creepy guy at the gym

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2

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  • amandammmq
    amandammmq Posts: 394 Member
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    Ugh, how unpleasant! In this situation, I wouldn't worry too much about being polite and nice - he is violating your personal space and making you really uncomfortable. You don't want him as a friend, I assume.

    Keep this in mind, and be really firm - practice what you're going to say ahead of time, and don't be afraid to be a "jerk"... after all, he is already not being respectful of you!

    If it were me, I'd start by saying that it's been nice chatting, but I was getting back to my workout. If he kept chatting, I'd be more firm, telling him that I come to the gym to rock out, work out hard, and unwind after a hard day at work. If that didn't work, I'd probably say, "Listen. I have asked you in as polite a way as possible to let me work out in peace. Please. Leave. Me. Alone." If that didn't work, I'd tell him he was making me really uncomfortable, violating my personal space, and really creeping me out. And then I'd talk to personnel at the gym. If he touched me again, I'd tell him to please stop touching me without my permission, as it was violating my personal space.

    In situations where I know I am going to have a confrontation, I practice what I'm going to say ahead of time, and remind myself that I need to be strong, stick up for MYSELF and not worry about whether or not this is going to hurt their feelings.

    Let us know what happens!
  • _SpeshK_
    _SpeshK_ Posts: 496 Member
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    Damn! You are on to me again?!

    I always have my headphones on when working out alone... music turned up, everyone else tuned out and ignore the creepers!

    I think this is the best advice if you don't want to be blunt with him. BUT, since now he has already spoken to you and thinks he is able to come up to you no matter what, you may have to do what the first poster said and just be straight up. You're there to workout, not to socialize.
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    This just makes me love my gym more. My gym is awesome! NO creepers at ALL!

    If I were in your shoes, I would just set a boundary. The guy might be a creep, or he might think you are into him, or he might just be clueless that it's not cool to touch you. I think it is best to just say nicely that you don't like him touching you and that you really want to focus on your work out when you are at the gym.
  • deniseselah
    deniseselah Posts: 225 Member
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    and whatever you decide to say, don't smile while you're saying it, and don't use the word "sorry." something like "I don't talk much at the gym" ... "I don't like people coming up and touching me" ... and if he's still being weird it's time to get the staff involved. best of luck to you.
  • BosLady1
    BosLady1 Posts: 83
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    I would report him at the gym, and then don't act any different towards him if you are at all worried he may become aggressive / weird.
    EDIT: my behavior = Passive aggressive? Maybe, but it's what I would do.

    Can't stand creepers, or people who invade my personal space when I don't know them. :grumble:
  • jmach002
    jmach002 Posts: 113 Member
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    this happens to me sometimes too....i tend to do a few things....one i make it a point to say how sweaty and stinky i am (they tend to keep their distance once that is said) or i do a polite head nod and keep my headphones on and focus on my Kindle. or pretend to be way too out of breath to talk. I freakin cant stand it when people i dont know touch me i lose it! fight or flight and i tend to lean toward fight (i dont actually hit anyone but i get visably tense)
  • TheAncientMariner
    TheAncientMariner Posts: 444 Member
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    Just tell him to stop. All of these other passive aggressive methods will only send mixed signals, and you don't want to do that. You want to make it clear that his continued methods of tangible and intangible communication are not wanted.
  • ShantiDey
    ShantiDey Posts: 16 Member
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    The fact that he creeps you out is reason enough to take a firm line with him. He's either a) clueless that you are totally not okay with his coming on to you / touching you without an invitation, or worse, b) he's a predator and he's reading your downcast eyes, shying away and refusal to stand up for what you want as potential victim behavior.

    I side with the posters here who encourage you to speak up. Look him straight in the eyes, stand up straight, and tell him that you do not wish to be touched. There are over 7 billion people in the world. If you have to run the risk of hurting a grown man's feelings in order to protect yourself, there are still over 6,999,999,999 other folks you haven't hurt. Protect yourself and move on. It's not your job to sacrifice your own safety and peace of mind because this guy is either a) clueless or b) a predator.

