Family sabotage.
Replies
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First off, drink lots of water. I mean, anytime they offer drinks, just opt for water, if you can. That's a big step.
Secondly, no reason why you can't eat what you want, just portion control it. A little of this and a little of that.
If you're going to gorge on something, select something non-fried and non-starchy, like a vegetable or salad or cucumbers.
Try to not waste your calories on bread like beignets, especially the ones doused in confectioners sugar or buttermilk biscuits.
Don't forget, you can exercise some of the calories off AND if you exercise before you eat, you'll won't retain as many edible calories with the food you eat right afterwards.
Good luck, you can actually do this successfully~
Katie0 -
Some great advice here. I am proud of you for going to school, working at having a healthy lifestyle, and making such good choices. You've done an outstanding job all on your own! Take all the advice here and then figure out what is going to work best for you and your family.
KEEP UP THE AWESOME WORK!!0 -
You should definitely
CUT OFF FROM THEM.
You are more advanced than them, and living a better more modern life.
Tell them politely BUT CLEARLY that you have no interest at all in interacting with them, because they are hindering your health.
You have nothing until you have your health.
You know in an airplane -- the amergency warning says FIRST put on your own mask, THEN help the children.
YOU MUST PUT ON YOUR OWN MASK FIRST .. you MUST look ONLY to your own health FIRST. Your family can and should go to hell.
Don't forget, it will only take you one or two years to be in perfect shape, thank God. THEN you can present yourself to your family members and say ... "See?"
You're the best. Just divorce your spouse or cut off from your family, if it helps your health.
YOU are all that matters, NOT your family.
It's only a couple of years!
You really care me also!0 -
I don't agree with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You should definitely
CUT OFF FROM THEM.
You are more advanced than them, and living a better more modern life.
Tell them politely BUT CLEARLY that you have no interest at all in interacting with them, because they are hindering your health.
You have nothing until you have your health.
You know in an airplane -- the amergency warning says FIRST put on your own mask, THEN help the children.
YOU MUST PUT ON YOUR OWN MASK FIRST .. you MUST look ONLY to your own health FIRST. Your family can and should go to hell.
Don't forget, it will only take you one or two years to be in perfect shape, thank God. THEN you can present yourself to your family members and say ... "See?"
You're the best. Just divorce your spouse or cut off from your family, if it helps your health.
YOU are all that matters, NOT your family.
It's only a couple of years!0 -
Every restaurant serves salad. Order yours with dressing on the side and use it sparingly. Skip fried foods, soda and dessert.0
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You should definitely
CUT OFF FROM THEM.
You are more advanced than them, and living a better more modern life.
Tell them politely BUT CLEARLY that you have no interest at all in interacting with them, because they are hindering your health.
You have nothing until you have your health.
You know in an airplane -- the amergency warning says FIRST put on your own mask, THEN help the children.
YOU MUST PUT ON YOUR OWN MASK FIRST .. you MUST look ONLY to your own health FIRST. Your family can and should go to hell.
Don't forget, it will only take you one or two years to be in perfect shape, thank God. THEN you can present yourself to your family members and say ... "See?"
You're the best. Just divorce your spouse or cut off from your family, if it helps your health.
YOU are all that matters, NOT your family.
It's only a couple of years!
Wow. You scare me.
This. That's scary advice.
Family is the most important thing you have. Figuring out ways to work with them should be very high on your list of priorities. Plus, it's a good training ground for dealing with the world. If you can eat reasonably in that environment, you can eat reasonably anywhere. Cutting yourself off from your family entirely just delays the conflict between your goals and their sabotage. Better to sort it out now, while your resolve is strong. Otherwise, you're just going to "fail" every time you have to be with them in the future.
Some suggestions: (some of which I've seen already)
*Just eat half your portions. If you take half home, you can just leave it for one of your relatives to scavenge from the fridge. Everyone wins!
*Drink water, iced tea (not sweet tea!), black coffee/espresso, or seltzer water.
