Is your Partner or spouse supportive?

2

Replies

  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    nope...no insight...all I know is when I was at my peak weight...my partner said to me, you know you really have to get into shape if you want this relationship to work... (he was grossly out of shape at the time too...so that was doubly hurtful).

    then I started getting into shape and oddly enough he left me for another woman, who happens to be grossly out of shape, and as the door hit his *kitten* on the way out he said "you know we would probably still be in this relationship if you hadn't lost all the weight..."

    OK Jerkface...which way do you want it....

    UGH :noway:
  • MissStatement
    MissStatement Posts: 92 Member
    My husband and I quit smoking together and we are losing weight together. Neither of us could do it on our own.
  • sagetracey
    sagetracey Posts: 607 Member
    My husband is absolutely my champion on this journey. He eats with me, exercises with me and celebrates my achievements. He didn't need to lose weight but lost about 3kg as a result and his cholesterol figures have improved out of sight.

    in fact, he only ever complains if he misses out on a workout with me, particularly a bike ride.
  • futuresizeeight
    futuresizeeight Posts: 46
    I am lucky enough to have a very supportive boyfriend. I was overweight when I met him, but am admittedly a bit heavier now. When I told him I wanted to lose some weight, he said I should do whatever makes me happy, :)

    He's one of those people who doesn't gain weight no matter what he eats. I believe his BMI would actually be considered underweight, and he's constantly eating. This makes it tough, because we used to love to eat junk together all the time, getting greasy takeout and such. It was one of our favorite activities to do together. lol

    Sometimes he brings home junk food, which I have done an okay job resisting so far. Now that I told him I want to lose weight, I don't want him to come home and see that all his Doritos are missing.
  • lil_bear0811
    lil_bear0811 Posts: 56
    I feel so lucky. My boyfriend has been super supportive. He knew I wanted to get into shape and how much my workout time means to me to release stress from work and life in general. He and I joined the gym together, and he roots me on every day when I get up before he does and hit the gym before work. Then we go after work and do another round of cardio for me and we both strength train together. I also find our relationship much more solid, because my workout time helps to cut the stress and I'm not taking it home to him.
  • Prettylittlelotus
    Prettylittlelotus Posts: 239 Member
    It sounds like jealousy. Misery loves company, and he is probably miserable in his body, and wants you to feel the same. He might be afraid that if you're getting in shape, that means he has to look at himself and possibly realize there are things he could improve as well.
  • Shawn8216
    Shawn8216 Posts: 63 Member
    Yes, he has been really strong with helpiing me and supporting me with my goals. I have been really hard on myself lately and he definitely laid down the law letting me know I gotta step up my game and not be SOO hard on myself. It helps when he's supportive on my good and bad days because I know I'm not alone and it gives me accountable.
  • Shawn8216
    Shawn8216 Posts: 63 Member
    Also, I definitely think he is being passive aggressive with you. I'm sorry that he isnt being there on your journey to self-happiness. He is missing out on a lot since this is becoming a lifestyle for you and he obv is a BIG part of your life- I find it sad he doesnt want to be apart of it .. i HOPE he recognizes soon how this is affecting you and make changes to fix it *
  • BettyIW
    BettyIW Posts: 103
    I am blessed to have a very supportive spouse. We both had talked about losing weight for quite some time. But when it REALLY clicked with me that I was simply going to do this, period, it sunk in for both of us. I joined MFP first and he joined shortly after. We support and encourage each other.
    He fixed up our bikes and we enjoy going on bike rides. We've been going for walks together which is wonderful. So far I've lost 21 pounds and he has lost 14 pounds.
    We both knew that psychically we needed to do this so hopefully we'll be around when our youngest children have children of their own.
  • j1wright
    j1wright Posts: 286 Member
    My husband is supportive but I think he wishes I wouldn't be so serious about it. He really wants me to have a glass of wine to relax and I tell him not in my calories or I come in from a run and I am sweating and breathing hard and he looks at me and asks if I am going to lighten up a bit. I do good to get two workouts in a week. I just think it is completely different side of me that he is seeing and he thinks I am being too hard on myself. He tells me I look great now and I don't need to lose anymore....this coming from the guy who told me I needed to weigh a certain amount and I am not at his ideal wifely weight yet. They say women are hard to read but men can be just as hard.
  • jipsybird
    jipsybird Posts: 878 Member
    My hubby is supportive of me in my goals. He'll watch the kids for me so I can go to the mini-gym that's part of the apartment complex.

