What's the point?
traceyjayne64
Posts: 262
What is the point in all this hard work? Ive always been a fairly insecure person and part of my motivation to lose weight was to gain more confidence in myself, to look sexier for my husband, who until today has been extremely supportive.
Today he decides to say he thinks im having an affair !!!! NO WAY :noway:
He says im acting differently :frown:
I believe he has become insecure and jealous himself....he hasnt ever shown a jealous bone in his body the whole time ive known him !!! But now, it seems he is. I cant do right for doing wrong..i dont see the point in carrying on with this diet or 'way of life'
Today he decides to say he thinks im having an affair !!!! NO WAY :noway:
He says im acting differently :frown:
I believe he has become insecure and jealous himself....he hasnt ever shown a jealous bone in his body the whole time ive known him !!! But now, it seems he is. I cant do right for doing wrong..i dont see the point in carrying on with this diet or 'way of life'
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Replies
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That is exactly what it is! He sees that you look better and he is jealous! He feels like if you look better there is a big chance another man can find you attractive. Do this transformation for you! Love yourself and keep moving forward don't go back! Try to do more things with him like work out together or go for walks together. Sometimes our better halves feel left out and need a little more attention.
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Are you acting differently?0
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The only difference in my actions is that im buying sexier clothes to wear for him (in the house if you know what i mean) and im happier...he has said himself im smiling all the time.0
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Sounds like he's jealous/insecure. It sounds like there are some trust issues if he noticed you're 'acting differently' and automatically assumes it's an affair.
If my husband was acting differently I'd just be upfront and ask him about it rather than assume he was being shady.
You're getting healthy for YOURSELF, so that should be the most important thing.0 -
People can change in all sorts of ways when they lose weight. Usually for the better, and it sounds that way in your case. Take a deep breath and be confident that if he values your relationship he will come to understand the new (happier, sexier) you.
Oh and the point is to be healthy! :bigsmile: FOR YOU. Everything else should be secondary.0 -
It can be scary if your SO starts acting different. It's on you to be reassuring, so some extra love, and make sure he understands that you are not doing this just to lose weight, but there are health reasons. Also, let him know that it makes you feel good to, and you feel a little sexier in your body, and when you are with him.
When I was married, my wife at the time, went through where she started looking really good. I didn't show any jealousy, but I was feeling it. She was great and just talked me through it and all that. It did help. She was extra attentive to me during that time, which helped a lot.
Turn the tables, and you might feel the same way.0 -
Well you have found a way to become happy.
And he hasn't.
Now he feel uncomfortable and the only way to express that is through negativity?
Just a wild guess.0 -
You are probably are acting different, like you said happier, smiling more, which of course makes sense. I'd just reassure him and remind him that he's the only man benefiting from the new you.
fyi my husbands co-workers teased him that I was on the divorce diet, that I had slimmed up and therefore was on my way out. A little reassures is okay.
cheers0 -
I adore my husband, to me he is the sexiest man ever. He has always made me feel like the sexiest woman alive, whatever my weight, and at times ive been big.
But this time, me losing weight is having the wrong affect, im more confident which he seems to love (in the bedroom) but day to day, me out and about he doesnt.....other than stay indoors, what do i do ? :frown:
Stay in, get fat again and im unhappy but hes happy? Or carry on with my weight loss, feel happier and more confident and possibly lose my husband?0 -
He just might need some reassurance that you are happier losing the weight and it is for YOU and not for someone else. He needs to accept that the weight loss is something you are doing for your health and you feel healthier but still love and want him...he may just need to know that. If he is still upset afterwards then he is the one with the problem and need to deal with it...men can be just as insecure about things as women...we just internalize them more which isn't always good. Make sure he knows that he is still your king and should just enjoy the new you.0
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He is most definitely my King, i have told him time and time again...if you read my profile you will see i married him twice, 15 yrs apart, cos i never got over the man.