*Be very polite about what you're doing. Your family will most likely respect it more if you just quietly stick to your plans/goals. One of the best ways to convert someone is not to argue with them, but simply to show them how your actions are improving your life, BY LIVING A BETTER LIFE!
Keep your resolve!0 -
I tell people my doctor thinks I might be coeliac, so i need to avoid gluten and sugar. It makes restaurants so scared that you're gonna explode in their seat that they do actually leave out the bad stuff when you ask them, rather than ignoring you because you're 'being difficult'.
Your mum will be able to worry about you too, which is all they really want
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You should definitely
CUT OFF FROM THEM.
You are more advanced than them, and living a better more modern life.
Tell them politely BUT CLEARLY that you have no interest at all in interacting with them, because they are hindering your health.
You have nothing until you have your health.
You know in an airplane -- the amergency warning says FIRST put on your own mask, THEN help the children.
YOU MUST PUT ON YOUR OWN MASK FIRST .. you MUST look ONLY to your own health FIRST. Your family can and should go to hell.
Don't forget, it will only take you one or two years to be in perfect shape, thank God. THEN you can present yourself to your family members and say ... "See?"
You're the best. Just divorce your spouse or cut off from your family, if it helps your health.
YOU are all that matters, NOT your family.
It's only a couple of years!
I think this advice might be necessary in some situations, so I am glad that someone said it. It is scary, because cutting your family out of your life is a scary thing. I didn't have my family in my life at all for several months, because of their inability to support me (in other areas of my life). It was what I needed for a while to learn to stand on my own, but now I have worked hard to reconnect. We have larger problems than them sabotaging my diet, and if we can sort through that, we can sort through this.
My little sister in particular needs a positive influence in health and other areas, and I don't want to be totally cut off from other members of my family again. Even if they aren't always the most supportive bunch, they are my family and they are important to me.I think he may have been trying to be sarcastic... but, family should not be everything to be honest. If they arent good at listening to their daughter's needs, then they arent considering her feelings at all... and that is just as bad as being food pushers.... Her family should learn to listen - but the OP needs to stand up to the plate and make it known as well....
Its a tough thing to do... unfortunately for me, it gets so bad that I dont have anything to do with my family when it comes to having meals with them. They are downright nasty. OP has a chance with hers and Im crossing my fingers her family will have the sense to listen to what she needs from them
^^^This is so true. I just do the best that I can with my family. It's hard to not wish they were more supportive, in all areas.0 -
You should definitely
CUT OFF FROM THEM.
You are more advanced than them, and living a better more modern life.
Tell them politely BUT CLEARLY that you have no interest at all in interacting with them, because they are hindering your health.
You have nothing until you have your health.
You know in an airplane -- the amergency warning says FIRST put on your own mask, THEN help the children.
YOU MUST PUT ON YOUR OWN MASK FIRST .. you MUST look ONLY to your own health FIRST. Your family can and should go to hell.
Don't forget, it will only take you one or two years to be in perfect shape, thank God. THEN you can present yourself to your family members and say ... "See?"
You're the best. Just divorce your spouse or cut off from your family, if it helps your health.
YOU are all that matters, NOT your family.
It's only a couple of years!
are you serious
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sometimes it is impossible to know exactly what you are eating. My advice, use what you have learned to make educated guesses. Eat the healthiest food you can find and use this time to learn to eat instinctively. Trying eating slow and not finishing your your plate. Add extra exercise, just think of it as a different challange.
I feel for you. But you have learned so much. Time to apply. Best wishes0 -
Bad adviceYou should definitely
CUT OFF FROM THEM.
You are more advanced than them, and living a better more modern life.
Tell them politely BUT CLEARLY that you have no interest at all in interacting with them, because they are hindering your health.
You have nothing until you have your health.
You know in an airplane -- the amergency warning says FIRST put on your own mask, THEN help the children.
