End the relationship? Please help.

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chooseyou
chooseyou Posts: 14
in Motivation and Support
What do you do when you realize that your relationship could be contributing to your weight issue? Suspecting I had become an emotional eater I began keeping a journal to see if I could make any connections. I soon realized that my boyfriend was a big factor in creating stress in my life and I in turn was dealing with it by eating. I began seeing that he was very inconsistent and a pretty ruthless person when angry. The light bulb really turned on recently when he insulted my dad that committed suicide when I was little. He said that my dad killed himself over "baby" problems that he couldn't deal with. Keep in mind he never knew my dad and only knows what I shared with him about it (which I now regret). It almost makes me sick to type that this happened but not admitting it happened and hiding it with food doesn't change that he did it. This is only one example. To make matters more challenging, I live with my boyfriend in a city where I haven't made a lot of friends yet. I feel very alone. I really don't want to get in a cycle of emotional eating. Now that I'm starting to realize the connection I'm wondering if I should end this relationship.
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Replies

  • paygep
    paygep Posts: 401 Member
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    Call your friends, find a place to stay, move your things out while he's away and then tell him you want to take a break for a while. Lovin' you.
  • jjelizalde
    jjelizalde Posts: 377 Member
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    It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship but ultimately only you can make that decision. I'm sending you a friend request for support.
  • paygep
    paygep Posts: 401 Member
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    I don't know your situation, but I've seen the controlling type before. It would help to know how long you've been together... what I meant before was, you need to work on making yourself healthy and happy before you can be happy in a relationship.
  • debbieHOC
    debbieHOC Posts: 56 Member
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    i agree... call any and all friends you have and get out. Thank GOD you aren't married to him. If you treats you like this now it will oonly get worst. I am glad your light bulb went on. Get out and take care of yourself. The weight will come off pretty easy for you after that. I just worry for your safety. Be sure t seek professional help if he threatens you at all. Take a stand and protect yourself.
  • wonderlilly
    wonderlilly Posts: 27 Member
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    Without knowing your relationship all I can say is that you sound very clear-headed and aware of what does/not work for you in this relationship, which is great! If you are close enough with your boyfriend that you moved in with him, is discussing it an issue? As for not knowing people in the new town, the fact is that if you evaluate and decide that he isn't being supportive the way you need to be truly happy, then you're not really losing much, just creating an opportunity to date & meet other people.

    Emotional eating is a monster, and for sure we all do it. I don't think you have to decide immediately what to do about the bf, so hopefully you aren't pressuring yourself, just noticing what's going on and getting your thoughts together (which is WAY more than most of us do!). To be honest, from your post it sounds like you already know what you want to do, I'm not sure you need us to tell you it ;)

    But becoming aware of emotionally eating is a huge thing, and I totally give you props for looking to address the bigger issue (your relationship with him, or feeling like you have to defend what happened with your father). Good for you, and I hope you find romantic happiness AND reach whatever goals you are looking for on here!!
    If you're looking for new MFP pals online, add me, I'll totally be cheering you on :)
  • DesignGuy
    DesignGuy Posts: 457 Member
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    What I did was stick in the relationship to my ex-wife because I had kids. Yes, being told I was fat daily and having her sabotage my weight loss efforts was a blast for years. My weight went up and up. Hell, I won't even go on about the rest. But hey, I'm out and things are looking up. :)

    There's really no question here. Negative a-holes don't deserve to be in a relationship.

    And seriously, I would so knock his butt out over that comment about your dad alone. Don't even care if he was angry, what you have is a little boy, not a man.

    Stay safe and work on an exit plan. Take care of yourself and work on selecting a better guy next time.
  • PokenStick
    PokenStick Posts: 204
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    I think you have to separate issues. You need to communicate with your boyfriend about your feelings and then make a decision from there. Only you can determine this...but personally I would base it on how he reacts to your feelings and moves forward. If he dismisses you or turns the blame, maybe it's time for space.

