I don't know how to feel about this site..
anaboneana
Posts: 195 Member
Hey all, I'm currently recovering from disordered eating.
Long story short: I began my destructive journey with anorexia, until my body got so fed up with me that it started to help itself.
Leading me to start binging and, thusly, purging to compensate .. I'm on this site, now, to help manage what I fuel my body with. Rather than restricting myself to less than 500 calories a day, I'm learning to try to feed my body (1220-2000 calories, depending on the day).. Not with junk, of course, but with food that it can actually use to it's advantage.
I'm also learning to incorporate a -healthy- work-out regime into my weeks, so I can become stronger.
Anyways..
Lately, I've been lurking around the forums, clicking around profiles of seemingly "healthy" and "fit" people. Trying to help myself by learning to eat "normally" by observing what healthy people eat/do.
What I've come to realize, is that there are many.. many.. people on this site who don't realize that they're doing what I did.
Just a moment ago, I was in the success stories section and people were congratulating a young girl on her so-called "success". (My apologies if this isn't a vague-enough description!) Yes, I'll admit she looks fabulous. However, when I looked through her diet/excercise profile, I was shocked. She's restricting herself to about 800-1000 calories with very little excercise. -Yet, I feel I was the only one who noticed this.-
This isn't the first time I looked through someone's diet profile and was surprised.
I was more taken back by the fact that people were congratulating someone who, I'm assuming, might be struggling with an eating disorder.
It's saddening to realize that people are abusing this site and not realizing what they're getting themselves into.
And I apologize if I'm targeting myself to hate-filled comments. I just wanted to share my thoughts.
Thanks for reading.
Long story short: I began my destructive journey with anorexia, until my body got so fed up with me that it started to help itself.
Leading me to start binging and, thusly, purging to compensate .. I'm on this site, now, to help manage what I fuel my body with. Rather than restricting myself to less than 500 calories a day, I'm learning to try to feed my body (1220-2000 calories, depending on the day).. Not with junk, of course, but with food that it can actually use to it's advantage.
I'm also learning to incorporate a -healthy- work-out regime into my weeks, so I can become stronger.
Anyways..
Lately, I've been lurking around the forums, clicking around profiles of seemingly "healthy" and "fit" people. Trying to help myself by learning to eat "normally" by observing what healthy people eat/do.
What I've come to realize, is that there are many.. many.. people on this site who don't realize that they're doing what I did.
Just a moment ago, I was in the success stories section and people were congratulating a young girl on her so-called "success". (My apologies if this isn't a vague-enough description!) Yes, I'll admit she looks fabulous. However, when I looked through her diet/excercise profile, I was shocked. She's restricting herself to about 800-1000 calories with very little excercise. -Yet, I feel I was the only one who noticed this.-
This isn't the first time I looked through someone's diet profile and was surprised.
I was more taken back by the fact that people were congratulating someone who, I'm assuming, might be struggling with an eating disorder.
It's saddening to realize that people are abusing this site and not realizing what they're getting themselves into.
And I apologize if I'm targeting myself to hate-filled comments. I just wanted to share my thoughts.
Thanks for reading.
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Replies
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I completely agree! when i look at success stories i look at diaries to see how they got there.. many people dont realize they arent helping their bodies. but on the other hand MANY PEOPLE DO and are going the healthy and safe route of eating correctly and losing it the right way. Just make friends with the ones who you find to be positive and a similar mindset0
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I know that feel bro. It's pretty saddening...and I'm sorry to hear about your disordered eating, I hope you continue to try and get healthy!
Sometimes I don't eat much because I have a cold or whatever and only consume about 300 calories a day and some friends on here still commented "Nice job!!" makes me want to smack them......
I eat 1500+ calories daily and then some for exercise-you can add me if you want
People can do what they want on here, but that doesn't mean you have to follow some people's unhealthy habits. Also, there are plenty of people on here that AREN'T like that, you just have to find them. Good luck! 0 -
That is an interesting obsrevation. In the rush to be nurturing, helpful and motivating we just assume they are doing it the right way.
On the other hand, its not our individual responsibility to screen every persons food diary and most people don't even make it public.
You will need to decide for yourself if there is any value in being a part of this site but I would argue that there are a good number of people on this site that are doing it right or at least learning how to so perhaps focus on them.
