I hate me and my body!
curvykim78
Posts: 799 Member
in Chit-Chat
How are you supposed to tell if you have a distorted image of your body? I haven't felt great about my body since college. Once I had kids, it changed. I've lost the weight mostly, but in general my whole body is just 'larger'. I see people similar to myself, and I don't think they are 'fat', yet when I see myself I can find all the negatives. My belly isn't flat, my hips are larger now, etc. I am always buying bigger clothes and hiding my shape. I've had a tummy tuck and a breast augmentation as well. My husband says I'm beautiful, healthy, and perfect the way I am. I just don't see it. I'm 5 foot 4 and currently weigh 156 pounds. 
I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of feeling frumpy and now I'm at a point where I hate my job and want to start over but don't even know where to begin... *sigh*
I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of feeling frumpy and now I'm at a point where I hate my job and want to start over but don't even know where to begin... *sigh* 0
Replies
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I hear ya. I'm down over 40 pounds, and my wife says she sees a huge difference. Looking in the mirror, though, I still just see the huge gut / spare tire and moobs. I'm not sure at what point I'll look at the mirror and not be disgusted, but for now, I'll just be happy to see the results on the scale and in the smaller clothes I just bought.
Edit: MFP really needs a "Preview Post" button. Spelling and grammar, yay!0 -
It sounds like you have distorted body image.
Find one thing that you like or love about yourself and focus on that. Learn to accept the small flaws.
You have worked hard to get to the point where your at, embrace it and embrace yourself.
I, too, have a very distorted body image due to things in my childhood. I am learning to love myself.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
It sounds like you are overall discontent. You mentioned your job and your body. Are they related? Maybe kicking up your exercise will increase your confidence! Maybe you need to work out some feelings with a professional? In any case, healthy food and exercise will increase an overall sense of well being.0
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First, poor body image is a slippery slope toward a body image problem and an eating disorder is something to watch out for at the bottom of that slope.
Second, if you're seeing people built the same way you are as attractive, then remember, that's how other people see YOU!!!!
Third, a good sweaty workout not only makes you feel better about your self, a properly-designed one can build some muscle and tone areas of the body.
And, finally, I don't know your age but you may be having an early midlife crisis. Many people react differently to this. Some buy a fancy new car. Some eat more (or less). Personally, I bought a decent bicycle and started cycling to work a few years ago whenever I could. I feel younger than I have in years.
Plus, the occasional near-death like the Subaru that pulled out around a truck in front of me doing 65MPH and taking my breakdown lane this morning, missing me by about 4 inches - THOSE make you appreciate life.0 -
I think most women aren't completely happy with their body. I think the same thing when I look into the mirror about my belly, my flat *kitten* and my arms. I feel like I'm pretty good at buying clothes that hide the parts I'm not happy with until summer rolls around and I have to put on a bathing suit. I am also 5'4" and weighed what you do a couple of months ago. Are you exercising? I just started back exercising about a week ago and it has made me feel really good. More energy and I feel good about myself. Just keep tracking your calories and you might start to feel a little better when you start to see some changes. I'm here to listen any time.
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We have to learn to stop speaking to ourselves so negatively. Would we say those things to our friends? Never! Show yourself the same respect you would your friend or a complete stranger.
And never ever compare yourself to someone else! You can't do this. We are all different, or have gone through different things...it is unfair to do that to yourself.
Spend less time scrutinizing yourself in the mirror too...and when you do focus on the positives! Tell yourself you are beautiful...that you do have a lovely butt/hair/smile/calves, (or whatever you love the most about yourself).
AND do not COVER up. You need to go out and buy clothes that show off your accomplishments and make you feel CONFIDENT!
The more you eat right and exercise the better you should start to feel anyways. It will happen but you have to work on your insides as much as you work on your outsides.0 -
We have to learn to stop speaking to ourselves so negatively. Would we say those things to our friends? Never! Show yourself the same respect you would your friend or a complete stranger.
And never ever compare yourself to someone else! You can't do this. We are all different, or have gone through different things...it is unfair to do that to yourself.
Spend less time scrutinizing yourself in the mirror too...and when you do focus on the positives! Tell yourself you are beautiful...that you do have a lovely butt/hair/smile/calves, (or whatever you love the most about yourself).
AND do not COVER up. You need to go out and buy clothes that show off your accomplishments and make you feel CONFIDENT!
The more you eat right and exercise the better you should start to feel anyways. It will happen but you have to work on your insides as much as you work on your outsides.
nicely put! 0 -
Google:Body dysmorphic disorder suprisingly a lot of males suffer with this-Ty0
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I don't know if this more a female predominant issue?
If you had made the effort and have lost the weight, you should be proud of yourself! 156lbs ain't big! Maybe your job and how you are feeling about life is. Among you be a little harder on yourself.
