End the relationship? Please help.

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Replies

  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,226 Member
    it is important for a relationship that both couple feel happy and growing in all aspect of good things regardless if it's being fit, educated, career, money, business, etc. of course there are challenges of course there are miss understanding and problems will come across but since you able to grow positively in most time then it's likely that both of you will survive the trial.

    for being a man, it is important that he(and you) need to be calm. un-controllable anger is not good for himself to you and people around you

    based from what i mention above, you can now evaluate what you want to do. hope this helps
  • ChristaFall
    ChristaFall Posts: 62 Member
    I was in a horrible domestic violence relationship for 7 years..emotional and physical. I stayed for way too long..even though everyone told me to leave him, I had to be "ready" to do it myself. It was the best thing I ever did. It was also one of the hardest things I ever did. I wish you luck..and I'm sure you are much stronger than you think you are :-)
  • MindyG150
    MindyG150 Posts: 1,296 Member
    RUN FAST! What a puke!
  • Saruman_w
    Saruman_w Posts: 1,531 Member
    Abuse of any kind should never be tolerated. Never try to change him or get used to this behavior. Get out now before things get worse. You deserve to be happy not in fear of your SO.
  • kiminikimkim
    kiminikimkim Posts: 746 Member
    You deserve so much better! Good job for recognizing the truth. That guy is vindictive and immature. There are much better men out there, don't waste another minute of your life with him.
  • ljbhill
    ljbhill Posts: 276 Member
    It's really hard to give advice when you don't have all the other contributing factors. A lot of people say things they don't mean when they are angry. I do, my partner does but we also love each other very much and he would do anything for me. We say flippant things with the people we love all the time because we feel safe with them. It doesn't make it right but we are only human. From the limited insight into your realtionship that you have given, it sounds like both of you are under some pressures or stress. Stress is usually brought on by lack of sleep, lack of exercise, relationhips with people or work. The results of this stress for you guys is; you are over eating and he is demonstating angry outburts.

    Have you guys just moved in together? Is there new jobs? How is work life for the both of you? Etc etc. There may be many other contributing factors for your behaviours.

    I can't really tell you to break up with him because I don't know all the facts about your relationship. At the end of the day if he is supportive of you, affectionate, values your opinions, compromises and wants to spend time with you then I would discuss how his 'angry' outbursts are hurtful. On the other hand, if he is constantly verbally abusive, negative, controlling, unthoughtful, spiteful and rude I would end it.

    I hope this helps x
  • Meadows18
    Meadows18 Posts: 206 Member
    It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship but ultimately only you can make that decision. I'm sending you a friend request for support.

    It definetely is not very healthy. I am in the same situation but mine is my husband. It makes it difficult to leave and not know what to do next.
  • rcclcruiser
    rcclcruiser Posts: 98 Member
    I am married now, but many years ago when I was young and beautiful, I wasted years on the wrong guy. I knew I needed to get rid of him, but it was painful to do it. Find a support group of friends, get rid of him, and you will be happier in the long run.
  • secostley
    secostley Posts: 409 Member
    No question.......drop him immediately. If insults and comments that he's made flow that freely now, imagine what it will be like if you were married.

    Drop him, his phone number and his email address.
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    Insulting a deceased relative would be a deal breaker for me...
  • soontobesexyone
    soontobesexyone Posts: 10
    I totally understand the emotional eating problem and the bad relationship thing. A few months ago a kinda 'woke up' to realizing that my marriage of 8 years was over. That was where nothing more than roommates, that he was never going to be there for me the way I need him to be. I went in for a cancer biopsy and he was a raging jerk to me all that day - like he was the one being tested. Everything that went wrong was somehow my fault, even if it wasn't. Yes he is so 'supportive'. Sure he was worried, like I'm not, but the point is he didn't need to be yelling at me. I'm the person who's looking at breast cancer, not him. I'm the person who has been worried sick for the past 3 weeks wondering, do I or do I not have breast cancer. The LAST thing I need is him screaming at me about BS. but that is how he is, and how he always is, and he will never change. So I have to accept that and choose to stay with him, or move on. I choose to move on.

    My husband says and does things that makes me feel like crap. Something that I had to realize is that it wasn't about him....this is about me. This of coarse does not excuse his behavior or what his says. Because there is no excuse for bad behavior and you do not need to tolerate anyone treating you badly. Only you can say what to do in your relationship. Like you I do not have any family in my area so I am on my own, but look at it as an opportunity. You can either move back home, or move to another new city, or stay where you are....the choice really yours. Where is someplace that you have always wanted to live? Why not think about moving there, if you are going to start somewhere new?