And, if you see someone that isn't be gentle and coach them...perhaps through a private message. I do know that when it comes to weight issues people can be hyper sensitive.
Good luck and keep moving.0 -
I can't really comment on the issue you mention as I'm new here, but I wish you well with your recovery. I do know from my own experience that my weight loss efforts are much more successful (and I feel much happier) when I turn my focus from being critical of myself (and my thighs!) and 'starving myself thinner' to one where I focus on nurturing my body with healthy food. I'd never expect my car to function properly on too little food and don't want to sell my body short either. So I think you raise a very valid point.0
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We tend to be drawn to people who are like us. While I have noticed people who are similar to those you described, I am friends with, and pay more attention to the other athlete/bodybuilder/exercise lovers like me. This site is just like many other things in life - you can use it for good, or you can use it for not so good - I believe that if you look for and make friends with people who are choosing to live a healthy lifestyle, you will learn lots about how to do so yourself. If you constantly look at/for people who are not making healthy choices, it can start to alter your thoughts on eating and working out.0
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@anoroc:
I feel that this site is a wonderful tool for people. Although, I'm still trying to get into the groove of figuring it all out. (I was a member once upon a long time ago.. When I was trying to lose my high school dorito/taco bell/mountain dew-induced chubbiness.)
But... As someone who was a member of a couple of pro-ana sites (not proud to admit), I'm shocked to see that there are some very blurred lines between what's healthy and what could be classified as sickness, depending on the mentality of the individual(s).
Although, we live good lives in America where, as you put, we have the right to do what we please.
Messaging the person is a wonderful idea.. But you're right in that some people are more sensitive than others.
I just had an experience last night that shook me up just a smidge - I was in wal-mart, doing my grocery shopping and while I was reading through the ingredients lists (because I'm trying to watch my sodium/sugar intake), I was disrupted a few times by a nosey employee who kept making snide remarks about how much time I was taking in the aisles. I understand that he meant no harm/insult.. But it still somewhat bothered me.0 -
I'm convinced the average I.Q. is about 65. It would explain everything.
Choose your friends very carefully.
Good luck, and try not to think about it too much.0 -
i wont ever accept friend requests with people who eat under 1000 calories, and even those that eat like under 1200 i encourage to eat more0
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Yes, you are very right. I can't congratulate someone for eating their calories when I see it's with shots of vodka and doesn't incorporate healthy food choices.
There are people on here that eat pure healthy food. I'd be happy to have you as a friend.
Good luck!!0 -
I hear ya, happens to me on my site of friends too sometimes-they will say wtg and then when I look at their diary and see they had 200 cals at brfst and then didn't eat again til dinner and then had 1000 cals at dinner with no water all day! I hate being the only one to say something so most times I don't but sometimes I do and when you do you get no reply almost like they are mad at you. I just have to keep telling myself everyones journey is unique and hopefully they will figure it out. I have to focus on me right now, that all I can do.0
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Sometimes looking after yourself, and leading a good example, is the best thing you can do to help others.0
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I can't really comment on the issue you mention as I'm new here, but I wish you well with your recovery. I do know from my own experience that my weight loss efforts are much more successful (and I feel much happier) when I turn my focus from being critical of myself (and my thighs!) and 'starving myself thinner' to one where I focus on nurturing my body with healthy food. I'd never expect my car to function properly on too little food and don't want to sell my body short either. So I think you raise a very valid point.
Thank you. And I understand the functionality aspect. There's a quote that if we treated/judged our friends as harshly as we sometimes treat ourselves, we'd be very lonely individuals. (Not saying that applies to everyone, of course. Just those of us who occasionally feel a tad down about the awesome gifts that are our bodies.)
And, speaking of thighs.. I had the oh-so "glorious" thigh gap that many young women rave about. It's not that awesome.