YOU MUST PUT ON YOUR OWN MASK FIRST .. you MUST look ONLY to your own health FIRST. Your family can and should go to hell.
Don't forget, it will only take you one or two years to be in perfect shape, thank God. THEN you can present yourself to your family members and say ... "See?"
You're the best. Just divorce your spouse or cut off from your family, if it helps your health.
YOU are all that matters, NOT your family.
It's only a couple of years!0 -
You should definitely
CUT OFF FROM THEM.
You are more advanced than them, and living a better more modern life.
Tell them politely BUT CLEARLY that you have no interest at all in interacting with them, because they are hindering your health.
You have nothing until you have your health.
You know in an airplane -- the amergency warning says FIRST put on your own mask, THEN help the children.
YOU MUST PUT ON YOUR OWN MASK FIRST .. you MUST look ONLY to your own health FIRST. Your family can and should go to hell.
Don't forget, it will only take you one or two years to be in perfect shape, thank God. THEN you can present yourself to your family members and say ... "See?"
You're the best. Just divorce your spouse or cut off from your family, if it helps your health.
YOU are all that matters, NOT your family.
It's only a couple of years!
Not good advise dude. Family should be everything and you have to learn to adjust around the difficulties.
I think he may have been trying to be sarcastic... but, family should not be everything to be honest. If they arent good at listening to their daughter's needs, then they arent considering her feelings at all... and that is just as bad as being food pushers.... Her family should learn to listen - but the OP needs to stand up to the plate and make it known as well....
Its a tough thing to do... unfortunately for me, it gets so bad that I dont have anything to do with my family when it comes to having meals with them. They are downright nasty. OP has a chance with hers and Im crossing my fingers her family will have the sense to listen to what she needs from them
I was speaking from my point of view. My family is everything to me. They are awesome! I'm sorry that everyone's can't be as loving and supportive as mine are.0 -
Keep logging what you eat, no matter how "bad" it is. When I stopped logging, I thought I could eat anything without paying the metabolic price. Guess what? Your body is still going to log it if you eat it. At least you can let your brain know what is happening, and hopefully it will act as an "emergency brake" if things get out of hand. ("Holy cow, this gumbo has 6,000 calories???? I guess I'll just eat half.")
This is a learning experience, and something you will need to know for the rest of your life. Do the best you can, don't beat yourself up, and carry on! Good luck.My advice is to just keep logging all your food and exercise - blow off your diet if the mood strikes you BUT keep a record.
This way you can make really informed decisions for next time you visit.
Sometimes keeping a record will really open your eyes to how many calories some things REALLY have, you might just start naturally making better choices.
Good luck and enjoy your holiday!!
This is probably what i needed to hear. When I stop logging, I go hog-wild-crazy LOL. I am going to log for the rest of my trip, but still indulge on my absolute favorites
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I am a parent of a college student. I admit that I have "pushed" food at my daughter, even when she said she was watching what she eats. I think my reasons were : 1. I love her and want to be sure she eats (since I don't know if she can afford much when she is away at school), 2. I love her and want to spoil her with dining out, and 3. I love her and am happy to see her.
Our family has always celebrated with food (which is why we are where we are). I know all the above reasons sound odd, but I'm trying to get you to see the parent motivation. The other possibility is that if YOU are actively watching your calories, THEY notice what they are NOT doing, and it makes them defensive.
My daughter was blessed with a natural thin body. She has always been a "light" eater so in some part of my brain I think she doesn't need to be careful. The thing is, I used to look like her. After I had children, I got lazy and self-indulgent, which led to me having 85 lbs of extra ME.
My suggestion is to go ahead and dine out with your loved ones. Order exactly what you like. Simply stop eating when you have had enough. Box up the rest but put it in the fridge when you get to your parent's house and forget it. Don't "cheat" yourself. I didn't get obese suddenly. It was one meal, one bite at a time.
Good luck!
Thanks for reminding me of my parent's perspective.
