That talk you're talking.

I'm a little hesitant about posting this because i've never really told people i'm sick. i hid away when it got bad and made up lies for my symptoms. I'm not writing this for sympathy or any other reason than to maybe help others see what is already in them.

I have an systemic auto immune disease, which means my bones/joints are deteriorating and my organs (heart, lungs, endocrine system, renal ect.) are not working properly or are failing. I also have a neurological disease and when it flares up it effects my motor functions. There is no cure and im in constant horrible pain and have basically been not only home bound but bed bound for the last year and a half when it became extremely severe. I was born with it.

So today, it was about 115 degrees F. I on my way to physical therapy and I went to pull my hair into a bun to get it off my face. My shirt cam up slightly and my stomach, which is covered in bright red marks and scars were on display for a few seconds my mom fixed it for me and we were about to get on our way. Now, I do everything i can to cover my scars which i have on my arms, legs, stomach, and back. I mean i freaking wear long sleeve tops and full pans in 100+ degree weather! So anyways, a group of high school girls around my age saw and they didn't think i could speak their language and relentlessly picked me a part. i started to cry and my mom held me and then helped get out of my seat.

I was crushed and felt so worthless and then I stopped for a moment and realized;
5 yeas ago, I started treatment, I lost most of my hair, I was 14. It's now down to my waist.
9 months ago, I couldn't even hold a pen and now I can sign my own name.
8 months ago, I couldn't speak a full sentence at a time and now i'm singing in the shower.
7 months ago, I lost feeling in my legs and was in a wheelchair (due to swelling around my spinal cord)
6 months ago, I was lying in a hospital bed and my family was wondering if i was going to make it through the night.
I was unable to move for so long i had to retrain myself to walk again.

Today, I finished a 10km walk for the first time without my can or crutches . My hard-*kitten* military dad cried and my little teenage brat of a brother didn't want to let me go. That was the best moment of my life.

So screw them. Screw everyone who says anything bad about you. Because no matter what you're going though you're still here and you are strong and you are going through it. Don't beat yourself up over eating too many calories, work at it harder tomorrow, push yourself harder than you thought you could stand. Be proud of yourself because as long as you keep going and keep pushing you are amazing.

Take a minute a think about everything you've over come, every person you've tuned out who has said something negative, ignoring every evil comment, even stopping after one piece of cake.

I know it sounds silly and corny to say it, but it really put things in perspective for me and made me proud and not so ashamed of my appearance. I know a lot of people feel ashamed or worthless or less than because of something about their physical appearance. You are working to make yourself better right? To be healthier? To be stronger? To live a long life? So be proud of what you've already done. It's painful now but in the long run it's only making you stronger.