comments from parents?

I'm so sorry for the remark your father said and don't let it get to you. People will make some of the worst comments since they can not do it themselves. Just remember you are doing this for you and the reasons why it is important to you and ignore what everyone else is saying.

Some people, especially men of a certain age, think ladies should look like Marlyn Monroe. If you're strong, GREAT! If you're healthy, GREAT! Don't be discoraged, just wear long shirts around Daddy! :laugh: And don't cry, that won't help. Ask yourself what you want, what your plan is and what's next. Then do it! You inspire me. Some day I'm gonna see MY abs!!!!!!! THANX

He is just projecting! I think it is kind of sad. Instead of getting upset maybe you should realize that he probably feels trapped by his weight and doesn't know what to do. It is just a projection of his own self-worth which is pretty much at zero.

I am sorry my parents did that same **** to me when I lived at home. My mom insisted we all go on a diet when I was 11....I weighed 100 pounds was 5'2. The comments were endless and hard to take which is why I moved out when I was 17.
It is heartbreaking to hear such negative things from people who should be most supportive.
My only advise is to stay strong and try your best to ignore it.

I grew up being called "Dummy" and being told I was fat (which I now know was not true). Older generations and other people in general often have different ideas about what you should look like, do, say or how you live.

So what?

You know you are doing the right thing! Emotionally it might help to tell him to stop making comments...either way. You don't need his compliments or his insults for you to keep going. You're not doing it for him. If he doesn't stop... try to be around him less... it doesn't sound like he's supportive anyway. There is no law that requires you to be around people that hurt you...even family.

When I was 18 and getting ready for my A-level prom at college my mum handed me a nasty pair of big control pants to wear under my prom dress - she said my stomach looked too big. I was 126lbs (5'8'') and stick thin. I cried my eyes out and it ruined my night.

Now, 20 years on, I weigh over 180lbs and really do need to lose weight but have been focusing on getting fit, which has had little effect on the scales but helped me trim pounds and feel great.

And my mum's comment the last time she saw me? "You really could do with joining WeightWatchers". As soon as she left I cried my eyes out.

When I'm feeling low I really focus on how my mum has never told me I'm pretty, look nice etc. But when I'm being grown-up about it I just have to accept that there are some battles I will never win with her.

She's pushed me hard to achieve in all areas of my life, all my life, so it's no wonder she puts my appearance up there alongside how I am doing in my education, career, relationships etc. It's a flaw she has and, at 70, she's not going to change and there's nothing I can do about it.

It's also made me certain that if I ever have children of my own, I will tell them every day how wonderful they are!

You don't think maybe he was just joking. You know, sarcasm?

My ex-MIL once told me that "We criticize in others what we don't like in ourselves." I didn't believe her at the time but as I've grown older see how true that is. If someone says something rude or discouraging I always think of that quote and it no longer bothers me. (It also helps when I'm thinking negative thoughts about someone else.)

Tell him, "So do you."

And don't let it get to you. You know what and who you are.

my dad always said stuff like that to me. I weighed 107 at 24 yrs old and he always had some remark to make about my weight. Even now, he still does. it bothers me but i just blow it off.

Now i do have a 13 yr old daughter who is 5'1" and weighs 138 lbs. I never critic her weight, nor have i ever put her on a diet. I cook healthy for the whole family. I just tell her my concern to motivate her to eat healthy and exercise is because of diabetes, it runs in my family and her fathers side of the family. I tell her she is beautiful, and she's a very confident girl. I just want her to take care of herself so when she gets my age, she wont have health problems.

I guess telling him a father should never have a mouth that big is out of the question, huh?

I'm sorry he says stuff like that to you. My father never said anything about me specifically, but his opinions on women in general are pretty abhorrent, and I can't imagine that he didn't see that I, too, am a woman and he was therefore insulting both me and my mother. I shot back somewhat nasty comments of my own, but with a smile, so we both knew we were "joking." It was satisfying, but not very mature, hehe.