My weight loss partly was to help our relationship, for me to become more confident with him.0 -
So you'd rather be unhappy and unhealthy?? Of course not! The point is to be healthy, not to get into someone else's pants!! You need to tell him that.
He needs to put his big boy pants on and grow up.0 -
He just might need some reassurance that you are happier losing the weight and it is for YOU and not for someone else. He needs to accept that the weight loss is something you are doing for your health and you feel healthier but still love and want him...he may just need to know that. If he is still upset afterwards then he is the one with the problem and need to deal with it...men can be just as insecure about things as women...we just internalize them more which isn't always good. Make sure he knows that he is still your king and should just enjoy the new you.
Good call. Make sure you emphasize that you are getting healthy so you can live a long life together and to make him happier as well. NOT so you can upgrade in the husband department.
You might even need to say it a few times, it can take a while for us guys to get the message 0 -
It was supposed to be a good day, its my mums 70th birthday, and its been the day from hell, worrying about whats gonna happen 0
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Just curious, is your husband overweight?0
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What's going to happen is you're going to continue to improve your health, look great, and be honest with your husband (as it sounds you have been). The rest is ultimately out of your control.
I'd say if the relationship falters because of your desire to be healthy and happy then you're better off without it in the long run. As another poster said - the best choice for you is happy and healthy, regardless anything else.
From what you've written though, I think your husband will come around eventually.
Relax and give him some time to work through it. 0 -
I'm actually worried about this myself. My boyfriend is overweight and hasn't even batted an eye to my exercising. He's being very supportive but he's very insecure (he often talks about how I'm too good for him). He has no interest in doing it himself at this time.
I worry it will come to the same point in our relationship, but if it does, we'll deal with it. I'll reassure him until the cows come home. :laugh: I'm not going to stop doing what I need to do to be happier with myself and neither should you!0 -
Good for you for losing weight and making yourself happier and healthier! Please keep going, and keep in mind this is for you, not him!
I started writing earlier, and then deleted it....
When I found out my ex was cheating on me and kicked him out, he accused me of having an affair myself (never!!!). It was his way of taking the focus off his wrong-doing, by blaming me and saying I had alterior motives....
I in no way want to add insult to injury, but are you absolutely positive that in the last while that you've been focusing on getting healthy, that he hasn't been using that time to find other interests? Totally a shot in the dark, as I don't know you at all, but from my own experience, sometimes people will make accusations because they are feeling guilty about their own actions.
I really hope that I am wrong, but it might be something to look at.0 -
sounds like you need to sit down when he gets home from work and have a real heart to heart on the couch. Hopefully some reassurance on both sides will help everyone feel better - he's confused, you're hurt. Take that man by the hands, look him square in the eye and tell him what he needs (and deserves to hear) - that he still and always will be the one to rock your world. Tell him what you told us - that he's your king, how much you love him. Give him time - he'll see that you're being true.0
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Good for you for losing weight and making yourself happier and healthier! Please keep going, and keep in mind this is for you, not him!
I started writing earlier, and then deleted it....
When I found out my ex was cheating on me and kicked him out, he accused me of having an affair myself (never!!!). It was his way of taking the focus off his wrong-doing, by blaming me and saying I had alterior motives....
I in no way want to add insult to injury, but are you absolutely positive that in the last while that you've been focusing on getting healthy, that he hasn't been using that time to find other interests? Totally a shot in the dark, as I don't know you at all, but from my own experience, sometimes people will make accusations because they are feeling guilty about their own actions.
I really hope that I am wrong, but it might be something to look at.
has been a concern
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Many people start to improve their looks when they are preparing to leave someone or when they are having an affair. So for X number of years you were one way now you are eating different things, doing different things, looking better, dressing sexy, probably feeling more confident, and possibly having an increased libido (also a possible sign of cheating).
So Hubby goes to work says to his buddies, geeze my wife is acting strange she is eating different things, doing different things, looking better, dressing sexy, probably feeling more confident, and possibly having an increased libido and one buddy says she is going to leave you, and the next says she's cheating on you.
