Un related...
LastTenPoundsGodDamnYou
Posts: 101 Member
in Chit-Chat
OK Here goes.
I am fast becoming the only one in my circle of Pals who's is unmarried. I am 36, have been with my fella for 11 years. We have a really good relationship, he is kind, thoughtful caring and loving, funny and loyal......i am most of those things LOL. So wassap with the marriage thing? He is not happy in his career (Unemployed but training) is 36 also does not have a good role model for marriage and has never really been that bothered about it.
Your thoughts on 1) will it ever happen? 2) Should I care? GO!
I am fast becoming the only one in my circle of Pals who's is unmarried. I am 36, have been with my fella for 11 years. We have a really good relationship, he is kind, thoughtful caring and loving, funny and loyal......i am most of those things LOL. So wassap with the marriage thing? He is not happy in his career (Unemployed but training) is 36 also does not have a good role model for marriage and has never really been that bothered about it.
Your thoughts on 1) will it ever happen? 2) Should I care? GO!
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Replies
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Shouldn't you be asking him?0
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This is really a conversation you should have with him. We're not going to have any idea what he's thinking.
Also, I asked my fiancee to marry me. He was afraid I would say no, so I made my feelings very clear.0 -
Thanks Groovy... that's not how these things work in my town...you have to wait for them. If you have the "discussion" you might not hear what you want, men don't like pushing. I am interested in people who might have experienced the same thing...Just out of interest0
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Gawd its only fun and chit chat not counselling!0
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I recommend asking him.0
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Pah I give up! Cheers all0
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I'd worry about it when/if he gets a job.
I've heard stories that go both ways. Sometimes the woman gives up and moves on.0 -
Are you happy with your current situation? If so don't change it. me being married should have no bearing on you not. What an "interesting" town you live in where men take offense to forthcoming women. Is this a time warp chat?0
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I am happy, very happy Honestly, I just feel a bit miffed not to be asked and a bit fed up with all the kids asking me what i am still a Miss at school LOL. I feel like a spinster when they do that!0
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Um yeah my name is ElizabethRoad. "Groovy" is the profile picture.Thanks Groovy... that's not how these things work in my town...you have to wait for them. If you have the "discussion" you might not hear what you want, men don't like pushing. I am interested in people who might have experienced the same thing...Just out of interest
The rest of your comment is not worth a reply.0 -
You've been dating for 11 years and never even talked about marriage?
I dated my current husband for 10 years before we got married but we both knew we would do it eventually, we just weren't in a rush.0 -
Um yeah my name is ElizabethRoad. "Groovy" is the profile picture.Thanks Groovy... that's not how these things work in my town...you have to wait for them. If you have the "discussion" you might not hear what you want, men don't like pushing. I am interested in people who might have experienced the same thing...Just out of interest
The rest of your comment is not worth a reply.
What on earth are you on about? I am totally confused by this response...I valued your input but was trying to clarify my point. I am not sure what offended you!?0 -
Thanks Groovy... that's not how these things work in my town...you have to wait for them. If you have the "discussion" you might not hear what you want, men don't like pushing. I am interested in people who might have experienced the same thing...Just out of interest
Is your town in 1956? If you think you're going to get an answer you don't like, why are you even still with this guy? If you want to be married and he does not, that is a pretty serious relationship issue. And really, if you've never brought up the fact that you want to get married, maybe he thinks you don't want to (and would say no) ... at which point, I have experienced the same thing.. and when I said, "hey, guy, you wanna get married some time?" he said, "sure!"
And we lived happily ever after. So far.0 -
get rid of him. Clearly he is using you for having a job and supporting him. As soon as he is done with training and on his way to the big bucks, he is going to find a younger version, marry her and have lots of babies. Best to move on now. :flowerforyou:0
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Tell HIM all of this0
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get rid of him. Clearly he is using you for having a job and supporting him. As soon as he is done with training and on his way to the big bucks, he is going to find a younger version, marry her and have lots of babies. Best to move on now. :flowerforyou:
Exactly what I thought!!! I will do that now. I will tell him you said so!!0 -
If...
a) you are happy with the way things are
b) scared to ask him
c) only thinking about it because of what others think
then...
