'Fat friend' no more!
thegreenone
Posts: 4
Am I the only one who has a sneaking suspicion that their friend(s) secretly want them to remain their 'fat friend'?
For instance, whenever I speak to said friend about my success to date, she seems entirely uninterested, and barely even feigns support. Then, we have the whole (you'll have to pardon me if by this point i sound slightly paranoid) "ohhh i got you this chocolate bar" or "ohhh let's have a chinese tonight" - the complete and utter disregard for the fact IM ON A BLOODY DIET!!!!
Now, is it just me, or is this a blatent (albeit in my friend's mind subtle) attempt to sabotage my efforts?! Hmmmm...
See, if it was once, I wouldn't even think about it, but it's a pretty common occurrence!
In ADDITION (you'll also have to forgive me for my use of capitals to emphasise my point lol, but) the other day, I asked said friend if I looked like i'd lost weight to her (as whenever the subject had come up before, she'd change the subject, or not say much at all, and usually just throw me a half-hearted "well done mate" or "that's well good")... now... wait for it..... she said...... and i quote......
.......... "Not really"
Then a few awkward seconds later came "but, i see you everyday, so i wouldn't really know".
Now... if i'd only lost a pound or 3, then fine... but i've lost TWO BLOODY STONE!!!! (again, apologies for the capitals, but HOW rude lol) How can someone (ESPECIALLY a girl) not know when someone has lost two stone (nearly).
Is this just me being completely paranoid!?
In my opinion, my friend would prefer me to stay bigger than her....her so called 'fat friend'. Maybe it's an ego boost for her, I don't know... or maybe i'm just paranoid!? But anyway, enough of that rant... she's done me one favour at least... and that is to get me sharing my weight-loss stories on here with you lovely people!!
26.2 (the .2 counts! lol) pounds lost, 69.4 to go!
For instance, whenever I speak to said friend about my success to date, she seems entirely uninterested, and barely even feigns support. Then, we have the whole (you'll have to pardon me if by this point i sound slightly paranoid) "ohhh i got you this chocolate bar" or "ohhh let's have a chinese tonight" - the complete and utter disregard for the fact IM ON A BLOODY DIET!!!!
Now, is it just me, or is this a blatent (albeit in my friend's mind subtle) attempt to sabotage my efforts?! Hmmmm...
See, if it was once, I wouldn't even think about it, but it's a pretty common occurrence!
In ADDITION (you'll also have to forgive me for my use of capitals to emphasise my point lol, but) the other day, I asked said friend if I looked like i'd lost weight to her (as whenever the subject had come up before, she'd change the subject, or not say much at all, and usually just throw me a half-hearted "well done mate" or "that's well good")... now... wait for it..... she said...... and i quote......
.......... "Not really"
Then a few awkward seconds later came "but, i see you everyday, so i wouldn't really know".
Now... if i'd only lost a pound or 3, then fine... but i've lost TWO BLOODY STONE!!!! (again, apologies for the capitals, but HOW rude lol) How can someone (ESPECIALLY a girl) not know when someone has lost two stone (nearly).
Is this just me being completely paranoid!?
In my opinion, my friend would prefer me to stay bigger than her....her so called 'fat friend'. Maybe it's an ego boost for her, I don't know... or maybe i'm just paranoid!? But anyway, enough of that rant... she's done me one favour at least... and that is to get me sharing my weight-loss stories on here with you lovely people!!
26.2 (the .2 counts! lol) pounds lost, 69.4 to go!
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Replies
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You are not being paranoid at all. My friend is doing the same thing. So much so that she has stopped inviting me to lunch after all the sabotage attempts have failed. She REFUSES to acknowledge my weight loss (25 lbs) and gets REALLY angry if anyone else comments on it. I have finally come to the conclusion that she is not my friend, and is not worth my time. On this journey, we need helpful, supportive and positive people.0
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I understand where you are coming from.
A friend of mine, lost a lot of weight for her wedding, I was amazed how great she looked so I started to work out and eat better.
But it I get the sneaky feeling that she upset that she is no longer getting the attention for weight loss or wedding, and she keeps wanting to fatten me up!
So we have found other ways to catch up, other then going out for supper and drinks.0 -
right there with you. I have stopped hearing from many of my friends now that I have started a healthier lifestyle.0
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Lol I totally understand this! My bff told me I should not drop below 170 because I would be to "little" I think it's more so because she is 150 & doesn't want me to be smaller than her. :laugh:0
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That's why I won't tell my co-worker she will do everything she can to LOSE more QUICKER. She always messes with her insulin and drops weigh like (BAM) drives me nuts.0
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Maybe your weight loss is raising your friend's own insecurities? Don't let it discourage you, she'll get over her own issues.0
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In my experience, skinny people just don't get it and don't think losing weight is that hard. If you've always been skinny, you just don't get it.
Only one of my friends have cared to acknowledge my 35 pound weight loss. She moved away and I saw her 6 months later. Everyone else that has seen me regularly haven't said a word. I guess they just figure I'd always been that way.
