How do you handle the shame/embarrassment?

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Replies

  • REET420
    REET420 Posts: 160 Member
    I feel the same way sometimes. I wonder how I can allow myself to be so fat. I have to reinforce my self by telling myself that I am losing it and I can't change the fact that I got fat I can eat well and exercise and one day I won't be fat
  • chattipatty2
    chattipatty2 Posts: 376 Member
    So maybe I'm alone in this, I don't really know. For years and years I've been bogged down with the humiliation and embarrassment of being overweight. Of not having clothes fit properly, of not looking the right way, of the bullying that accompanies being fat when you're a teenager.

    But this is the first time that it hit me...how in the world did I eat so much that I ballooned up to 260 pounds? How many calories must I have consumed in a day for it to get that bad? 1500 calories a day is PLENTY of food. I eat delicious things and I'm not hungry.

    I'm not one to be depressed, but this is really getting to me. I'm so ashamed and humiliated and I've spent a couple of days feeling terrible.

    So if you've ever felt this way, what did you do to shake the feeling of inadequacy? The last thing I want is my own pessimism ruining what I have going here.

    For the record, I've lost 34 pounds so far. :)
    No where near where you started in weight, but can empathize with the with how you feel. I looked pregnant. All belly. One day, after a big fight with my husband, (all due to my own frustrations with my own self) I woke up, looked for something gym worthy to wear and went to gym. Some ANGEL OF GOD, and I can't remember who mentioned MFP, and I jumped on it. This has been my thing for 3 months. Can't hate, right? IDC if family and friends cook and eat all they want and try to get me to join in, I do what I want to do. And for the first time in 18 years, I am doing exactly what I want to do, and feels so good. Now that Im seeing my goals, Im much more comfortable asking other people and trainers at gym for advice.
    So, just let the pounds slide off baby, cuz, if you follow MFP like the bible, keep your diet clean, get a food scale, a heart rate/calorie monitor, then we will see you at goal within a year!! Friend me up! Were all here for you!
  • jessgrey2
    jessgrey2 Posts: 88 Member
    Recite.
    Repeat.

    399397300_gZskXTxE_b.jpg

    I LOVE THIS!

