feeling really down and not getting support

I understand completely! When I first started this I almost choked my husband (well not really but I wanted to) while he sat next to me and ate a big bag of cinnamon roll popcorn. It was really really hard for me and after that I just told myself that he will lose weight and get healthy when HE is ready to and that each time I denied myself something that is unhealthy, I was stronger. Eventually he saw me getting results and then he started picking up some of my healthier habits. Now even HE is on MFP and has lost several pounds but it wasn't until he was ready to do it. No one talked me into getting healthy either and no one could have, it had to be me.

Maybe you can do what a previous poster said and show her this thread or have a non-confrontational talk with her. If she truly understands that you are concerned about her health, she may be more willing to try? Who knows. You know she wants to be thinner and healthier too. There is something that's keeping her from it.

As far as your weigh tloss journey goes, you can get a LOT of support on here that you cant get from home and/or work. Add some motivational friends! I'd help cheer you on.

Sweetie.. What she is cooking can easily be adapted and still taste good. Trust me I grew up in New Orleans and Red Beans and Rice, Southern fried foods and soul food and the like can be made healthier. She can use turkey sausage or low calorie sausage. Beans are actually really good for you. Also you can change the rice over to brown rice. I find uncle bens has more of the flavor of white rice and less of the flavor that people don't like about brown. I use it my jambalaya and people don't even notice. I also use white meat chicken. You can even fry chicken, I have used chick pea flour and seasoned wtih Mrs dash..then used canola oil to fry it. Heart healthy, low sodium and very good. Everyone is always having me cook for them because I cook cajun food. Trust me the little changes make a big difference but don't effect the flavor as much as you think they would. Maybe if you helped with the grocery shopping you could help make wiser choices for old recipes and both be healthier in the long run.

Good Luck and God Bless,

Cooper

Oh honey, I feel so bad for you. My husband and I go through the same thing. I fix all my own food and he is responsible for grandma, our son and himself. This is because he is a stay at home dad and I work. He used to be a very big body builder and had a GREAT body, then again, so did I. He got sick and became disabled and I had no excuse. However, now that I have decided to do something about it, it bothers me that he wont (damn ex-junkies! jk). He has put on about 25 pounds that needs to go and I worry about having to lift him someday as he is 220 trim, but in the end I cant fight with him. He will try for a few days and then is buying chocolate bars and half gallons of chocolate milk. He used to be able to eat tis way and burn it all off, but now he cant run or even walk distances. Still, I cant make him care. I am lucky that my 12 year old prefers broccoli and strawberries to bagels and french fries, but I still encourage as much healthy eating in the house as possible. What he does away from me I cannot control (but I am mean and tell him that I am grateful we got the life insurance before he got sick) LOL His disease wont kill him, but his eating may. Peace, love and encouragement are all you can give her. Oh, and a great example.

Your daughter is adorable!!!!

In a few ways, I can relate to how you feel. My husband and I both gained a lot weight over a period of time. Neither of us was trying to do anything about it, until one day he was hospitalized for about of control high blood pressure. Really out of control. I started adjusting our diets for his health and it was going along pretty well. He had even lost 20 pounds. Then he rebelled against everything. Denial? Who knows? I sure don't. He gained back that 20 pounds and then some. After awhile, I started working at losing my extra baggage and before long he popped up with he wanted to go back at eating better and wanting to get healthier to see if he could get back off some of the bp medication. I've lost 12 pounds, he has lost around 15 at his last weigh in. We both have a long way to go. But we've made progress. It is by far more difficult if you do not have the support of your partner. That much I know. I hope that your wife does not have to have the same sort of epiphany that my husband did, but you can't force her. You can explain to her how you feel but only she can make the decision. What you CAN change is how you react. Don't YOU give up because of her current reticence. Get healthy for daughter and for yourself and at some point, hopefully sooner than later, she will follow your example. It took more patience than I thought I had to work with my husband to this point. But he has started coming around.

