Hubby Isn't Supportive

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Replies

  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
    For whatever reason, your past efforts haven't succeeded. That doesn't mean they won't this time, but it does mean that you might have to cut your husband some slack. He's been down this road with you before. The fact is, he IS still supporting you. He knows you want it so he is offering advice. It may not be the kind of support you want from him, but do recognize that he isn't totally apathetic, isn't bashing you personally and he is in his own way trying to help. You may need a heart to heart to explain specfically how you would like him to support you and you may have to turn somewhere else for support if he isn't able to give you the kind of support you need, but do recognize that the man is supporting your efforts in his own way.

    Also, part of this journey is learning more about ourselves. He may see the same issues come up repeatedly and maybe frustrated because he WANTS to help you but this is your journey and your learning process. You CAN do it. Part of it is going to have to entail thinking about why it is that you haven't been entirely successful in the past. Our mind is our most powerful tool. It could be that you just weren't ready yet and now you are.

    Can you have some chocolate crisps. YES! I wouldn't make a diet of that kind of stuff but everything in moderation as long as you fit it in your calorie budget, go for it! Don't deprive yourself.
  • yankee_yaa
    yankee_yaa Posts: 7 Member
    I'm glad to learn that other women have troubles with support at home.
    Jealous of my time working out? I didn't see that coming.
    I have to pull things out of the grocery cart that I'm choosing not to eat right now....isn't it sweet that they are getting put in there for me?
    It's a fight to say "No, thats not what i'm eating for dinner."
    It's a fight to go happy, honest and fit!
  • CarolinaGirlinVA
    CarolinaGirlinVA Posts: 1,508 Member
    Are we married to the same man? :)

    He sounds exactly like my husband. At a kids birthday party with other moms standing there he has walked up to me, taken a cupcake out of my hand and said, "Do you really think you need to be eating that?" then eats it in front of me. Yet, if I run (which is hard for me to do) and show him hey look...he shrugs and tells me any idiot can run. My husband is also small, and he is fit. He was the command fitness leader for a while and PT-ed with the other Spec Warfare guys.

    SO yeah, I understand...add me. I'm Sherry.
  • glittersoul
    glittersoul Posts: 666 Member
    Just keep going .. He may not know whether you are going to stick to it or not and may not want to emotionally invest in something till he see's that it is going somewhere .. So when you are getting results you may get more support
  • pattimae48
    pattimae48 Posts: 5
    Keep at it! A lot of us yo-yo around, trying new diets...losing some, gaining it back, losing again, gaining again. Give it your all and once he starts seeing a change not only in your body but also in your overall health and attitude, he'll come around. He'll see that you're serious about this and eventually support you.

    My husband also isn't very supportive, but in a different way. For him, it's like "Why do you have to count calories? You look great to me!". I don't blame him for my weight problem, but when someone's always there telling me I'm perfect and sexy, it makes it hard to get/stay motivated. It starts to mess with my head, like he thinks I'm great so why do I need to change? Then my smarter side breaks into my thoughts and I remember how hard it is to zip my pants and just bend to tie a shoe and I get back on track ;-)

    Wishing you all the best! I'm new(ish) to MFP, but if you'd like to add me as a friend that'd be great!
  • Snotori
    Snotori Posts: 156
    Well just don't listen to negative input like that. Listen to all your friends on MFP and know that many of us have tried many other things and have quite, failed, or had them not work. This however isn't a new fad or diet plan this is a life change something that is able to work around any lifestyle or schedule or whatever. Plus with support you will succeed if you just follow the amount of calories they give you. Yes I use to be a skeptic but after 2 month and 20 pounds later I am a full believer so trust all of us, don't listen to negativity, and just do it cause you are worth it :) add me as a friend if you want more supportive friend.
  • brneydgrlie
    brneydgrlie Posts: 464 Member
    If you decide to talk with your husband about this, make sure you put "support" in terms he can understand. Let him know exactly what you need from him. And that you get that you were not successful before, but you really want to make a life change NOW. He may not be able to cheer you on every time you lose a couple of pounds. But maybe his support can come in the form of taking walks with you, or you both learning to cook new, healthier foods together. That would still be support, and beneficial to health for both of you, as well as strengthening your relationship. Sounds like the type of guy that as he sees you stick with it, he will become more supportive, because he will see it's not just a passing phase.
  • 1PoisonIvy
    1PoisonIvy Posts: 933 Member
    I can relate, as today I have been in such a funk as no matter how often I go work out, or eat right and even losing weight, I haven't heard one compliment, not one I am proud of you, or good job.
    Feel as though I don't matter, so it makes me depressed, depression = overeating, and just makes me want to give up, why try?

    But I have to remember it is about me! $&@$ him! I want to be able to bend over and tie my shoes, I really want to be able to cross my legs again!! I want to be around for my kids and grandkids. SO MFP Friends I need you more now than ever!!
  • TamTamW
    TamTamW Posts: 27
    Tell him to remember "For better or for worse..." At least you are trying. You can't succeed of you don't fail at first, this is how we learn. Each time you learn something new and you can improve on it. If he cannot support you the way you need to be supported, then you need to go somewhere else. It sounds like there is a lot of people willing to take that position (me included) :happy: It also helps if you have someone close like a family member or friend that you can count on just to have someone in person.

    We are here for you!

    Tam

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