Hubby Isn't Supportive
dawnlinski
Posts: 22
My DH isn't as supportive as I'd like him to be. He's very blunt and feels that he needs to be frank at any cost (even if it upsets me). So when I told him I was joining MFP he wasn't supportive and when I brought this up he said "I've been supportive for every other diet you've been on" so I get that, I've tried SW and WW and gone off track. He goes from one extreme to the other, he's either giving me a hard time for eating a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar, or being uninterested when I tell him when I've had a good day. I need some support at home and I'm contemplating not talking to him about using MFP and just rely on support from friends..
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Replies
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Ill support you. Youre gorgeous. Dont let ANYONE discourage you. Prove him wrong.0
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I'm in the same boat. He knows nothing about this site. I figure it's not like I'm cheating on him or anything lol0
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Sorry your husband isn't being supportive. I would try it for a while keeping it to yourself, then as he sees you being successful he may become more supportive? And remember to do it for yourself and no one else! Good luck!0
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Same here!! No need for negativity, YOU DO YOU!!
Adding you, ma'am! 
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Add me and we can help each other0
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Tell him this is not a "Diet" it is a way of life. He needs to know that you have made up your mind to change your life, forever. Good luck with with him and your journey.0
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You can't force someone to be who you need when you need them. It doesn't work that way. Since it sounds like he's always been like this, stop expecting him to change and find other means of support. Your hubby isn't your be-all, end-all. There are TONS of people on here whose sole purpose is to give encouragement and have your back. Hang around here some more, we won't let you down!0
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I'm sorry your hubby isn't supportive. That can make it really difficult but just remember that you are doing this for YOU! We will be here to support you. Feel free to add me and if you are having one of those moments and you need someone to talk you down, I'll be here...we all will be.0
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Yeah stick with us :-)0
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I think it's important to have a solid support system, it makes for a large chunk of your journey. I would suggest sitting down with him and explaining the seriousness of this and important it is to you. If you explain to him how you'd wish he would be more supportive it might click something in his brain. Before, I didn't think my mother was supportive at all but it turns out she's not that mushy kind of person that's always involved and she didn't realize it came across as her not caring. It turns out she was supporting me the whole time; just in her own way, she just needed a friendly reminder.
You can always turn to other people for support as well.0 -
do it for yourself... I'm halfway to my goal and hubby could care less... family is far away but they try and be there for me when he's not... he has 50+lbs to lose himself and I think he hopes I will just give up and stay the same so he doesn't have to put in any effort to lose weight... but I'm doing me! I've put on 30+lbs in the last 4 or so years and I wanted to lose 20 on top of that - can't wait to reach my goal - add me if you like!0
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I agree with the others. Do this MFP thing and when the weight starts coming off and you gain confidence, and you WILL gain confidence, he'll take notice. Then you can tell him what you've been doing. Chances are too, he'll ask why you've been cooking differently before he'll notice any weight loss in you.
There are TONS of supportive people on this site. Make it a habit to use it daily, even when you don't want to track what you've eaten when you've gone astray, and you will learn so much about yourself and making better choices. I've taken nutrition courses and still learned a lot about food, myself, and my relationship with food.0 -
HATERS = MOTIVATION!!!0
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There are a lot of people out to be non-supportive and/or sabotage success. I have found that it is better for me to keep it to myself and I advise the same. We, your MFP family, can be your support and when he sees you making progress, maybe he will get on board. If not, oh well, do it for you and we will support you.0
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Thanks everybody for all your advice. I might have painted a bad picture of my husband, he's a great person really but he's not overweight at all, he's actually underweight so I feel that he doesn't understand my eating habits, his take on it is "if it's bad for you, just don't eat it" which sounds fair but not as easy to put it into practice and keep it going. Possible yes, but not easy at all. Thank you for your advice and support it really does mean a lot. x0
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Stick with it. He doesn't need to hear every detail if his reaction will only make you upset. There is a lot of support here, even when you get off track.0
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My DH isn't as supportive as I'd like him to be. He's very blunt and feels that he needs to be frank at any cost (even if it upsets me). So when I told him I was joining MFP he wasn't supportive and when I brought this up he said "I've been supportive for every other diet you've been on" so I get that, I've tried SW and WW and gone off track. He goes from one extreme to the other, he's either giving me a hard time for eating a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar, or being uninterested when I tell him when I've had a good day. I need some support at home and I'm contemplating not talking to him about using MFP and just rely on support from friends..
