Jealous Mother

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Replies

  • chubbytiff
    chubbytiff Posts: 61 Member
    I came back today to read some of these new postings. I am in awe at the amount of people that are going through these things with there mothers. I cant tell you that I am a perfect mom cause I am not. However I couldnt ever imagine treating my children that way. Like my husband and I have decided the cycle stops here. I lost my dad to cancer and lost my dearest friend. He never cared how big or small or tall or short I was. He loved me for nothing else except being me. I am so thankful for this group of people that can get comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Best wishes for getting healthy.:wink:
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    Honestly speaking, my mother is just as horrible. For a list of reasons in addition to this, I stopped visiting her altogether. Its been almost a year. I dont need the negativity. I have enough of challenges in my life to work on and deal with and she is one less person in the picture.

    Related or not, they have no right treating you like garbage.

    This right here.

    It took me lots of therapy to realize that I don't have to tolerate family when they are being downright mean and nasty.

    You can choose how much or how little you want your mom in your life. If it takes you to say "Thanks, but my weight loss and methods aren't up for debate" - than so be it. I have family members that have health issues, but they don't do anything about it. It's frustrating, but there's really nothing you can do.

    I tell my friends that right now I'm working on making MYSELF better, a better version of ME and *kitten* everyone else. I want to be a great example to my kids and am using the negative in my life to help me build healthy relationships with both of my children.

    Good luck!
    Kacee, its the utter, naked, to-the-face truth. My uncle (her brother) last week is NOTORIOUS for being a flat-out *kitten*. Women are not allowed to have their own opinion, their own thoughts, etc - totally old school. If you dont share his same opinion, you get called every day female-related slanderous word. What he didnt anticipate was my immediate response of p!ss off and pull your head out of your *kitten* - who the hell do you think you are? Unfortunately he lives in a community in the south where women still get treated like second-class citizens.. well, I dont jive.... and I let him know it! He is another person who I choose never to have contact with again. I dont need toxic.

    Same goes with my mother. Im sorry, but with all due respect with regard to moms holding the 'feeding and nuturing' instinct, I dont buy it. I grew up in a home where you must clean your plate, empty the large glass of milk and never say one word or complain about being full. When custody changed to my grandparents, they never gave me more than I could handle. They always said "if you get hungry later, you can eat the rest of it if you like, or just save it for tomorrow"... THATS THE WAY IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN!

    When my 18 yr old daughter comes over, she knows she is home - I wont push the food on her, the drinks on her... she can get what ever she wants on her own without asking. And she chooses well - she likes the fact I dont push food on her the way my mother does (her grandmother)... Funny, the things you learn NOT to do are because of what you grew up with...
  • giberin
    giberin Posts: 11 Member
    I have a very similar mother. She will always point out the flaws and never point out what I am doing that is good. Especially when it comes to physical appearance. If I am heavy she has no problem pointing that out, but if I start losing weight it is ignored or I am discouraged with a indirect insult. And what I wear! I don't get compliments ever with what I wear. I do however get " are you really wearing that?". Or when I got my nose pierced. Didn't say anything but I heard she was telling other family members how gross it looked. To her its always about looks. She is a beautiful woman physically. So I always felt " never good enough". I have lost 20lbs recently. I haven't heard her say " nice job" or " well done". Or say how awesome it is I work out in the gym 5 days a week. She pretty much does that with all aspects in my life whether it be parenting or my career or whatever. She hasn't been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but a former therapist of mine said it sounded like she did. I am pretty sure of it. Please friend me if you want to talk. I truly understand how you feel about this.
  • giberin
    giberin Posts: 11 Member
    I sympathize with you...after getting on MFP...reading people's struggles with family not being supportive...im starting to think my mom doesnt want me to lose weight.

    Just the other day i talked to her on skype and she sounded so condescending when i talked about finally starting to lose weight . She turned the conversation back to her again.
    i love her but i so dont trust her ....she seems to try to sabotage my every effort and each time i see her, she tries to 'feed me up' and then make horribly nasty comments about my weight.

    something about moms and daughters.....i wonder why i get along so brilliantly with my dad.:frown:

    When my mother calls on the phone, it ends up being over an hour and it is literally ONE SIDED, all about her and her " hardships". Wouldn't matter if I got hit by a truck and every bone in my body was broken, she would find a way to say whatever she had was worse. A hangnail could be tragic! I usually end up mentally exhausted when I get off the phone with her. Never once does she even ask how I am? I am ready to return back to therapy because she is getting worse lately.

    and i live half way across the world from my parents!
  • giberin
    giberin Posts: 11 Member
    Isn't it weird that so many people who are overweight have family issues? Usually the mother?

