In you opinion, can men and woman every be JUST friends

xHelloQuincyx
xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
edited December 19 in Chit-Chat
*your (sorry haha)

Ive had a best friend for about 4 years now. I recently went off to college and have not seen him for a while. when we were in highschool we had a tiny bit of a romantic encounter, but it really didnt go anywere. we still remained great friends. Im not attracted to how he looks, but he has the best personality ever. Lately we have been talking a lot more, and hanging out when I come into town. usually all we do is go to parties, and just hang out with friends. but this time he picked me up and said he wanted to go to applebees O.O (a sit down place). so i was like hmm okay. after that we were smoking in his car looking out the sun roof at the sky and he said something about how sad it was to not have a girlfriend when he is almost 20. i was just like errr. 'give it time' or something super lame and over used like that. I'm older then him so I'm not sure if this was him trying to ask for advice or not... gah so confused.

so boys and girls, do you think its possible to be just friends with someone? or does being so close to someone pretty much guaranty an attraction at some point?
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Replies

  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    It's not really a matter of opinion. It happens. And that doesn't mean anything for your relationship, by the way.
  • j4nash
    j4nash Posts: 1,719 Member
    Friends, sure.

    Best friends? Something more to it..
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    It's not really a matter of opinion. It happens. And that doesn't mean anything for your relationship, by the way.

    lol i dont really care how my relationship with him will turn out, I know that I want to be JUST friends. its just something i was thinking about, and wanted to give some background to the story. seems like most people who are friends with the opposite sex end up getting together at some point or another. so i just wanted to do a 'poll'
  • 7funnygirl7
    7funnygirl7 Posts: 1,176
    I think is possible to just be friends...if that is what you both want. I am sure sometimes a person can "fall" for someone mentally, or just physically down the road. It really is up to the individual if you want something to progress out of those feelings. I personally have never had a "male" figure in my life to say much about just being "friends", although I think it would have been cool to have someone of the opposite sex to help me along through my life. I envy those females who have male friends or males that have a great female friend. I believe we need both in our lives to help balance trials and tribulations just as long as it truly is "just" friends. :smile:
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    he said something about how sad it was to not have a girlfriend when he is almost 20.
    I believe that he confused sad with awesome.

    That said, I think that one side will always be more attracted than the other. It's entirely possible that two friends can have an idea of the boundaries of a relationship, but I believe that one side will always have a different idea.

    At least, that's what I've noticed. But I'm astute. And I'd never love someone more than she loved me.
    -wtk
  • imreadii2011
    imreadii2011 Posts: 7 Member
    I would love to 'just be friends' with some men. However, they usually want more and it never works out for me.
  • springseternal
    springseternal Posts: 245 Member
    For some reason, I have more male friends than female friends. I interact better with men for some reason.
  • slay0r
    slay0r Posts: 669 Member
    Yeah from experience if you get really quite close there's always one side that develops some sort of feelings. I guess it just depends how strong they are. I have a couple of good friends that are girls, on one side I have a bit of an attraction to one but I'd never act on it, and one the other side I have a friend that I know has a bit of an attraction towards me. I'd never let either play out though because I've been there and made that mistake and you can never undo it.
  • Acg67
    Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA&feature=player_embedded#!
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
    as long as they are chaperoned!
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    Yeah from experience if you get really quite close there's always one side that develops some sort of feelings. I guess it just depends how strong they are. I have a couple of good friends that are girls, on one side I have a bit of an attraction to one but I'd never act on it, and one the other side I have a friend that I know has a bit of an attraction towards me. I'd never let either play out though because I've been there and made that mistake and you can never undo it.

    ahhh. this is exactly how i feel. :/ I dont wanna just come out and say "hey I never wanna be with you like that, but I hope we can stay friends" and then it turns out hes not actully attracted to me and then it gets all awkward or something. should i just not say anything then?
  • JanetLM73
    JanetLM73 Posts: 1,226 Member
    One of my best friends is a guy, he would never cross the line because he knows I would kick his *kitten*. So yes, I think men and women can be just friends.
  • MissTomGettingThin
    MissTomGettingThin Posts: 776 Member
    Friends, sure.

    Best friends? Something more to it..