no, you should not be worried about it. It sounds like you want marriage for all the wrong reasons.0 -
no one, except Wicked Mouse, has answered the should I care one......I don't think i should care personally...but i cannot shake the feeling that i am a bit miffed at not being asked...i might not even say yes:laugh:0
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Husky, I think you nailed it! I will just keep being happy and try not to be jealous of jewellery....0
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"If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it? Would you go 'Baby, this **** we got together, it's so good we gotta get the government in on this ****. We can't just share this commitment 'tweenst us. We need judges and lawyers involved in this ****, baby. It's hot!'" -- Doug Stanhope0
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no one, except Wicked Mouse, has answered the should I care one......I don't think i should care personally...but i cannot shake the feeling that i am a bit miffed at not being asked...i might not even say yes:laugh:
See, here's where it dips into head-games. If you don't think you should be bothered by it, let it go. Don't let societal pressures dictate how you feel about such a personal relationship.
Marriage, imho, is more a dedication of your own heart, rather than a legal status. Government has attached certain rights and privileges to the "Holy State of Matrimony", but in the end, your marriage is defined by YOU. That piece of paper has no power other than what you give it.
If you are committed to your relationship, you shouldn't have to have a ceremony and a license to prove it.0 -
"If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it? Would you go 'Baby, this **** we got together, it's so good we gotta get the government in on this ****. We can't just share this commitment 'tweenst us. We need judges and lawyers involved in this ****, baby. It's hot!'" -- Doug Stanhope
...and that's why I drink.
Nicely put! This is more like it. I am feeling better already :drinker:0 -
I'm utterly confused by OP's responses to everyone else. Obviously there is an answer they are looking for, a justification or something... Forget rational.
In my eyes, 11 years=married, whether or not there's paper to back it up. Don't want to be asked about being a Miss? Change to Ms.0 -
Thanks Groovy... that's not how these things work in my town...you have to wait for them. If you have the "discussion" you might not hear what you want, men don't like pushing. I am interested in people who might have experienced the same thing...Just out of interest
Hence the ever-present "Communication" problem in relationships.
WOMAN up and talk to him! If he runs he was never going to make the move anyway.0 -
I'm utterly confused by OP's responses to everyone else. Obviously there is an answer they are looking for, a justification or something... Forget rational.
In my eyes, 11 years=married, whether or not there's paper to back it up. Don't want to be asked about being a Miss? Change to Ms.
The reality is that she doesn't really care, but she wonders if the fact that he hasn't asked means something... but she is afraid to confront him and she is happy with the way things are. She is probably afraid to confront him with good reason so odds are that if she does, things will turn out exactly as she suspects. And since she is happy... then she really shouldn't worry about it.0 -
I'm utterly confused by OP's responses to everyone else. Obviously there is an answer they are looking for, a justification or something... Forget rational.
In my eyes, 11 years=married, whether or not there's paper to back it up. Don't want to be asked about being a Miss? Change to Ms.
You are quite right. That's why I put it out there. Honestly I am as confused as you are! I am really happy and don't think about marriage at all. But since I have been on here 5 people (real and MFP) friends have got engaged and it made me wonder if there is something "off" that I am not doing it. I guess you are right i am looking for people to say "it's ok". This may be a bit silly, but that is what forums are really useful for...sounding stuff out to see how you really feel.
I had never thought about the Ms thing actually!0 -
I'm utterly confused by OP's responses to everyone else. Obviously there is an answer they are looking for, a justification or something... Forget rational.
In my eyes, 11 years=married, whether or not there's paper to back it up. Don't want to be asked about being a Miss? Change to Ms.
The reality is that she doesn't really care, but she wonders if the fact that he hasn't asked means something... but she is afraid to confront him and she is happy with the way things are. She is probably afraid to confront him with good reason so odds are that if she does, things will turn out exactly as she suspects. And since she is happy... then she really shouldn't worry about it.
Husky I think I love you. I am not good with the words, but that is spot on! Will you marry me! :flowerforyou:0 -
Pah I give up! Cheers all
lol
Because people recommended you actually talk to this guy?
That's comical...0 -
Thanks Groovy... that's not how these things work in my town...you have to wait for them. If you have the "discussion" you might not hear what you want, men don't like pushing. I am interested in people who might have experienced the same thing...Just out of interest
Hence the ever-present "Communication" problem in relationships.
WOMAN up and talk to him! If he runs he was never going to make the move anyway.
Great response.
I would like to add that I would first work on him getting a job THAN worry about the getting married thing. Just my opinion on that bit.0 -
Don't worry Lasttenpounds...Elizabethroad is RUDE to everyone. :drinker:0
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