I think that they are often acting out of love when they push food, trying to treat me. And, such good advice...taking things one meal, one bite at a time. 0 -
First off, your photo is either Barcelona or Buenos Aires, but maybe neither, so please tell us that.
Secondly, WHO DAT say you have to go off your diet. Not WE DAT. Mom and Dad and others will push and you just push back a little and be gracious. Willpower in this town can be an incredibly scarce commodity, but it's out there. Channel Mackie Shilstone for a while. Eat and enjoy and then go for a run or whatever you do. You might lose a few temporary battles but don't stress and don't damage relationships over it. You are mutually dependent on your family for life in one way or another. Calories shouldn't get in the way. Having said that, I "battle" regularly with my family over my own program. Sometimes it gets in the way, but mostly not. Sometimes I give in and enjoy our local cuisine, but within my new boundaries. Set your limits, set your plan and stick to it. It can include a day or even a week off here and there. You are young, you can do amazing things to lose weight, inches, or whatever your goals may be, quickly. Good luck to you.
My photo was taken in Buenos Aires when I was studying abroad there last summer.
Also, WHO DAT!!! :glasses:0 -
Thanks everyone for all the advice and motivation! This has been so infinitely helpful for me, all of the different perspectives and ideas!0
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Maybe portion what you eat with your family and log in whatever you eat no matter what I know how you feel cause my sister had gastric bypass 6 years ago and she eats whatever she wants and wants me to do the same but I can't so I portion what I eat and decide what is good and bad for me. 0
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My advice is to just keep logging all your food and exercise - blow off your diet if the mood strikes you BUT keep a record.
This way you can make really informed decisions for next time you visit.
Sometimes keeping a record will really open your eyes to how many calories some things REALLY have, you might just start naturally making better choices.
Good luck and enjoy your holiday!!
I've got a similar problem as the OP. I have an Armenian family in which the kitchen IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ROOM IN THE HOUSE. Hospitality is mandatory, which means that they offer you food until you say yes and eat it. My mother always goes "You've got to loose weight" then offers me more food.
In addition my in-laws always buy me treats.
The thing is that while I feel guilty about not eating the delicious foods they offer to me, I need to change more than my eating but my lifestyle.
I am learning to politely say NO. No to the extra helping, no to the treat, no to the late night burger run. Not necessarily rude but a firm NO.
Be conscious of what you eat! Not necessarily stop eating EVERYTHING that's good and fatty and sugary, but understand what you're eating and balance it out. Knowing whats in your food and recording it are two things that help SIGNIFICANTLY with this.
Tell people why you're doing this and what you're working towards.
BE POSITIVE and remember yourself why you are doing this!0 -
Oh and try and get a service dog (so you can take it everywhere) and when you're out feed a them half of your plate. </joke>:laugh:0
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If you go out to eat, order a salad with dressing on the side with your entree, eat the salad first, then take what ever your eating and eat until satisfaction. Take the rest home with you.
Trust me i know how hairy family gets when you tell them that your not eating high calorie, high fat, high carb food. sometime if you (it may not be the right thing to say but they may lay off and possibly cater to your needs) tell them that you feel bloated...and that you need your veggies and light food just to make that feeling go away. Im not suggesting you tell them this the minute you walk in the door but maybe after a few meals.
^that might not be the best advice, but take it from me, a heavy girl who has constant food around all the time, and I feel your frustration every day. Sadly people who aren't in our shoes sometimes are not willing to understand that we cannot have triple size servings, or greasy food at every meal and eat until we are stuffed to the gills. Why, because it isn't good for anyone. They look at healthy lifestyle as something they cant adapt to or sometimes they don't want to because its too hard or just because its much more expensive. Trust me, i agree, it is very hard. They also do not recognize that obesity is life threatening just like diabetes, hbp and cholesterol.
But at the same time, enjoy your time with them and try your best. If you don't, don't be so hard on yourself. In the end, its your family and that is more important.0
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