    I know for me, my mom is very...controlling. I have 2 other sisters and a brother but to me it seems like she only pulls this crap on me. Her and my sister will get on a diet and weight loss kick and so seriously over board. She once told me she had had only 400 calories that day and most of it was from coffee creamer...and she was PROUD of this. It made me sick really. And they would get fat free everything...not really understanding that fat free does not mean sugar free. And they would go out walking 3-5 miles EVERY DAY, even if they hurt. Even if it was raining. Even if it was cold...even if it was cold AND raining.

    And I tried to explain to her that you have to eat a certain amount of calories a day. And how fat free does not mean fat free all the time. And that it is OKAY to take a day off if your body is hurting and in pain.

    I told her she could log calories on here. She said I don't have time to sit around on the computer all day like you. That isn't going to make you lose weight. I said Well, this is how I do it. I personally need people to motivate me, to keep me going. I need that team work.

    And I told her about BMR..and she says in this snide voice "How's that working for you? Let me know if you lose anything."

    My mother is a recovered anorexic bulimic. When she was 17 she dropped down very fast in weight. I think in her mind...the less you eat, the more you do is taken to extreme. Yes I am all for the less you eat, the more you do...but eating less as in junk food, as in pizza, as in fast foods...Not eating less foods in general.

    My mother is a know it all and stubborn. So if you disagree with her, get ready for a head butting match.

    And she still gets hurt feelings when I refuse to move back to the same town as her. REALLY?

    Even better..my dad told me, about 4 years ago...You won't make it to 30. We better start measuring you now because we will have to special order a coffin for you....

    So how is that for support and love?

    I am so sorry you deal with that. You need to be surrounded by loving encouragement! And yes, I think alot of overweight women or women with eating disorders have " mother" issues. I have been anorexic on and over in my life because I just never felt good enough. We shouldn't have to feel like this!
  • LuckyAng
    LuckyAng Posts: 1,173 Member
    Have you ever read SURVIVING THE BORDERLINE MOTHER? You should. Sorry :(

    It's ironic that you ask that because I've read "Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" and I've been told by several people that my mother has to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline. Double whammy.

    Ya. I have one of those mothers too. Sad, but true. Oh the stories . . . but that's why I live on the opposite side of the country from her.

    I do too. Sorry we have this in common :(
  • hedwighigh
    hedwighigh Posts: 299
    Post likes these make me scared to death to ever be a mother. I don't want this for my future kids. My mother doesn't want her children to dislike her ... but we do. For good reason, of course. I just don't want to become my mother.
  • Erihppas
    Erihppas Posts: 121 Member
    Success is the best revenge.

    Keep your mouth shut and reach your goals, let your actions speak for themselves... once you get to your goal, look at her and :smile:
  • sushiforbrains
    sushiforbrains Posts: 60
    I can I tell you that if I hear one more person say that youll never be a certain size because your genes make you big...I swear ill scream!! I dont understand why they feel the need to be that way.

    Makes them feel better about themselves. If you tell yourself a lie often enough you will believe it, and they believe this crap that they spew.
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    I think mom fights with herself about us. We are both loosing weight to. I've heard her tell people that I've lost weight and I eat more then her. Then if soneone looks concerned who hasnt seen me in a while she tells me I need to eat more...then she'll buy me smalls (I'm tall) in clothes and say if I loose more weight I'll fit into them. Being 5'7 and 120 pounds I have no intensions of loosing 4 inches from my shoulders lol. I dont know what to do around her. She keeps buying me snacks and telling me I need to eat (even if I've just had dinner) and I keep telling her if she bought me "healthier" less processed snacks that were actually part of some sort of food group I would lol. It doesnt stop though. Every day she passes me at least 2 chocolate bars lol.

    I think its the fact she sees me and sis loosing. I've noticed her portions get really small during meals but then she'll eat 3 bags of chips and dip at night. Shes probably trying to loose weight and starving and hungry and realizes what shes doing is wrong and worried that I feel the same. No comments are made to sis tho because shes always been over weight and needs to loose it before she starts getting health problems.

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