creepy guy at the gym

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Replies

  • mbajrami
    mbajrami Posts: 636 Member
    I don't think I'd be so quick to assume he's harmless. Too many women dismiss their instinctive leanings for fear of appearing rude. It sounds to me like you feel that way for good reason. He's dismissing what he reads in your body language, and invading your personal space. I would tell him "No offense, but I'm not here to socialize." He might walk away calling you a b*tch under his breath, but you're entitled to your space, and to stand up for yourself.

    ^This. Well said.
  • ash190489
    ash190489 Posts: 587 Member
    I would go and tell the gym manager about the situation - any guess that if this is happening to you, this could be happening to many others and thus they may be feeling the same way as you. I would mention to the gym owner/manager that this man tends to be at gym regularly and he spends a LOT of time talking to others rather than working out. Make it clear that his constant interruptions to your work outs and now the touching is making you feel very uncomfortable and if this strange behaviour isn't dealt with accordingly that you will consider cancelling your membership and going elsewhere. If it continues even after the owner/manager has 'dealt' with it, then consider saying something to the person along the lines of "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what your intentions or goals are, but mine are to come to the gym and work out - I need to get back to my work out now" and then discontinue talking to him - or just cancel your membership. You should never feel that your safety is compromised and I am sure you could get out of your membership if this was the case.
  • ChRiStA_1983
    ChRiStA_1983 Posts: 380 Member
    @ "Drop a weight on his foot and pretend it was an accident because he startled you"....BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • loraloha74
    loraloha74 Posts: 169
    I am really sorry that you have to think about this while trying to workout. It SUCKS!
    It's good to have your headphones on and if they are cranked up and he taps you looked startled and say in a loud voice "Sorry I'm in the middle of my workout" so that everyone can hear. This will embarrass him a bit and let people around you know that its not ok with you and that he's not a friend. The louder you speak the better it works. Again really sorry that this is happening. With you in spirit though!
  • Aereon
    Aereon Posts: 27 Member
    Just be blunt with him and tell him to get lost. I'm sure he'll find someone else to latch onto.
  • focus4fitness
    focus4fitness Posts: 551 Member
    I think you could go either way with this guy. I would either be very blunt or I would smile sweetly and say that you don't mean to be rude but you're in an online competition and you really have to focus on your workout. Just make up an excuse and before he gets a chance to say anything put your headphones back on and go at it hard! If he still doesn't get it, I would flat out tell him that you are not at the gym to make friends.
  • lauralizzy829
    lauralizzy829 Posts: 215 Member
    I don't think I'd be so quick to assume he's harmless. Too many women dismiss their instinctive leanings for fear of appearing rude. It sounds to me like you feel that way for good reason. He's dismissing what he reads in your body language, and invading your personal space. I would tell him "No offense, but I'm not here to socialize." He might walk away calling you a b*tch under his breath, but you're entitled to your space, and to stand up for yourself.

    ^This. Well said.

    ^^^^^Exactly. Tell him straight forward to leave you alone and that the time at the gym is your me time and you'd rather be left alone to concentrate on your workouts. If he persists, tell him again and go to the gym management. That way you gave him one chance already. Who knows, they may already have received complaints about him and giving them more info could help the situation with others.
  • babygurl48
    babygurl48 Posts: 1,237 Member
    Drop a weight on his foot. Act like it was an accident because he startled you. That ought to take care of it.

    That'll work!!!..lol..
  • samcee
    samcee Posts: 307
    Why don't you report him to the staff or manager?

    I had this guy who harassed me one time at the gym. We were both in the mix sauna and he approached me when there were less people around. He actually asked me to give him a back rub and I told him to go sod off! He than said some rubbish about how everyone here were like family and I was being racist for not giving him a massage. Like, ew! Freak. I reported him after.
  • angelpie36426
    angelpie36426 Posts: 52 Member
    I would definitely report him to gym management. Trust your instincts and get some civilian pepper spray just to be on the safe side when you are going to and from your car. Better yet, find another gym that takes patron safety more seriously and tell the management why! He is probably trying to "groom" you into thinking he is safe and normal.
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
    There is a fellow at the gym who I am sure is harmless, but he seems to be there to socialize more than to workout. He chats everytime he sees me and now he has started to touch my arm or my back.

    I don't mind saying hello and being friendly, but when my workout is being interrupted by an extended conversation, I find it extremely annoying.

    And please, don't touch me if you don't know me.....I mean, really.

    Anyone else have/had similar issues? Any suggestions? I keep my eyes down, I am focused on what I am doing. I don't look to catch his, or anyone else's eye.

    I actually left the gym one day because I didn't want to have to talk to him.

    :(

    I can freakin' stand chatters:mad: . I put on my ipod right away. Even if I'm with a friend they know I don't wanna talk.

    If he doesn't get the hint that way, just go to management if you are afraid to tell him yourself.
  • giberin
    giberin Posts: 11 Member
    Yep, I had a stalker who followed me to yoga classes, even wait in the front entrance for me, make sure he would arrive when I did ( he seemed to know my schedule eventually met me outside of my car to scare me by threats. He was the ex boyfriend of my best friend so he thought by following me to the gym and being all creepy towards me would freak her out. Yep sure did. Had to go to court and everything. Its was a nightmare. Gym management did NOTHING. Thankfully he moved on.
  • marydee72
    marydee72 Posts: 51
    **THANK YOU** everyone for your words and support!!! I don't see him every time I go, but when I do I just hate it.

