My body ideal is different than yours

AlsDonkBoxSquat
AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
in Chit-Chat
People just don't get it, and we're so much harder on women on this site than we are on the men. Seriously, think about it, we look at the guys and say "he's not my type" and look at the women and say something nasty and degrading and derogatory. The women on here are beautiful. We sometimes forget that while we're standing there bashing a person's appearances that there's someone on the other end reading those things about themselves or about someone with which they identify. Just because someone isn't your ideal is no reason to call them names or pick them apart. Words like fluffy, butch, manly, squishy, and lumpy are not complimentary. Describing something using descriptive words like "ewe" or "gross" is also not reaffirming.

I find so much support and wonderful information on here, but I'll never understand why we have to be so ugly to each other. It's important to remember that ugly ain't just on the outside. The next time you type a comment about someone's physical appearance take an extra 30 seconds to think about how you would feel if you were reading that about yourself.
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Replies

  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    :drinker:
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
    Great post!
  • em435
    em435 Posts: 210 Member
    Hear Hear! :drinker:
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    Its getting real old the way people are picking apart other peoples goals around here. Not everyone wants the same thing,and its ok to say that. Whats not ok is take a *kitten* all over someones hard work even if its not something you would want for yourself. When people do things like that it makes them look jealous,petty,and is not a very attractive personality trait.
  • Colbyandsage
    Colbyandsage Posts: 751 Member
    COMPLETELY AGREE!!! Yes, I am using shouty capitals!!!!!
  • cardiokitten
    cardiokitten Posts: 401 Member
    amen!
  • getsveltEagain
    getsveltEagain Posts: 1,063 Member
    Its getting real old the way people are picking apart other peoples goals around here. Not everyone wants the same thing,and its ok to say that. Whats not ok is take a *kitten* all over someones hard work even if its not something you would want for yourself. When people do things like that it makes them look jealous,petty,and is not a very attractive personality trait.

    I agree!
  • almc170
    almc170 Posts: 1,093 Member
    Great post!!
  • AubreysMommy30
    AubreysMommy30 Posts: 64 Member
    :smile: Agree times 1 MILLION! Thanks for posting this
  • BPayton27
    BPayton27 Posts: 626 Member
    :flowerforyou:
  • Shfiftyfive
    Shfiftyfive Posts: 261
    But...but....what if she's muscular?! Surely she must be crucified for such a thing!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    thank you! I :heart: you!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    People just don't get it, and we're so much harder on women on this site than we are on the men. Seriously, think about it, we look at the guys and say "he's not my type" and look at the women and say something nasty and degrading and derogatory. The women on here are beautiful. We sometimes forget that while we're standing there bashing a person's appearances that there's someone on the other end reading those things about themselves or about someone with which they identify. Just because someone isn't your ideal is no reason to call them names or pick them apart. Words like fluffy, butch, manly, squishy, and lumpy are not complimentary. Describing something using descriptive words like "ewe" or "gross" is also not reaffirming.

    I find so much support and wonderful information on here, but I'll never understand why we have to be so ugly to each other. It's important to remember that ugly ain't just on the outside. The next time you type a comment about someone's physical appearance take an extra 30 seconds to think about how you would feel if you were reading that about yourself.

    I so agree with this.

    And people also should remember that when someone describes her own body, she is talking about herself and not anyone else. If I'm thinner than you, that is not a bash against you. It is just who I am.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    But...but....what if she's muscular?! Surely she must be crucified for such a thing!

    Other way around. If she's NOT muscular, she's clearly skinny fat, and according to 90% of the people here, that's "gross."
  • fayglet
    fayglet Posts: 72 Member
    I think I'm really lucky - I've been on here for a while and I've NEVER seen that behaviour.

    To all of you who post the nice things I regularly see - "Well done! Keep up the good work! Love your recipes!" - thanks for making this a positive space. And of course... keep up that good work :)
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    But...but....what if she's muscular?! Surely she must be crucified for such a thing!

    Other way around. If she's NOT muscular, she's clearly skinny fat, and according to 90% of the people here, that's "gross."