    And please, on behalf of all other women out there, please file a note with your gym's management. If he's harmless, no harm done. If there are other complaints, it gives the management a segue to start the necessary actions to get him out of there before he hurts someone.
  • builtforlife
    builtforlife Posts: 259
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    Just tell him, I'm working out bro, I'm trying to get a workout in do you mind?"
  • Karalopolous
    Karalopolous Posts: 574
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    Sneeze and or cough on him.
  • mbajrami
    mbajrami Posts: 636 Member
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    I don't think I'd be so quick to assume he's harmless. Too many women dismiss their instinctive leanings for fear of appearing rude. It sounds to me like you feel that way for good reason. He's dismissing what he reads in your body language, and invading your personal space. I would tell him "No offense, but I'm not here to socialize." He might walk away calling you a b*tch under his breath, but you're entitled to your space, and to stand up for yourself.

    ^This. Well said.
  • ash190489
    ash190489 Posts: 587 Member
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    I would go and tell the gym manager about the situation - any guess that if this is happening to you, this could be happening to many others and thus they may be feeling the same way as you. I would mention to the gym owner/manager that this man tends to be at gym regularly and he spends a LOT of time talking to others rather than working out. Make it clear that his constant interruptions to your work outs and now the touching is making you feel very uncomfortable and if this strange behaviour isn't dealt with accordingly that you will consider cancelling your membership and going elsewhere. If it continues even after the owner/manager has 'dealt' with it, then consider saying something to the person along the lines of "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what your intentions or goals are, but mine are to come to the gym and work out - I need to get back to my work out now" and then discontinue talking to him - or just cancel your membership. You should never feel that your safety is compromised and I am sure you could get out of your membership if this was the case.
  • ChRiStA_1983
    ChRiStA_1983 Posts: 380 Member
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    @ "Drop a weight on his foot and pretend it was an accident because he startled you"....BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • loraloha74
    loraloha74 Posts: 169
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    I am really sorry that you have to think about this while trying to workout. It SUCKS!
    It's good to have your headphones on and if they are cranked up and he taps you looked startled and say in a loud voice "Sorry I'm in the middle of my workout" so that everyone can hear. This will embarrass him a bit and let people around you know that its not ok with you and that he's not a friend. The louder you speak the better it works. Again really sorry that this is happening. With you in spirit though!
  • Aereon
    Aereon Posts: 27 Member
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    Just be blunt with him and tell him to get lost. I'm sure he'll find someone else to latch onto.
  • focus4fitness
    focus4fitness Posts: 551 Member
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    I think you could go either way with this guy. I would either be very blunt or I would smile sweetly and say that you don't mean to be rude but you're in an online competition and you really have to focus on your workout. Just make up an excuse and before he gets a chance to say anything put your headphones back on and go at it hard! If he still doesn't get it, I would flat out tell him that you are not at the gym to make friends.
  • lauralizzy829
    lauralizzy829 Posts: 215 Member
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    I don't think I'd be so quick to assume he's harmless. Too many women dismiss their instinctive leanings for fear of appearing rude. It sounds to me like you feel that way for good reason. He's dismissing what he reads in your body language, and invading your personal space. I would tell him "No offense, but I'm not here to socialize." He might walk away calling you a b*tch under his breath, but you're entitled to your space, and to stand up for yourself.

    ^This. Well said.

    ^^^^^Exactly. Tell him straight forward to leave you alone and that the time at the gym is your me time and you'd rather be left alone to concentrate on your workouts. If he persists, tell him again and go to the gym management. That way you gave him one chance already. Who knows, they may already have received complaints about him and giving them more info could help the situation with others.
  • babygurl48
    babygurl48 Posts: 1,236 Member
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    Drop a weight on his foot. Act like it was an accident because he startled you. That ought to take care of it.

    That'll work!!!..lol..
  • samcee
    samcee Posts: 307
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    Why don't you report him to the staff or manager?

    I had this guy who harassed me one time at the gym. We were both in the mix sauna and he approached me when there were less people around. He actually asked me to give him a back rub and I told him to go sod off! He than said some rubbish about how everyone here were like family and I was being racist for not giving him a massage. Like, ew! Freak. I reported him after.
  • angelpie36426
    angelpie36426 Posts: 52 Member
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    I would definitely report him to gym management. Trust your instincts and get some civilian pepper spray just to be on the safe side when you are going to and from your car. Better yet, find another gym that takes patron safety more seriously and tell the management why! He is probably trying to "groom" you into thinking he is safe and normal.

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