First off, diets are temporary and that is why there is always a new fad diet you hear about. MFP is not a diet, it's a tool and a support community designed to help you learn what a healthy lifestyle is for you. Next time he says something about supporting you through all the other diets, swat him upside the head and remind him it's not a diet and explain (re-explain, again and again) how MFP works. Bottom line is you are doing this for you, not for him. You are working to be healthy for yourself so you can fully enjoy the rest of your life.
To have him behind you in this change to a healthier lifestyle, maybe try to get him on here too. That way you work together to keep each other on track, motivated and honest about what you're doing. Your household adopts a this healthy lifestyle, not just you doing it.
Just saw your further reply where you said he is underweight. MFP works for that too if he wants to put on some muscle.0 -
It sounds like there are two sides to this; on one hand he gives you a hard time for your slip-ups, and on the other hand he doesn't reinforce your successes.
For the first, he has no right to be your body-police. When he cuts you down, politely but firmly tell him not to concern himself with it.
For the second, I guess you have to be consistent and realize that he may not really be able to comment on your successes either. Try not to focus on his approval, make your motivation more internal and do it for you. If you make the change and are successful, trust me, in the long run he will notice.0 -
I say get all the support you can get here and when he will see that you are doing this for real he will probably turn around0
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Add me if you need encouragement. I know that I am not on a "diet" I am eating healthy to be healthy and losing weight is just a by-product of being healthy. I am not trying to be "skinny" so I can look good. I want to be "healthy"
So...I think you will find many people on here that will encourage you on your new journey!0 -
Show him the success stories section with all the before and after pics.0
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There's a great deal of support to be found on here. As for your DH, just because he doesn't need to lose weight, doesn't mean he's healthy. He should probably be adopting a healthy eating lifestyle too. Eating right can help ward off lots of potential medical issues.0
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Even if your hubby isn't supportive, just lean on the fact that you're doing this for yourself. I have a fantastic supportive husband, but he eats CRAP all day. He tries to help me, but doesn't always work (He's also wondering why I feel the need to lose weight as he likes the way I look)
My biggest support past him saying "good job" is fitting into my clothes again, seeing a much smaller number on the scale, not being ashamed of myself and looking into the mirror and being proud of what I see. (instead of avoiding mirrors)
If you are the type of person that needs support from others, lean on us!! We're a community of people who are all going through the exact same thing and will have no critical words for you!0 -
You will find all the support you need right here with your MFP friends and family. If he isn't supportive,it's okay...just use it as fuel to push you towards your ultimate goal. If you'd like, I'll be in your corner for support.....Continued success on this lifestyle change...0
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Lead by example. He may be underweight, but is he a perfect picture of health and fitness? MFP isn't just about weight loss; it's a tool for all-round improved health (weight loss is just one of the effects!)
We'll be your cheer squad, and one day he'll turn around and wonder when his wife turned into a fit and confident goddess!0 -
Get the support on here and hopefully he will jump on. At first my husband wasn't negative, just didn't really care- I have been talking about losing weight for a while now. Since I have lost weight and am exercising he is very supportive of all of it- he even checks how much of a food I am supposed to have and measures it out for me. Good luck and I hope he comes around for your sake!0
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I would just do this with the support that you are happy with. It would be awesome if he was supportive but if he isnt right now he sure will be when he sees you sticking to it and getting fitter
i rely on my group of MFP buddies entirely for support...i feel that only people on this site will truly understand this struggle .
i dont talk about MFP with my family or friends . its just another website to them:laugh:0 -
No worries, I don't talk about working out or my weight loss with my boyfriend either because to him, any weight I lose is weight that I should have never needed to lose in the first place. He's never had to lose weight - it's a battle he has never experienced. So, I hang out here and make friends that will encourage and support me while I do the same for them and it has been SUCH a blessing!
Add me!0 -
Oh I know how that is ... Mine thinks that drinking vodka every night Nd putting 3 hours a week at the gym is going to help him lose weight LOL.. he's super confused ... Add me if u want
were all here to support ya 0 -
My hubby wasn't supportive either...BUT there is hope for you. In the beginning he got sick of me talking about MFP and taking the time to measure and log, but now that I have lost 26 lbs and have no interest in returning to my old habits he knows that I am serious and have switched gears. I would suggest doing your best without his support for just a bit and once he sees that you mean business he'll come around. Hang in there...show him what you're made of and give him some time. Good luck! 0
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