Just reassure hubby that all is ok, just like you would want to be reassured if he was eating different things, doing different things, looking better, dressing sexy, probably feeling more confident, and possibly having an increased libido all of a sudden.0 -
It can be scary if your SO starts acting different. It's on you to be reassuring, so some extra love, and make sure he understands that you are not doing this just to lose weight, but there are health reasons. Also, let him know that it makes you feel good to, and you feel a little sexier in your body, and when you are with him.
When I was married, my wife at the time, went through where she started looking really good. I didn't show any jealousy, but I was feeling it. She was great and just talked me through it and all that. It did help. She was extra attentive to me during that time, which helped a lot.
Turn the tables, and you might feel the same way.
^^ This. Pour out all your love on him.0 -
It's NOT for nothing. Looks like you have come a long way! I can't imagine having all my hard work end up in accusations, but like so many have said already, hubby needs reassurance that you are feeling and looking sexier for yourself and for him, not other men. But you need to have a sit down and hash this out ASAP. Get off the forums and force a conversation if you have to, make him tell you where this is coming from. Hopefully it will be cathartic for you both.
Good luck and PLEASE keep going!0 -
He is most definitely my King, i have told him time and time again...if you read my profile you will see i married him twice, 15 yrs apart, cos i never got over the man.
My weight loss partly was to help our relationship, for me to become more confident with him.
This might be the key right here. You two divorced once -- he might be thinking it could happen again. If you are not giving him any reason to be jealous, then clearly it is not fair how he's accusing you / suspecting you.
However, this is your husband, and as you even stated, your King. So it's really not a question of what's "fair" -- you need to do the right thing no matter how he's behaving. My advice to you is to continue being healthy, and to be mindful of every word and action you have towards him. He NEEDS your respect, admiration, and love. Maybe he's not feeling worthy suddenly because you've "improved" so much, and he has not? It is in your own best interests to encourage him, and give him NO foundation for his accusations.
Marriage is such a blessing if you can always look for ways to out-serve and out-love each other. You do it first, and he will not be able to help but respond to your devotion to him. (IMHO, anyhow!)
I'll be praying for you to have special wisdom in this matter. It is very important! God Bless!0 -
The only difference in my actions is that im buying sexier clothes to wear for him (in the house if you know what i mean) and im happier...he has said himself im smiling all the time.
And this is a bad thing?? Sounds like he should be happy! And happy for you!0 -
You need to carry on for your own health. A lot of men do that when they see their woman is looking better. My brother did it to my sister in law. But that didn't stop her. She kept going and is still losing. It's for her own health and happiness. DO IT FOR YOU! If he's being like that then he's setting you back and you might have to have a talk with him about your feelings. Good luck!0
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My boyfriend seems to think I go have sex with other dudes on my lunch break when Im really at the gym. He'll say that I have an "odor" later on that night. Im like its just sweat from exercising! Ive tried getting him to go with me, but he wont.0
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I adore my husband, to me he is the sexiest man ever. He has always made me feel like the sexiest woman alive, whatever my weight, and at times ive been big.
But this time, me losing weight is having the wrong affect, im more confident which he seems to love (in the bedroom) but day to day, me out and about he doesnt.....other than stay indoors, what do i do ? :frown:
Stay in, get fat again and im unhappy but hes happy? Or carry on with my weight loss, feel happier and more confident and possibly lose my husband?
you need to say what you said above ^^ to him.... he needs to hear these words0 -
Darling... the worse thing you have done in your journey is to do it for him and not 100% for yourself... Look him in the eye and tell him - "Yes I am having an affair, with myself -- I am trying to become a better me, love me for ME and in turn I can share myself with you"...
Don't let him control you by his insecurities, all you can do is show him that just because you are loving yourself more doesn't mean you love him less...0 -
he needs to get over it ! if he really loves you hed be happy for you and enjoying it with you!!!0
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