Oh, my heart breaks just reading this... First of all, your daughter is BEAUTIFUL! And she is so, so lucky to have a father who clearly loves her as much as you do and who is making his health a priority in order to be there for her. I say this as a daughter whose father has never, ever taken care of himself or thought of anyone else for one moment - she is a lucky girl and you should be proud of yourself for being such a wonderful father.

OK, I agree with a previous poster: you and your wife need to sit down when you're calm and haven't been working for 13 hours and have a serious talk. Do you see the same doctor? Maybe you can make an appointment to sit down and speak with your doctor together. And I can tell you're just super busy and clearly burning the candle at both ends and tired, but you may need to be a little more responsible for your own foods while your wife is figuring things out. If you want hard boiled eggs, hard boil a dozen every Sunday so you have them for the week and you can just grab them for your lunches. Who does the grocery shopping? Maybe you can take over or just help out with that. I find that it's easier for me to make my lunch for the next day if I get it out of the way before I shower and settle in for the night, even when I'm wiped out and just want to crash.

And try supporting your wife a bit with her exercise when you can. Go with her to her Zumba class (mine always has at least one man) and let her laugh at you when you make a mistake. Suggest that the whole family go out for a walk after dinner a couple of times a week just to get her moving. And while you're walking, hold her hand for a minute - you still love her so show her that. This is not easy for her, but her perception may be that it is easy for you so let her know you're there to support her. And comtinue to come on here and log everything and we can support you! Feel free to send me a friend request, I will support you!

thank you that means a lot. i can tell you i go with her now to do the food shopping and doing that the junk has cut out 100%. I do the same thing with getting food ready and packing my lunch for the next day before the show so i can relax for the day. just being that i am working a lot of hours and coming home to do house work has taken its toll on me. example lastnight basketball, softball, came home to finish weed wacking a spot in my backyard i couldnt get to the other day due to the lack of sun light. shower eat and put my daughter to sleep i was beat and i didnt have the time to make my breakfast, again no excuse but i was tired lastnight and not thinking. i dont think i will let that happen again. I do like the idea of getting my eggs and stuff ready for the week on sunday but sunday is the hardest day for me on the weekend..lol church in the lunch at my in laws, hang out for 2 hours or so then dinner at my parents house. i usually leave on sunday at 9 am and not home until 9-930 pm but i will make the time from now on to do that. thanks for the advice!

Geez, you just don't get a minute to yourself, do you? Wow! I'm glad you've been shopping with her, that's an important step. Because once that garbage is in the house it's such a huge temptation. Much easier to leave it at the store. Do you have room at work to keep some food for the week? Maybe every Monday morning you can bring in something like 5 apples (one per day) and some almonds and raw veggies for healthy snacks. I do that, it's helpful especially when I'm just wiped out the night before or I am half asleep in the morning when I leave and forget to grab something. Will your schedule ease up a bit in the coming weeks when school ends or do you have to work through the summer?

Does she have depression? after i had my son i went into a really deep depression and did not want to do anything to help me or my son! Sad but this does happen , I gained alot of weight while doing so. I finally went and seen a doctor which he put me on depression meds called zoloft. I am quickly coming out of it and setting towards a new and healthy me for my son! Maybe this might be an issue with her but she does not want to admit it or truly does not know whats wrong with herself.. Hope this helps in some way! One day things will get better , just keep pushing yourself and maybe one day she will realize what you have been talking about this whole time!

I too am so sorry to hear about this situation. I am overweight, middle aged, have a serious family history of health problems and have needed to lose weight for a long time. I have had 3 back surgeries and have recently been told that I have pre-diabetes, minor heart problem and need to lose the weight. I didn't even try for a long time thinking that I could not do it. I have in the last 3-4 months really hit bottom and started seriously watching what I eat and try to exercise.

I know how hard it is to be in a one sided situation like yours. I have a husband who is also very very busy and depends on me for meals and I know he doesn't like a lot of healthy foods but have been trying to incorporate them in our meals and it is a process. I know it can be done and it just may take awhile to get through to her.