Just remember you aren't losing weight for anyone but yourself so who cares who acknowledges it. You can eat anywhere and anything if you plan ahead. If your friends want to go out for Chinese, do a little research before. It shouldn't be considered a "DIET" because you'll have to follow these guidelines if you want to keep it off too.
It will be something you'll have to think about for the rest of your life. I've been maintaining for a month now and still have to plan my meals so I know I'm eating what I should. Don't let your friends derail you, keep up the good work!0 -
Just to put my 2 cents in... I'm one of those people that can't tell if others lost weight. Even if it's a significant amount. It's kind of embarassing. On the other hand though, I can't tell if people gain weight either. I literally need to see before and after pictures.0
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I TOTALLY GET IT. MY FRIEND WHO WAS ABOUT THE SAME WEIGHT AS ME WHEN I STARTED BEGAN MOCKING MY SHRINKING BREASTS. I'M NOW 175 POUNDS DOWN FROM WHERE I WAS AND SHE HAS ADMITTED TO BEING ENVIOUS AND STILL CALLS ME A MEMBER OF THE ITTY BITTY TITTIE COMMITTEE. OH WELL. I'M HEALTHY AND BEAUTIFUL AS I AM. IT'S HER INSECURITIES THAT WILL MAKE HER UNHAPPY. I CAN'T DEAL WITH SOMEONE ELSES ISSUES WHILE I'M FIXING MYSELF. I WNET FROM THE "FAT FRIEND" TO THE "HOT FRIEND"" WHEN WE GO OUT AND SHE'S NOT A FAN OF THE NEW ATTENTION TOWARDS ME. LET IT GO AND BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF. THE MEAN FRIENDS WILL PHASE OUT SOON ENOUGH....0
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Sometimes it is difficult to see weight loss oon someone. I had lost almost 35 lbs before I could see it on myself easily, and that's about when people started to make comments.
You're not doing this for her, you're doing it for yourself. So try not to think of what other people are up to, or what their opinion is.0 -
I don't know if it's your friends wanting you to remain their fat friend, or their lack of understanding of how big of a life change this is. It's especially hard for those who have never struggled with their weight.0
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I'm there too, in a way. A "friend" (not so much of one anymore) would always say things like, "I wish we could still gorge ourselves on bad food, you're no fun anymore" and kept telling me I'd "changed" because I was exercising and eating right and she wasn't interested in that stuff, so I obviously wasn't interested in her, either.
At the time, I still was, but after she kept saying things like that, I'm definitely not.0 -
There's always competition between friends, as much as you may love each other. But I've watched this happen before. I also tend to lose/gain different friends as I gain/lose weight. Have you noticed how women of the same body size and height tend to flock together? It bothers me, because how many large and tall women are actually out there for me to relate to?! But it's how it is. She'll get over it if she's a good friend, but jealousy will stick around for a while. Hopefully, she'll be inspired by your strength. Just stick to your goals and try to forgive the little stuff your friend might be going through.
Also, it took me losing 70lbs before my coworkers noticed. Some people just.... eh, it's hard to see change when it's in front of you every day.0 -
My best friend got drunk one night and flat out told me that I had to stop losing weight before I get smaller than her (just 5 more pounds to that goal!) Since then I've had no end of push back from her. Every time I see her she's telling me I'm "too skinny" and that I'm "wasting away" and have to stop.
Fortunately, I have other friends who've been very supportive.0 -
I've had people stop talking to me too. I've also had to decide some weren't good for me to be around because they weren't supportive. Honestly it's gotten ridiculous I really don't see or speak to my friends (a word I use loosely for them) but I'd rather make all new friends who are my friends because of who I am. I don't want just sit around eating when we see each other anyway.
I have my husband who is my best friend and I've had a chance to rekindle a few old friendships so really it isn't bad just a new phase in life requiring myself to grow and shed baggage (pounds and people)!0 -
I have had several friends say similar things to me... some people are more comfortable with you being in the 'fat' role because it makes them feel better about themselves. I've lost 50 pounds and I have a good friend who "doesn't really see the difference" despite the fact I've gone from a size 14 pant to a size 2/4.
Don't let her rain on your parade! If you can see the difference, that is all that matters. Some people resent complimenting others.