    This
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA&feature=player_embedded#!


    oh god. lolol. this actully helps a lot.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    It is very difficult for that to happen.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,027 Member
    Yes.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    as long as they are chaperoned!

    most of the time we hang out alone and play video games o.o
  • aprilgicker
    aprilgicker Posts: 395 Member
    Yes, Even on one drunken night when both of you decide to give it a try, you will still be friends. If it is meant to be it will, but if not you will have a good laugh.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    Anyone can be friends with anyone and not have it be suggestive. A man can be friends with a woman. A Republican can be friends with a Democrat. An idiot can be friends with a person of higher intelligence. Just because gender is in the equation doesn't mean diddly-poop.

    Are there people of the opposite sex that will want the friendship to be more? Sure, but unless they're purposely making things awkward or making advances it's something no one needs to worry about. Hell I had two best friends I had to keep separate when they were at my house, both were female, because one was bisexual and had a crush on the other even though she was dating someone. They were still friends, but I had to be with them because no one tried anything with me there. Eventually that friendship fell apart.

    As for people who can't trust their significant others with friends of the opposite sex, that's you not trusting your partner, not their friends. You can say "oh I don't trust their friend" all you want but basically you're saying that you can't trust your loved one to hold their own should said friend make an advance. And if you honestly have trust issues or are not comfortable, fine. Your issues.

    Long story short, as a fact, men and women can be just friends and never want nor try for anything more.
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
    Of course, if you have a lot of male friends, chances are eventually you'll fall for one of them or the other way around.

    That doesn't mean it's impossible. *shrug* It's just about expectations and maturity. A little attraction in friendship doesn't necessarily doom it.
  • hanna1210
    hanna1210 Posts: 286 Member
    Totally. A few of my nearest and dearest are guys, but I think it helps that I've known them for eons. They're practically family at this point so thinking of them as more than friends is just... weird.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    Why is this even a question?

    why you answering then bro?? O.O
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    "A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,670 Member
    almost all my friends are guys. My BEST friends? dudes. i've always been a "one of the guys" sort of woman, and i've never had an issue of one of us "wanting it to be more". mostly because most men wouldn't see me as attractive, and because the sort of people i befriend (hyperactive weirdos) are not the sort of people i'm attracted to (shy, modest "good" people).

    i have had problems with significant others being weirded out, though, both mine and theirs. any time i've dated a guy i have always had to add the disclaimer, "hey, all my friends are guys. get over it"

    luckily, at my age now, most of my friends have managed to marry some lovely ladies and now, for the first time ever, i've got girlfriends. yay!


    your situation, though, OP, sounds like he has a major crush on you. Don't break his heart :brokenheart:
  • jarrettd
    jarrettd Posts: 872 Member
    Hubby and I were friends. Then we got married, and we've been BEST friends ever since!

    I know...not really what you're asking.

    In my experience, it is very rare for mixed-gender relationships to remain purely platonic, without either party at least entertaining the thought of something more. That doesn't mean there is ever the intention to act on it or even discuss it; but we are human, and not very far out of the cave when it comes right down to it.

    My opinion? Yes, men and women can be friends, but it is a conscious decision. You have to trust yourself (and your friend) to be able to overcome instinct.
  • alecta337
    alecta337 Posts: 622 Member
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA&feature=player_embedded#!


    oh god. lolol. this actully helps a lot.

    watching this video I totally agree!! No guy will hang out with a girl unless he likes her, but girls are good at keeping them at bay. Most guys can keep their feelings to themselves, until you're sad and drunk and vulnerable. LOL

    But seriously, they're just waiting for their time to swoop in =]
  • amy_fulk
    amy_fulk Posts: 69
    I do believe that men and women can be friends. I grew up on a farm with all guys and even now I surround myself with them. My boyfriend and I were friends for almost a year before we started dating this month, but not all of my guy friends have actually liked me in that way. If they do and that is not something that you want with that individual, you should be straight up and tell them. If they have a problem with it then let them be; you're more than likely much better off.
  • lickmybaconcakes
    lickmybaconcakes Posts: 1,063 Member
    Yes in some cases but if the physical attraction is what made one them friends with the other in the first place I don't think that's going to work out that well.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    Yes in some cases but if the physical attraction is what made one them friends with the other in the first place I don't think that's going to work out that well.

    im not physical attracted to him nessisarily... we became friends because i used to copy his chem homework haha. but idk what he thinks about me
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    When I was obese (and married), I would have adamantly said yes. I had several male friends who were just that.

    Now that I'm fit, though, and added the fact that I'm no longer married?
    It's tough. A friendship can be maintained, but it does seem to inevitably be sexualized in some way or another. Not necessarily enough to ruin the friendship, but it does seem that the boundaries of platonic friendship are hard to maintain.
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