Member
    I was sat in the car with my 6 year old nephew when he spotted my painted nails. His reaction was "Are you mad?". He still doesn't understand why anyone would want to paint their finger nails!
  • irisheyez718
    irisheyez718 Posts: 677 Member
    My 11 year old was trying to be complimentary and told me that "If that line wasn't there, you'd only have ONE chin now" :-)
  • MissJay75
    MissJay75 Posts: 768 Member
    When my son was learning to talk, he could not say toothpaste.

    Me :"say tooth"
    son: "tooth"
    Me "say paste"
    son "paste"
    Me "say toothpaste"
    son "poo taste:"
  • mandamommy3
    mandamommy3 Posts: 297 Member
    My kids were watching Happy Feet earlier today and my almost 5 yr old daughter was singing "Jump and Groove" only problem was that she was singing it as "Jump on Boobies, Jump on Boobies". LOL don't ask she makes up some really crazy songs.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
    Posted this on my wall earlier. I substitute teach and this was super awkward today. A 4th grader came up and said, "Ms G, do people come from eggs or seeds? My mom taught me about the birds and the bees, but some of these guys are saying we come from seeds." Oh. Em. Gee.

    I said eggs, thinking that would be the end of things, but a kid yelled over to me, "I didn't hatch from no egg!" Took me a while to get them settled down and avoid the subject, but finally got them to re-focus on their math, haha.
  • Foxypoo61287
    Foxypoo61287 Posts: 638 Member
    My daughter isn't old enough to say anything funny, but... when my sister was about 3 or 4 my parents were going to the rodeo. While driving down a two lane highway, where there is a canal on one side & sugar cane on the other, my sister blurts out OMG LOOK THAT THE GORILLA BY THE CANAL!!! (This was an african american person. Now, we have never been racist, and never have said derogitory things about people from different backgrounds) And my mom's mouth dropped when she said that.

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