    I may mention it to management. I thought I may be overreacting but I guess not.

    Thanks again everyone!!

    ^^
  • lmtrevin77
    lmtrevin77 Posts: 68 Member
    I had something similar happen but without the touching. I had to take my headphones off when he started yapping so then I just made sure to put them back on and said "sorry, I like to listen to music when I work out" and he got the hint. The second time, he got on the treadmill next to me again and started talking and I smiled and said "Have a good workout" and switched machines. I did that a few times and he didn't talk to me anymore. I don't like to be outright rude because you just never know what some crazy guys might do. If none of these options work, then I guess you can report him. Usually, if guys see that you are really not engaging in conversation with them, they usually move on. The less drama the better. Take care!
  • Zandia_1
    Zandia_1 Posts: 183 Member
    Keep this response in mind next time you encounter him...
    I don't mind saying hello and being friendly, but when my workout is being interrupted by an extended conversation, I find it extremely annoying.

    And please, don't touch me if you don't know me.....I mean, really.


    Edit to fix quote tags
  • atjays
    atjays Posts: 797 Member
    It may seem rude but you have to be blunt with some people. They just don't understand social situations and will not get a "hint" . Just tell him straight up you're there to workout, you're busy and don't appreciate being bothered. May sound snotty but you won't have anymore issues.
  • beefolks
    beefolks Posts: 21 Member
    Frankly, it is your body, if you do not want him to touch it, he should not be touching it. Don't say sorry, just say, "I do not find your touching appropriate, stop it." And if he does not - report him to management.

    Management does not like to take the stance of negotiating between kids. However, if you have clearly told him to stop his behavior, then it becomes sexual harassment. Bring them on in.

    As for trying to talk to you - he has the right to talk, and you have the right to ignore him. You can tell him that you are there to exercise, not socialize, if that makes you feel better. But say nothing that would lead him to believe that it is ok to talk to you after your workout, either.

    You have paid for the right to workout at the gym at your convenience. You should not have to accomodate your schedule to avoid this guy. Once you have attempted reasonable measures, it is management's responsibility to ensure that no client or employee makes you feel harassed or unsafe.
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,298 Member
    Awwww he likes you lol :p
  • StephinWA
    StephinWA Posts: 10 Member
    That's the worst. I would leave both headphones in and say you can't chat - have to get through your workout because you're on a schedule. Do it every time, and he should stop. I agree with the person who said not to be too quick to assume he's harmless. You want to assume the best, but not everyone is a good person.
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    I'd say be blunt and straight forward with him. Tell him that while its a pleasure talking to him, but you are at the gym to work out, not to make new friends. Sometimes you just have to be rude to make people get the message

    I agree with this...100%!
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    It's times like those I am glad to be bilingual. If they speak english, I speak spainish and vice versa lol no one likes talking to someone they can't understand. Been thinking of adding my sign language in but the headphones are a dead giveaway that I am not hearing impaired.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    I used to get that once in a while, not creepers, but just people hat want to talk. The gym I used to belong to had more lonely old men than any gym I have ever seen in my life. It was sad kind of. But, when they would start to chat, I'd just look at my watch, say "sorry, I'm timing my intervals", do a set and alk for 30 seconds and do it again. It wouldn't last long for them because hey it the hint they were bothering me.

    The other thing you could do is just say, "I only have 20 more minutes and I gotta get out of here, and it's going to take me that long to get thru my routine. So, I Don't mean to be rude, but I really need get to it." You could say something similar every time. Just to mess with him, if he ver corners you in a conversation, look at he clock and say, "damn it, I just wasted my gym time, I have to go meet ...with a client...or pick up my kids....or help my friend with something... You get the idea, and leave abruptly. That will send the message.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0

    "how to avoid talking to people you dont want to talk to"
    everyone. watch this now. haha

    if you dont wanna do this stuff, and dont care about what he thinks of you, just say 'you wish' and walk away haha.
  • rockinright
    rockinright Posts: 241
    A male perspective:

    A few possibilities.

    1. He finds you attractive and is clumsily trying to get to know you, but is socially awkward and doesn't know how to do it, and hasn't figured out you're not interested.

    2. He IS actually a creepy predator type.

    3. He's just being nice/friendly, and has an odd personality and/or some type of social disorder of some sort.

    Either way, you have to bluntly, in a non-rude but not TOO friendly way, ask him to stop.

    I tend to want to give him the benefit of the doubt, since, before meeting my wife I often had a HELL of a time meeting women and getting dates, and that might be what he's trying to do here. Let him down firmly but easily.

    If he doesn't stop then he might be a #2 or #3 on my above list, and I'd go to "Plan B" which is to let management know.
  • Jezebel9
    Jezebel9 Posts: 396 Member
    Being assertive is not always easy.
    "I'm sorry, I don't want to talk, I need to work out."
    "I come here to work out, and that's all I really want to do."
    "Please don't touch me, I don't want it or like it."

    or something like that might work.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    I HATE when people touch me while they are talking to me-i don't care whether i know them or not, i hate it.
  • istalkzombies
    istalkzombies Posts: 344 Member
    If you dont mind talking to him then just ask if you can talk later, but since you're reffering to him as "creepy guy" then I assume you dont really wanna talk to him then if he seems nice enough id be polite and just say you'd preffer not to talk during you're workout but if he doesnt get it then be be strong and firm about it.
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