    Regarding clothes, that is what kills me too. I just bought a cute sundress that hides my stomach and it helped :) Congrats on your progress so far, keep it up!!!!
  • OzEmma
    OzEmma Posts: 12
    I completely understand. I pretty much stopped leaving the house. After my first meeting with my personal training I sent him a text saying sorry for being so fat and unfit! Needless to say he sent one back saying that was all about to change! And it has! I haven't lost that much YET but already I feel so good! Taking the first step is the HARDEST step. Everything is getting easier, don't stop! When I feel shame I think to myself that this is the last time I will be this weight and the last time I will be this embarrased! You are doing well and it will get better everyday!
  • ellewoods2001
    ellewoods2001 Posts: 3
    I know how you feel. I was fat my whole life, and my younger sister eats twice as much as me and has the figure of a supermodel. My own mother even told me how beautiful I would be if I just lost the weight. For me, I guess I never really noticed the weight creeping up because I had always seen myself as fat. Even at 5 years old I remember thinking my thighs were huge (and I know I must have been 5 or less because it was at my old house) and I look back and see pictures and I clearly wasn't fat! I didn't get FAT fat until 4th grade, but I think I basically made myself fat because my mom had always said I was big boned so I just always thought I was. I went through high school with no boyfriends, no dates, not even a kiss or anything. I hated high school. I really feel like my entire life I had been on failed diets. Nothing ever worked.. fat camp, weight watchers, the abs diet, the south beach diet, slimfast, etc.. you name it, I tried it. My sophmore year of college I decided to do something for me. Not for a guy I wanted to like me (as most of my past diets had always been motivated by wanting to be thinner so that my crush of the week would suddenly realize I was beautiful and want to date me) No. This time it was for me. I joined Medical Weight Loss clinic, and honestly, I only joined it because I knew they would prescribe me phentermine. I know that sounds terrible, but seriously, nothing ever worked for me. I ate healthy. I was fat and yet I wasn't eating like a fat person. My thyroid was normal, I'd eat healthy, I even worked out almost every day my freshman year of college and didn't lose ANYTHING (and I didn't drink at all either). So yes, I WAS desperate, and I got prescribed phentermine, and it worked. I lost 60 pounds in 4 months and I felt like my life did a 360. I'm tall and blonde, to be honest I really am a pretty girl and I always knew I was, but with the weight.. no one is attracted to a 220 pound girl, at least one who had as low confidence as I did. Anyways.. I felt like I blossomed overnight. I had guys left and right. So then I started partying, because now I was actually invited to parties. And with partying comes drinking. And with drinking comes eating. And so my life spun out of control and I've gained about 30 pounds back. I'm up to 190 now and I feel like **** about myself. It's so hard to go out with friends and not drink! But I know that it was the drinking that got me back up to where I am now. But now my BMI isn't high enough for them to prescribe me phentermine, so I have to do this on my own. I'm moving to LA in 3 months so I really want to lose those 30 pounds before I go. LA people have a lot higher standards when it comes to fitness..
  • riverab1
    riverab1 Posts: 19
    I totally understand how you feel. I gained about 60 lbs taking fertility drugs to get pregnant with my son and I feel the need to have to tell everyone I meet, "This isn't really me, I took fertility drugs, I am really much thinner". I have to remind myself that due to the weight gain, I did have a perfect son and I thank God everyday for that. I wish I was thinner, and that is why I am here, but I also always feel ashamed, though none of us should. Life happens. We all have these periods of time, but Iam so proud of you for losing 34 lbs! I can't wait to be able to say that. You are a strong person with the desire to be healthier and as long as you know what you are doing and you know who you are, forget what you think other people are thinking about you. Hope this helps and hope you get to feeling better soon.
  • jackiecroberts
    jackiecroberts Posts: 115 Member
    I read a really good book by Charles D'Angelo "Think and Grow Thin." This book appealed to me because he really addressed the emotional aspect of being overweight. I think instead of beating yourself up for what you did not know in the past, celebrate your decision to embrace your new lease on life. He really stresses that you think of yourself as a thin person and model all of your behavior as a thin person. you have to get out of the mindset that you are fat and worthless etc. You need to celebrate even the smallest victories and thank goodness you turn here for advise when you are feeling down. Good luck to you!! If you need a motivating friend, feel free to add me!!
  • Saruman_w
    Saruman_w Posts: 1,531 Member
    No need to get worked up over mistakes you made in the past. We all make mistakes. Focus on the now as well as the future and that you're finally workin' toward a healthier you. Eventuallly you'll feel 1000% better and won't miss those old ways. Congratulations on your success so far!
  • Samleishel459
    Samleishel459 Posts: 20 Member
    My advice: Look at your past to learn from the mistakes you made not beat yourself. Then look forward with that knowledge and don't look back again. It only serves the purpose to beat yourself up. I've lost a million pounds in my life time. This time is it. I found that my failure was always giving up or losing my focus. So now I know I have to stay focused.
  • Stardiva37
    Stardiva37 Posts: 169 Member
    You should know that this to shall pass,and know that you are a great person thin or skinny. And in time you will feel better and wonder why did i think like that anyway
  • Bevigal
    Bevigal Posts: 66 Member
    Congratulations you are doing great !!! I have had weight issues most of my life, on and off. This may sound strange but I have never really let my weight be a huge issue. When I walk in a room I hold my head up high, smile and say "HELLO". I am not ashamed for being human and making human mistakes. I like me and I know who I am and what I am about and I simply do not let others pull me down. I am a loving caring person and I have been blessed with many friends that accept me for who I am. I am on this weight loss journey solely for my health and well being. I pray that you stop feeling shamed and embarrassed...may God bless you on your journey.
  • islandnutshel
    islandnutshel Posts: 1,143 Member
    I remember that there is people I love and admire and respect and think are so beautiful, that are or have been overwieght. If I can see this in others, then is everyone else shallow?
    People see you, not just your body.
  • Travelfixer
    Travelfixer Posts: 137 Member
    So maybe I'm alone in this, I don't really know. For years and years I've been bogged down with the humiliation and embarrassment of being overweight. Of not having clothes fit properly, of not looking the right way, of the bullying that accompanies being fat when you're a teenager.

    But this is the first time that it hit me...how in the world did I eat so much that I ballooned up to 260 pounds? How many calories must I have consumed in a day for it to get that bad? 1500 calories a day is PLENTY of food. I eat delicious things and I'm not hungry.

    I'm not one to be depressed, but this is really getting to me. I'm so ashamed and humiliated and I've spent a couple of days feeling terrible.

    So if you've ever felt this way, what did you do to shake the feeling of inadequacy? The last thing I want is my own pessimism ruining what I have going here.

    For the record, I've lost 34 pounds so far. :)


    It's not just being overweight, I was terribly underweight as a kid, got teased terribly all through school, had no confidence, hated it, my legs were so thin, still have abit of a complex, never wore dresses, or did things like dance because I felt so bad about myself! Now I'm trying to lose weight! Just remember, no matter how confident you think other people are, they really aren't, nearly everyone has something to be insecure about, we all want to be liked . I took a course once about this sort of thing and after discussion the one thing every one felt in some way or another was inadequate. So your not alone, 99% of people most people feel the same way at some point!
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    So maybe I'm alone in this, I don't really know. For years and years I've been bogged down with the humiliation and embarrassment of being overweight. Of not having clothes fit properly, of not looking the right way, of the bullying that accompanies being fat when you're a teenager.