I've got the best body I've had since I left high school, I'm loving the changes. Embrace it, it's what you've got!0 -
It sounds like you are overall discontent. You mentioned your job and your body. Are they related? Maybe kicking up your exercise will increase your confidence! Maybe you need to work out some feelings with a professional? In any case, healthy food and exercise will increase an overall sense of well being.
My body/job aren't related. I run a home daycare. I have families that stay a long time and some come and go. I'm tired of my paycheck coming and going as well. I want something steady and a steady paycheck as well. I guess I'm in a rut and everythings bumming me out at once.
As far as the other poster, I've actually thought about making myself vomit and I can't and won't go down that path. It's hard to say it, but yes I considered doing it so I could be thin again and have the body I desire. Sad but true. Luckily I haven't gone down that path. Lots of what others are saying makes sense though because what I say to myself I would never say to a stranger who looked the same size/shape as me. It's just me, not anyone else. 0 -
I would start loving yourself by doing things that you love. Giving yourself the joy of doing things you love is a way of loving yourself and if you do physical things you love, then you are loving your body as well.
Instead of worrying so much about the emotions part, worry about the action part. Actions speak louder than words and can affect the negative thoughts in a very healthy way.0 -
We have to learn to stop speaking to ourselves so negatively. Would we say those things to our friends? Never! Show yourself the same respect you would your friend or a complete stranger.
And never ever compare yourself to someone else! You can't do this. We are all different, or have gone through different things...it is unfair to do that to yourself.
Spend less time scrutinizing yourself in the mirror too...and when you do focus on the positives! Tell yourself you are beautiful...that you do have a lovely butt/hair/smile/calves, (or whatever you love the most about yourself).
AND do not COVER up. You need to go out and buy clothes that show off your accomplishments and make you feel CONFIDENT!
The more you eat right and exercise the better you should start to feel anyways. It will happen but you have to work on your insides as much as you work on your outsides.
Very excellent input!
I would add that maybe you need to work on the INSIDE now. You need to start utilizing self help books/audio cd's to improve yourself on the inside. I was very depressed and angry at the world. I had a very hard life (back then I did not think so though, I just felt with it). We need to look inside and see what we need to heal from. What we need to let go of and what we need to strengthen.
I would also recommend using positive affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror (I did this every time I went to the bathroom) and say something to yourself every time. The same thing daily. Then the next day change your affirmation. IE: I would say (while looking into the mirror) "You ARE beautiful and you are NOT afraid of change." When you keep doing this over and over it gets easier and more convincing. At first I would cry and have a hard time telling myself this while looking at myself. BUT you get thru it and you start to change and become more confident.
To me that is what you sound like, you are not confident in yourself and you are your own worst critic. I mean we spend the most amount of time with ourselves so we need to be our own BEST coach, our own best friend, and our own best supporter.
Self help I would recommend Dr. Wayne Dyer, Chalene Johnson's Car Smart (I am currently using that at the present time), or even the good ole Dale Carnegie. Oh and there is a new one I am checking out by Brendon Burchard called The Charge, I think its $6.50 right now.
I hope that helps. And I will pray that you find what you need to be the best you you can be. In the end its all about being healthy on the inside as well as the outside. 0 -
I have struggled with this from both ends of the spectrum: I have always been overweight and struggled with negative body image, even after I had weight loss surgery and lost 80 lbs. But by the time I finally got used to my smaller body, I started gaining weight back. I struggled for a while with the mental image of myself as being smaller than I was in reality. It resulted in some questionable fashion choices and some serious denial about my health.
It took some counseling with a professional to help me come to terms with these things. If you were expressing that you were discontent and didn't feel "great" I wouldn't say this, but since you used the words "hate me and my body", I think some real intervention would help.
We all struggle with body image, but it's not good to be so critical of yourself. And your negative body image may be inadvertently affecting your children's perceptions of themselves. No matter how much my mother told me I was beautiful and perfect as a child, what I saw was her obsession with her weight/appearance and that I was nowhere near perfect either. It lead to me secretly being negative about myself as well.
I sincerely understand what it means to feel so badly about yourself. I hope you can find something to smile about. You are worth your own love and acceptance!0 -
if you truly have a body issue
all this hippy-dippy "love yourself" horse-hockey probably doesn't help. it sure doesn't help me. in fact, whenever people say, "just learn to love yourself" it makes things worse. that evil little voice in my head lashes out and says, "impossible! I'm completely unloveable."
you know what DOES help? admitting you have a self image problem. you've hit step 1.
training that inner voice to shut the H*LL up! a rubber band on the wrist, and positively written affirmations on the mirror, in the car, on the front door help.
surround yourself with positive people, preferrably ones with good personal self esteem. you learn by example. if you're around people who put themselves or who put others down: dump them from your life ASAP. even if they're nice to you, hurtful comments made in your presence will get transferred back to yourself.
and lastly, avoid negative self-esteem triggers. For me that included banishing full-length mirrors from my house, avoiding women's magazines, and carefully monitoring what kind of movies/television shows i watch for perpetuations of unrealistic and misogynistic views of female appearance.