    My self esteem, and self worth is in the toilet. This journey is not just about loosing 150 pounds, it is about refinding me....about regaining myself esteem. It kinda sounds like you need to do the same. Eating gives us that temporary support and boost but in the end, it really doesn't help us. Like any habit you need to figure out what triggers you, and do something else when it happens.

    For me I am trying to go to the gym now when he upsets me instead of going for the chocolate cake. And when he buys the chocolate cake, I says thanks, and leave it for him to eat. Because of coarse he doesn't want me loosing the weight either.


    Good luck honey - friend me if you need to talk! :smile:
  • SirBeechBum
    SirBeechBum Posts: 28
    Have you guys just moved in together? Is there new jobs? How is work life for the both of you? Etc etc. There may be many other contributing factors for your behaviours.
    Are you kidding me? I don’t care how stressful any of this is, you don’t respond by badgering/verbally abusing your significant other.

    One of the main reasons the divorce rate is so high in this country (I live in the US), is that people decide to get married despite the ridiculously obvious red flags discovered during courtship. I mean come on folks, that’s what the courtship period is for. I don’t want to come off as being insensitive but HELLO,,, RED FLAG!!!

    I hate seeing women in these abusive type relationships but often times it’s really just a matter of choice. It sounds to me like you are choosing not to ignore this particular red flag and I applaud you for it. Feel free to add me as a friend and good luck…
  • patz21
    patz21 Posts: 6 Member
    Let him go girly I'm telling you from experience I was 143 pounds when I met my X after 8 months in the relationship I was 194 pounds i left him and in 7 weeks I lost 30 pounds now it been 1 year I'm 148 just a few pounds from how I was b4 ... A man should make you happy not depressed and people who care for you should not hurt your feelings !!!
  • lorro
    lorro Posts: 917 Member
    I did confront him about the comment later and his response was "I was mad." No apologies. No acknowledgement it crossed a big line.... He's never been physically abusive but has made the comment when angry that "this is why someone would want to punch you in the face." God, I feel like an idiot typing that. Obviously, this is not a good situation.

    I really appreciate all the responses and people sharing their stories and encouragement. Not to get sappy but I was feeling very alone and your responses mean a lot to me. More than you know.

    He may have good qualities, he may love you but that doesn't take away from the fact that he also hurts you and takes no responsibility for having done so. In effect this means he believes that he has a right to do so. Please don't blame yourself. It will erode your self esteem further. People with these problems (inability to sustain healthy relationships) are not always easy to spot. At first they may appear very different.

    I sense that you are quite frightened. I've been there - often the degree of denial is linked to the degree of fear in facing up to the problems. Please listen to your instincts. He may not be a violent man but there are signs he will not accept your decison and may feel entitled to vent his negative feelings on you. You are heading into new territory in terms of conflict. You will be fine but you may need help and you don't need to do this alone. Please see a relationship counsellor, they will see people on their own who are having relationship difficulties and they will help you deal with the situation and do what is right for you. Of course friends and family are important too - you have become isolated from them so please tell them about what is happening. Try and find supportive people to be with locally, join a womens gym or join a group. As you can see from this thread, there is life and happiness on the other side, you'll get there :flowerforyou:
  • riley711
    riley711 Posts: 298 Member
    I was in a verbally abusive relationship for a number of years. I moved from my home town to be with him in his city, and I didn't have many friends here. But the relationship had to end!! You will survive, and probably thrive if you end the relationship. It was very smart of you to keep a journal to identify the root cause, and admitting some of the things that your boyfriend did shows great strength. Don't worry about not having many friends.....sometimes your circle needs to be small so that you can develop more. You will be fine without him.
  • gwyn48
    gwyn48 Posts: 23 Member
    Chooseyou,
    My heart goes out to you and the strength you really have shown through this thread.

    Since others have addressed the relationship issues, I only have a few comments from personal experience.

    Don't let fear of being alone, or having to set out on your own alone be a factor at all in your decision on the relationship. You are strong and have the power to change finding friends ( you found us!!), and living on your own. Many of us have done this alone at first and you will find dear friends wherever you go.

    I just recently ended a 15 yr relationship and was devastated by it. I realized we had met my first month in a brand new city and even after 15 yrs, I didn't know how to be in this city without him. However, just a few months later, I am happy and meeting new friends everyday. I have to put myself out there a little, but with losing the weight I do have the confidence now.

    A tool I use, that I know is around Atlanta since I'm in SC, is the meetup.com website. I have met alot of very friendly people with common interests and most of them have joined up alone to meet friends.

    Best of Luck!
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