    He is also overweight and doesn't seem to care. He likes the food I make, but he also scrounges for snacks even if there's leftovers (usually a tub of yogurt from the freezer). He keeps saying he'll do stuff with me but it happens so rarely. :cry: I just hope that he will have his 'click' moment and be able to move forward with me. He likes to just 'relax' and would like me to do it with him. This is sometimes difficult with my increased energy. Just sitting on the couch with him all evening, every evening, gets a little boring. He keeps saying we'll do something but then we don't. We talked about it last weekend, he said we should do a 'schedule'. I'm still waiting for him to be ready. :noway:

    Our relationship has improved a lot once I started losing weight (he can't keep his hands off!) but that might have been cuz he coincidentally quit a stressful job of 2 years that he hated. He distanced himself from me during that time, emotionally and physically. It's like we are learning about each other again. :love:

    For this weekend we're talking about taking a trip out of town and take the girls to a zoo. :) I know my almost-3 yo will love it! :happy:
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,282 Member
    My b/f cant relate to my weight problems....he has always been in great shape and never exercises. He tells me not to "overdo" when tell him I am going to work out or have a light meal. When I ask him if he wants me to be thinner, he says he just wants me healthy. Except for the T2....I had tests on all my organs a year ago when I was in the hospital..... the doctor told me I was in perfect health. Tonight I made him grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner and I had a sliced tomato (because I had a largeish lunch)....he said why didnt I call for a pizza!

    He isnt setting me up to fail....he just thinks all I have to do is eat the way HE does and I will be fine. He doesnt get it. So I dont expect him to get it. But I think he WILL get it when I get down to my goal weight. I can deal till then. :wink:
  • sevencallmemom
    sevencallmemom Posts: 505 Member
    My husband wasn't supportive at all for a very long time, more that just this go-round...his discouragement would be my excuse time after time for years. This time when he started being ugly about the changes and brought home all my favorite junk foods (and would get mad that I wouldn't eat them), I just chose to stick with it. Eventually, like 50 pounds in, when other people started noticing and making comments to him, he finally stopped his attempts at sabotage and said that when I weighed less than him he'd even do this with me. Pretty sure he thought that would never happen because I've been less than him for a good 6 months now and he has yet to join in. ;)

    He now admits that he felt insecure...like that if I got thin I'd leave him...you know, because I've only invested 20+ years in this relationship and joined him in bringing 7 children into this world so I could get hot and run off. ;)
  • BettyIW
    BettyIW Posts: 103
    I did post earlier but I need to say that I can understand why some men would be insecure when their spouse/significant other starts to lose weight. It has been common place for women for decades to lose weight when they either consciously or unconsciously want to end their relationship. I've seen it happen often.

    If the relationship isn't secure, I can understand why a partner would question the motives. Sad but too true.
  • shoegal517
    shoegal517 Posts: 56 Member
    Mine definitely is, one of my favorite things is when I get done with a run and he say, "I'm proud of you." Makes me smile SO big every time... He does joke that I have "hypergymnasia" which I totally don't but it makes me laugh and that's why he does it.