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I have one..... When i was at my biggest and most depressed...i was very much a one women self pity drama party... Everything everyone did was a direct hit on me in my eyes...i was sad lonely and depressed...and she almost enjoyed the drama i allowed in my life... Well while she was away....i changed.i made the choice to cut all negitive people and food and crap out....she sent me a message in march on fb that said.." boo ur facebook is so borning now..it is all healthy and going to the gymand weight loss... Where is the drama.? " no hey im proud of u for ur hard work u look great in the pics.. No im happy ur happy...just where is the negitive....and everytime i talk to her she says nothing good just mean bad things... I have cut herout too...she is as bad for me as chips and icecream0
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if you're friends are not cheering you on (even when they are jealous) then ditch them. I have been jealous of my friends, but I celebrate them, and i keep my jealousy to myself because it comes from insecurity and me not wanting to face issues in my own life.0
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I feel that sometimes friends can get jealous of your weight loss success and sometimes they will try to sabotage your weight loss by offering your things that you no longer eat or making comments . You want them to be happy for you and accept the new you, but sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. But a real friend will support you on your journey and they will encourage you all the way.0
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No, you are not being paranoid ~ she's jealous and doesn't know how to express it. Instead she's immature and "passive/agressive" in her commenting style. I've personally called out a few women over the years on their behavior only to be told "oh, you're just too sensitive" or "I was just kidding, can't you take a joke"? The person dishing out the comments knows exactly what they're doing. If you ignore them, it takes away their fun of seeing you squirm. It's your decision if you want to remain friends with her. Maybe have a heart to heart and explain that her behavior can be hurtful. And sometimes we change and a friendship changes & it's best to move forward. In any case, I wish you the best of luck. 0
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This is sooooo common, sadly. Some people genuinely want to make sure you are losing weight in a healthy, non-obsessive way ... but yes some are jealous and for some it just brings up their own insecurities. With the friends that don't care for my lifestyle changes i try not to talk about it because it will just make me mad. I REALLY hate it when i get the "hey skinny minnie" coments form co-workers (all slimmer than me of course!) and the stuff about wasting away (i'm at 149 pounds, not damn likely is it? plus i think i eat more than they do, i just work it off).
bah, humbug!0 -
You call these people your friends? That's too bad. I have always been the "fat friend" to my two skinnier friends, but not because they wanted me that way, but because I never chose to take better care of myself. When I have gotten into a fitness routine, my friends have always been supportive. We've talked about running 5Ks or 10Ks together. You lose weight for yourself, of course, but at the same time, it's good to have a support system of people around you that encourage you and are proud of your milestones. I have that with my skinny friends. I hope you can find that too.0
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Oh I posted almost this exact topic a while back, I hate when people purposely try and stop you doing well! I have a 'friend' (inverted commas as I merely tolerate her now) who is on slimming world and tells the world several times a day how much weight she's lost and how well she's eating (while I've seen her eating mcdonalds chocolate and cream cakes!) to the point people feel the need to compliment her. Since January I've been calorie counting and not telling anyone, 2 maybe 3 people have noticed and complimented me, I dont mind I'd rather wait till people notice on their own. She's not happy that I've been quietly working away and getting results while she is struggle after having a baby and none of her uniforms fit (that'll be the mcdonalds chocolate and cream cakes then? lol.0
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I have had several friends say similar things to me... some people are more comfortable with you being in the 'fat' role because it makes them feel better about themselves. I've lost 50 pounds and I have a good friend who "doesn't really see the difference" despite the fact I've gone from a size 14 pant to a size 2/4.
Don't let her rain on your parade! If you can see the difference, that is all that matters. Some people resent complimenting others.
Thats crazy! You go from a 14 to a 2/4 and she can't tell?:huh: Somebodys jealous...0 -
Just to put my 2 cents in... I'm one of those people that can't tell if others lost weight. Even if it's a significant amount. It's kind of embarassing. On the other hand though, I can't tell if people gain weight either. I literally need to see before and after pictures.
This is me, too!!! I don't pay attention to people's weight (including my own). It is embarrassing when you should notice- but don't.0 -
There's always competition between friends, as much as you may love each other. But I've watched this happen before. I also tend to lose/gain different friends as I gain/lose weight. Have you noticed how women of the same body size and height tend to flock together? It bothers me, because how many large and tall women are actually out there for me to relate to?! But it's how it is. She'll get over it if she's a good friend, but jealousy will stick around for a while. Hopefully, she'll be inspired by your strength. Just stick to your goals and try to forgive the little stuff your friend might be going through.
Also, it took me losing 70lbs before my coworkers noticed. Some people just.... eh, it's hard to see change when it's in front of you every day.
I totally agree with this.... I have 3 best friends -- one that is short a big, the second my height and bigger than me, and the third my height but has the greatest body ever lol..I just feel like you have to find who you can relate to that's what makes people comfortable . As for the losing part -- I've never really lost a significant amount of weight ..but even when I drop five pounds people seem to notice, but I always think they're lying. lol0 -
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The original post was posted almost a year ago. How did anyone even find this thread?0
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I had one of these friends. I ditched her a few weeks ago when finally I realized she never had anything positve to say! I listened to her all the time and suffered thorugh her drama with her; always encouraging her... finally I decided I was done.
I hear you; took me a while to realize the poison she was inflicting in my life and the worst part is that I was allowing her to put me down all the time.0 -
Three years ago I worked with several women who did nothing but eat ...... each day was a "celebration" for one reason or another, with pizza or cake or icecream ....... and I followed along like a spineless sheep !
One day I started saying no, thanks ....... never told anyone, not even my hubby ....... had lost almost 25 lbs before a nice coworker noticed ...... meanwhile, a not-so-nice coworker got pissed at me for starting a diet without her ........ I swear, the more weight I lost, the less she spoke to me ..... no great loss LOL
When I started my current job, I'd already lost 40 lbs and was eating healthy ...... these coworkers don't know me any other way & they don't get their panties in a twist when I sidestep the junkfood ......... in fact, two coworkers have recently started their own quest to get healthy, and I compliment them all the time !
Hey, it's a beautiful thing !0
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