Plus, my boyfriend made a nice comment about how he enjoys my newly found meatiness over me being a boney-sack of skin. (More cushion for the pushin' - put bluntly. lol. Plus, I'm now realizing how freakin' sexy curves are.)0 -
My doctor has told me you have to eat to lose. Meaning you have to eat healthier foods or foods in moderation. I am learning this by making my struggle public. Restricting oneself and not exercising will kill you. People just don't get it because they want to be what they see or what they believe is a social ideal. Centuries ago curvy women were sexy and that was still unhealthy. My fiance's Aunt is going to visit her daughter next week. Her heart is irratic, she is having issues the migraines and based on what I see.....his Aunt is going to hold her daughter. She is in her forties and has battled disorcered eating all her life. It is too easy to get where you were and too hard to come back. Pick and chose your friends on the site. I try to avoid the forums but something drew me here today. You can do this....for yourself and no one else. Don't go it alone though....have a support network and if you have medical care please listen to your doctor. I wish you such much luck and love. Jennifer0
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There are lots of people starving themselves on here...most of them just don't know better. We've been taught for decades to eat less/move more--people just naturally take that concept to the extreme sometimes, and it is sad. But who knows, maybe if they stay here long enough, they will see success stories of people losing weight and actually fueling their bodies....then maybe they will change. MFP has caused me to re-think what I've done in the past, and I'm really grateful. I think it's an amazing site. Yes, there are people who abuse it, and yes, there are tons and tons of jerks and crazies on here---that's just life. :ohwell:0
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Sometimes looking after yourself, and leading a good example, is the best thing you can do to help others.
I agree. I'm hoping that I can be a good example for my family. I want to teach them that good-health is an attainable goal - that doesn't equal being a pale, sickly-looking living corpse - and that fitness can be fun and easy to incorporate into their lives.0 -
EXCELLENT thread. And very needed on here from time to time. Right now it's quite timely.0
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You're so right. I took up meditation a while back, and just watching my thoughts I realised how harsh I tend to be to myself. I'm a work in progress on that one.
I am a big fan of healthy curves. Although confess I am rather a little too abundantly blessed at present! I want to be lean and strong, but with a nice curvy womanly shape. And the obligatory world peace would also be nice. You don't want to know what order those things come in!
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Surround yourself with like minded people and ignore all the rest. As they say, birds of a feather flock together.
I would never want to keep friends around that take the starvation route...Its a horrible life to live and I pray they would realize this sooner rather than (with so much damage done!) later.0 -
Please don't let anyone push into hurrying. It sounds like you are taking control and you should be very proud of the steps that you are taking. So this time around 'good job' and one day at a time.0
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You're so right. I took up meditation a while back, and just watching my thoughts I realised how harsh I tend to be to myself. I'm a work in progress on that one.
I am a big fan of healthy curves. Although confess I am rather a little too abundantly blessed at present! I want to be lean and strong, but with a nice curvy womanly shape. And the obligatory world peace would also be nice. You don't want to know what order those things come in!
I call myself an artist and my best and continual "works-in-progress" will always be my body and mind. Although, according to history, I wouldn't be a very good artist if I wasn't at least a wee bit crazy from time to time.
Best of luck with your meditation practices... Have you tried instructor-led yoga? Or are you one of the lucky few who can succeed in releasing their thoughts, alone?
Don't ever bash your thighs! I honestly wish I could tell so many people that! Gaining weight has been such a pain - because it doesn't automatically fall back into place. (It's frustrating as heck - my weight seems to want to center in my stomach, and is oh-so-very slowly making it's way back to my thighs, like what it was before. I absolutely miss the awesome pear shape I used to have! And boobs.. Granted, I was never given a huge gift from the boob-fairy, to begin with.. I just think boobs are fabulous)0 -
Please don't let anyone push into hurrying. It sounds like you are taking control and you should be very proud of the steps that you are taking. So this time around 'good job' and one day at a time.
"One day at a time" - That's one of my favorite phrase snippets.0 -
Ah well check out my diary I eat s***loads! 0
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Ah well check out my diary I eat s***loads!
lol.. Hey, if that's what your body is saying that's what it needs.. Then so be it! I'm trying to accept that "cravings" are present for a reason. (The body's way of saying "hey, silly, i need some of *this* so please eat *that*"0 -
I completely agree. I think the site is great, unfortunately no matter what tools one is given, they're going to do things their own way despite people telling them it's bad, but what's worse is they spread that bad information so newbies that don't know any better blindly follow it.
