What's wrong with people?

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13

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  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    So, is the problem the double standard? Or is the problem that you don't want criticism in either direction?

    Just curious.

    I think people SHOULD say, "Hey, you're getting too fat," or, "You need to brush your teeth." I also think people ought to comment when it looks like someone is getting too thin. Not publicly, for any of these things. But privately and respectfully. I say that because it was when someone finally told me the truth I already knew that I began losing weight. I needed to hear it from someone who cared about me. And I bet that is probably true for a lot of people.

    I'm willing to bet the comments you're getting are a mix of people who care about you and people who are just flippant and want to make you feel bad about yourself. But if it's a shared sentiment, then why discount what the people who care about you have to say? It might be worth investigating.

    But, also, give it a year or two at maintenance and see if their perspective of you changes.

    What do you think?
  • earlyxer
    earlyxer Posts: 240 Member
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    I've been 15 lbs - 20 lbs over where I want to be for a few years. Nothing radical. And right now I'm not even at goal - I don't really consider my weight, it's body fat percentage that I am targeting. I have traditionally been around 20% - 22%. In order to have nice abs, a man needs to be in the 10% - 12% range. A real six-pack is more like 8%.

    So right now I'm at about 15%. Almost there, but not quite. 6 or 7 more pounds of fat ought to do it. Then, my plan is to start eating above my TDEE and gain some muscle. I've always strived to not let my goals conflict, and preserve/add muscle mass at all costs. So I eat under my TDEE and do lots of resistance training to lose fat and minimize muscle loss. Then, I eat over my TDEE and try to work even harder to add muscle while minimizing fat gain. I have always found it easier to lose fat than gain muscle.

    And I'm no kid either, I'm 48, so it makes it even tougher to add on lean mass.

    And that's all fine and dandy, I know where I am going and I know how to get there. And no one on MFP has ever criticized my physique. It's the people at work, and ONE person in particular who is not at work that are really getting under my skin. Yeah, of course it's a girl, lol. We've had this on-and-off thing for about a year and a half, and we started doing MFP and working out together (though at separate gyms, but you know what I mean -encouraging each other).at the beginning of the year. I lost 10, she lost 6, then she stopped MFP but kept the gym going. I kept going, I'm down 22 and she went right back to where she was. Now all I get from her is that she doesn't like how I look.

    She's even tempting me to put it back, because well - you ladies have that effect on us. If you're a dozen years younger than we are, then even more reason. But I'm stubborn as hell so part of me is saying "screw you" and the other part of me is saying "give her what she wants".

    It's never easy, is it?
  • samlankford
    samlankford Posts: 334
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    yeah people tell me that all the time, weight has not really "dropped" muscle just looks different on the body then a load of fat... whatever, its fine let them think what they want...
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    Because it's not politically correct to tell fat people they're fat. But people think they're complimenting you when saying you're too skinny - which is so not a compliment.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    I've been 15 lbs - 20 lbs over where I want to be for a few years. Nothing radical. And right now I'm not even at goal - I don't really consider my weight, it's body fat percentage that I am targeting. I have traditionally been around 20% - 22%. In order to have nice abs, a man needs to be in the 10% - 12% range. A real six-pack is more like 8%.

    So right now I'm at about 15%. Almost there, but not quite. 6 or 7 more pounds of fat ought to do it. Then, my plan is to start eating above my TDEE and gain some muscle. I've always strived to not let my goals conflict, and preserve/add muscle mass at all costs. So I eat under my TDEE and do lots of resistance training to lose fat and minimize muscle loss. Then, I eat over my TDEE and try to work even harder to add muscle while minimizing fat gain. I have always found it easier to lose fat than gain muscle.

    And I'm no kid either, I'm 48, so it makes it even tougher to add on lean mass.

    And that's all fine and dandy, I know where I am going and I know how to get there. And no one on MFP has ever criticized my physique. It's the people at work, and ONE person in particular who is not at work that are really getting under my skin. Yeah, of course it's a girl, lol. We've had this on-and-off thing for about a year and a half, and we started doing MFP and working out together (though at separate gyms, but you know what I mean -encouraging each other).at the beginning of the year. I lost 10, she lost 6, then she stopped MFP but kept the gym going. I kept going, I'm down 22 and she went right back to where she was. Now all I get from her is that she doesn't like how I look.

    She's even tempting me to put it back, because well - you ladies have that effect on us, and the hotter you are the more we listen. If you're a dozen years younger than we are, then even more reason. But I'm stubborn as hell so part of me is saying "screw you" and the other part of me is saying "give her what she wants".

