Wanting to be back with ex-fiance

only you can answer this. i would say if you both still have feelings for each other give it another try. your gonna have to grow up though, you cant break off an engagement after one fight. find a different way to communicate with each other.

I had a soulmate at your age too. Guess what? I'm not married to him today and thank goodness for that!

Me too! I didn't start living until I split up from the man who I thought was the love of my life. I'm sure meeting someone so young works for some people but if the relationship is already troubled it doesn't look good. I think if you need to ask the opinions of strangers then maybe you know in your heart things aren't right. Good luck with what ever you decide :-)

Sounds to me you already have your mind made up even before you posted this. People are giving you good advice and you reply with "he's my sole mate" So if you don't want to take anybody advice you should keep quiet instead of wasting peoples time. At the end you are going to do what ever you want. Also even if you say you didn't force him into therapy you did, but you just don't see it. If you didn't bring it up he wouldn't be in therapy now. You're family is never going to approve of him because he already lost the trust and it's harder for family to forget and forgive. You are the same age that I had my daughter and I was in an abusive relationship because I loved him, but all he did was abuse me and have me financially support him. I'm so glad I'm not in that relationship and ended it before it was to late. If you are living with him now and are paying for everything because he can't hold a job, we guess what? He's going to get on your good side so you keep supporting him and will use you and you will be hurt, but will support him because you "love" him. That's the cycle and it's only going to end once you say no and never look back.

The guys a complete dead beat and you are throwing your life away at 19. NINETEEN. You are still a kid. Why do you want to live a drama fest so badly? Life gives enough of it to you already as you get older. You deserve better.... this dead beat is not going to change and you are just enabling him to keep acting the way he is.

Life is no fairy tale. It's what you make of it.

I had a soulmate at your age too. Guess what? I'm not married to him today and thank goodness for that!

Oh my god, me too!

You are wasting your time. There are too many things that he needs to change for you to get back together with him. Just find someone you don't need to change. The anger issues only get worse! Some of the other posters suggest getting your own place and that is a great idea. I cannot imagine living with an ex. You never get any time away to really find out who you are and what you want in life.

Good luck.

Sorry but the guy sounds like a bum. You pretty much laid out the beginning signs of a future abuser and he can't even hold down a job. Easier said than done, but just walk away and dont look back. You'll find someone better if you up your standards.

^^^THIS.

If being with him separates you from your family and other people who care about you, it's also separating you from a support system that you will need when the **** really hits the fan. Then you become one of the many trapped in an abusive relationship because you feel like "he's the only one who cares" and you "don't know where to go".

I really feel for you, I had a similar situation when I was only 16, so I know how hard it is!

I agree with the people who are saying that you need to remove yourself from the situation and live your own life for a while. It's amazing how different you feel after a few months away from someone and a situation. If in 6 months he's kept up these changes and you both still want to be together, then try again, but give it the chance. That way, you can see if his change is for real, and if this is really what you want.

It's so easy to get caught up in a relationship when you're still in the middle of it. People are telling you not to drink.go out etc, I personally think that's a normal part of being your age, but you need to do it all without him. I know this sounds patronising, but I'm only 3 years older than you and I have changed more than I thought possible in that time, so you need time to ginto your own person.

Whatever you do, be careful. People can change, but you need to prioritise your safety over everything.

Hi All,

So a little background information here:

I met him a few days before I turned 18 and we started talking and getting closer and a few weeks later we were going out, a month later he proposed and we were engaged! (both families were happy!).... 8-9 months later, we got a flat and moved in together (very stressful times)... on my 19th birthday I had a friend up who I hadnt seen for years and we were having a little drink and a laugh my Fiance had had to much to drink and I was nipping at him for it - things kicked off and he ended up smashing our coffee table, by trying to flip it - police were involved and that caused major *kitten* between my family and him! we tried to to stay together but with his anger and lack of trying to get help we fell into same patterns as before and our arguin got worse e.g. lashing out, pushing eachother....

Anyways we have been split for a while, but are still living together - I love him, he loves me but we aren't together he is currently getting counselling for his anger and I have been going out and enjoying partying, drinking etc... I have got to the stage now my life feels empty without being with him! My family absolutely detest him, but that doesnt stop me wanting a future with him, we did talk about getting back together if he sorted his temper tantrums and if he got a job and could hold it down (some extra pressures that we were having while together)

Is it possible that people can change? and if so how do I tell my family if and when I decide if we get back together... so confused!

Here's my take on things without reading everyone else's, so sorry if what I say has been said over and over again on the previous 4 pages...

Your story sounds very familiar...like nearly identical to the one that I have between me and my ex-fiance Gabriel. Only we went out for 4 years, and there hints of his weird anger issues throughout that I ignored, right up until the very end...

After we broke up, I had the same feelings as you (he's my soulmate, my one and only, etc.) And I wanted him back in my life soooo bad (even though we were right there together, just not "together"). I would cry and pout and basically felt miserable and empty without him. And then...one day...(well, not all of a sudden, but you know what I mean) I decided that I would listen to everyone else who was telling me to just live my life and not worry about him anymore. That if we were "meant to be together" that it would happen...

And when I started going out with Justin, things changed. Like, literally overnight. Snap, things changed. I found out that even though I *thought* Gabriel was my soulmate, I was wrong. Even though he also went to counseling for his anger issues and started working his own life out and finally found a job that he kept more than 3 months (true story...he couldn't keep a darn job to save his life before!) I just decided that I didn't need all that drama!!! Me and Justin have just as many things in common as me and Gabriel, we have just as much if not more fun when we go out, and guess what else? No anger issues and no drama, so I felt nothing but love and compassion from him. I didn't have to "work at it" or worry about if he'd get mad at me like Gabriel did, especially when we drink.

And I've been married to Justin for almost a year now. I haven't seen Gabriel since 2008, and those feelings that I once thought that I had, are no longer there. I was attaching myself to a dream instead of letting go of someone that wouldn't have worked out in the end.

Sure, your guy can change if he wants to. But instead of trying to make a relationship work based on CHANGING HIM, find someone new that DOESN'T NEED TO CHANGE to be everything you want and need in life. You will BOTH be better off because of it!!!