    Thats also annoying
  • k2quiere
    k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
    Its getting real old the way people are picking apart other peoples goals around here. Not everyone wants the same thing,and its ok to say that. Whats not ok is take a *kitten* all over someones hard work even if its not something you would want for yourself. When people do things like that it makes them look jealous,petty,and is not a very attractive personality trait.

    For some reason your last sentence and your ticker quote make me want to shout "God don't like ugly"...He also doesn't care what you look like on the outside!
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
    So glad you posted this! Some of the comments I've seen on here are soo mean. I try to stick with the positive people ;)
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,290 Member
    Amen :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I think I'm really lucky - I've been on here for a while and I've NEVER seen that behaviour.

    To all of you who post the nice things I regularly see - "Well done! Keep up the good work! Love your recipes!" - thanks for making this a positive space. And of course... keep up that good work :)

    You don't read the boards much, do you?
  • ElizabethObviously
    ElizabethObviously Posts: 380 Member
    I agree. I think everyone should be supportive of each other. I mean we are all here for the same reason right? To get healthy and stay healthy? I know I am here to get healthy, lose weight and inspire others.
  • skybird455
    skybird455 Posts: 172 Member
    I have not seen anyone doing that to each other. Really? they are? Thats aweful, thats not motivational and encouraging at all. Boo on them
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    It is so discouraging seeing the nasty things on here about the other women. One thread will be about the fat and lazy disgusting women, the next will be about the lucky skinny *****es, the next about how women who are cut look manly and the next tearing apart the skinny fat chicks (because they aren't cut). WTH! I may find certain looks to be more attractive to me than others, but man, that doesn't mean I need to tell everyone else they need to conform to my ideals or they are (insert horribly unattractive word here). Women, we are hard enough on ourselves without making it harder on each other!
  • ChevyChick88
    ChevyChick88 Posts: 356 Member
    Soooo agree! Nice post! :flowerforyou:
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I have not seen anyone doing that to each other. Really? they are? Thats aweful, thats not motivational and encouraging at all. Boo on them

    apparently, some are
  • tat2dmrsgrimm
    tat2dmrsgrimm Posts: 226 Member
    I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.

    I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
  • Lane1012
    Lane1012 Posts: 211 Member
    Unfortunately if you put yourself out there you'll run into people who either, a. have no tact/filter or b. are just complete tools. I will say though that although these folks generally get the most attention (for being inflammatory) they are generally few and far between .. in my experience. There are far more here that help and support than those mentioned above.

    Just ignore them and they tend to go away. ;)
  • cobes24
    cobes24 Posts: 132 Member
    Thanks for this. I am always a bit baffled by how bossy and crabby people can be here--the main reason why I keep my "friend" list to only people I know in real life (with the exception of 2 non-sucky people). I'm in charge of my body and my wt loss, and I don't need the input of strangers picking apart what I'm doing that doesn't fit their "ideal". I"m here for the food and wt tracking, to encourage my friends/family that are here, and to seek some inspiration when I"m feeling stuck.

    Thanks again for the post! Some people are dbags.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    Unfortunately if you put yourself out there you'll run into people who either, a. have no tact/filter or b. are just complete tools. I will say though that although these folks generally get the most attention (for being inflammatory) they are generally few and far between .. in my experience. There are far more here that help and support than those mentioned above.

    Just ignore them and they tend to go away. ;)


    unfortunately, sometimes we don't put ourselves out there and it still happens.... we're all still human, regardless of how we behave and its still hurtful.
  • Lane1012
    Lane1012 Posts: 211 Member
    Unfortunately if you put yourself out there you'll run into people who either, a. have no tact/filter or b. are just complete tools. I will say though that although these folks generally get the most attention (for being inflammatory) they are generally few and far between .. in my experience. There are far more here that help and support than those mentioned above.

    Just ignore them and they tend to go away. ;)


    unfortunately, sometimes we don't put ourselves out there and it still happens.... we're all still human, regardless of how we behave and its still hurtful.

    If you are coming to a public website and posting for help with whatever your needs may be you are putting yourself out there. I am by no means condoning the behavior I'm simply stating that you open yourself up for it because there are jerks here as there are in real life.

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