    So sad if your partner is not supportive- I feel like they should support you in everything and not let their own insecurities get in the way of supporting you towards such an important goal.
  • kaymd
    kaymd Posts: 470 Member
    My husband is supportive of me but I kinda wish he would do something for his own health. He is obese (like me) but doesn't have the desire to eat healthier or to work out at all. I try to make a healthy dinner and he will eat that and then instantly go scrounging in the kitchen for snacks. Moderation is not in his vocabulary right now. It is frustrating but I hope that I can set a good example and he will join me in his own time and when he is ready for the change.
    This is totally my husband. When you find some answers let me know what to do about it :smile:
  • cristaine
    cristaine Posts: 87
    Mine tolerates it and supports me. I think he is sick of me talking about all the ways I could potentially win this war though. I know he would be proud of me though. He is supportive, just sick of listening about carbs and trans fats etc. It's the curse of the "forever thin". He is bone thin and eats like a horse. Perhaps 2 horses. So does my son. Metabolism, my friends, is NOT contagious. Drat.

    I don't look to him for "support" any more. I will mention it though if, for instance, a bag of chips or donuts is left within reach in the cupboard as I am low-carbing. I don't need verbal or emotional support, but a little less unintentional sabotage would be nice. :)

    In the end, it hurts when he complains that I never stick to a diet (I call it TWEAKING. lol) but in the end, when I get there, I will know i did it despite every odd. And I will wear my short skirt, and dance without care, and know I EARNED it.

    We all carry our baggage. Some is in their hearts and some (like mine) is more on my *kitten*. =)
  • Peta22
    Peta22 Posts: 377 Member
    I can't express how wonderfully supportive my husband is... In fact, the last time he came home, the moment he saw me he said 'your so tiny! We'll have to buy you new clothes to celebrate!'

    No, I'm not kidding!! :happy:
  • lisapr123
    lisapr123 Posts: 863 Member
    My husband is awesome about most things.... We've always enjoyed working out together, and he likes that I do it even more now! Two nights a week we go out for either a long (20 mile) bike ride or an hour long walk together. Sundays we'll do anywhere from 40-60 miles on the bike, plus some kayaking. And I cook most of our meals. He's the type that is just happy to have home cooked food on the table, and much to my surprise he has enjoyed the healthier versions! He's picked up some better habits as well (switched from 700 calories of milk & cereal for breakfast to 200 of oatmeal & blueberries!)

    And I wouldn't necessarily say he "isn't supportive" but there are times when he is like "...to hell with it, enjoy dessert!" And I appreciate that too! He helps me find balance.

    (We're both overweight...though he carries it a little better. He's 6'4" with a 34 inch waist. I'm 5'4" and wear a size 12 US.) I feel like even though he didn't sign up for this ilfestyle change, we're in it together.

    I will add that in the past, if my diet included processed foods, he was less supportive. I think the fact that we're eating real food makes a huge difference.
  • SpankyBuns
    SpankyBuns Posts: 24 Member
    No he is not, he likes to drink and gets upset if I don't join, this is why it has been so hard for me to stay on a program
  • tsaustin
    tsaustin Posts: 52 Member
    Are we married to the same person?? I have come to realize that my husband is trying to sabatoge my weight loss!! I will get home from work and he will say "I have something for you". When I open the bag it is my favorite Little Debbie snack cakes or yesterday a bag of Hershey's kisses or last week when he bought lots of candy. He says he supports me but his actions speak otherwise. I have learned to workout regardless of what he thinks. Keep working out, maybe one day he will realize that you are doing it to stay healthy which will ultimately benefit him!

    Tarsha
  • kristen11joy
    kristen11joy Posts: 114 Member
    My husband has been really supportive -- loves all the new healthy food I'm cooking and sent me shopping for new clothes when I got down 20 pounds. He's always been in better shape than me, and he loves that I'm getting more active. Lucky me!
  • scott1080
    scott1080 Posts: 109 Member
    unfortunitly i have been on my own on my year long transformation but through inner strength, a bumpy road and the rollercoaster ride of stress i have lost 52lbs and am in the best shape of my life. i have learned along the way as you will no matter what adversities come your way fight through them and continue to do this for yourself and in the end he will apreciate the hard work you have done
  • AlexanderK1994
    AlexanderK1994 Posts: 243 Member
    I'm in a long distance relationship and this itself is very hard. You know how some of you said that their spouses are insecure about the relationship? That's exactly how I feel with my girlfriend. She is the type that can eat whatever and not gain (apart from one time when she went to Sweden and put on around 10kg, I have no idea how that happened...) and I'm really jealous of that. She has been diagnosed with hypothyrodism and told me that she would starve herself if she put on any weight... and that made me really annoyed and worried. I already worry if she tells me she didn't eat breakfast and lunch and just eaten something when she got back home from school. And everytime I see a thread on MFP that says "hypothyrodism", I clench my teeth, reminded of what she said.

