Frustrated with friend...warning it's a rant.

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  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,695 Member
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    Look at it from her point of view. She heavy, unconfident, unmotivated, scared and more. When a close friend or family member intercedes with their personal issue, they may feel that they are under the microscope and also that they are being observed.
    So let's say that they take it on a fail miserably. No doubt you'll still be her friend, but she may feel shame and feel inferior to you every time you would come around. No one wants to fail in front of their family or closest friends.
    This may be why she's looking for "someone" to do it with.
    I train many females who start off overweight and lots of times their husbands or family members are also members of the gym. When I ask if they want them to join on a 2 on 1 session, they decline most of the time not because of the money, but because they feel uncomfortable working out with them.
    Don't take it personally. IMO, I believe it's a natural reaction.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ChasingSweatandTears
    ChasingSweatandTears Posts: 504 Member
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    You know why you don't count? Because misery loves company and you are not miserable, therefore she doesn't want your company :/ If she really wants to make a change, she will. The pain has to get to a point where it's more uncomfortable than the fear of change or failure. I am saying this because I'm going through the same thing with one of my friends, but it's not weight loss related.

    You have done the right thing by offering your support, but yes it's up to her. I don't mean to sound harsh.
  • TeaRexParty
    TeaRexParty Posts: 125 Member
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    Your only real option here is to kidnap her. This is going to complicate your life and there will likely be legal fees involved....big ones, but why not?

    LOL
  • imbanter
    imbanter Posts: 72 Member
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    Thanks everyone!!! This is why I joined this site. The support is great. I know she will have to make the decision to lose the weight on her own. Just becuase I don't have more than 100 lbs to lose doesn't make my weight loss journey any more or less difficult or momentus (check the spelling there). I am happy that I have lost the 15 pounds that I have. They have been hard won after counting calories and working out. It isn't easy (for anyone really) to lose weight and I have only wanted to share with her what has worked for me. I am a firm believer though if you don't like something either change it or shut up. Right now, I want to just tell her to shut up. But that isn't helpful for her so I zipped my lip and posted a topic :-D

    You've planted the seed. Now drop it and just be, her friend so she doesn't feel pressured. It's not unlike someone who had found religion or became a representative in a pyramid scheme and after a while you kind of dred seeing them. It sounds like she simply isn't ready for a change.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,695 Member
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    I also am severely overweight and have been my entire life. So not to be funny and I'm not saying that your advice isn't valid, but I think you're not understanding it from her perspective. If you're friend is very overweight and has been for a while, her mindset is in a completely different place. She may really want to lose the weight but scared to death she can't so it's easier not to start at all.

    This is going to be a weird analogy but I kind of think its like two people who need to clean their house. For the first person its not a big deal for them because they know they've let things go a bit but one good run at it over the weekend and all will be back in place. Then picture the second person trying to have that same approach and mentality if they're house was just nominated for the next episode of hoarders. Then ask yourself which person you're most likely to find overwhelmed and crying on their front steps, lol

    And I don't know your friend so this may be way off but here's something else to consider. If she's had other people also try to help her, some may not have been so well intentioned or even if they were, could have really hurt her and she may not be comfortable letting you help her. When you hit the "obese" or even "morbidly obese" category its like we're wearing our shame on the outside for everyone to judge. And plenty of people out there are quick to do that and make people who are very heavy feel they are not equal with their thinner counterparts.

    And this may sound silly to you but I know intelligently that I am a very loyal and good friend but I always have self esteem issues because of my weight and feel not good enough for my friends because of it. So me personally, when I've had friends who lost a few pounds try to help me, not only did I feel they didn't understand but it only made me feel more beneath them and like I was their charity case. I try to not be sensative or uncomfortable when I know people are trying to help but its hard not to be when I've had so many people in my life be downright abusive about my weight.

    So yea....not sure about your friend but I know I bring alot of emotional baggage with me when it comes to this. I bet she's just uncomfortable but I guarantee she's not trying to hurt you.
    I've seen this and understand. Part of the reason why I love being a PT. Having no real "personal" connection makes it easier for the client to focus on themselves and not worry about how someone close to them will think if they can't do that push up, suck at squats etc.
    As a trainer, I've seen bad form, people crying, people throw up, etc. and guess what? They come back for more because I believe that they know I'm there to help them with their goal. I NEVER get too personal with clients because I never want them to feel that they have to feel embarrassed or that I'll ever judge them.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

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