Tell me about your rock bottom

I didn't really have a rock bottom. I knew I'd stopped exercising regularly and had been gaining weight. I've been thin most of my life so when I put on weight I just don't feel like me anymore. So I did the cliche thing and waited till Jan 1 and made a resolution to started exercising again.

For over a year all my clothes were snug. I kept covering myself up, buying spanx, and living in the world of denial...saying I will lose weight....it will come off...blah blah blah...tomorrow I'll do this and that....etc. Excuse after excuse...

It wasn't until I jumped on the scale and saw the NUMBER that I realized just how big I was getting. I weighed pretty much the same weight as my fiance! Granted he was underweight at the time but still...I weighed the same amount as a 6 foot man! I was so disgusted with myself.

When I realized I'd been in the same funk for three years since my husbands affair.

He realized how depressed and low I'd become and signed me up to a gym and joined MFP not long after. I still have my issues to work through in regards to how I feel about myself, but at least I know my weight is something I can control and manage. And that helps.

When I lost my job, my wife, my mom died, I was fat, and it almost cost me my life. that's when I realized that there are some things that you can't control, but I could control my weight and it was making me miserable. so I started slow, taking walks while I tried to sort my life out.

The photo on the left, taken in December 2009, was my rock bottom. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this picture. I knew at that moment I had to do something before it got more out of control. My daughter had just turned 2 years old at the time and I couldn't continue blaming it on baby weight. Enough was enough!!! January 1, 2010 was the start of my journey and I'm still sticking with it!

At 247 lbs two years ago (size 14), I crash dieted all the way down to 200 lbs (size 10). I didn't eat much and excercised religiously everyday for hours. When I realized I was exhausted 99% of the time and never had fun or went out for drinks with friends, I stopped. I gained everything back in a matter of months, plus a few pounds. To make it worse, I never had a tummy pooch even at my highest weight, but then I had that too, along with other unwanted features. Then I saw a picture of how big I had gotten (size 16, pushing 18), and realized I needed to lose the weight healthfully. It's coming off slower this time, but I'm losing steadily while excercising 3-5 times/week, still eating out, and going out for a drink here and there.

When my knee blew out and couldn't walk for a weekend and my husband, who has never said boo about my weight, cried and asked me to start taking care of myself so that I didn't die of heart disease. HUGE wake-up call.

I've had several wake up calls, but I always found a way to drift back into sleeping through my health problems.

My husband has done something similar... I refused to have sex and started crying one day in January. He wanted to and I couldn't stand being touched because I really hated myself. He told me that he never wanted me to feel insecure and that he wanted me to live a long and healthy life with him. Seeing him so sad was my final wake up call. This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and I needed to make a change. He's commented every day since then about my progress. I couldn't ask for a better support system between him and my friend here on MFP.

Mine was last early December 2011. My workplace had started a new "Wellness Program" that if we participated in, we could get a discount on our monthly health insurance premium. So I signed up. That meant we had to have biometrics taken (weight, height, neck, waist, hips, blood pressure, blood lab tests). My BMI was in the "obese" range, my blood pressure was "borderline high" and my glucose was "borderline high." I have been overweight for years -- not like it was any secret to find that out! But the blood pressure and glucose ("pre-diabetes") levels were a wake-up call. I had never had scary numbers in those categories before. My youngest child is only 4 -- I want to be around for her!

Bought a pair of jeans a few years back that were wayyyy too big. Didn't try them on in the dressing room, got home and yeah, they didn't fit at all. Would barely stay on my hips. But, I lost the receipt, so I just threw them in my closet. Well, I was running out of clothes that would fit anymore, so I thought well at least I have my fat pants! Well, I tried them on... they BARELY fit! That was when I realized that I needed to make a MAJOR change.

However, they are, once again, much too big

I hit 183 this last January and realized the heaviest I ever was pregnant with any of my five children was 176. I wasnt pregnant but wished I was lol

Oh hmm... Rock bottom, not sure if you'd say I really hit one at first, I mean when I seen a photo of myself at 250lbs, I swore that wasn't me, though it looked like me, I just couldn't believe I was really that big. Even though when we bought the Wii and wii fit plus, I stood on it for the first time, weighing myself for the first time since having my son, it said 235lbs, More on the lines of 234.7 or something like that, but I was like "Yeah right, this thing is lying" I didn't think I was that big. I didn't feel big, I didn't look big to myself in the mirror, I mean I knew I was over weight, but obese? Well I ignored the wii fit, and then the photo of 250, was taken a little before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. But when my dad had his heart attack and found out he was a diabetic, I knew now that heart problems run in both sides of my family, so I needed to get a hold on at least my eating. I didn't work out, I just tried to eat better. Back then I thought working out wasn't for me, and didn't care about that. Well then I find out I'm pregnant with my daughter, now I'm thinking "Oh crap! I'm gonna be over 300lbs when I have this baby." My first OBGYN Appt. the scaled read 250 on the nose. I was so ashamed. I was also tested for Gestational diabetes. Thing is, I suspected I was a diabetic before I got pregnant, I had the symptoms but I didn't want to know, I figured I'd get it under control later. I know that's stupid, but I was in the mind set that I was not that big lol. Well I was placed on a strict low carb diet. I was counting carbs not calories. I joined this site to use the food tool to calculate my carbs. I lost the login info for that account, but made a new one after I started doing calories. While pregnant, I lost 70lbs. So when I had her, instead of being over 300lbs, I was just under 200, I weighed in at 180lbs at my 6 week check up after having her. That didn't last long, I gained 25.5lbs back. I didn't stick to my diet, I wanted carbs lol. Well, in late September 2011, I remember looking in the mirror and literally saying "I hate the way you look, I hate your hips, I hate your waist, I hate everything about you. You are ugly, you look like shamu's mother, you let yourself go, this is pathetic, deep down you are better then this." I broke down, I cried, and then somewhere inside me I had to find the love I have for myself, because if you can't love yourself, how can you do better for yourself? So once I got a grasp on loving myself, I was able to find my way back here and I started losing, I turned it into a game. It became an addiction to see how much I could lose in 1 month. I'm still going strong with 15-20 more pounds to go to hit my goal. I'm smaller now then I was before I had kids. I refuse to go back to that dark place. I'm better then that.

The other day I went hiking and was turning over rocks....there was a lot of dirt and plenty of creepy crawlers to be found.....

I had just turned 39 and the realization that I was turning 40 in less than a year and I had also regained 20 of the 30 pounds I had previously lost.

I knew when someone saw one of my wedding pictures for the first time and refused to believe that it was me.Ouch!

My rock bottom was a few weeks ago when I was on vacation. The hotel room had these huge mirrors that were just awful, and they were right outside the bathroom door so when you were changing you got a full view of EVERYTHING! I was shocked at how big I was. So, when I got back home I thought "it was just the mirrors" since I seem to look fine in the ones in my house. So, I got my camera and took some pics of myself scantily clad and realized that it wasn't the mirrors. Pics don't lie and that was a rude awakening. I can't believe that's what I look like.