    But to the point. Is she supportive? Yes. Like many of you, I have tried to... diet... time and time again. Never really worked. I just couldn't keep at it, it was too restrictive. I started MFP a bit over 3 weeks ago and so far I'm doing great. I still have my down moments... and my girl keeps reassuring me that my weight problems don't matter and she still loves me. And that she never liked a girl, didn't matter how slim and beautiful she was and that she dreams about me. And that she wasn't as close as she is with me with anyone. She cares about me so much and every time that I share my weight or an NSV with her, she is happy for me. I can't wait till I see her...
  • Veganniee
    Veganniee Posts: 460 Member
    I suppose he hasn't been unsupportive. He takes the inaction route to support!
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
    I used to get that kind of thing. I don't anymore -- in fact, he's very supportive now -- so if you're patient and don't snark back, he could change.
  • kittymoney
    kittymoney Posts: 115 Member
    I wouldn't say I have the best supporting husband as some of have commented on here, but he is pretty darn close. For Mother's day I told him I wanted a bootcamp pass for the month of June and he got it. He is overweight and I wished he would care more about it with his health issues but only he can make those changes. He has told me why do I worry so much - "he married me when I was heavier and now he feels like he got chipped because there is not as much of me to love" - it makes me feel good that he loves me no matter what size i am but i need to do it for me and my health.
  • parkermegan
    parkermegan Posts: 167
    Mine is super supportive :) He never complains when he has to watch all 4 kiddos while I run or work out. I guess I should remember how lucky I am!! He loves working out too, so I need to be more supportive and encouraging of him!
  • Suziq1023
    Suziq1023 Posts: 46 Member
    My hubby - The Amazing Mr. T - is my biggest fan. He was when I weighed 120 and he was when I weighed 240. We have been through so many tragedies and turmoil's and the whole foundation of our marriage is just that we "go down the road together". He has taken care of me in sickness and in health like nobody but my momma ever did and I've done the same for him. There is no insecurity in that man! I think he knows this is all about getting weight off so I don't live with so much back pain. Improved appearance really is a side effect in my case.

    He has cheered every pound lost and nsv, calls me his little arm candy, and even told me he's lost 7 lbs. (hmmm, wonder how he knows that - lol). He is diabetic and appreciated that-before MFP - I cooked and shopped with enough dedication to HIS health that he could come off his diabetes and cholesterol meds. He doesn't exercise with me but in his defense he walks and lugs a tool pouch 8 to 12 hours a day. He comes home TIRED. He eats what I cook and knows if he wants a snack or junk he has untold hours away from me and home to have them.

    I asked him if me having my nose stuck in MFP or the constant diary logging bothered him and he said no because it was working for me. I DID mention that if he's get bigger I would look smaller next to him and that it would help me out and he got a laugh out of that.
  • kmuree
    kmuree Posts: 283 Member
    My boyfriend is very supportive. (: He often says, "Good for you, baby!" or "C'mon, go work out!" when I tell him I'm having a hard day. Sometimes (even when I'm sure my body hasn't changed) he'll target a body part and say something sweet about it being toned or the muscle changing. He's always trying to push me on. I just wish that I could do the same for him but he just isn't ready to make a change! He has horrible eating habits and he is with me six out of the seven days a week so we don't live together quite yet (as he does not aid in the grocery shopping) but when we go out he picks the absolute worst things to eat.

    I hope that my fitness will encourage him and we can do it together. (:

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