The site DOES tell a user that they have eaten too little if they log under 1200 (I believe, I've never eaten that little) but again, the site can't make that person eat more or stop others from congratulating them on eating so few calories. When people do try to educate them about eating too few, a huge argument ensues and the thread ends up getting locked.
One of my biggest pet peeves is someone coming on to complain that they have only lost 5 pounds in the last month and a bunch of people sympathize with them and give them suggestions on how to lose more. I feel like I'm the only one telling them 5 pounds in one month is completely normal and very much on par with healthy weight loss, but most people want to come on here and lose 20 pounds a month....sorry, not going to happen.0 -
This.
One of my biggest pet peeves is someone coming on to complain that they have only lost 5 pounds in the last month and a bunch of people sympathize with them and give them suggestions on how to lose more. I feel like I'm the only one telling them 5 pounds in one month is completely normal and very much on par with healthy weight loss, but most people want to come on here and lose 20 pounds a month....sorry, not going to happen.
And other situations where folks come on and ask about something, sometimes utterly out of touch with reality, and folks chime in to "help" them achieve it, without stopping to consider if what they're hoping for is realistic, or healthy or even possible. But bam, you'll see "just hit your macros" or "add protein shakes". sigh.
It's a great site. But like any internet forum, it's definitely got it's negative qualities.0 -
I believe in slow weight loss and I don't have a scale now that mine has broken. I'm sure seeing others doing what you recognize yourself having done is frustrating. After all you know first hand what it does. I say the best thing you can do is offer suggestions without being preachy. Not saying you are or would.Some people have to hit rock bottom so to speak to realize whats up. Glad you are aware of your behavior and am working on improping your health. Best of luck. : )
add me if you like.0 -
There are lots of people starving themselves on here...most of them just don't know better. We've been taught for decades to eat less/move more--people just naturally take that concept to the extreme sometimes, and it is sad. But who knows, maybe if they stay here long enough, they will see success stories of people losing weight and actually fueling their bodies....then maybe they will change. MFP has caused me to re-think what I've done in the past, and I'm really grateful. I think it's an amazing site. Yes, there are people who abuse it, and yes, there are tons and tons of jerks and crazies on here---that's just life. :ohwell:
^^^ I agree wholeheartedly. I'm ashamed that I didn't know better, but I was one of those people who signed on here, shooting for a 2-lb-per-week weight loss, and used exercise to net less than 1000 calories many days, thinking that less must be better. :noway: I punished my body. And then I plateaued. Surprise. :ohwell: So I dove into the forums, found some fantastic individuals and groups of people eating to fuel their bodies and decided to join them and broke my plateau. I felt 100% stronger and more energetic. I'm still 5 pounds away from that elusive goal weight, but I'm not concerned. I'm healthier and more athletic than I have ever been, thanks to MFP!0 -
I just wanted to throw it out there that I am one of those people that eat 1200 calories a day. I also struggled with anorexia when I was a teenager. I was the chubby girl that started as the new kid the beginning of middle school. So you can guess how well that went over (especially when the whole grade was 35 kids...) And then I grew up and contiunued to grow out. Anyways my point to this is that I have a goal of 1200 calories each day, if I work out I eat more. I am not starving myself. I might be hungry when I go to bed because I am used to stuffing my face with junk around that time. I try to drink nothing but water, but I will still go out with my friends and get drinks. I still get french fries but I try to eat more of the heathy stuff. I think that each person has their own goals and while they might not be the best and most helpful thing in the long run, that is what they think works for them. Don't let other peoples choices have a negative affect on yours.0
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Thanks for the post - I was a competitive gymnast and staved myself and binged and purge my high school years and early 20s. I have a degree in human nutrition to learn how to fuel my body properly. I think eating 800-1000 is way low and if I saw that I would be telling that person to eat more. I think people think they will lose weight and they will, but it is so hard to maintain and they eventually will end up gaining weight when they eat again or they follow the path of an eating disorder. I wish you much success on your journey to a healthier you!! Keep up the great job and please feel free to friend me
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I think you make a really good point. However, often people assume that since this site doesn't promote (as setup) an unhealthy way of losing weight, that people generally do it in a reasonable way. It's not always the correct assumption to make though.
Congrats on your success battling your ED. :flowerforyou:0
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