May I ask (i am not judging just curious) why it is that you have to do the housework? Is she employed or not able to do it? I don't think that it should all be on you when you are doing everything else. Your daughter is a beautiful little girl and I know she loves having her daddy there for her. I admire you so much for all you are doing and for working at this situation the best you know how. You just have to do what is right for you and hopefully she will follow. I have this same situation with my daughter who lives with us and she is trying to lose weight and I know she is trying but she sees me losing and then feels bad cause I am and she isn't but each person HAS to be ready and do it for themselves.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers and PLEASE feel free to add me as a friend if you would like to. I agree with everyone elses ideas of packing good snacks, preparing food ahead of time etc and I know it will be hard but it does need to be done and maybe you could even have your daughter help you in the process some so she can see that eating healthy is a good thing too.

Hugs to you and good luck!!!

Bev

Everything I was going to suggest has already been said. I just wanted to offer my support to you. When I get overwhelmed with a crazy schedule and just too much to process, I choose my top ten or so, focus on those, and recognize that I am not a robot and can't keep a million things running at the same time without losing control.

So you may not be able to achieve perfection, or daily workouts, or "perfect" meals. Do the best you can with what is in front of you, learn from it to do better tomorrow, and give yourself credit for what you are doing right.

Maybe try baby steps........

This is actually the story of my childhood......(I'm 47 now)

My father has been a very active man his entire life, my mother, well not so much. My dad wasnt as gentle as you about food choices either. But in his defense, the driving force has been my dad's desire to keep my mom with him for as long as humanly possible. They have been married for 55 years this fall, and he absolutely adores my mother But while my dad is still hiking, biking, projects around the house and outdoor activities at 78, my mother leans toward more domestic, cooking, cleaning, sewing and crafts. Now as far as growing up in this environment I learned a LOT, not only do I know how to hike, swim, ski and sail, I can do needlepoint, cook and sew etc... But back to diet and healthy choices......

My mother has crippling arthritis now, doesnt move well and looks at least 15 years older than my father who looks closer to 60 than 80. My mother cooks much healthier now, but we were grown before that really changed. My dad was critical of my mothers weight, he pushed for healthy choices which was hard for my mother, as a kid growing up I dont recall my mother ever doing anything more strenuous than planting a few flowers. she didnt hike with us, or climb or swim or any of the multitude of things we did with our father. I wish she had because she would be so much better for it now.

Now one thing I did learn about what doesnt work in this situation is badgering. I think if my father had only put his foot down about a few things instead of radical changes it would have been different. Eliminating soda.......perhaps first step.........let that stand for a few months.........no longer frying foods....using only chicken breasts and lean cuts instead of whole chicken.........switching to brown rice..........one step at a time. Secondly for you, instead of meals prepared by your wife all the time, why dont you try to put together several mini meals to sustain you through out the day. This will help you not be so tired and hungry when you get home to just eat whatever is put in front of you. That doesnt mean you cant eat what she makes, but easier to eat only half of it.

Your wife is not going to change until she wants to, but I think she was doing too much too fast and burning out on it. Walks together in the evening....swimming with the kids.....small things daily arent as scary as I have to "workout" an hour daily.

I hope you guys find a balance because it is obvious you are a very caring husband and father....Good luck!

ETA: One thing that did help is that my mother made a salad at EVERY meal.........my father's request. That also makes it much easier to eat that first and eat less of the other stuff.......

I think that you should just talk to your wife about your feelings , let her know that you are talking to her out of love and you want to lose the weight together so that you all can be healthy and lead by example for your daughter she needs you both in her life. Explain to your wife that change is not easy, but if you work together and start making little changes then you both will be on the path to becoming healthier. I didn't believe that my weight was affecting me either until i went to the dr and my bp was in the 150/90 that day i made a change and at my last appt new bp was 110/60. Its not easy and you might have setbacks along the way but the frame of mind you have to be in is that tomorrow is another day and you are going to do better tomorrow. Maybe your wife is just afraid she might have all of these emotions that she just doesn't know how to explain. Also see if she will join myfitnesspal, there is so much support and encouragement from others, and people are really for your success.