    You having an emotional connection to food is a separate issue all together. If you eat when stressed, you need to explore other healthier releases. You will always have stress in your life, job, bills, boyfriend, kids, etc. While reducing these stressors is good, it's almost impossible to completely eradicate them. Find a hobby, exercise, have lots of sex, whatever floats your boat.
  • teenasbody
    teenasbody Posts: 212 Member
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    I was in an abusive reaationship for years, I gained 40 lbs. if you are asking the question then you already know the answer. you will need to find it in yourself to put you first and I would be lying if I said it would be easy but I will tell you that it's worth it to find your own happiness and whatever that looks like. I waited until ,y husband went to work packed up what I could fit in one truck and have not seen him since. that was over 6 years ago it took a lot but I now have a successful business and I am in the most amazing relationship with an amazing man I couldn't even dream up.

    Life doesn't have to be as hard as we make if we just follow our hearts and put ourselves first and love love love you like the world depends on it. because it does

    good luck I will be praying for you and feel free to add me for support
  • ChristineCatherine
    ChristineCatherine Posts: 13
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    Oh sweetheart, end it and end it now. Someone who talks about your dad without even knowing him, has no concern for you and your feelings. Someone who loves you and cares for you would never cross that line.
    Its a great thing that you've made the connection about your eating habits. Thats a huge first step. You will be better without him and get more accomplished.
    Add me :smile:
  • indianlarry11
    indianlarry11 Posts: 32 Member
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    I would end it based on what he said about your Dad alone.
  • zaithyr
    zaithyr Posts: 482 Member
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    Call friends or family and move out. I can tell you right now that if he acts like this now, it will only get worse. And especially if it's triggering emotional eating for you it's a double whammy. But you are going to have deeper issues that eating issues it sounds like if you stay with this guy. That's just my 2 cents! Sounds like you know what to do. We support you!! Move back home, do whatever you have to do but make a decision that's going to be best for you.
  • chooseyou
    chooseyou Posts: 14
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  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
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    I think a break would be good and in that time you can decide what's right for you.
  • DrewMaxwell
    DrewMaxwell Posts: 269 Member
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    Life's too short to be in a relationship with someone that builds themself up by tearing others down
  • CassieReannan
    CassieReannan Posts: 1,479 Member
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    Please get out, you dont deserve that. You are way better than that, and you can find someone else who will love you for who you are...

    You deserve happiness and someone who can make you happy.
  • shbretired
    shbretired Posts: 320 Member
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    Are you kidding me?
    (some of the replies I read saying to discuss with him?)

    He is controlling, and trying to tear your confidence down to keep you there with him.

    If you can't find a friend to go to, surely mail your stuff home, and get on the next bus!


    Thank god you realize what he's up to.

    He obviously has insecurities, and thinks belittling you will keep you at his level. RUN
  • toysbigkid
    toysbigkid Posts: 545 Member
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    You have already done the first step and that is, being aware of what makes you stressed and being an emotional eater. Believe me, I grew up in an abusive household, verbal and physical, get a new boyfriend, before there is more involved, (kids, bills, etc.) No nice guy would of ever said anything negative about your Dad. You deserve better and more. Please listen to your inner self. Try to replace the emotional eating with trying to make new friends, join a gym or something. Take walks or ride a bike, get outside and go to a park, anything, it will just make you feel better and help you think clearly. Good luck to you :)
  • mikek333
    mikek333 Posts: 78 Member
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    Are you saying he blamed your dad's untimely death on you as a baby? I teared up a little when I read that. If that's the kind of guy he is you know what you have to do. The sooner the better.
  • katyejean
    katyejean Posts: 233 Member
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    He sounds like a *kitten*. My boyfriend can be a **** sometimes, but something like that is way out of line for me. I wish you the best. But I am not sure much will change the situation until he's out of the picture.
  • OccupyFitness
    OccupyFitness Posts: 147
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    I am so sorry that you are feeling alone and in a situation that feels shaky. I am wishing you strength and clarity. I hope that you can soon find a solution to your relationship to your boyfriend and your food that feels rewarding and healthy. (((((Big Hug)))))

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