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good luck to you.
self hatred is a sh*tty mountain to climb0 -
I've always had issues with body image. For me a big contributor is the social part of it. I live in Hollywood where everyone is super thin and there is this overwhelming need to be "perfect". I could starve myself and I still wouldn't have that body... I'm just not made that way. I've accepted myself for how I'm built and I'm trying to be the best me I can be.
I also make sure to start each day with a positive affirmation to myself. Every morning, I tell myself something positive... something I like about myself. It has helped me to frame each day in a positive way. If I'm negative with myself, then that will grow but I've found the opposite to be equally true... the more positive things I say to myself, the more positive I feel about myself overall.0 -
If I am reading you past post correctly, It looks like you just got surgery a couple of weeks ago, maybe you are having some post op depression. Give your self some time for everything to settle into place and you can get back on your routine. At any weight and any shape you are somebody worth while. Don't compare yourself to someone in a magazine, compare yourself to the person driving by in a car when you are out for a walk or run.0
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Two things really helped me with my body image. I started running. The sense of accomplishment, feeling my body keep pushing through, it helps me to stop underestimating the power of it. Second, I started weight lifting. Again, pushing for strength, seeing myself get stronger. I know that I still have a bit to go, but when I'm putting my focus into fitness instead of weight, I find it's much easier to look in the mirror and see "This body can run 3 miles. This body is getting stronger," rather than "This body still has a baby bumper, this body is still squishy, this body will never see a bikini, this is not the body I used to have."0
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Body image is something I’ve struggled with since I was a teenager. It’s led me to do some really dangerous and destructive things. At one point I was underweight and borderline anorexic. I still battle the temptation to resort to VLCDs, stimulant abuse, and the like. The biggest salvation for me has been exercise. Not for weight loss per se—in fact, I deliberately avoid high-calorie-burn cardio—but to achieve a sense of mastery. Feeling myself become stronger and fitter gives me something to feel good about on those days when I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror.0
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I know how you feel. About four months ago I was 150 at 5'4". Not huge, but not skinny either. I hated myself. I couldn't stand how I looked, I never wanted to go out, when I did go out I covered my body from head to toe. My boyfriend would get so mad because he thought I looked great and wanted me to show off.
That being said, I was so unhappy with myself that I kicked it into high gear. Lost about 18 pounds and I can say for the first time in my life I am learning to love my body. Especially considering I worked so hard for. Yes, I still have some work to do, but I'm learning how to be comfortable in my own skin and love myself no matter what the number on the scale says.
My advice is find something that you are really good at and work on it. Or maybe even find something that you aren't good at and make it better. I have found that I push my negative opinions about other things onto my image (not being the best girlfriend, or the best in school or not the best daughter or not the best at my job) and it presents itself as "i'm fat" when in reality it is the other issues that I am dealing with. Find something that you can be proud of and use that as your strength 0 -
I appreciate everyone's honesty and I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who is struggling with this. Sometimes you just feel like you're fighting a neverending battle by yourself...and it sucks. I ran a lot before but I've slowed down since my surgery. I'm waiting to get the ok from my dr yet, so I haven't done really anything other than an occasional walk for the last week and a half. I guess luckily i was at a plateau anyways, so I needed to chill out and bump up my calories. Ironically, even after the surgery and not exercising, I am still losing weight.
A downfall is that I tend to get bummed out too easy I guess. usually i am the one being strong for everyone else, and I'm scared to death I'm going to make my girls feel the same way i do. (They are 12 and 13) We're currently fighting the 12 year old who is always saying she's 'not hungry.' She doesn't eat breakfast and was bringing her lunches home. She'd come home, and eat a bunch of junkfood before dinner. Dinner time came and she wasn't hungry and wouldn't eat....then junk at bedtime. UGH I've talked to her repeatedly, told her to read about it online, etc telling her it's not a good way to lose weight and it's not healthy. I will not let her starve herself. I've tried to get her to exercise, I don't tell them negative thoughts about their bodies or make fun of them....I want them to feel beautiful, but it's hard to help someone else when you can't even help yourself.0 -
It's human nature. I'll give you an example. After my last 'half', I felt like crap. I even said I wondered if I was even a real runner. One of my running friends commented that I was and that I should be so hard on myself, but rather be proud that I got out there and did it. Well just yesterday I was reading her post on her 'half' and she was saying the same thing that I said. I messaged her and told her to go back to my post and read what she said. She came back to me and said she should take her own advice. It's how we are wired. We are always harder on ourselves. I honestly think we should be. It keeps us honest. Of course not everyone is capable of doing this and that's when it becomes an issue!We have to learn to stop speaking to ourselves so negatively. Would we say those things to our friends? Never! Show yourself the same respect you would your friend or a complete stranger.
