My daughter is being bullied!

And full respect to the pacifists out there. You are operating on an intellectual and emotional level we should all aspire to. Unfortunately, the bullies are operating on the level of a pack animal trying to establish their dominance. And, they will not understand anything else right now.

I'm worried that if she fights back, the other girl will become more aggressive.

I think first things first -- GTO should contact the principal. No principal wants bullying in their school. By talking to the school, she'd be protecting other peoples kids too.


And if the bullying continues, especially over her being a tattle, then teach your daughter how to throw a wicked right hook.

Or a roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris style baby!

Ok... voice of experience here. My son went through this in 7th and 8th grade. I didn't hear about it because he wouldn't tell me anything, until things got so bad in 8th grade he'd come home and burst into tears. GTO, be glad that your daughter is willing to let you know this stuff is going on, so many kids keep it secret, and it does NOT go away by ignoring it.

But, I am wary of telling your daughter to fight back. We had sort of told our son that he should push the kid into a locker (my son is almost a foot taller than the bully), hold him there, get in his face and say "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I worried about him getting in trouble from being caught "retaliating", like what has happened with your daughter in the past. So, I told my son that if the teachers weren't doing anything, I was going to go to the principal.

I called the principal while sitting and waiting for my son to get through his counseling appt. The principal was shocked, because she hadn't heard a single thing about this from the teachers. Mind you, our school (as do many others) has a "No Bullying" policy. She said she would look into it, and to have Brandon let the teachers know right away when something happened. He did, for another couple of weeks, and when I called the principal to follow up, she hadn't been hearing from the teachers still. So I told my son to bypass the teachers and go directly to the office. THAT was what worked. Sort of. It was still a process, and nothing seemed to happen. I continued to call and pester the principal. It wasn't until my son got punched in class (gym class, they were in the weight room) that anything actually happened.

The teacher didn't see anything, but the principal asked if there were any other witnesses. My son said no, everyone else was busy, but he gave a list of names anyways. They interviewed these kids, who of course hadn't seen the punch, but were forthcoming with other instances of abuse by this kid. Needless to say, the kid got a week of in-school suspension. My son talked a couple of other kids who were being picked on to come forward and tell the principal as well. By the end of another 3 months, the bully was kicked out of school.

I know it took a while, but in a way, I'm glad a child can't just point a finger at someone and accuse them of bullying. I just wish the principal had questioned other kids sooner.

Sorry that took so long, buuuuuuttttt..... My advice, is for you as the parent to contact the principal. Pester the principal. Each time something happens, have your daughter go to the principal with a concise explanation of what happened and possible witnesses, whether they are other kids or not. Right now, your daughter is the one who has been busted by the teacher, so acknowledge that with the principal. Admit that your daughter is retaliating, but that she felt driven to it, by the fact that the teacher seemed to do nothing. That if your daughter were to feel safe and secure, she would stop the retaliation.

By the way, is the bullying physical or verbal? Another option is to give your daughter a digital recorder for her pocket. If the bully starts something, it will be recorded, and is just more evidence when speaking to the teacher and the principal.

Good luck to you and your daughter!

And full respect to the pacifists out there. You are operating on an intellectual and emotional level we should all aspire to. Unfortunately, the bullies are operating on the level of a pack animal trying to establish their dominance. And, they will not understand anything else right now.

I don't think this is true at all.

I agree with PP that children who are bullied should stand up or themselves, and that things like "bouncing his head off a desk" "shoving him into a locker" or a "roundhouse kick" are such incredibly bad ideas I can't believe grown people are talking about them in a positive way. Standing up for oneself is about confidence and strength. The little girl in question is being spoken to in a nasty way presumably because another little girl wants to lift her own social standing by putting her down. The solution is for her to find the strength to not be put down and to win her own social standing by merit of her positive qualities. If she can join some clubs or teams she's interested in (even tae kwon do!) and be a good friend to her friends, this bully will find herself ineffective in squashing her. It's so wonderful that your daughter came to you for help. After you've spoken with the teachers and principal, I hope you'll help your daughter to use this opportunity to grow stronger and more confident as a person. That's a gift she'll always have.

Stick with the Tae Kwon Do, find a good dojo close by. The'll teach her reasoning and mental toughness as well as ways to combat threats with her mind. The martial arts aspect is strictly for self defence and they will teach her that. But knowing how to counter a direct physical attack from another person will be helpful if this problem moves from verbal to physical. Its more of a proactive move as opposed to passive, but I think it would work out better for YOUR situation.

And full respect to the pacifists out there. You are operating on an intellectual and emotional level we should all aspire to. Unfortunately, the bullies are operating on the level of a pack animal trying to establish their dominance. And, they will not understand anything else right now.

I don't think this is true at all.

I agree with PP that children who are bullied should stand up or themselves, and that things like "bouncing his head off a desk" "shoving him into a locker" or a "roundhouse kick" are such incredibly bad ideas I can't believe grown people are talking about them in a positive way. Standing up for oneself is about confidence and strength. The little girl in question is being spoken to in a nasty way presumably because another little girl wants to lift her own social standing by putting her down. The solution is for her to find the strength to not be put down and to win her own social standing by merit of her positive qualities. If she can join some clubs or teams she's interested in (even tae kwon do!) and be a good friend to her friends, this bully will find herself ineffective in squashing her. It's so wonderful that your daughter came to you for help. After you've spoken with the teachers and principal, I hope you'll help your daughter to use this opportunity to grow stronger and more confident as a person. That's a gift she'll always have.

I don't believe I advocated pushing anyone into a locker or bouncing their heads. I did advocate standing up for ones self and if necessary to defend herself physically. I believe my statement about dominance stands. It doesn't always mean physical dominance.