How do you handle the shame/embarrassment?

I am 5'2.5 and I used to weigh 207+lbs. I say + because I got so depressed at one point that I stopped weighing in. 207 was the highest number I ever saw on my scale. I couldn't walk downstairs in my own house without my heart beating out of my chest. I literally could not walk around one block without enduring terrible leg cramps and taking my asthma inhaler. I would watch the skinny lady down the block walk circles around me and it would depress me so much I almost quit walking altogether.
ALMOST...but I didn't.
I am now 151lbs (my goal is a muscled 128). Yet, sometimes I am still that other woman. I still feel this shame come over me. How did I let that happen? Why did I let it go on for so long? What if it happens AGAIN? What did people think of me for allowing that to happen?
Then I remember how far I have come, how many lessons I've learned along the way. I know more now. I've educated myself. I've worked hard to get to this point. I've EARNED this and I DESERVE every good thing that comes with it.

You have lost 34 lbs! You EARNED that success and DESERVE every GOOD thing that comes with it. You are not that other person anymore. You have embarked on a new and exciting path. Every day will teach you something new about how strong you are. It only gets better, let me tell you.

And that skinny lady who walked circles around me? One day she stopped me on the street (I didn't even know her) and told me that I inspired her so much, that I was the reason she got out to walk every morning. Because she saw my dedication and admired ME. Isn't that awesome?

Mmm good question. I've been heavy all my life as well. It always hurt when I was younger because no one wanted to date me and I was bullied heavily. It kinda gives you an insight to how vicious people really can be. I'm lighter and people are nicer and guys want to date me. It's kind of infuriating at times because I'm generally the same me on the inside, why was a so outcasted and ridiculed my whole growing phase??

Well its something that the way I dealt with is was simply not going outside. Lol not good words to hear I'm sure. What I can say is put it behind you. The ridiculing is sad and wrong, and THEY are the ugly ones by doing what they do to hurt ya.

Try not to hold it inside and hold your head up high!

Recite.
Repeat.

That is fantastic. That's a simply a great reminder that even when it overwhelms me, no single characteristic defines me.


And to whoever asked - yes, I pray. I like to think that's how I got to THIS point.

I'm so glad you've said that. I cannot believe I forgot to give God the credit he deserved. I prayed a long time for him to give me TRUE motivation. And he delivered! Keep praying!

Your past does not define you. Sure, we all ate some pretty bad food choices - but that's okay. You're choosing to make a better life for yourself now. The healthy, present version of you is what matters!

"The only thing you CAN do is the best you can right now. And all you could do THEN was the best you could do at that time. That was the best we could do. Now we can do better."

I love this. And the part about saying "I have fat" instead of "I am fat."

I so often get mad at myself for having put on this amount of weight. I feel frustrated about having let it get to this point. But truly my weight is not me. The other truth is that I can't go back and change whathappened. Truthfully, I think I was doing the best I could at thattime. I am doing betternow because I can do better now. Can't go back and change the past, just move on from here.

I feel the same way sometimes. I wonder how I can allow myself to be so fat. I have to reinforce my self by telling myself that I am losing it and I can't change the fact that I got fat I can eat well and exercise and one day I won't be fat

Recite.
Repeat.

I LOVE THIS!

Regarding clothes, that is what kills me too. I just bought a cute sundress that hides my stomach and it helped Congrats on your progress so far, keep it up!!!!

I know how you feel. I was fat my whole life, and my younger sister eats twice as much as me and has the figure of a supermodel. My own mother even told me how beautiful I would be if I just lost the weight. For me, I guess I never really noticed the weight creeping up because I had always seen myself as fat. Even at 5 years old I remember thinking my thighs were huge (and I know I must have been 5 or less because it was at my old house) and I look back and see pictures and I clearly wasn't fat! I didn't get FAT fat until 4th grade, but I think I basically made myself fat because my mom had always said I was big boned so I just always thought I was. I went through high school with no boyfriends, no dates, not even a kiss or anything. I hated high school. I really feel like my entire life I had been on failed diets. Nothing ever worked.. fat camp, weight watchers, the abs diet, the south beach diet, slimfast, etc.. you name it, I tried it. My sophmore year of college I decided to do something for me. Not for a guy I wanted to like me (as most of my past diets had always been motivated by wanting to be thinner so that my crush of the week would suddenly realize I was beautiful and want to date me) No. This time it was for me. I joined Medical Weight Loss clinic, and honestly, I only joined it because I knew they would prescribe me phentermine. I know that sounds terrible, but seriously, nothing ever worked for me. I ate healthy. I was fat and yet I wasn't eating like a fat person. My thyroid was normal, I'd eat healthy, I even worked out almost every day my freshman year of college and didn't lose ANYTHING (and I didn't drink at all either). So yes, I WAS desperate, and I got prescribed phentermine, and it worked. I lost 60 pounds in 4 months and I felt like my life did a 360. I'm tall and blonde, to be honest I really am a pretty girl and I always knew I was, but with the weight.. no one is attracted to a 220 pound girl, at least one who had as low confidence as I did. Anyways.. I felt like I blossomed overnight. I had guys left and right. So then I started partying, because now I was actually invited to parties. And with partying comes drinking. And with drinking comes eating. And so my life spun out of control and I've gained about 30 pounds back. I'm up to 190 now and I feel like **** about myself. It's so hard to go out with friends and not drink! But I know that it was the drinking that got me back up to where I am now. But now my BMI isn't high enough for them to prescribe me phentermine, so I have to do this on my own. I'm moving to LA in 3 months so I really want to lose those 30 pounds before I go. LA people have a lot higher standards when it comes to fitness..

I read a really good book by Charles D'Angelo "Think and Grow Thin." This book appealed to me because he really addressed the emotional aspect of being overweight. I think instead of beating yourself up for what you did not know in the past, celebrate your decision to embrace your new lease on life. He really stresses that you think of yourself as a thin person and model all of your behavior as a thin person. you have to get out of the mindset that you are fat and worthless etc. You need to celebrate even the smallest victories and thank goodness you turn here for advise when you are feeling down. Good luck to you!! If you need a motivating friend, feel free to add me!!

My advice: Look at your past to learn from the mistakes you made not beat yourself. Then look forward with that knowledge and don't look back again. It only serves the purpose to beat yourself up. I've lost a million pounds in my life time. This time is it. I found that my failure was always giving up or losing my focus. So now I know I have to stay focused.