My dad now suffers of a form of dementia and he's a lot nicer, but the memory of things he used to say sticks with me.

My parents did some major damage to my body image when I was growing up. They constantly compared my body to my sister's body - we have totally different body types! I never got a straight compliment out of them. It was always followed by some kind of disclaimer... "You look nice in that outfit, but you'd look better if you lost 5 lbs" "You're pretty, but you're a different kind of pretty than your sister" (the reason I was told no when I wanted to apply to the same teen modeling program she was in at that age), "You're too "this"... you're not enough "that". The comments were pretty regular.

I owned a lot of them for a long time. Whether they were true or not doesn't really matter - they were damaging in the way that they were delivered.

Even just recently, I made a comment to her that I didn't want to be as thin as I was just 10 years ago b/c I was looking at pictures and could see bones sticking out in places they shouldn't have been sticking out. Her response was that *she* would want to see those bones sticking out on her if she was me. *smh* Un.Healthy.

Thankfully, I am now able to see the comments for how unrealistic and damaging they are now (for the most part). My current body issues are my own. lol But, when I struggle, I remind myself that I just gave birth to baby #4 a few months ago and need to be patient with my body as it recovers.

When your dad says something like that, thank him for sharing his opinion - then remind yourself that it's *just his opinion* and let it go. Most parents honestly mean well, they just don't realize how hurtful their comments come across and pointing it out to them just makes them defensive.

I love my mother very much, but she's the queen of idiotic pseudo-compliments. I know first hand how much it hurts when someone points out something that you're already sensitive about. The only thing to do is allow yourself to hurt, and move on. Our parents are often set in their ways. I've told my mother countless times how her little jabs hurt me, but she simply isn't capable of understanding WHY they hurt.

When you think of it in that light, they become just people, as flawed as anyone, and instead of anger and hurt, I just feel bad for her that she must be in a pretty bad place if she's so set on pointing out my every flaw. Have compassion and realize that your life is only yours, and your father can't take that away.

My dad, both my parents really, had that kind of power over me for a long time. I am 36 and a parent now myself and what I started doing is I do not tell them much. If I am trying to write or get a job or lose weight, I usually keep it to myself so they do not discourage me. Also, as I ahve gotten older I no longer see them as parents as much as I see them as people. They are flawed, damaged, hurt people just like I am. They do not know more than I do anymore. In a lot of cases they know less. My life is mine now. They cannot dictate how it will go. They do not decide who I am.

Now from a parent's perspective, I am not perfect. I feel gulity a lot. Sometimes I say things I should not say to my children. I say things like "You are lazy." or "You are never organized." I am labeling them and hurting them possibly for life when I do this. And when I look at myself in the mirror I see the truth. I am only saying to them WHAT I THINK ABOUT MYSELF.

When we put others down we are seeing in them what we refuse to see in ourselves. Your dad is insecure about his own weight and he is reflecting that onto you. What he says means nothing. It does not change the fact that you are thin, unless you let it.

I am sorry you are going through this. Try as much as you can to detach from his words. Try to know they are meaningless and it takes nothing away from all that you have done, all your successes.

Thanks for your honesty. I , too find myself sharing less with my mom. At one time her approval meant the world to me, but now she no longer has any authority. As you have said. She is older than me, not necessarily smarter. Any comments she makes, no matter what the subject are actually critiques coming for her own unhappiness. I have also labeled my kids, shamefully so, and am making great efforts to no longer do so. I hope they can see that I am flawed but am trying to make changes for the better. I do not want them to see me as I sometimes see my mom. I find myself less angry at my mom and more sorry for her as I get older.

wow, if you can see your abs, your tummy obviously isn't big!!
I'm guessing he's probably just upset that you're doing something he isn't and seeing progress
that he isn't working for so it's making him mad...
but him being a parent and saying that is beyond ridiculous no matter how much he's upset about it.

you're doing great!
use it as motivation! and tell him to eff off