    But this is the first time that it hit me...how in the world did I eat so much that I ballooned up to 260 pounds? How many calories must I have consumed in a day for it to get that bad? 1500 calories a day is PLENTY of food. I eat delicious things and I'm not hungry.

    I'm not one to be depressed, but this is really getting to me. I'm so ashamed and humiliated and I've spent a couple of days feeling terrible.

    So if you've ever felt this way, what did you do to shake the feeling of inadequacy? The last thing I want is my own pessimism ruining what I have going here.

    For the record, I've lost 34 pounds so far. :)

    No need to feel depressed about this... YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT... That is cause for rejoicing and feeling good about what you are doing.... You cannot change yesterday.. It has already happened.... focus on today and that will change your tomorrow!
  • sexymermaidbarbie
    sexymermaidbarbie Posts: 2
    Hey I hope I'm not going to sound annoying (to some) but do you pray? I find it helps for me :)




    No you are not being annoying at all, at least not to me and yes i pray and im in constant prayer about somethings! it is awesome! God Bless
  • Travelfixer
    Travelfixer Posts: 137 Member
    I have always struggled with being easily embarrassed/mortified over stuff very easily. For the most part, unless it is something really severe, like obvious, sudden, public humiliation severe (which is super rare at worst), things don't get to me very much any more. The biggest reason is that if it is a circumstance that would have once really upset me, I reason it out. Can I really do anything about it at this point by suffering over it needlessly? Probably not. Making myself miserable over it is pointless and doesn't help the situation. Does anyone else really care as much as I do? 99.999% of the time, probably not. And does it really matter if someone else DOES care? Nope. What does it matter if it changes someone else's opinion of me? If someone is that shallow, I don't need them anyway. Take whatever situation you are ashamed of, examine it critically, learn from it so it will never happen again and at the same time leave you a better person for your experience, and move on. Forgive yourself. :)

    I also have to remind myself that my imagination is often much worse than the actual reality. Imagination can distort very easily, so what you imagine how others see and think of you probably isn't close to reality.

    So very true!
  • TNFirefly
    TNFirefly Posts: 169 Member
    At 5'5" I hit 458 pounds. I can't get my head around that number. I can't understand how it happened. The shame has been enough to keep me from facing it for a long time. That of course, only compounds the issue. So I am making small steps. I started a food plan with a 12 step food addiction program (CEAHOW - google if interested) and am working through the issues that helped me get there. When I do my work and work my program, the shame lifts because I am taking responsibility. I am no longer eating for stress, fear or shame. I am eating my planned meals, and starting to learn how to live my life and not mix the two. You are not alone.
  • letitbeatles9
    letitbeatles9 Posts: 4 Member
    Instead of feeling inadequate, I think you have reason to be incredibly proud of yourself! No one is perfect; everyone has some reason to strive for self-improvement. Know what sets you apart, though? You have the courage and willpower to work hard toward improving yourself. And it's paying off! The amount of weight you've lost is no small feat! I've had those same feelings and that's what I tell myself. :)
  • becky3277
    becky3277 Posts: 64 Member
    I am 5'2.5 and I used to weigh 207+lbs. I say + because I got so depressed at one point that I stopped weighing in. 207 was the highest number I ever saw on my scale. I couldn't walk downstairs in my own house without my heart beating out of my chest. I literally could not walk around one block without enduring terrible leg cramps and taking my asthma inhaler. I would watch the skinny lady down the block walk circles around me and it would depress me so much I almost quit walking altogether.
    ALMOST...but I didn't.
    I am now 151lbs (my goal is a muscled 128). Yet, sometimes I am still that other woman. I still feel this shame come over me. How did I let that happen? Why did I let it go on for so long? What if it happens AGAIN? What did people think of me for allowing that to happen?
    Then I remember how far I have come, how many lessons I've learned along the way. I know more now. I've educated myself. I've worked hard to get to this point. I've EARNED this and I DESERVE every good thing that comes with it.

    You have lost 34 lbs! You EARNED that success and DESERVE every GOOD thing that comes with it. You are not that other person anymore. You have embarked on a new and exciting path. Every day will teach you something new about how strong you are. It only gets better, let me tell you.

    And that skinny lady who walked circles around me? One day she stopped me on the street (I didn't even know her) and told me that I inspired her so much, that I was the reason she got out to walk every morning. Because she saw my dedication and admired ME. Isn't that awesome?

    Love you my planking friend!!!! You're amazing!!

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