    It's never easy, is it?

    Honestly I think you look great. You've clearly worked hard (and definitely a lot harder than me) and I can see some serious abs coming, great job man.
  • anoroc751
    anoroc751 Posts: 57 Member
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    Sometime people get used to seeing you a certain way and when you change it feels odd. I lost a bunch of weight last summer and I was still overweight by and scale or measuremnt tool out there and yet people said I looked too thin. I wasnt, I just think people were used to seeing me with rounded cheeks and when I lost weight I just looked different.

    Any way...you look good so that's all that matter.

    Good luck and keep moving.
  • earlyxer
    earlyxer Posts: 240 Member
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    I even had my ex-wife take me aside and tell me she was "worried about me", lol, and to "not lose anymore weight". And the girl in question is NOT giving me a compliment, she really doesn't like it. She's going to just hate when I hit 12%.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    I even had my ex-wife take me aside and tell me she was "worried about me", lol, and to "not lose anymore weight". And the girl in question is NOT giving me a compliment, she really doesn't like it. She's going to just hate when I hit 12%.

    Do whatever makes YOU happy. Ultimately, that's the only person you need to worry about.
  • SwimTheButterfly
    SwimTheButterfly Posts: 265 Member
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    "Excuse me, did you say something?"
    I personally am going to start ignoring people who make comments about my size, I am going to pretend that i didn't hear them and make them repeat themselves. After they repeat themselves a few times, they are not likely to ever make such a comment again. Whether it is a back handed compliment like: "You don't look as large" or any other inappropriate objectifying , snarky phrase that belittles me.

    If you're overweight they hassle you for being fat~and when you lose weight~they miss having that to poke at you about~~so they find something else pick at.

    LoL! I am with Glenbabe~it is a man thing,too. If a man loses weight, he is losing too much. A woman loses weight, and she is told she always needs to lose more.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    cause grownups are all mean.
  • tookarook
    tookarook Posts: 18 Member
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    just that it shocks people at first
  • tookarook
    tookarook Posts: 18 Member
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    Two reasons:

    A. They are fat and envious of your weight loss.

    B. They are used to seeing you at your former weight and that is their reference for "normal" for you, even if you were overweight. Now you lose some weight and look skinny or sickly to them. Given time with the new you, they will get used to it.

    I got that a lot when I first lost my 30 lbs. Hell, I still get it from people I don't see too often. Don't sweat it.

    Hey buddy I still think you look sick...just kidding..you look great and I am catching up :)
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    C'mon, you live in America. If you're healthy, how are you going to fit in? ;)
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Sick of hearing people tell me I lost too much weight. How come people never come up to you and say "Hey, you better be careful - you're getting too fat!" or "You really ought to brush your teeth!"? But they have no ****ing problem saying "You're losing too much weight"?

    I think some people are using it as a compliment, and might not really mean it, and other people are just mean and think they know everything, for those people you should tell them about their bad breath or of they are getting too fat!
  • amoffatt
    amoffatt Posts: 674 Member
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    I find that some of these people are jealous or even afraid of others looking better than them. (I know a few people like this :grumble: ). Why can't people be proud and even motivated, not "You're too thin stop it" attitudes. BTW, you look awesome!
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    C'mon, you live in America. If you're healthy, how are you going to fit in? ;)

    that's nice.
  • PeachyPlum
    PeachyPlum Posts: 1,243 Member
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    Sick of hearing people tell me I lost too much weight. How come people never come up to you and say "Hey, you better be careful - you're getting too fat!"

    Obviously, we don't work for the same company.
  • chasingbabes
    chasingbabes Posts: 93
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    Thats because you didnt translate it.
    'youre losing too much weighta' lots of time means:
    "youre looking good. Stop that because I cant/wont do it!".

    That's a fact. Living proof exists.
  • quixoteQ
    quixoteQ Posts: 484
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    I would just take it with a grain of salt. It is certainly possible to lose too much weight--or to have an unhealthy, inaccurate vision of how you look. I don't know you at all, and it's likely you don't suffer from that sort of warped perspective. But there are lots of people out there with eating disorders who are not striving for healthy--they are looking to see their skeletons poking through their skin.

    And honestly, maybe it's okay for someone you trust to say, "Hey, Lebowski--you're looking soft in the middle. Ease up on those Caucasians." But I'm not going to stop some dude on the street to tell him he looks pregnant.

    Keeping a healthy perspective on weight loss is important for everyone--losers and gainers.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    I would rather hear "you're losing too much weight" than "you're too fat." Haters will hate and it's because of jealousy!!!!!

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