And never ever compare yourself to someone else! You can't do this. We are all different, or have gone through different things...it is unfair to do that to yourself.
Spend less time scrutinizing yourself in the mirror too...and when you do focus on the positives! Tell yourself you are beautiful...that you do have a lovely butt/hair/smile/calves, (or whatever you love the most about yourself).
AND do not COVER up. You need to go out and buy clothes that show off your accomplishments and make you feel CONFIDENT!
The more you eat right and exercise the better you should start to feel anyways. It will happen but you have to work on your insides as much as you work on your outsides.
I hope that makes sense.0 -
5'3", 150 lb.
I thought I had too much belly when I was a teen @ 108 lb. Didn't help that my best friend was a stick bug who ran all the time.
I'm struggling with this, too. Every picture of myself, I find fault with. But I am trying to think more about workout goals, rather than appearance goals. If I hit the healthy range that I want to be in, the appearance of my body will be improving, as well.0 -
5'3", 150 lb.
I thought I had too much belly when I was a teen @ 108 lb. Didn't help that my best friend was a stick bug who ran all the time.
I'm struggling with this, too. Every picture of myself, I find fault with. But I am trying to think more about workout goals, rather than appearance goals. If I hit the healthy range that I want to be in, the appearance of my body will be improving, as well.
I try to be positive, but it's easier said than done.0 -
I hear ya. I'm down over 40 pounds, and my wife says she sees a huge difference. Looking in the mirror, though, I still just see the huge gut / spare tire and moobs. I'm not sure at what point I'll look at the mirror and not be disgusted, but for now, I'll just be happy to see the results on the scale and in the smaller clothes I just bought.
Edit: MFP really needs a "Preview Post" button. Spelling and grammar, yay!
Fortunately on MFP, it doesn't matter if you don't use correct grammar or spelling.. see?
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As for the OP: It sounds like you have a body image problem. Even if you are still overweight and hadn't had surgery, you should not "hate" your body. Maybe counseling could help?0 -
5'3", 150 lb.
I thought I had too much belly when I was a teen @ 108 lb. Didn't help that my best friend was a stick bug who ran all the time.
I'm struggling with this, too. Every picture of myself, I find fault with. But I am trying to think more about workout goals, rather than appearance goals. If I hit the healthy range that I want to be in, the appearance of my body will be improving, as well.
I try to be positive, but it's easier said than done.
Too true, unfortunately. But all I know is, I can't let myself go back to the way I was. I'd rather fight and feel like I'm losing all the time, than give up and actually lose this thing.0 -
Well at least I know I'm not the only one now. Now I just need to get a gameplan together and figure out how I'm going to fix me.0
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I want them to feel beautiful, but it's hard to help someone else when you can't even help yourself.
But you are helping yourself. You are taking the right steps, and you are reaching out when you need help. You are way a head of so many other people out there.
As far as your daughter and her eating habits, I would stop allowing junk food in the house. Not an easy step to take, but easier than watching every bite she puts in her mouth.0 -
Thank you everyone...I appreciate your thoughts and hopefully I can get past this, helping myself and my girls.0
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I know it sounds cliche' but being positive is the only way to pull you out of the way you are thinking. I am not saying to be all; "I love my body", "I am greatest thing since sliced bread".
I am 5'4" and weigh 270 lbs, and I got here from the same type of thinking for years. Hiding in "frumpy" clothes only made me feel that much more "frumpy". Of course it wasn't just the clothes this thinking infected every part of my life. At 5'4" and 150 lbs I was in a marriage with a man who was a master of mind games. Feeling inadequate as a wife, mother, oh and by the way the bread winner I started packing on pounds. At 5'4" and 190 lbs I was divorced, in debt to my eyeballs, and raising two children. At 5'4" and 220 lbs, I took on the "I am who I am motto", discouraged and overstressed gave me the perfect excuse to stop cooking for myself and my kids. Am I totally awake now that I start this battle to go from 270 lbs in menopause to 150 lbs -- no it is one day at the time and no chastising myself when I have a set back at lunch, or don't work out on a day I should be.
So, my advice, when you are feeling "frumpy" go pick out your best outfit and put on some makeup. Go get your nails done. Better yet take a walk or run and reward yourself with a ice cold bottle of water when you are done.
Good Luck! You are beautiful.0 -
I didn't have time to read all the responses with dinner making but I feel a lot of the same things you do about myself. I recently got my hair style dramatically changed to boost my need for difference, it has helped with me thinking I am better looking too. I recently started a book called ten days to self esteem, got it at barnes and noble and it has helped with my overall unhappiness with life.0
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